If your crossdressing doesn't have a sexual aspect, then why?

[Robin414]

I agree with many posts that people automatically think we're gay, when I came out to my wife that was the FIRST thing she asked...I'm not by the way 😉 and several years ago when my sister inlaw found my girly stuff, the first thing i said was 'Im not gay'...that was a long time ago by the way. Gay guys don't like women so why on earth would they want to present as one, drag is NOT CD, most drag queens are actually poking fun at women by going way over the top IMHO😐

[julie marie1]

I can not explain why there is not only a desire, but a need to crossdress. I am happily married and adore my wife.
But yet, the ability to go out and be at least passable is a great masquerade. But it is also membership in a very private club. I am absolutely convinced that no one (except my wife) who knows my normal self would ever imagine me in a dress. But I often am. So I look around at the people I know and wonder who else is in this club???

[Princess Chantal]

Okay, I started reading a few of the posts while waiting at one dock delay and not knowing how long the delay is, I thought I better post my thoughts before losing them. I notice there is much desire to extinguish the gay myth. However, why is it necessary when coming on to a forum like this where very few believe and or agree with the myth?
I could understand the reason to state the sexual identity to let the reader know the life situation of where the opinion is coming from. However, how many topics are there that sexuality preference plays quite the difference.

[Kimberly Adams]

I agree with many posts that people automatically think we're gay, when I came out to my wife that was the FIRST thing she asked...I'm not by the way 😉 and several years ago when my sister inlaw found my girly stuff, the first thing i said was 'Im not gay'...that was a long time ago by the way. Gay guys don't like women so why on earth would they want to present as one, drag is NOT CD, most drag queens are actually poking fun at women by going way over the top IMHO😐

Agreed 100%, if I was into guys I would just keep wearing pants. For me CD is just a celebration of what I love.. beautiful women.

[AngelaYVR]

Chantal, on this site it doesn't really make a difference. In real life, I've had other CDs hit on me. When you tell them you are straight, they look at you like you're lying. Generally, the gist is that there is no way on earth I can put such effort into dressing and be straight. This is from other CDs. I'm well past the point of letting it faze me (yes, that's the correct spelling for this usage people!) but some days I seriously doubt this whole "majority are straight" thing. Straight-ish maybe.

[pamela7]

makes me wonder if the andro dressing mode is the "gay" signal, more than the fully-dressed mode?

[Teresa]

Angela,
To most people it's like putting 2 and 2 together and convincing themselves that the answer always has to be 4 !
A while ago I posed the question who we actually dress for and came up with answer that's its mostly for ourselves ! It's not for our partners, it's not normally to attract a partner (male or female !) it's not to upset or impress anyone ! It's to satisfy our inner feelings from ever they originate from ! It's a great bonus if we look good and our partners are happy with it

[Katey888]

Hope your loading goes well Chantal..

Couple of thoughts on this:

I notice there is much desire to extinguish the gay myth. However, why is it necessary when coming on to a forum like this where very few believe and or agree with the myth?

There's desire from some, as you say, but I think some of us are just answering as to what we perceive in others. Frankly, when dressed I could care less whether others believe me to be gay or not, as dressing does shout (to paraphrase Angela) something less than straight.

The other aspect of misconception, I feel, is how much bisexuality is really understood or grasped by the normal world - I don't think it features highly because it's harder to understand, so there is a tendency for most people to conflate the two. That old "How straight..." thread for this forum produced figures of 40% straight/ 58% bi or bi-curious/ 2% gay. If you consider the large number of other sites out there that major in more sexual aspects of CDing, it would be hard to think that they represent a higher proportion of straight folk than we do here, we being a little more self-selective... So does this mean that while the myth of gay CDers is truly a myth, the true nature of CDers (as might befit those who gender-shift in their presentation) is more bisexual than otherwise, but the normals struggle to grasp this is different from gay?

Just my further (I must be up to a buck-fifty now... )

Katey x

[Princess Chantal]

I guess for me, it's like I really could care less of the sexuality of people I interact and socialize with. Knowing or not, their sexuality wouldn't change how I perceive their opinions or how I treat them. People are people.
Just I see it as TMI (too much info)

[Meghan4now]

Well Princess

Like I said originally, a very valid point of view and a good question to start with. However, I dont feel that providing that information, particularly in the biography area of one's profile on a site where there are 60% of the constituents that admit they have a sexual preference that might include you, as overly paranoid or really overbearing. (Katie thanks for the very scientific, totally indisputable, statistically significant data)

Now if everytime one posts include something like "dang Samantha, I've got to say, as a STRAIGHT CD, you've got a great set of assets. Just sayin" then there could be a problem.

Hmmm maybe I should adjust my signature line, wadda ya think?

[flatlander_48]

What we reveal should be, In Theory, related to the situation at hand and where we might wish that situation to go. If the situation is not appropriate or the people are not appropriate, why start a conversation that you don't want to have?

DeeAnn

[Stephanie47]

I do not belong to any social media sites. This is the only site I put my two cents in. When I joined this site or started lurking before joining I incorrectly assumed this site was for men who enjoyed wearing women's clothing-period. I came to realize this site encompasses more than my interests. So be it! On this site I do indicate I am a married straight man who likes to wear women's clothing. I like to check the bio page before responding or checking past comments because some of the guidance, suggestions, recommendations are not made by like minded individuals. So, if a homosexual cross dressing man tells a newbie aged 21 to go out and engaged with homosexual men, then a world of hurt can arise. Basically, there are many who promote their own agendas which may be the wrong advice for others. I've seen many posters come back and say the course they followed just plain blew up in their face. So, I always think it is best when posting on this site to check out the sexual preferences of another if at all possible.

Is there any reason for me to tell the world I am a cross dressing straight guy if I am attending a coin collector meet? There's no reason. Then, if I do not collect coins I wouldn't go to a coin show. And, if I went to a coin show I would not expect someone to ask if I was a cross dressing coin collector.

[tommy]

this is a good point and probably because everyone has some identity issues and they want rules and etiquette to make themselves less anxious.

[flatlander_48]

Basically, there are many who promote their own agendas which may be the wrong advice for others.

1. Note that the continued use of the term homosexual instead of gay may lead some to think that you had an agenda.
2. Rather than an agenda, most people tend to look at things from their own particular perspective, what they know, their experiences (in the broadest sense), whether they have had some personal contact with a similar situation, etc. That's not an agenda. That's the difference in the human experience.

DeeAnn

[Belle Cri]

Now this is a seriously good thread - moreso for the members than anyone else. To me, there is the inevitable terminal question of "are you gay??" Gotten it from men and women both, most of my life. My usual answer is 'if you are seriously interested, talk to both us' - and that inevitably results in some skank slinking off for of easier prey than me or Jane.

But to get to the serious question - I just don't see it as definitive either way, although there is a significant aspect of sexual arousal which we must all recognize. The choice presented is rather fleeting - steak or chicken? c**k or p***y, potatoes or rice? On that basis, just bring the bloody menu and we will sort it out because we are foodies.

I know this issue causes pain and insecurity, and I certainly don't mean to make mean light of it, just to be gently encouraging. I wake up with my **** too, and usually after a pretty raunchy set of dreams, I'm hard as rock at 5 am and she is somewhat pissed about my amorous scheduling - but hell I have to be in a conference call in 30 minutes UK time so....you never stop being male. That's part of the infectious, inverted charm. If I didn't have a penis I'd be bored out of my mind, sorry. Just so happens I like women, probably too much, and men, probably too much, and life, probably too much. And I f**k at 5:30 am before conference calls with Europe. Ooorah. I will get 100% male about that. It's all in the seduction - and the longer you are married, the more that is important. Stay fabulous, especially for your mates.

[RachaelInLv]

Since joining this site I have seen many responses to this type of question. I myself do not feel it necessary to bring up by sexual orientation when communicating with others. If someone asks me, then yes I will tell them, but aside from that I don’t really think people need to know that I am Bi-Sexual and married.

Many on here, and well I guess many in my everyday life, will tend to criticize those of us that are married and Bi. Many times I get the “You’re just confused” response and the “Well, you can’t be both and be married”. To those I just respond that they are entitled to their opinion, and frankly the only opinion that matters to me is my wife’s. Since she is accepting of who I am and my choices, the rest doesn’t matter.

Since breaking the barrier of my front door, and leaving my home to experience the wide, wide world my prospective on certain matters has changed. I have seen that many (and I am not calling anyone out on this … just my on observation!!) that respond the most adamantly that they are “Straight as an arrow” are often those that are married and have a wife that is less than understanding and may tend to “read up” on this site and follow what they post.

While there may be many that are truly “very straight”, when you see responses to post like the “How straight are you” and you see the breakdown, there are times when I question how many are truly straight or just trying to convince their wife (or themselves for that matter) that they are straight and in fact question their own sexuality. But again that should not be any ones concern but the person who is posting

Each of has our own path in this world, and the expression “It takes all kinds to make the world spin” still rings true. What we each choose is up to us.

[Belle Cri]

This gets to a real question, so rather than highjack, I'l start a separate thread.

[Princess Chantal]

Is there any reason for me to tell the world I am a cross dressing straight guy if I am attending a coin collector meet? There's no reason. Then, if I do not collect coins I wouldn't go to a coin show. And, if I went to a coin show I would not expect someone to ask if I was a cross dressing coin collector.

Is there any reason why you would introduce yourself as a coin collecting straight guy or heterosexual coin collector at a coin show?

[Mayo]

Why is it that many people link their sexual preference with the crossdresser/transgender label?
Does sexual identity really matter when sociallizing with others?
Do you tell people your sexual preference when going on non-crossdressing sites or when you attend a social group that is not crossdressing?
"I am a straight crossdresser", "I am a bisexual transgender person", "I am a heterosexual classic car collector", "I am a gay jogger", "I am a bisexual gamer"

Are you afraid someone would try to come on to you, if you don't?

I think a lot of it has to do with how (for better or worse) the concepts of gender identity and sexual orientation are entwined in our society.

If you transgress some of the socially sanctioned bounds of gender you're assumed by default to transgress most of them. So trans women are assumed to be gay men (cf. Blanchard), as are CDers or even guys who wear their hair long or get manicures, and non-feminine women are always lesbians. While I don't think that TG/CD and homosexuality are necessarily related (though people who are open-minded enough to accept the former may be more likely to accept the latter as well), identifying one's sexuality may be a way to either affirm a personal identity or to short-circuit that automatic association. My personal exploration of gender identity is fairly recent (the last 2-4 years) compared to my identification as bisexual (decades), but I do sometimes identify as bi because it's part of who I am as someone who tries to raise awareness of LGBTQ issues (within or near which CD tends to fall) - that said, it does depend on the specific group.

"I am a bisexual gamer"

I also identify as this.

[KayMcLaughlin]

Putting on the biology hat for a moment here: almost all species of mammal are inherently bisexual in nature. Humans are not really different, and outside of the socialization generated by a couple of religions that came out of the Middle East, bisexuality is not uncommon. In many cultures its normal for MOST people to be bi. So understand from the outset - if you're not at least a little bi, the odds are its because of your culture. (Note that bi people still often express a preference one way or another.) Statistics and studies suggest the percentage of the population truly straight is about the same 10% or so which is truly same-sex focused.

That said - we all live inside the culture we are in. It HUGELY impacts how we interact with others. And if you hang out with TG/CD folks, you're suddenly in the middle of a culture which is very accepting of the whole LGBTQ spectrum. If you're in the 90% of humans who fall somewhere on that spectrum, you might well shuck off some of the old mainstream cultural stigmas and shift in the direction of whatever your actual personal preference might be.

Or not. There's no wrong answer there, which is why being part of an accepting culture is so cool.

One other note: about bi and marriage. There's nothing saying bi people can't have monogamous marriages, any more than there is anything to say straight people can't have open or polyamorous marriages. The two are not related, except that as I noted above the LGBTQ community tends to be much more accepting of "whatever works for you" than the mainstream world is.

[MssHyde]

Im not gay or bi but going out clubing its always the guys that hit on me, some guys prefer transgendered women. Some like the effort we put in to looking feminine.
i have had many women like what im wearing but they were not in to knowing me.

Id love to be attractive to women when dressed.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Chantal, I really don't need a label, I just love dressing as a lady.

[Ally 2112]

I say to each their own about your sexuality .Myself im just a straight guy who loves womens clothes it keeps it simple for me

[Tashee]

My Wife wears my clothes more than she wears her own when she is not at work. Dang shoulda known why she lets me dress! Honestly as sexual beings its hard to separate what we do from who we are. Now I do know some girls who I believe when they say their dressing is NOT rooted in a fetish. Back to me, sometime' its Apple Martini' & a candle light cuddle while dressed with the Wife. So sure I love feeling sexy. I love looking good as guy also.

If I strayed off topic my sincere apologies.

[Claire Cook]

I don't know how we break this cycle of gender preference versus sexual preference. As we see in the posts here, many people who interact with us get these confused. I tend to avoid situations and venues where I might be considered as a sexual object. If the subject ever comes up, I simply say "I am very happily married and love my wife." Which on occasion has led to the idea that we are a same-sex couple....