Therapy Delayed

[Bridget Ann Gilbert]

For some time now I've been wanting to start seeing a therapist to get into my gender identity issues and get some professional input as to if I'm gender fluid. Doing so would necessitate letting my wife know what I've been feeling about myself, and I have no problem doing that, but just when I came to that conclusion we decided to let my wife's parents move in with us while they await construction of their new house. I was originally told it would only be about two months, but we've already passed that deadline and now have about 4 to 5 weeks to go. I want to be open with my wife, but I don't want to add tension in a house crowded by extra people, and it would be difficult if the in-laws found out about me since they are strongly conservative in their values. So I wait. Sorry, just had to vent a little. Carry on with your lives citizens.

Bridget

[stefan37]

A therapist can help you explore your gender identity. But the determination whether you are just a CD, gender fluid or even TS. Comes from you. You have lived with who you are for a long time. You must have some inclination what your identity might be.

You may even find you identify as such and later that may change. A therapist can help identify underlying issues that may contribute or hinder your ability to accept who you are. If discussing it will put undue stress on your wife while your in-laws are living with you. Then the discussion will need to wait. You've waited this long. Another month or two should be bearable.

[ChubbyLeahCD]

My wife truly knows that I am seeing a counselor but we don't talk about what I'm discussing there.
Whenever is the time to have the CD talk with her, that's all good, but until then I just tell her I'm working on a few things that need work, which are unrelated to my CDing.
Find a therapist that deals with LGBT issues as they may allow you to dress...mine does.

[Katey888]

Vent away, Bridget-Vesuvius...

Life throws these curve-balls (or yorkers for us Commonwealth types... ) at us at the most inconvenient times - just when you get the feeling that something is going right, along comes an Out-law or two...

Chin up! Keep Calm & Carry On!

Katey x

[Sarasometimes]

I'm in therapy and all sorts of matters are discussed some I share with my wife some not. The gender aspects are not shared at this time. As I get a better understanding through therapy I hope to share that with her. I talk to my therapist about a host of things from childhood....to last week. You know your situation best, go with your gut but if the real reason you are seeking a therapist is to understand your feeling about gender you may want to hold off sharing what you sort of think you don't fully understand. Good luck and if you need to wait 6 weeks to do this more comfortably that may be your best choice, trust your CD/TS intuition.

[tommy]

it's nice that you're considerate of your relatives but it sounds like you need this therapy. don't wait

[Charona]

Never having consulted a therapist, I am out of my depth here. But I wonder if discussing your issues with a therapist might be a way of opening the subject with your wife. "My therapist thinks I may have some gender identity issues. Have you noticed anything?" That way, a "third party" can be used to bring up the subject.

[Teresa]

Bridget,
I wondered why your in-laws staying with you might be a problem with your therapy ? I assume your wife may not be too happy with the possible outcome, in that case explaining possible tears and other reactions could be difficult to explain to conservative minded people !

If you have a little construction knowledge maybe you could help to speed the job along at least it would take your mind off your own situation for a while !

[Maria 60]

Vent away that's what we are here for. If you can't vent here where can someone vent. I do it all the time, it's the best therapy.

[Bridget Ann Gilbert]

Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement. Indeed, a few more weeks should be bearable, especially since I will be starting a new full time teaching position. That should keep me distracted until I can find a good therapist.

Stef - I agree that the final determination of my gender status resides with me, but I believe it is helpful to have someone knowledgeable with gender issues to provide an objective opinion. I want to be sure I'm not just using the gender fluid construct to rationalize what would otherwise be seen as regular CDing.

Katey - Thanks for the dose of humor. I love the dark hair in your new avatar. Very sexy;-)

Charona - One of my reasons for going into therapy is so I can be more open with my wife, but its going to be more along the lines of "Honey, I think I have gender identity issues so I'm going to start seeing a therapist to help me sort them out."

Teresa - believe me if I had the time and skills I'd be at the house to help speed things along, and my father-in-law would be right there with me. This living arrangement hasn't been his ideal either.

Thanks again folks. Have a great day.

Bridget

[Marcelle]

Hi Bridget,

It is probably wise to wait as speaking as one who has been seeing a therapist for some time now, it does require a bit of open conversation with your SO as things move forward. Once you in-laws are safely ensconced in their abode, then you can move forward.

Katey,

Yonkers . . . did someone say Yonkers

Cheers

Isha

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Bridget, Go ahead and vent all that you want there are 4,611 active members here for you.

[Victoria Demeanor]

Bridget vent...vent away. sorry you have to postpone your plans, but life is funny that way. I feel for you girl and hopefully you will get your time. I to am looking for a therapist myself, someone non bias to talk to. Hopefully the beginning of next month I will be able to go to a support group. I feel your pain and hope that all works out for you soon.

[Teresa]

Bridget,
I fully understand the answer you gave Stef, it's the reason why I'm going on to gender therapy . I need to separate what I imagine to be right with the actual reality of it all ! I realise I may be looking for answers that on one can honestly give but to seek outside unbiased professional help has got to be a step in the right direction . Dealing with the eventual outcome may be a different matter , most of the time it's one step forward and two back , I hope I can eventually stop going round in circles !

[Brenda79135]

Bridget,
Go ahead and start the sessions now. It will take more than one session to determine your status. Duing this time you will probably not discuss anything with anybody anyway.

Brenda

[Claire Cook]

Hi Bridget,

You've had advice from several points of view here, and I don't know if I can add to these, since I have never gone to a therapist. Sounds like if you can grit your teeth and hold on until your in-laws are settled in their place, that may be the way to go. As to asking a therapist about being gender fluid (or having gender ID problems), that has never been an issue for me. I knew I was, and now am totally comfortable with where I am. (I have the probably misguided idea that "therapy" implies a "problem" ... and at least for the past ten years being TG has not been a problem for me.. I just accepted it.) But I do have someone who acts as my therapist .. and my confidant .. and my BFF. My wife.

I wish you all the best in sorting this out.

Hugs,

Claire

[Teresa]

Claire,
That's a very good point ! Do I have a problem or do others think I have one ?
As you say and also like Isha if you have an agreeable partner it does make things far easier ! I do recall a therapist many years ago telling me that if there's no secret there's no problem ! Up to a point he was right but he didn't go much on the idea of being born with certain female traits which is accepted far more now and I find helps me make sense of the feelings inside that I've tried all my life to come to terms with . It's the reason why I'm booked in for gender therapy next month .

[Charona]

Bridget, you mentioned starting a new position fairly soon. It is possible your workplace may have some sort of counselling program available for at least one or two sessions at no charge. You might be able to use that to get a feel for whether therapy would help, and if so they might be able to recommend a suitable therapist.

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Bridgett, from what I have read of you, you are very smart & intuitive. Please get your emotional needs aligned with thought process. Getting both in alignment allows for that needed inner peace that we too often find ellusive. You are too smart not to attend to Bridgett's needs. Peace, mel

[Claire Cook]

Hi Teresa,

I can certainly understand why others need help in sorting this out. There was a time -- egads, 35 years ago -- when I was at a low point personally and career-wise. We lived in the Boston area at the time, and I did call up a local gender counselling group. I remember my response when they asked how they could help-- "I don't know what sex (sic!) I am!." but I never followed through. As a biologist, I understand that there are genetic / epigenetic reasons that may explain why we are "born the way we are" -- and of course any cultural / developmental things that happen along the way. Accepting this has been a big part of my own self acceptance. That and the confidence I now have in being me. However, as I said at the outset, I appreciate that others may need professional advice.

Do you know Joan Roughgarden's book entitled "Evolution's Rainbow"? While a bit dated, it sheds valuable light on this issue of gender determination. BTW, she is TS.

Cheers,

Claire