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Thread: This is more than Crossdressing !

  1. #26
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    Paula -

    I certainly don't mean to appear hostile, and it is probably a function of my own lack of fluency with the terminology, however I'm having trouble taking your point or drawing the lesson - would you please mind elucidating?

    Thanks,

    Belle

  2. #27
    Claire Claire Cook's Avatar
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    Hi Teresa,

    I guess I'll chime in here too. I think our den mother Reine (and Isha, and Paula) have cut to the quick. I've always had a strong female part of me. Like Reine's SO, I often present as female and feel natural in doing so. And in general I am treated as such. I feel many of the things you express in your OP (but no, I don't do housework in stockings and heels!). Yet I am a crossdresser -- if we need a definition, one who wears clothes normally appropriate for the opposite gender. (I admit that I am certainly transgendered, but [oh my, there is that old argument again] TG in the broad sense includes CD'ing.) But as I have stated in numerous posts, I have no intention of transitioning, in the sense that I am not considering HRT or any sort of surgery -- or foregoing male presentation. The clothes for me just feel natural and normal.

    So to respond to your point, you are crossdressing -- like Reine's SO, like Isha, like many of us. Where you fit in the TG spectrum that includes us all is another question. But perhaps that was your point.

    Warm hugs,

    Claire
    Last edited by Claire Cook; 07-27-2015 at 06:20 AM.
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  3. #28
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    Isha,
    I hope you don't me quoting your previous thread on this but it's stuck in my mind and again you make exactly the point this time .
    We don't want to get tied down with labels but we need to know the right terms to try and explain where we are and just a CDer doesn't fit my description or all my feelings !

    Paula,
    I could make the same comments to you as I did Isha, I know you have all the labels but using correctly is a problem I may have and possibly others .
    I really must get some flats to do the cleaning, 3.5" heels aren't ideal to to push the Dyson around in ! I've mentioned before that I'm struggling to function at the moment , I pointed out to my wife it's better if I've done menial jobs than nothing at all !

  4. #29
    Senior Member stefan37's Avatar
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    GD is a very insidious condition. It is controllable until it's not. The only way you can get relief is to present and express until you feel comfortable. Keeping it bottled up only makes it worse. Wishing others can understand and accept is a fools game. If your wife hasn't accepted it by this time and from your previous posts doesn't appear to ever want to accept it. You must then do what is best for you. There are members here that are able to reach a level of comfort by living part time. Others only need to under dress. Only you can determine how far you need to go to find your level where the GD is tolerable.
    "When failure is off the table the only thing left is to negotiate levels of success" M Hobbes

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  5. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa
    I've mentioned before that I'm struggling to function at the moment , I pointed out to my wife it's better if I've done menial jobs than nothing at all !
    Labels really are for soup cans. At the end of the day, they are only useful if they feel right on you and help you learn about yourself. Having others apply them to you, and expecting you to conform to their ideal never works - it's what's wrong with our world, or at least one of the things.

    The part I've quoted is what, in my opinion, you should focus on, as well as what you need to do about it. No one but you can answer that latter part, although many would help you, even should your path be rather different from ours.

    And yes, flats are much more practical for cleaning. There are some really cute flats available too.

    @stefan37 - bingo.

  6. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Isha View Post
    I think where it gets confusing is the term/label issue again and how one defines the term "cross dressing". For some it will mean simply dressing in the opposite gender clothing (no make-up, no forms, no wig) just reveling in the clothing and enjoying oneself. For others it might mean going full bore . . . clothing, wig, make-up, forms, padding and hitting a local bar and enjoying oneself. Comfort level in one's dressing will vary again from person to person where some might just enjoy doing so in the privacy of their home doing stereotypical feminine past-times (cleaning the house, cooking, watching chick flicks) where others may enjoy being the vanilla world just doing things they would normally do as a man but dressed and presenting as a woman.
    Exactly. And the length to which a person decides to go depends on a multitude of things: do they live in an area with no privacy or anonymity or can they leave their homes dressed with just a bit of planning; do they live a lifetime believing they will be lynched should they go out in public only to discover that for the most part, strangers do keep their opinions to themselves; is there someone at home they are keeping this from which makes leaving home dressed difficult; do they feel they are reasonably passable (some members have said there is no way, with their frames and physiognomies, they could get away with dressing in public without standing out like a sore thumb); do they feel they can tell selected people they enjoy presenting as a woman occasionally without experiencing severe negative circumstances; are their personalities such that the opinion of others does not matter to them; ... and I'm sure other factors not mentioned here.

    Quote Originally Posted by Isha View Post
    I truly believe it becomes more than "cross dressing" (again just a label) when emotionally you cannot continue in your birth sex assigned gender for whatever reason and the desire to be the target gender is so overwhelming that it consumes you.
    Isha, CDing brings with it a strong and sometimes overpowering desire to crossdress, like a severe itch that must be scratched. It is consuming even for people who identify as male. I dare say it is the nature of the beast and it is important to note that the consuming-nature of the CDing fluctuates, even though we would be hard-pressed to convince a CDer who is in the midst of Pink Fog that it does fluctuate.

    We just need to look around this forum at the lengths that closeted CDers go to in order to dress. Otherwise honest men will lie or "non-disclose" and sneak around sometimes. Also I know this is not a part of Teresa's or your situation, but how many CDers even compromise their marriages when they secretly create femme profiles on dating sites and hook up with men even if only through email or chat. The drive to CD must be strong indeed for people to do this. Some people have thousands of pictures of themselves dressed, and look at the size of the closets that some CDers have. People do not accumulate hundreds of bras, panties, and shoes, etc when they can simply take it or leave it. If the decision to label it "CDing" depended on how consuming this can be, then everyone in this community would be "more than a CDer".

    Whatever it is that pushes a man who will not transition to want to experience femininity ... people have different ways of explaining it to themselves. There are disagreements in this forum over labels - some people will say it is a compulsion, others will say it is gender ID (whether fluctuating female ID, androgyny, gender-fluidity). But no matter how a person self-explains it, the drive is not less for one or the other. For the most part, if a person is not TS, things do settle down eventually as long as there is no repression and people do find a balance that works for them. The proof of this is how people ultimately do choose to lead their lives once the initial exploration, which can and does take years, is over with. (OK ... not to leave them out but some people do identify as TS even though they live and will continue to live as male and they have every right to do so ... but this is a label-debate best left for another thread).
    Last edited by ReineD; 07-27-2015 at 12:47 PM.
    Reine

  7. #32
    Senior Member Suzanne F's Avatar
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    For me it is simple. It is not about clothes but how I feel inside. I had thought it was the clothes but I was so wrong. If you can still not present as female then you have time to work in these issues. I was so distraught every time I returned to male and my wife could plainly see it. We all quickly realized there would be no turning back. Now I am down to a few days a month where I have to appear as male. I don't know how much longer I can do that.

    I don't know where you fit on the spectrum. Only you can decide that. If it still about dressing up to do certain activities you probably can mitigate the consequences. When it is about who you are then you will not be able to escape the solution.
    I have read your posts for two years and there seems to be no progression of your issue. It is still a about the freedom to put on a costume. She is unwilling to grant you the freedom to don a costume that makes you feel better. You never decide that you are worth that freedom. How can you expect a different outcome while doing things the exact same way?
    Suzanne

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