Change in scenery

[Angela Marie]

When I first started to go out en femme I frequented mostly gay bars. I'm not gay but that is where you were likely to find other CD's. As I became more comfortable and confident in my female persona I now prefer dining out, shopping, etc. and no longer frequent the bars. I should note that I am not a drinker and generally found the places too noisy. However they did provide an entree for me to the outside world and I met some nice people. But my preference is to blend into the general populace. Anyone else have the same experience?

[Alice_2014_B]

I've only ventured out to the post office, department stores, and a gas station with the last being the one and only time during daylight and the first two numerous times.
I've heard the mall is a good place to blend in.

[docrobbysherry]

Nice, Angela! Since I can't pass at midnite on a moonless nite in a blackout, I find venturing out in vanilla land dressed to be very uncomfortable. And, I put "dressing to blend" rite up there with root canals!

However, I do go clubbing with T friends quite often. As u said, usually DJ's play music at ear damaging levels. If I've forgotten to bring commercial ear plugs, I use chewed wet napkins for ear plugs! Altho communication is more difficult, it's nearly impossible to talk in those venues anyway.

And, I find my stress level drops as the pain in my ears stops! My ears ring for days after if I DON'T wear ear plugs!

[grace7777]

When I started going out en femme I also mainly went to gay bars or ones with other crossdressers there. I am not a huge bar person and do not often go to bars anymore. Recently though I did go to a bar to meet some other members on this forum. That was a nice experience. After getting tired of bars I started going to movie theaters, since it was dark inside the theater and could be en femme without others noticing. Now most places I go, that do not have to do with employment I go to dressed en femme. My goal is to blend in.

[Krisi]

It has always puzzled me that a straight crossdresser would go to a "gay" bar. I suppose one might feel safer there than at a biker bar but you've got little in common with gay people.

In my younger days I performed music in hundreds of bars so I've about had my fill of them, straight or gay. I would rather go to the mall or just sightsee.

[Allisa]

Never went to gay bars even in my younger days when CDing was illegal and so was being gay. The atmosphere in bars is something I find annoying if not repulsive once I stopped drinking so...,there are plenty of other places that I enjoy going to that are mainstream and out in the publics eye, I belong there as much as anyone else.

[Ineke Vashon]

If a number of CDers frequent gay bars we should not be surprised that a number of 'regular' folks would conclude that crossdressers must be gay. Yes/No?

Ineke

[Allisa]

You are very much correct Ineke.

[prene]

I have met the nicest gg's at a gay bar.
The guys do not hit on you(they want a male) ... which is good.
if you go to the straight bars Alpha Males do not give you nasty or rude cat calls.

[chris63]

I go to a lesbian bar here in Nashville regularly . I go because of the fellowship and I feel totally accepted, affirmed, welcomed and not judged. Plus it's one of the few bars I've been to where people actually interact rather than watching TV or looking at their phone . My wife usually goes with me plus they have an awesome brunch-Lipstick Lounge in east Nashville!

[Angela Marie]

It has always puzzled me that a straight crossdresser would go to a "gay" bar. I suppose one might feel safer there than at a biker bar but you've got little in common with gay people.

In my younger days I performed music in hundreds of bars so I've about had my fill of them, straight or gay. I would rather go to the mall or just sightsee.

I simply went to a gay bar because I thought that would be the best place to, meet and talk to other cd's. Remember I was new to this and somewhat naive. I have never been a big bar person, and even now although I go out often I generally avoid bars unless they draw an older and quieter crowd. I was just wondering if anyone else did the same.

[justmetoo]

I don't drink and never really enjoyed the bar scene or clubs (often much too noisy for me), so I've rarely been to any kind of bar, gay, straight, whatever. I do go out en femme, but mostly during the day, shopping and the like. I prefer that.

[kimdl93]

I do agree that gay bars provide a safe starting point. I've enjoyed some memorable evenings mingling and just learning to be at ease in public. Like you my options broadened as I grew more confident. I still occasionally go out to one of several gay clubs, but not as often....mostly I think because I'm slowing down a bit

[Rachelakld]

I missed the gay bar thing, not really my cup of tea, so I went straight to the malls for a coffee instead

[Marcelle]

Hi Angela,

Now that I am completely out, public venues, public transit, and whatnot are my stomping grounds sort to speak. So I would agree they are my preference although I would not balk at a nice night out with friends for dinner and drinks.

Cheers

Isha

[Lynn Marie]

Sure, going out alone is a rush and not being "noticed" is satisfying. Going out with CD girlfriends and getting noticed as classy tall ladies with big hands and deep voices is exciting, great fun, and amazing. We're social creatures, make friends.

[NicoleScott]

Kristi, here's why this straight CDer went to a gay bar: I dressed in private for a long time, and went out quite a lot but not mainstream daylight visible. Eventually the desire to go not just out but IN overwhelmed my shyness. I am an over-the-top dresser and that look doesn't pass or blend. So I toned it down but found it most unsatisfying. So I went back to my preferred OTT style (or absence of style - haha) and into a gay bar. No problems, had a good time, I felt welcomed and comfortable there. Whether unable to pass/blend by chance or choice, some straight CDers may feel more comfortable in a gay bar than other public places.
Angela, no, blending doesn't do it for me.

[cheryl reeves]

i never did the gay bar scene,i prefer being out in public and my style of dressing has always been to blend..i dont get clocked til i speak,so most times i let angie my so speak for me..

[BillieAnneJean]

I all but always go to places frequented by the general public. This includes the malls, resale stores, Shoe Carnival, big box stores, the Zoo., clubs, restaurants, basically everywhere. Last spring on the Saturday of The Drab to Fab formal dance I needed something from a place like Walmart but MUCH nicer, safer, cheaper, and better service. It is a midwest chain called Meijer. General population all the way. But I was in a BIG purple ball gown, silver platform peep toes, and a crown. I just waltzed in, got my item, and checked out. People were polite but quizzical. I smiled and in my sweetest feminine voice, told them that Meijer was upping their dress code.

If you want to get OUT enfemme, find a support or social group. They can act as a buffer between your fears and reality. And protect and coach you. You will be very nervous but quite safe.

And you will never be the same again!!!!

http://www.crossdressersmichigan.com

Check out our Drab to Fab. Four days of enfemme OUT in the general population. Exhausting? Yes! Fun? Absolutely! But also empowering you for the future!

SUCH FUN!!!!

BTW check out my thread in the pictures section. ALL of those photos were taken right out THERE!

[Kim_Bitzflick]

I'm with you. Bars of any kind are not my scene. I've been to only two gay bars (that I know are gay).

Mostly I like movies and shopping (any time of day) And my first time out was in a shopping mall.

[Sandie70]

Although I'm bi, I don't particularly prefer gay bars when I'm out - like you, Angela, I much more prefer to go where I feel like a normal girl. Part of the problem is finding friends to do things with who are non-judgmental... and that is why I still spend a lot of time with my gay friends (not one of them, by the way, has every approached me for sex - don't know whether to be thankful or insulted).

[Angela Marie]

Although I'm bi, I don't particularly prefer gay bars when I'm out - like you, Angela, I much more prefer to go where I feel like a normal girl. Part of the problem is finding friends to do things with who are non-judgmental... and that is why I still spend a lot of time with my gay friends (not one of them, by the way, has every approached me for sex - don't know whether to be thankful or insulted).

Be thankful lol. I'm married to a beautiful, understanding wife. I enjoy blending in and doing the day to day things.

[tifftg]

Angela,

I read your post and had similar experiences. Perhaps it is generational. While things seem to be somewhat more open these days (still a long way to go). A couple of decades ago, even 10 years ago one of the only safe places to go enfemme was a gay bar. Like you I am not a big drinker but for a few hours I could sit and mostly relax expressing the person I am.

Thanks for sharing