Hi everyone, sorry I haven’t posted in a while. I want to give an update on how a DADT relation can develop.
I told my SO about my crossdressing very early in the relationship. She was shocked, afraid and sad. When she understood I had been outside dressing she became very sad, but she never told me that I wasn’t allowed. So I kept sneaking around going out whenever she was away. If she called me on the phone I tried not to comment on what I was doing because I knew how sad she would be. Sometimes she understood I was crossdressing, but didn’t say anything, and I understood that she knew but I didn’t say anything either. I didn’t know what she was thinking about it, and she really didn’t know in what way I crossdressed.
I wasn’t satisfied of the way we communicated about this. The relationship is very good in all the other ways, and I love this woman, and I know she loves me.
We have been together for almost five years, and I was curious why she never brought up the question about us having children together. I feared that the reason was that she was insecure about my crossdressing. Two weeks ago she asked if it was about time to try to have children. I was surprised that the question came in that situation. Just for the record, I would love to have my own children, but I will not have children if we haven’t agreed on how we will deal with this part of me.
I answered her that I think we need to talk before we make that decision.
This spring I had prepared a letter to her that explained my crossdressing history and what I needed in the future. I am prepared to do a lot of sacrifices but I wrote that I needed to have my clothes in my closet and that she gives me time to go out when I need and that I can tell her what I have done before and after I have been out. I can’t live in a relationship where I have to feel I do something illegal.
That evening when we came home we talked about how this will affect both of us, and that I needed her to accept this part without me hiding. There were many tears, but we cleared out a lot of issues for us both. I was just happy we finally talked about this subject. She told me she had no intentions of leaving me because of this, and said she understood this was a part of me I had to keep up doing. She was upset that I lied when I was out, but understood that it was hard to tell her when she became so sad. We agreed she would give me time, and that I was going to be honest when I went out. We went to bed and both had a good night sleep.
My so knows and has seen my clothes in my closet. She almost never opens the closet door. The next day I was at work in the evening, and she send me a picture on snapchat. She had opened my closet, took out my favorite dress, took a picture of the dress with a picture of us two and a little baby and wrote: “The dress would be no problem”. It was the biggest love anyone has ever shown me. The next days we talked about my crossdressing without any problems at all.
A couple of weeks later she read my letter. It was really long, and I was still nervous on how she would react because it was so much information we really hadn’t talked about, but I was 100% honest. I told her I needed to go out as a man in a dress and that someone we know probably would recognize me in the future. I said I hoped she would stand by my side and be proud of me if that happens. A lot more was written too. After reading the letter she had tears in her eyes and turned to me gave me a hug and a kiss and told me she loved me. She said the tears in her eyes wasn’t sad tears but she was moved to read about us two and our future and my crossdressing history.
I was so happy and relieved, and after this our relationship has been better than in a long period. I will still try to calm down how much I will push this, and don’t go to fast. I have read too many stories on how crossdressers are so happy with their wife’s approval that they get overwhelmed too fast. I now have great faith in the future.
Thanks for reading this too long story. I would like hear how your partner has changed her/his attitude from or too DADT and how acceptance or non-acceptance has developed over the years.
