What to do with wife's clothes?

[Sarah Doepner]

My wife of 38 years passed away just over two years ago. She knew about my dressing and was supportive. There were somethings we had been able to share and I kept those in my wardrobe both as a reminder of her and for me to wear from time to time. The majority of her things were donated to charity, many of them to a local Pride Center wardrobe.

It's a difficult path to follow regardless of what choices you make. With time some of the choices become easier, so if it doesn't feel right to you don't feel like it's necessary to choose right now. You can wait.

[kayegirl]

Christie, I lost my wife of 35years so know your dilemma. She knew about my dressing but we had some rules the first of which was, Never with her clothes. So when she passed away all of her clothes were donated to Sue Ryder, a charity that provides care for terminally ill people here in the UK, and the place where she ultimately passed.

[Teresa]

Christie,
I will add my sorrow in your loss I hope time will heel the hurt and good memories will keep you going.

Your question is something I've thought about if my wife passed on, some of my wife's clothes I wear now ( she does know !) I would love to keep, I guess for the memory as well as not wanting to waste them. My dressing might become more open so I think it best to consider what my what children and other family members would think of me openly wearing her clothes. I guess the safest option is to dispose of them and buy afresh then the problem won't arise !

[Barbara Black]

Very sorry for your loss also. I've been married over 30 years. I always assume that she'll outlive me since she is a bit younger, and we both have long living parents. So I would be crushed if she does decide to go first. If you don't have a need for the space, or it's too tough of a reminder, I would hold off doing anything with her clothes, what is done can't be undone, and you might regret getting rid of them in the next year or so.

[Diane Smith]

Not a spouse, but I lost my mother almost ten years ago. She had been cautiously encouraging of my feminine proclivities in my early years, but wasn't aware of the extent of my adult dressing, I believe. I kept all of her jewelry and what clothes she had that would fit me, and donated the rest. After a year or two, I realized that our styles weren't really very similar, and that I actually wasn't using her things much at all. Practically everything has since been donated to Goodwill as part of my regular annual-ish closet cleanings. But I see no moral or ethical problem in keeping or wearing your wife's clothes if the fit and styles work for you.

- Diane

[St. Eve]

Christie,

First and foremost, my condolences in this time of loss. I hope you grieve well until there is a space opened inside of you to celebrate your wife and the relationship and have an embodied knowing that her being now resides in your heart and can not be lost even if her body is gone.

I can not add to what has been shared. I can say, I especially like the thoughts of just simply waiting until you are further in the process to make any final decisions.

As for my own experience....for years, when I traveled, I would often take one of my wife's slips with me to sleep in.....I just felt closer to her and the slip calmed and soothed me and reminded my of her love. I can imagine, when she passes, that I might keep and wear some of her clothing just to resonate and connect with her and give most of it away.
What I can also imagine is that I would keep of bunch of her jewelry, which was very important to her. The story I make up is that wearing her jewelry when en femme would feel honoring of her in a good way.

Peace and Blessings
St. Eve

[Cheryl T]

They are just clothes.
You considered them hers when she was alive, but now you have inherited them and they are yours to do with as you see fit, be it donate, sell or wear.

I would select the things that I liked and wear them and the rest I would donate.

[psion128]

Sorry for your loss. I know how it is to loose someone close to you. I agree with some of the other responses. Leave things as they are and after 6-12 months you can decide on what to do. Keep the ones you want and donate the rest to charity. Its really up to you. It would reduce some of the clutter in the home with some of her clothes out of the way. I know over the years people accumulate things. Let time heal your wounds. Again sorry for your loss.

[Monique53]

Christie,
So sorry for the pain and anguish that I know you are going through with the loss of your loved one. I have read through all the posts and the general consensus is to wait a while before making a decision regarding your wife's belongings. I totally concur as there appears to be no immediate urgency to make any decision right now. I know that when my Mom passed away, my Dad never did dispose of any of her things and I think that they may have given him some solice and comfort. When he passed, two years later, we donated most of it, but, there was no harm there. I guess, it depends on how you feel about them being a constant reminder of her and whether this is painful or comforting for you. Every person is different!

Monique

[AbigailJordan]

My sincere condolences for your loss. I cannot begin to imagine the hole in your heart.

I'm sure that, despite the DADT nature of things before her passing, she would want Christie to keep anything she likes. As people have said though, it's down to whether the memories that wearing her wardrobe bring you are happy ones or sad reminders of your loss.

She stayed with you for 15 years, and fulfilled the most sacred of vows to stay with you until the very end, despite any "issues" that may have proved difficult to face. She obviously loved you very much and I feel she would be happy to know that all her hard work building her wardrobe wasn't just given away.

Lots of Luv
Abi xxx

[Claire Cook]

Like Diane, I lost my mother years ago. I still wear some of her clothes and jewelry, and think of her whenever I do. I agree with what others have said -- keep what you like, wear what you like, and give the rest away to those who would appreciate the clothes. I hope wearing her clothes on occasion will keep those wonderful memories alive.

[nvlady]

I am remembering a television commercial about a woman whose husband was away for some reason and she put on one of his shirts to feel closer to him.
If wearing some of her clothes would make you feel closer to her then go for it.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Sorry for your loss. This is a tough and or easy question to answer. Do her clothes fit you and do they remind you of her in a positive way, if so then keep them. If it is painful or they don't fit you then sell them or donate them and buy some thing that makes you happy. Good luck with whatever life brings you now.

[Lori Kurtz]

Although you say you made it a point to let her clothes be hers, you also say you occasionally wore some of her clothes. Maybe you should examine your feelings about that: did you feel that you were somehow betraying her? Your evaluation of how you handled yourself then might help you decide what to do now.

Regardless of how you think that through, you should also bear in mind that one phase of your life has ended now, and another has begun. Clothes are just clothes. Sad to say, your wife is gone, and the clothes that were hers are no longer hers. If they are serviceable, someone should use them--wouldn't you agree with that? Does it really make a difference if the new owner will be you, or some other family member or friend, or someone who buys them from a consignment shop or secondhand store?

Sometimes it seems as though we go out of our way to find ways to torture ourselves with guilt about our crossdressing. I know I can't talk you (or myself or anybody else) out of that--if I could I surely would. All I can do is wish you the best in finding a way to work through these issues.