Question from GG

[Lisa9099]

Hi, I was on this site a while ago (I'm a GG) and I posted about my friendship with a CD'er who is married and about 20 years my senior. We had struck up a friendship - we don't live in the same state and haven't met. His wife doesn't know about my existence (which is basically the reason why many were against it). I don't want to rehash how we met and go over all of that again, but I should say that we are still friends and I adore him and I believe he feels the same way about me.

The reason why I came back on here is that there was something that came up in our discussion that is a bit confusing to me. I guess it would be helpful to say that he basically just wears women's panties - all the time and also wears/enjoys women's lingerie (slips, nightgowns). He doesn't wear women's outer garments at all and doesn't wear make-up - he actually has a mustache/goatee. He told me that he would love to have breasts, but would never want to give up his penis. He has gone to sites and that is what prompted him to tell me that. I feel like he loves breasts so much that he wants them on himself. I guess the longer that I know him, the more that I will learn about him, but I'm wondering if asking him outright if he would like to be a woman (transgender) would be okay or if I should just let him come out with his feelings on his own in his own time. I guess I'm wondering what the consensus is about CDer's who are straight men and who would like breasts - are they really men who would like to be transgender and feel female inside, or do you still feel like you are a man but just want breasts?...not sure if my question makes sense. I will not judge him and do not care either way. I want to be the best friend to him that I can be and just wanted some thoughts from others. Thanks in advance for any thoughts/comments!

[TrishaTX]

I'll tell you about me because I can't tell you about him...I love lingerie and panties as well. I especially love putting on forms, it is very sexual for me. I would also never transition it is just not for me, but I understand that other do. I think he might still be figuring this out too.

BTW he should tell his wife, just my opinion.

[Lisa9099]

Thanks TXcrossdress. I don't want to rehash the "wife" thing because I'm sure he won't tell her about our friendship because he doesn't want a divorce and I think I'm the only woman that he can share this side of him with - he's in his seventies.

That being said, can I ask, even if you never would transition, in your head at times do you think that you would love to have breasts? I know all of this is extremely sexual for him too, so not sure if that makes a difference.

[Michaelasfun]

My .02 is that, as friends, you should just ask him whatever it is you would like answers to. An informal poll on here would probably just muddy the waters for you, since we all fall in different places on the spectrum , from guys who just like to wear female things to those who do wish to change genders, it's very unique to each person.

[Paulette]

First thank you for being a friend to someone who is in need. Open honest communication would be the best between you both. Since this is a cyber friendship, you have nothing to lose if he gets mad and stops communicating with you. Trust me when I say there are hundreds of guys on this site who would love to be able to talk about cross-dressing with an accepting GG.

[Taylor186]

It is frequently the first or second question asked of every CD when they come out, or are found out. I've been asked it many times without offense taken. The other question is, "are you gay?"

[Taylor186]

If you hang around here enough you will find that having breasts is a common fantasy for CDs. I have the fantasy but the reality makes no sense as I'm in guy mode 95+% of the time. I doubt if many, or any, CDs transition just to have breast implants.

And to your question: ask him anything you want about it. You'll find some people have spent much time thinking about it and others, not so much.

[Lisa9099]

Well, I understand that for most CD's on here having breasts is a common fantasy and that most wouldn't transition. I guess my question is for the men would love to have breasts (even though they wouldn't go through with a transition), do they feel or associate more with being a woman, even if they wouldn't go through with a transition?

I do plan on asking him, but I wanted him to be able to disclose things for me when he's comfortable disclosing them.

First thank you for being a friend to someone who is in need. Open honest communication would be the best between you both. Since this is a cyber friendship, you have nothing to lose if he gets mad and stops communicating with you. Trust me when I say there are hundreds of guys on this site who would love to be able to talk about cross-dressing with an accepting GG.

Thanks for the reply, Paulette, but I beg to differ with "having nothing to lose". We really have become close and have a special bond and I think we both have a lot to lose if we stop communicating (which I don't think will happen as he said he's not one to get mad generally). I just don't know if a "straight" CD'er will be insulted if I ask if they feel like they want to really be a woman.

[Claire Cook]

I guess my question is for the men would love to have breasts (even though they wouldn't go through with a transition), do they feel or associate more with being a woman, even if they wouldn't go through with a transition?

Hi Lisa,

Well as you can see you've generated a variety of replies, and that reflects the diversity within this group. Probably many, if not most of us fantasize about having boobs, but for various reasons don't go for hormones or implants. For myself, my breast forms are an expression of my inner self ... and of course improve my female presentation and make my clothes fit better. I associate strongly with being a woman, but that is something within and is there no matter what I am wearing ... boobs or not. If that helps to answer your question ....

[sometimes_miss]

or do you still feel like you are a man but just want breasts?

then

If you hang around here enough you will find that having breasts is a common fantasy for CDs. I have the fantasy but the reality makes no sense as I'm in guy mode 95+% of the time. I doubt if many, or any, CDs transition just to have breast implants.

^this. Just because we have fantasies about something or feel the desire to do something, real life is different from fantasy, and just because you have the desire for something doesn't mean that the reality of it happening would actually be enjoyable (having been able to try out some of my fantasies I have learned that many things should be left to fantasy). When I wear female clothing, of course I want to have breasts, it's simply part of what I'm feeling at the time. Doesn't mean that I'm going to rush out and start HRT or get implants. But I won't say that I don't enjoy very much having just enough 'up there' to almost fill a B cup (of course only in a select few bras, lots I wouldn't even come close).

That said, I think that we should all stop trying to label everything. What's gay, straight, what might become gay or stay straight, really doesn't matter. What matters is whether two people like each other. go with that, and do whatever each other enjoy. Life should be about having fun when we can. We work hard enough, our time off shouldn't have to seem like a chore or restricted because of what the rest of the world thinks. Example. If a girl likes 'greek'(for lack of a nicer word), no one says anything about it. But if a guy wants to play her part, and she play his, all of a sudden everybody assumes he must have some subconscious gay agenda. Why? He's with her, and is turned on by being with her, doing things with her. They're both having a good time. The big problem as I see it, is with women. Yes, women. Because when a woman sees feminine things about a guy, it almost invariably turns her off, and if he's heterosexual, leaves him with absolutely no options. So until we stop labeling every bit of attire and every behavior as distinctly male or female, we'll wind up with this dilemma.

[TrishaTX]

That being said, can I ask, even if you never would transition, in your head at times do you think that you would love to have breasts? I know all of this is extremely sexual for him too, so not sure if that makes a difference.[/QUOTE]


For me no, I love being a man, when I am a man...and I love being a CD when I am a CD, the most important thing for me is being accepted, but I guess that is for everyone!

[Lisa9099]

Thanks so much to all of you for the answers - definitely a wide variety and all very informative.

I guess I'd say, rather than that I'm trying to be polite with him when we talk about things, it's more like I'm trying to be sensitive to his feelings and with all honesty, it's very, very confusing to me when I try to wrap my head around a "straight" man just gushing over the colors pink and ivory, etc. and then when he disclosed that he would love to have "big boobs," it just made me wonder if there's more there than that he underdresses. I see now that there's not a simple answer here.

Thanks again all...

[Stephanie47]

I just got up and logged on for the day. I read your posts concerning the feminine garments he enjoys. Yes, for a woman to have a man "gush" over panties that are pink or ivory may seem unusual for a straight male, but, that is the nature of the "beast." My wife was somewhat comfortable with my desire to wear nylon nightgown and slips, as well as hosiery. Both of us gradually explored cross dressing, although, we had not yet discovered the underlying desires that were arising in me. Our DADT marriage arose when my wife found by accident that I had bought a red Vanity Fair bra. She could not understand why a man without "boobs" would wear a bra. Her query makes total sense. After that, and, the "discussion" that always arises, we slipped (no pun intended) into DADT.

I suspect your friend has some self imposed boundaries he has made to accommodate his wife's limitations of wearing feminine clothing. I would not ask him about it, but, I suspect he would really like to take his cross dressing further. I suspect, if his wife were to pass on, he would indeed buy a bra, and, all the other clothing a woman wears. I think many women will accept a man's fetish for lingerie; slips and nightgowns, But, like my wife, to go further really is getting out of a fetish and into uncharted territory.

To have "boobs" is a fantasy of all men who wish to emulate women. Just click on the postings of pictures on this forum and you'll see some fairly nice cleavage, and, various sized breast forms.

Let your friend tip toe through the tulips without encouraging any change in behavior. You really do not know how he and his wife are balancing all this out.

[Dena]

Thanks so much to all of you for the answers - definitely a wide variety and all very informative.

I guess I'd say, rather than that I'm trying to be polite with him when we talk about things, it's more like I'm trying to be sensitive to his feelings and with all honesty, it's very, very confusing to me when I try to wrap my head around a "straight" man just gushing over the colors pink and ivory, etc. and then when he disclosed that he would love to have "big boobs," it just made me wonder if there's more there than that he underdresses. I see now that there's not a simple answer here.

Thanks again all...

Our society does not encourage men to explore their feminine interests (should they have any). If they do, most hetrosexual men are limited to experience femininity vicariously through their partners. This is also something most men don't talk about. You may be the only person he's shared this with, and if so he may not be clear and precise in his communication.

I have no interest in transitioning, and have certainly fantasized about growing my breasts. When I was in jr high I was presented with some anti drug propaganda that suggested that teenage males who smoked pot could grow breasts!!! I thought that would be so cool! (didn't work for me)!

[Tracii G]

Lisa the main thing to do it toss out all the pre conceived notions about CDing that you have been taught and start with an open mind.

[Gretchen_To_Be]

Hi Lisa. It's very selfless for you to help your "pen pal." I'm very grateful to have formed a friendship or two over the years. My wife is fantastic and very suppotive to a degree, but English is not her first language...and there are things we haven't talked about yet. Somtimes I want to express nuances I cannot, in the Spanish we speak at home. Plus it's great to get an objective view. My internet GG friend has been a tremendously helpful sounding board. To answer your questions--she can ask me anything and I won't be annoyed or embarrased. Regarding breasts, I think having breasts would be great, but I won't take that step until I transition. Being a man with breasts has no appeal for me.

Good luck!

[HollyGreene]

I have some fairly decent forms and I love to feel them when I am wearing them. But of course, they don't have nerves that are connected to me, so the feeling is only in my hands. I often wish I had real ones so that I could experience that part of the sensation, too. It's never going to happen though. I'm male and I don't plan on transitioning or having implants. So for me, it's a fantasy that I shall just have to live with. The forms do a great job but it's the nearest I'll ever get to the real thing.

[gailbridges]

Lisa, I am going to reply to you in the voice of Dan Savage. (Sex advice columnist. EVERYBODY should listen to his podcast. http://www.savagelovecast.com/)

I don't get it.
You say you are close friends, albeit online-only friends. But you don't want to offend him?
How do you get close to someone without asking probing and intimate questions eventually?

It's really simple. You say, "Hello Dear friend.... Look, I hope you don't mind, but I'd like to ask you some more personal questions. I don't mean to offend you, and know that I will always be supportive of you, but.... Do you......(fill in blank here)?"

As someone above mentioned... we girls are DYING to chat with interested GGs. My god, you're like a Unicorn sighting.
And BTW, he may have been holding back for fear of offending YOU.
I think most tgirls here think that ALL GGs are pretty well disgusted by us, and our hobby. That our hobby/lifestyle/whatever is a waste of time, or insulting to women, etc.
Many of our wives just want to be "the girl" in the relationship. Hell, my wife has told me that she thinks she plays second-fiddle to Gail. (though I've never dressed in front of her, and we never really discuss Gail.)
I would love to have a wife that is supportive, but that is not terribly likely. And it appears that our situation is very common amongst the membership here.

I'm surprised you haven't played the "Girl" card. Meaning, females are talkative, and inquisitive. Get chatty with him!
How has this stuff not come up in conversation previously? I suspect that you might be one of those overly polite, socially accommodating girls..... always smiling... a people pleaser. And that's fine. I don't see why asking personal questions would violate those boundaries. That's how we become better friends.

Good luck, Gail

[Marcelle]

Hi Lisa,

As you can see from the plethora of responses . . . there is no real answer to your question as one aspect does no necessarily mean you are or are not Transgender . . . heck we can't even agree to disagree on the terminology. I would suggest that your friend is definitely a CDer with a penchant for lingerie. The breast thing is a wild card. Was he talking about real breasts or breast forms? I am assuming it was real breasts? As Lorileah posted, TG perhaps but TS not necessarily. I consider myself gender fluid in that some days I identify and present in my daily life as a woman and other days a man which puts me clearly in the TG spectrum leaning more toward the TS side of the house. However, I do not desire breasts of any form (implants or breast forms) . . . so you see, very confusing this thing we do.

Cheers

Isha

[kimdl93]

I suspect he has strong fantasies about being a woman, hence the fascination with lingerie and breasts. However, it doesn't appear that he self identifies as a woman.

[ReineD]

I suspect he has strong fantasies about being a woman, hence the fascination with lingerie and breasts. However, it doesn't appear that he self identifies as a woman.

This.

A lot of people have sexual fantasies that go beyond having traditional sex. You see this in the BDSM community a lot, other examples are furries, leathers, etc. See this list of over 400 kinks, including cross-gender:

http://fetishfuel.wikia.com/wiki/Exa...,_and_Fetishes

Before anyone becomes offended, yes there are obviously people for whom cross-gender expression is a question of identity and not a kink (or a mixture of both), but when it IS a women's-clothing or women'-body-part related kink, why is it assumed by many that there must be an identity component to it? There is no question that people who are aroused when dressed in angora sweaters, cat costumes, or tight leather want to be goats, cats, or cows.

[Jilmac]

Like your friend, I wear panties 24/7. I also love wearing bras and women's outer clothes. I would love to have real breasts but still would never transition. Although at the age I am now they would sag too much and wouldn't look very sexy.

[NicoleScott]

The "Big 2" questions come with the territory. There's nothing wrong with asking questions, except when they are obviously rhetorical and meant to be a statement ("are you going to wear THAT tie with THAT shirt?" - you don't answer, you change). If you want to know something, you ask.

[suchacutie]

I think the vast majority of us find it very satisfying to "talk out" our situations as a way to help ourselves in the process of self understanding. Any question in that vein would likely be welcomed.

As to the breast issue, all of us in the transgendered spectrum from incidental underdressing to full transition have some link to femininity in that process. Many threads have had a focus on the feminine "clues" or "cues" that at some level separate gender presentation, at least on the surface. Breast presentation is one of the obvious pieces of the gender presentation puzzle, along with generating cleavage. It has strong visual and physical impact, so I'm not surprised that your friend has that interest.

[Tracii G]

Lisa its OK to ask questions because that is how we learn.
You have been brought up in a world where girls do this and guys do that but there are so many of US that don't fit in that mold.
Its OK for a guy to like pink and ballroom dancing but society frowns on it just as girls can like brown and play football for example.
One answer can in no way cover all the possibilities or aspects of people that have gender related likes and dislikes.
As far as "getting your head around" an idea you need to quit wondering so much and just accept the way he is and enjoy talking with him.
There is no rhyme or reason why I am the way I am I just accept it and enjoy being myself.