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Thread: Question from GG

  1. #26
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    The "Big 2" questions come with the territory. There's nothing wrong with asking questions, except when they are obviously rhetorical and meant to be a statement ("are you going to wear THAT tie with THAT shirt?" - you don't answer, you change). If you want to know something, you ask.

  2. #27
    Crossdresser Taylor186's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lisa9099 View Post
    Does it make you feel uncomfortable when asked? He's not out to people - only his wife and immediate family know - and myself. I don't know if it's appropriate or not to ask even though I'm very curious about it.
    It doesn't bother me in the least. And, it gives me an opportunity to clarify where I am on the TG spectrum.

  3. #28
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    Thanks so much to all of you for the answers - definitely a wide variety and all very informative.

    I guess I'd say, rather than that I'm trying to be polite with him when we talk about things, it's more like I'm trying to be sensitive to his feelings and with all honesty, it's very, very confusing to me when I try to wrap my head around a "straight" man just gushing over the colors pink and ivory, etc. and then when he disclosed that he would love to have "big boobs," it just made me wonder if there's more there than that he underdresses. I see now that there's not a simple answer here.

    Thanks again all...

  4. #29
    Making a life for Tina! suchacutie's Avatar
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    I think the vast majority of us find it very satisfying to "talk out" our situations as a way to help ourselves in the process of self understanding. Any question in that vein would likely be welcomed.

    As to the breast issue, all of us in the transgendered spectrum from incidental underdressing to full transition have some link to femininity in that process. Many threads have had a focus on the feminine "clues" or "cues" that at some level separate gender presentation, at least on the surface. Breast presentation is one of the obvious pieces of the gender presentation puzzle, along with generating cleavage. It has strong visual and physical impact, so I'm not surprised that your friend has that interest.

  5. #30
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    Lisa its OK to ask questions because that is how we learn.
    You have been brought up in a world where girls do this and guys do that but there are so many of US that don't fit in that mold.
    Its OK for a guy to like pink and ballroom dancing but society frowns on it just as girls can like brown and play football for example.
    One answer can in no way cover all the possibilities or aspects of people that have gender related likes and dislikes.
    As far as "getting your head around" an idea you need to quit wondering so much and just accept the way he is and enjoy talking with him.
    There is no rhyme or reason why I am the way I am I just accept it and enjoy being myself.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 08-03-2015 at 10:57 AM.

  6. #31
    Gold Member Dana44's Avatar
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    Well, I started with panties, then nylons, then a bra, then a skirt and top. Then makeup and so on. Go out with bling and a very nice ladies watch. Transition is not on my table right now and may never be. I am half female and male with more female hormones that shows my body to be female, yet am very male. He may be like that. Just able to present his feminine time with someone who loves him. Just ask him what is down the road and that you may support him in his quest for trying to understand himself. Oh heck I have a b size breast and want them bigger, Yet I will stay male and just want to be able to be feminine when I want to. I went to a conference last week and had to be my male self. Yet back in the motel was in my fem clothes to be comfortable. Sometimes I just want to be comfortable in male clothes and kick back and relax.
    Part Time Girl

  7. #32
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    I just got up and logged on for the day. I read your posts concerning the feminine garments he enjoys. Yes, for a woman to have a man "gush" over panties that are pink or ivory may seem unusual for a straight male, but, that is the nature of the "beast." My wife was somewhat comfortable with my desire to wear nylon nightgown and slips, as well as hosiery. Both of us gradually explored cross dressing, although, we had not yet discovered the underlying desires that were arising in me. Our DADT marriage arose when my wife found by accident that I had bought a red Vanity Fair bra. She could not understand why a man without "boobs" would wear a bra. Her query makes total sense. After that, and, the "discussion" that always arises, we slipped (no pun intended) into DADT.

    I suspect your friend has some self imposed boundaries he has made to accommodate his wife's limitations of wearing feminine clothing. I would not ask him about it, but, I suspect he would really like to take his cross dressing further. I suspect, if his wife were to pass on, he would indeed buy a bra, and, all the other clothing a woman wears. I think many women will accept a man's fetish for lingerie; slips and nightgowns, But, like my wife, to go further really is getting out of a fetish and into uncharted territory.

    To have "boobs" is a fantasy of all men who wish to emulate women. Just click on the postings of pictures on this forum and you'll see some fairly nice cleavage, and, various sized breast forms.

    Let your friend tip toe through the tulips without encouraging any change in behavior. You really do not know how he and his wife are balancing all this out.

  8. #33
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    Lisa,

    It's fine for you to ask your friend whether he identifies as, or wants to be, a woman, in my opinion. The question may freak him out, and there's a fair chance the knee jerk reaction will simply be "no way!" regardless of their actual feelings on the matter. So if you ask this, I'd be very sympathetic, make it very clear that ANY answer will be fine with you, even no answer, that you won't judge. And know that they may well not understand their feelings themselves. That's very common.

    None of the things you mention, other than a desire to have breasts, suggests much of anything. Wanting breasts is a symptom of gender dysphoria for many of us. The things that really determine where they are in terms of their gender are not the positive things, like wearing panties, but the negative stuff:
    1. Do they feel bad about their body as it is? Do they like the person they see in the morning looking back at them from the mirror?
    2. Does their dressing simply feel good, or does it alleviate bad feelings they have when they are aren't dressing?
    3. Do they enjoy their life as a man? If so, what parts do they enjoy, other than perhaps sex?

    There's a lot more questions one could ask. The negative stuff, the gender related bad feelings, are far more telling in my experience than any particular observable behavior, at least early on.

    By the way, it's possible that they don't identify as exactly either a man OR a woman, but as some of both, one or the other some of the time, or as something else entirely altogether. I realize it's difficult to imagine such things. Nevertheless, I am telling you the truth.

  9. #34
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    I suspect he has strong fantasies about being a woman, hence the fascination with lingerie and breasts. However, it doesn't appear that he self identifies as a woman.
    This.

    A lot of people have sexual fantasies that go beyond having traditional sex. You see this in the BDSM community a lot, other examples are furries, leathers, etc. See this list of over 400 kinks, including cross-gender:

    http://fetishfuel.wikia.com/wiki/Exa...,_and_Fetishes

    Before anyone becomes offended, yes there are obviously people for whom cross-gender expression is a question of identity and not a kink (or a mixture of both), but when it IS a women's-clothing or women'-body-part related kink, why is it assumed by many that there must be an identity component to it? There is no question that people who are aroused when dressed in angora sweaters, cat costumes, or tight leather want to be goats, cats, or cows.
    Reine

  10. #35
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    Lisa,
    I've read your thread and still can't understand the situation fully , at one point you say you adore him and at the end you just want to be his friend. To ask the questions you have so far does it mean you would like him as your your partner if the situation arose or are you worried about getting into a relationship where his CDing could be much deeper and it scares you ?
    I haven't gone back on your previous thread but does his current partner know about his CDing ? It strikes me that he's tightly in the closet and is desperate to break out and at the moment he's in a pink fog ! He's trying to restrict his dressing because of a possible DADT situation hence only wearing underwear and yet he's fixated about breasts ! The fixation is not uncommon, many of us get over it by wearing a bra and forms as much as possible so it becomes more normal and less of a fixation . Also when you list the things he doesn't do, but that's currently , in the future he will more than likely want to progress onto outerwear, makeup , to most it's a natural progression .

  11. #36
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    Hi Teresa, I'll try to clarify - I adore him and the reason why I just want to be his friend is that he's married. Would I be with him if he wasn't married - probably. If we ever were to be together, I'm not worried about getting in a relationship where his CDing could be deeper. If I had to wager my last dollar, I think it would go deeper if he was with a woman who let it go deeper. His wife does know about his CDing, but it's basically DADT. He has his own bedroom where he sleeps and keeps his lingerie (mainly panties, slips, nightgowns, bra's and forms). He literally has hundreds of them, hanging on all the walls, hanging from the ceiling - he sleeps with them all over his bed. He spends a couple of thousand dollars a month on lingerie - but he only buys a certain vintage kind that are pretty costly. It's easy to guess why his wife gave him his own room - although I think there's a better way - but it's not my marriage or house, and I don't even broach that subject with him as I don't think it would be fair to do. He has been doing this for years. It's just when he mentioned that he would love to have "big boobs," but keep his penis (those are his words), it just made me wonder if there was more involved than just underdressing. He also told me at the same time that he shaves his chest and legs completely. He's a great man and I have no issues with whatever he does - I can't say enough good things about him - but I just thought I'd come here to gain a bit more knowledge about what he may be feeling inside. I'm sure that he and I will talk more about it at some point, but I didn't want to inundate him with questions directly after he mentioned about wanting breasts and shaving his body.
    Last edited by Sandra; 08-03-2015 at 02:22 PM. Reason: no need to quote the post directly above your, please read the rules regarding quoting posts.

  12. #37
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    Wanting breast is very common but I have to ask Lisa why does him saying he wants breasts but keep his man parts make you assume there is something deeper?
    There doesn't have to be anything deeper its just how he feels.
    Where a lot of people have problems understanding about all this is they think just because you do one thing it means other things will follow.
    Here is an example of this train of thought:
    A male likes to wear womens clothes so they assume he is gay.90% of CDers are heterosexual.
    A male wears womens clothes they assume he wants to have sex change surgery. A large majority wouldn't even consider that.
    A male wears womens clothes and goes out in public he is assumed to be trying to pick up men. again not many CDer's would take the chance in getting into a brawl with a guy that obviously would like to harm them.
    All of these are false impressions that somehow have been drilled into the minds of people over the years.
    You need to let go of those old stereotypes and not try to over analyzing things.

  13. #38
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    Hi Tracii G. The reason why I am wondering if it's something deeper is because I became aware that he was on a site that had to do with males that became women and left their penis' intact. It's a term not allowed here, so it was taken out of my initial post. Those sites seem to be more "gay" oriented. I hope I'm not offending anyone at all - it's not my intention, but that's what prompted me asking my question on here, and because he's a straight man, I didn't want to offend him by asking him too much about it - I didn't want to make him uncomfortable. I saw that he mistakenly "liked" this particular site on his FB - he's not computer savvy and I had to tell him how to "unlike" it as his children and grandchildren, employees, etc. are on his friends on FB and because he's not "out" - I felt like I really had to tell him - which I think he appreciated, but that's how this all came up. I should note too that he did tell me once before that he would love to have breasts, but it was the type of site where he was looking at men with breasts that confused me a bit with his mindset.
    Last edited by Lisa9099; 08-03-2015 at 03:48 PM. Reason: typos

  14. #39
    Silver Member LilSissyStevie's Avatar
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    One of the useful parts of autogynephilia (AGP) theory is it's typology. According to this typology there are four (sometimes five) types of AGP:

    Transvestic - arousal by the thought of wearing women's clothing. (obviously the emphasis of this forum)
    Anatomic - arousal by the thought of having a woman's body (wholly or partially)
    Behavioral - arousal by the thought of participating in feminine behavior
    Physiological - arousal by the thought of having woman's biological functions (a forbidden subject here)

    The fifth type, Interpersonal, can be considered to be some combination of the other types but none of the other types require any interaction with others. Usually around here Interpersonal AGP is expressed as being "bi when dressed" or "male lesbian," etc. It's the fantasy of having sex as a woman. Most AGPs are a mixture of the different types but not necessarily. But, this typology does help explain why we aren't all on the same page here. People who are pure anatomic AGPs, for instance, have no attraction to crossdressing.

    So the point here is that your friends fantasy of having breast (partial anatomic AGP) is no more meaningful than his wearing dresses (transvestic AGP). It's just a fantasy - until it's not.

  15. #40
    Lisa Allisa's Avatar
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    O.K. I've read the other responses, but for me it's simple I think I would like to have breasts, but society says no, men don't have them. I can see where they would cause a problem in so many situations. I just think I would like them that's all. I love to wear my forms when presenting female so why not the real things when in guy mode? I know I didn't answer your question but maybe somewhat I did.
    "you are a strange species and there are many out there;shall I tell you what I find beautiful about you ,you are at your best when things are at their worst" ...[ Starman]
    It may of course be a bit disturbing to sense that one is really not so firmly anchored to the gender one was born into.

  16. #41
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    Lisa I like the fact that this site is not like a lot of other sites that deal with CDing.
    Its more a clean family type place that deal with this subject.
    The other sites are very seedy and gross and deal with the porn/erotic side which I want no part of.
    I can see someone trying to get a better understanding ending up on sites like that and thinking the person they know that CDs is some kind of pervert.
    Its the internet and everything is out there but this place is just the best.

  17. #42
    Silver Member Jilmac's Avatar
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    Like your friend, I wear panties 24/7. I also love wearing bras and women's outer clothes. I would love to have real breasts but still would never transition. Although at the age I am now they would sag too much and wouldn't look very sexy.
    Luv and Jill


    Straight, into Fantasy Land

  18. #43
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    Lisa,
    I wouldn't be surprised if a majority of members here haven't visited sites you talk about at some point ! Initially they can confuse and make you think that you may like to participate but the novelty wears off and the feelings usually go away.
    I shave all my body hair now apart from around the groin area my wife knows , initially she asked if my problem was getting any worse ? I didn't stop with that comment now she doesn't say anything so she's either getting use to it or storing it up for ammunition in the future ! Either way I do prefer it now but it doesn't mean anything more than feeling good and looking good when dressed ! Male hair is ugly which you realise when you let it grow back !

  19. #44
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lisa9099 View Post
    or do you still feel like you are a man but just want breasts?
    then
    Quote Originally Posted by Taylor186 View Post
    If you hang around here enough you will find that having breasts is a common fantasy for CDs. I have the fantasy but the reality makes no sense as I'm in guy mode 95+% of the time. I doubt if many, or any, CDs transition just to have breast implants.
    ^this. Just because we have fantasies about something or feel the desire to do something, real life is different from fantasy, and just because you have the desire for something doesn't mean that the reality of it happening would actually be enjoyable (having been able to try out some of my fantasies I have learned that many things should be left to fantasy). When I wear female clothing, of course I want to have breasts, it's simply part of what I'm feeling at the time. Doesn't mean that I'm going to rush out and start HRT or get implants. But I won't say that I don't enjoy very much having just enough 'up there' to almost fill a B cup (of course only in a select few bras, lots I wouldn't even come close).

    That said, I think that we should all stop trying to label everything. What's gay, straight, what might become gay or stay straight, really doesn't matter. What matters is whether two people like each other. go with that, and do whatever each other enjoy. Life should be about having fun when we can. We work hard enough, our time off shouldn't have to seem like a chore or restricted because of what the rest of the world thinks. Example. If a girl likes 'greek'(for lack of a nicer word), no one says anything about it. But if a guy wants to play her part, and she play his, all of a sudden everybody assumes he must have some subconscious gay agenda. Why? He's with her, and is turned on by being with her, doing things with her. They're both having a good time. The big problem as I see it, is with women. Yes, women. Because when a woman sees feminine things about a guy, it almost invariably turns her off, and if he's heterosexual, leaves him with absolutely no options. So until we stop labeling every bit of attire and every behavior as distinctly male or female, we'll wind up with this dilemma.
    Last edited by sometimes_miss; 08-04-2015 at 01:33 AM.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  20. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lisa9099 View Post
    The reason why I am wondering if it's something deeper is because I became aware that he was on a site that had to do with males that became women and left their penis' intact. It's a term not allowed here, so it was taken out of my initial post. Those sites seem to be more "gay" oriented. ... but it was the type of site where he was looking at men with breasts that confused me a bit with his mindset.
    1. We aren't men with breasts - we are women. Understand this, if nothing else, please.

    2. A lot of us do not have genital surgery. There are a variety of reasons for this, the high cost being a big one. Also, not all of us are uncomfortable with having a penis. There's a lot more to being a woman than having a vagina.

    3. The men who like us aren't gay. I'm not some type of ultra-gay man. They are typically straight or bisexual. Gay men like - wait for it - men. There's a lot more to being a man than having a penis. Being smooth, soft-skinned, feminine - these are not things that attract most gay men.

    BTW, referring to trans women as "men with breasts" is intensely offensive. I know you weren't aware of that, but now you are.

    Another thing that might be confusing you - gender identity / expression are unrelated to sexual orientation. I know trans who came out to the world as gay men. Then they transitioned. They are now straight women.

    Quote Originally Posted by LilSissyStevie
    One of the useful parts of autogynephilia (AGP) theory is it's typology.
    There are no useful parts to the theory of autogynephilia. It has been pretty thoroughly debunked. Ray Blanchard, and like two other people take it seriously.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lisa9099
    It's just when he mentioned that he would love to have "big boobs," but keep his penis (those are his words), it just made me wonder if there was more involved than just underdressing.
    There may be. However, another salient question is this - even if there is more going on with this man than just CDing, and he has a feminine gender identity - is he miserable enough to transition? There are, I venture, a number of CDers on this forum who might transition were the social and other costs much lower than they are currently. But given all the crap that happens to most of us who transition? No freaking way they'll do it, although they are pretty unhappy.

    So how unhappy is this guy with his life as a man?

    Some of the things you list about him are definitely hints that there might be more going on. But none of them are definitive, not even close.

  21. #46
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    A "straight male" who wants to have breasts is a person who hasn't thought things through. While it is a common fantasy, a straight male just can't function in society with female breasts. He would be considered a freak. Just imagine the stares and comments. Or stranger asking about them.

    That's what breast forms are made for. Put them on when you want to, take them off when you need to.

  22. #47
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lisa9099 View Post
    The reason why I am wondering if it's something deeper is because I became aware that he was on a site that had to do with males that became women and left their penis' intact. It's a term not allowed here, so it was taken out of my initial post. Those sites seem to be more "gay" oriented.
    Yes, there are a lot of people who go on those sites for sexual fetish. They usually do not identify as homosexual (whether they are or not can be debated in a separate thread).

    In some communities (i.e. BIID), there are people for whom it is sexual, while others feel it is a part of their inherent identity. And in other alt communities (AB/DL, furries, leathers), in addition to the sexual or identity motives, there are also people who do it just for fun and relaxation. This holds true for people who dress in the clothing culturally assigned to the opposite gender as well. There are men who are sexually motivated to engage in feminine expression and some of them do fantasize about having breasts or they fantasize about having sex with a person who has breasts and a penis, AND there are birth males who do identify as women, and who want or need breasts for reasons of gender confirmation.

    There is no definitive test to determine underlying motives. It is all based on self-assessment. You just need to believe your friend. If he says it is sexual, then it is sexual. It is false to believe that every male-bodied individual who wants breasts is transsexual and identifies as a woman.

    IMO it is as ridiculous to suggest to a person who fantasizes about having breasts for sexual reasons, "No ... you're in denial, you are in fact TS", than it would be to tell a TS who wants breast augmentation surgery, "No ... you're just rationalizing, you are in fact doing this for fetish".
    Reine

  23. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lisa9099 View Post
    Hi Tracii G. The reason why I am wondering if it's something deeper is because I became aware that he was on a site that had to do with males that became women and left their penis' intact.
    Sounds to me like he is sharing his fantasies with you. I doubt it goes much deeper than that.

  24. #49
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    For me, I would love to have breasts - but only so that I could better enjoy the feeling of wearing my bras. I wouldn't want them permanently because I don't want to present as a woman. Likewise, it would be wonderful not to have the penis - but only so I could properly experience wearing a straight skirt without the worry of the "bulge" - but I wouldn't want to be without it permanently. Other things I would like are bigger hips and narrower shoulders - for similar reasons. I can't, of course, actually have any of these! However, I can use false breasts, I can disguise the bulge with a pantie girdle or increase the hips with padding. So, if I want to get as close as possible to feeling the clothes as a woman would feel them but don't want to be a woman then I have to compromise.

  25. #50
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    I want to thank everyone for all of their insight. He and I did talk more about it and I think there's varied reasons but, mainly, what I got from what he said is that it's very sexual and when he dresses in his lingerie, and if he masturbates, he'd also like to have breasts to play with - it's just part of the whole experience. I won't go further into detail, but it would just make a more erotic experience for him.

    I have to say again that I do appreciate all of the feedback to my question. I can't state enough how confusing it can be for someone like me, a female (GG), to understand the mindset of a man who CD's.

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