Your last few sentences say something, don't you agree?
Your last few sentences say something, don't you agree?
Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
Eleanor Roosevelt
I'm going to skip rite by all the sex and trans stuff, Mikey. Even tho I'm what they call a "fetish dresser" here. Because I admit sex is involved with my dressing. Has been since I began dressing 17 years ago. And, I'm simply a CD. Often, I don't even feel trans!
Your problems stems from insecurity. Which is completely normal at your age. I mean, what have u done? What have u accomplished to give u feelings of esteem and confidence? Now, look around u. How many 22, or 24, or 28 year old men r confident and secure about themselves? VERY FEW!
I suspect if u just keep on keepin' on? In 10 years you'll look back at your, "Now" self and have a good chuckle! Here's some advice to get u started: Get a job that makes u feel good about yourself. Maybe one that u don't think u can handle. When u surprise yourself and handle it? You'll get some confidence and esteem. With women? Many love honesty but guys BS habitually. Epecially young ones that haven't done anything to brag about yet. Just ask women questions about themselves. Then, listen. They will say things that u can relate to. Then, be as honest with them as u have been with us. You'll have to fite them off!
Just remember what I said here. If u don't get it now? U will in 10 years! All the best!
Last edited by docrobbysherry; 08-04-2015 at 12:51 AM.
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
What Sherry said is so true. Gender and sexual preference aside, a young person needs to push themselves. For me, Uncle Sam provided the push. Two years in the Army gave me a much different perspective...particularly on myself. I was still a CDr, but I knew I was capable of much more than I had imagined at 19.
Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
Eleanor Roosevelt
Mikey
So, I don't want you to feel bad. I started masturbating wearing panties as soon as the equipment worked, say about age 12. For a while, I thought I was gay, except men didn't turn me on, and the one guy I knew who I really thought was gay totally turned me off. Then I heard about Christine Jorgenson, and I thought I was trans. But I would never want to give up my penis. When I was about 50, I saw the first CD who didn't look like a joke. She looked like a girl. That's when I figured out I was a CD. I know about the joke, "What's the difference between CD and TS? 2 years." Well 2 years might be right for TS going through a CD phase. But for any here (me included), CD is the be all and end all. OK, I go out with a bunch of like-minded girls (in girl mode). I also go out in public to regular places, sometimes atone, and other times with a like-minded friend (both in girl mode).
Also, you can want to look like a girl, but sleep with a girl. They're independent. So, if you like labels, I'd be a crossdressing lesbian (guy who likes girls, whether in boy mode or girl mode). Or maybe a bigender (someone who's happy presenting as either a boy or girl).
Don't worry; be happy. I'd still be masturbating in panties if the damn equipment wasn't broken,
Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.
Like a lot of the others here have said, "Don't Panic"
So, you have a fetish, or two. Big deal. Try not to feel guilty about it. How, did you get those fetishes?
That can be a long journey. I've had mine for more than 50 years! And it's only in the last...5 years? That I've started to get a clue as to where they came from. Doesn't matter. As long as the actual act itself is not damaging or dangerous, just be careful that it stays private. Unless talking to your therapist or counsellor.
About talking to girls, the aim is to be relaxed. Try to put yourself in the mindset that it doesn't matter if you get her number. Just aim to be as calm and as laid back around them as possible. That doesn't mean being something you're not, if you get tongue tied around them, make a joke about it. "Jeez, at my age you'd think I could be mister smooth, I'm such a dork" Everybody, feels the same way, try to find yourself, then try to improve that person. If that girl doesn't end up liking who you are, fine. One of them eventually will.
"Normal is what you get when you average out the weirdness that everybody has." Quote from my SO
Normal is a setting on a washing machine, or another word for average.
The fact that I wear a skirt as a male should not be taken as a comment on what you do, or do not wear, or how you wear it.
And there it is. The guilt trip that our society hits us with, as if being female is the worst possible thing a boy can ever be. And we have another victim of it. First off, you're going to have to understand that you're not to blame for this feeling, and it's not a bad thing to have feelings like this. Whataver it is, it's who you are. Society is going to come around in your lifetime to accept this much better than it has in the past, we can thank Kaitlyn Jenner for keeping it in the public opinion forums of discussion. Hopefully it will happen sooner than later.I'm still scared that subconsciously I want to become a woman.
The problem with COGIATI tests as well as most others that try to define gender, is that it's pretty easy to guess which answers will give you the result that you want, so it's all to easy to subconsciouslly 'steer' the test to tell you what you want to hear. However, there's other ways, just keep reading these forums and you'll find lots of information.
One of the problems you're going to run into frequently is that your sex drive is going to overwhelm everything else, and distort other things that you may be feeling. When around puberty, I was dressing up regularly and also masturbating, so I thought the two desires were linked. Turned out that they were not, but I didn't figure that out until much later. The diaper thing to, I wanted to be a baby girl in one fantasy, so you're not alone in that, either; for me, it was simply a desire to avoid all the complications (and guilt) associated with being a boy who thought he was a girl, by starting as a girl in the first place.
How do you know if you are trans. You're going to get a lot of suggestions, so I'll toss in mine. Lots of people who are trans know it from the time they are young children. It's almost always known at a very young age. However, in our society, there is such a stigma attached to any female feelings or behavior in boys that we can start suppressing those almost as soon as we're self aware. The first time we dress up in girls clothing and are made to feel ashamed about it by a parent, it starts then, and can stay in our subconscious for decades, and just manifect itself by crossdressing and submissive sexual fantasies (including the baby/diaper thing).
Then you need to understand whether you 'fit' into a female type mindset or not. It's not black and white; there are women who think like men, and men who think like women, but they are quite rare. Start off with a couple of books by Alan and Barbara Pease, such as 'Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps: How We're Different and What to Do About It', found here on amazon but you can probably get it at any major book store, or just go there and read it while standing in the aisle.
http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Listen-Wo...rds=alan+pease
It will give you a basic idea of some differences between how women and men see the world, as well as how we communicate differently. One quick example is, men bond with other people by sharing activities, while women bond with others by talking to each other. Remember this is not ALL men, nor ALL women. But it's pretty much right on the money. The books by the Pease couple will give you lots of examples that can help you shed some light on your actual gender identity.
While sexual preference in a partner isn't indicative of your own gender identity, how you see yourself behaving with another person in your mind will also help you understand which way you want to go. Do you mostly see yourself having sex with another man or a woman? Which role are you in? In your fantasy, are you male or female? Or does it depend on the fantasy?
Also, you mentioned something to the effect of your first sexual experience while wearing your mom's dress and panties. Were you crossdressing before that without any sexual excitement? Or was it something about dressing up in female clothing that generates sexual excitement? It does make a difference. 12 is around normal age for puberty in males, so that may help you figure it out as well.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
Ugh, I was afraid of a post like this..... well, for the how I know I'm trans question, the real answer is, I don't know. There was never a time that I can recount where I said "I should've been born a woman." It was mostly the "I want to be a woman for a day" fantasy. Truthfully, I asked my mother if she ever remembers me dressing in female clothes but she said I never have. I just remember vaguely as a kid hearing about transexual surgery and saying "wow, that sounds kinda cool". When I first dressed in female clothing, I just remember it being realllllly stimulating, like a constant state of euphoria and then I finally ejaculated my own with no idea of what I just did.
In my fantasy I don't even know what I am. It's either I'm a boy who is being humiliated, or a full on woman, I can't even describe it really, but there are a few variations to my fantasies, sometimes my fantasy involves her(or a trans woman) using a strap on, or their real male parts on me, or just humiliating me and forcing me to dress up in clothes, etc, calling me ****, *****, cheerleader outfits, ballet, so I guess I am a girl in those fantasies. I've also had fantasies of girls giving me oral and me degrading them, but those have mostly been suppressed for my true fantasy nowadays. The baby girl thing, I don't know what that was about, honestly I started to like diapers before I got into crossdressing. I can vaguely remember this show in my mind and I don't remember what it was, but it was about like this teenager or kid who was transformed into a baby for a week. I can also remember this one part to a song they sang in the episode, but everything after that is blank. I remember lots of my childhood friends being girls, my neighbor, I stayed at this one girl's house overnight and one of my best childhood friends was about my age and we used to hang out all the time. When I was around 10, my friends were mostly guys and I don't remember feeling anything wrong with that.
So, for the question to myself of if I know that I'm trans, I couldn't really tell you. Up until around 16, I was really happy with life. I had interests and hobbies(sports, xbox), still not many friends, as I was home playing xbox all day but I did have a few. So much confusion for me. All I know is that I'm pretty okay with my male body and when my sex drive isn't going nuts I feel pretty happy with everything. I'll agree though that Kaitlyn Jenner has really done a ton for the trans community in making it mainstream though. Idk though, I've always seen myself in 20 years being a middle aged guy with 2 kids haha, but I won't deny that part of me has always yearned for the feminine side of things. I guess it isn't that I would want to change my body in particular... but moreso that I WOULD like to be able to go out in public someday, trying to pass as a woman and feeling that euphoria... it just seems like when my sex drive isn't active that I don't care about dressing all that much. I would just never be able to bare the thought of not being who I used to be.. it makes me sad just thinking about that.. I'd love to be able to go back whenever I wanted to. I've also thought about growing old as a woman vs a man and I can say 100% that the only time being a female would interest me is while I'm young. I want to be that cool dad/middle aged guy that my kid's friends like. I also have read up on hormones and how they can kill your sex drive which honestly turns me off like crazy to them.
Hi Mikey,
You've had a lot of advice here. Just let me say that I for one went through just what you have been describing when I was a teen (even pre-teen) and totally sympathize. As a teen I read Harry Benjamin's book about transexuality, and Jan Morris' touching autobiography. I asked the same questions you did about myself and finally decided ... without seeing a therapist ... that I was a guy who had a woman inside, but I wasn't going to go along the transition route. (Back in the 50's and 60's, that was not the option that it is today.) I was very naive sexually, and it wasn't until I met my life partner (my wife) when I was 25 that things came together for me. And finally rid myslef of the guilt and shame by just accepting the fact that i am me. Forty plus years later I'm happily dressed as a woman when I want to be, and do my male things when I have to.
You are fortunate in having an understanding mother, and I do think that talking with a therapist who is familiar with gender disfunction could be a big help. As others have said, you have years ahead to find your path, wherever that leads.
All best wishes,
Claire
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Proud member of the Lacey Leigh Fan Club
Yeah, on this sub https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/ I actually read that people have experienced the same things as me and pretty much all of the people posting have transitioned... damn, this is just scary stuff to me. They make it seem like I WON'T be ble to lead a happy life anymore without changing my body, oh well. This emotional roller coaster honestly makes me want to kill myself, seriously. Hard pill to swallow because people are making it seem like it's just "inevitabe" and I will break sometime. How did people do this when there wasn't an option for hormones? I'm sure they got to live decent lives eventually. I love my male self and I love my female sexuality.. I love my looks and wouldn't wanna take any chances. I just wish there was a way presented for me to be happy with myself without making any permanent changes to my body.. but I guess it's just impossible.
If the idea that you might want to become a woman scares you, you're probably not transsexual. If you were transsexual, the idea of becoming a woman would probably be a happy thought.
No, no, no, NO!Originally Posted by mikeyp
What you are seeing is the bulk of the people who could be bothered to post. It's a self selection thing. The ones who eventually figured out it wasn't what they first thought, they just wander off and leave the subreddit.
Whatever you are, you are, don't try to force it one way or the other. You're young, (Oh my God how young!) it's all in front of you. Things which seem so HUGE to you right now, meh, you'll look back at yourself in a couple of decades and think, "I was such a dummy" I'm not running you down for feeling the way you do, I can remember how all consuming it was, it's part of living, try and get some perspective, try for some calmness, try to imagine that you can make this all work for you. At some point, you'll start to see the forest, not just this freaking huge single tree that's blocking your view.
I used to wonder about being a woman, being born as one, or having surgery, full SRS, whatever. I know now that isn't what I want, or wanted. I did have, and still do, some fetishes. Some fantasies, some possible, some not. But that isn't what I want for my life. There is getting to be much more acceptance in the world, a greater understanding about this stuff, some places better than others. Feel free to experiment, as long as it doesn't harm you, or others, or put you or others at risk. Putting on clothes, or makeup, or tucking and taping, it's all reversible. Shaving is another thing when you need it, it grows back, as long as it doesn't cause you problems with your friends, family, and workplace, it's all good.
The really good news is, you found this forum, you can take advantage of hundreds of years of our experience of making a right mess of it. I am at a good place now, a place I never imagined, and so much better than the place I feared. I really think, once you can get some perspective and understanding, you'll be so much better off that most people your own age, you'll be starting to get a much better grasp of your own personality, orientation, gender, I believe that can be a huge advantage.
So much of what you are feeling is that social pressure, to conform, to not stick out, to be "normal"
Read my signature lines to see what I think of that.
Last edited by UNDERDRESSER; 08-04-2015 at 11:08 AM. Reason: added word.
"Normal is what you get when you average out the weirdness that everybody has." Quote from my SO
Normal is a setting on a washing machine, or another word for average.
The fact that I wear a skirt as a male should not be taken as a comment on what you do, or do not wear, or how you wear it.
You have no idea how much this post meant for me, literally. Yes, I see now that the majority of posters using the transgender subreddit are indeed in the process of transitioning so it's a biased place and we don't even get to see how any of them never got to cure their underlying issue in the first place which was in their head. Here's what I've been thinking about. I was a fat kid all of my life and for years I would tell myself that when I lost weight, everything around me would just change and it didn't. Sure, there was some euphoria for the first few days I went out, but it went away and I went right back to normal me. Females find me a lot more attractive, sure, but there's just this void inside me that wasn't filled. No hate against people who do decide to transition because they fully believe that what they're doing will cure them, and it probably will solely because they believe that to be true. I just think that somewhere out there, in this load of information on this controversial topic, that there IS an underlying issue as to why I feel ashamed to do feminine things(I personally think it's my father). It just sickens me on the fact that I'd have to make a permanent change to my body that I might not even like and probably face the SAME rejection that I feel as a man right now. There is some kind of void inside me, case in point.
I'm happy as my birth sex, females turn me on in interesting ways that shames me though. I'm not happy that I can't express how I feel inside and have never been able to say what I want to say. I feel like if I can get past that, everything will fix itself. No more shame, and I'm willing to find that inner happiness in myself, or die trying.... without conforming to things that the world tells me I have to do, or be, to get better. I'm also really happy to hear that you found your source of enjoyment in life for yourself. It really gives me hope for the future.
Last edited by mikeyp; 08-04-2015 at 11:25 AM.
Can I please add my no, no, no, NOs to Underdresser's...
This is not the case at all. A lot of what you describe I can fully empathise with and much of it was (and some still is) reflected in my behaviours and desires today - and you're younger than my youngest son...
Fetishes are fairly normal - your thoughts of various sexual fantasies (no more detail, please - we may have to edit things out if it becomes too graphic...) are also within 'normal'... I'm sure many of us have some little quirks that remain private - I know I have - and we've all managed to lead normal, productive, family lives without this aspect of us taking over the rest of our lives. Whether or not you can is obviously all in the future - but please believe that some of us do. There can be quite a degree of piety here amongst some about telling one's spouse, but I haven't - and I've not been caught either - and I know that there are many more who are able to control the needs for expression associated with this condition rather than the condition controlling them... Possibly some of it is about nature of personality, but it's probably more about the nature of how the condition affects us. You might be one or the other: you probably don't get to choose...
My advice is similar to before - try not to get too sucked into this because you are very young... you may find that with the right 'external' interests your desire to do this diminishes substantially - mine did when I was dating, working hard, supporting a family, etc. Try not to be negative about yourself - give it time - go off and do something else and something new!
Katey x
"Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear" Stefani Germanotta
Glad to hear that, I was concerned that I was being a little too aggressive in my comments. I sense that there is a lot of confusion in you, it's going to take time to sort out. So many layers of guilt, shame, confusion, repression. Some things will become clearer, some things won't. (at first) You may have a sudden revelation, if you do, consider it carefully, particularly if it temps you into something radical and permanent. There is almost always enough time to think about things.
The important thing to remember is that if it doesn't hurt anyone, and it doesn't cause you any trouble, then it's all good. The guilt and shame is something you must learn to shed. It is that guilt and shame that is the problem, not what you are feeling guilty about.
"Normal is what you get when you average out the weirdness that everybody has." Quote from my SO
Normal is a setting on a washing machine, or another word for average.
The fact that I wear a skirt as a male should not be taken as a comment on what you do, or do not wear, or how you wear it.
What, other than enjoying masturbation while dressed as a woman, makes you think you need to transition? Why are you so obsessed with transition? Why are you afraid "OMG, could this be me?!?" You are asking people here to help you explain why you aren't a transsexual. Why is that? I mean, if you are happy as a dude, just be a dude, right? I mean, you certainly feel well adjusted, integrated into society, just leading a fairly normal life, except for this embarrassing women's clothing thing, right?
Right?
I mean, life is going pretty well, other than this, isn't it? I mean, it's not like you need a bunch of strangers on an internet forum to convince you that you are really just fine, when on some level, you feel very far from fine, right?
Why are you trying to get people to talk you out of being a transsexual? I'm not saying that you are, or that you should transition or any such things, but doesn't it strike you as kind of odd that you are spending so much energy getting others to help you convince yourself of something you claim is the self-evident truth - that you aren't a woman.
What do you need us for?
Honey, I spent a great many years working on eliminating the "underlying issues" rather than dealing with my gender. The real underlying issue, for me, was in fact my gender, and when I dealt with that, a great many other things were handled.
By the way, one of the reasons a person who decided not to transition might not post on that subreddit is that they are dead.
Your weight then obviously wasn't your underlying issue. If it's not weight, and not gender (since everyone here agrees that isn't it), then what else could it be? Do you have any other ideas?
Well, no, this is quite literally dead wrong, but thanks for playing!
Sure, your Dad is a very likely source of shame about your desire to be feminine. Mine was for me! Society takes a dim view of feminine men. A really dim view. It's sort of tolerated in the gay community - but for straight men, not at all.
What makes you think you need to make permanent changes to your body? If you like your body, can you list some things about it, other than your penis, that you really like?
If you were just worried about your feelings of shame over wearing women's clothes - this is the right place for you. There are many here who have felt those same things. Such feelings are understandable, given how dim a view society takes of your behavior. (Quite unfairly so, I might add!)
And what about the void inside of you? That doesn't sound much like what most of the CDs here talk about, does it?
The world tells you "don't transition." Sure, there may be some people who's stories seemed to have been relatable enough to your own that it really bothers you, who told you "yeah, I had to transition", but that's not really the world. I mean, what do they know anyway, right? Trust me on this - most of the world would much rather you picked the option of or die trying, rather than transition.
I can't tell you what you need to do - I have no idea. I can tell you that putting off my transition as long as I did very nearly cost me my life 2-3 times, one of them being not too much older than you are. I would suggest that rather than trying to figure this out by talking to random people over the internet, you might consider consulting with a professional therapist who understand gender issues. If you are just a CD who's rather ashamed of his behavior, they'll help you with that. If it turns out to be something deeper, well, they can help you with that as well.
Best of luck, hon.
Sorry for how I presented my argument but it is like this for most things other than just this topic. It wasn't until like 2 weeks ago, when I got fired and stayed alone in my room that I started getting bored and pleasuring myself much, much more. I have a history of OCD from the time I was 16. I've had to have people convince me that I wasn't going to "accidentally" kill myself for no apparent reason and that I wasn't going to die in 6 months, that I wasn't homosexual, a pedofile, going to choke on my food and die, etc. I was having fun with this until I put a lot of thought into why.. like I usually do. I am seeing a therapist for issues on thursday and I do understand that my post came off as offensive. Basically, I'm a ****ed up person mentally, which is why I wouldn't go into any kind of permanent solution unless I knew without a shadow of a doubt. I'm not sure of anything that happens in my life, or who I am in general.
Last edited by mikeyp; 08-04-2015 at 09:21 PM.
Lori, there are a few TGs/TSs (here and elsewhere) who, in an attempt to discredit the idea of AGP suggest that women are also autogynephilic - this is in response to male-identified CDers who say they are indeed aroused at the thought of themselves as women. Here are just a few recent posts, but the argument rears its head here occasionally and in some TS blogs/websites.Can you show me where that is...it is either out of context or just plain wrong.
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...autogynephilia
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...94#post3779294 (third paragraph)
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post3779146
Here's the paper they love to cite when trying to prove their point, Moser's "Autogynephilia in Women", published in the Journal of Homosexuality 56(5), 2009. Moser's conjecture and small sample size (29 women participated in the survey) were disputed in the same journal by another TS, Anne Laurence "Comment on Moser" (2009), and the whole debate with background is accurately described in the link below. No one else really talks about AGP GGs except for TSs and Moser, who has been pretty quiet about the issue in recent years.
History of debate, re Moser's "Autogynephilia in Women"
(Before the discussion devolves into yet another debate over AGP, I want to say that I also do not agree that it is a motive for transition among female-attracted TSs, any more than it is a motive for GG sexual fantasy. But, many CDers do eroticize the dressing and/or themselves as sexually attractive women.)
To the OP: Getting to your other concerns, I just want to say that I think you've received wonderful advice from Katey888 and Isha.
Last edited by ReineD; 08-04-2015 at 09:45 PM. Reason: fixed link
Reine
Everybody is. You just haven't realized it yet. There are no 'normal' people. Everybody has some kind of issues. They just don't talk about them.
That's because the ones who continue to post are TS. The ones who aren't, go elsewhere.
They are simply explaining how things went from their own perspective. Most people naturally want to believe that others are like themselves, in order to feel at least somewhat 'normal'. So they assume you will progress just as they, themselves, did. As far as it being inevitable, well, you can read lots of guy's experiences here that show that's not true at all.They make it seem like I WON'T be ble to lead a happy life anymore without changing my body, oh well.
Not so. The fear is generated by the shame induced by societal pressure, because he's grown up in a society where men wanting to be feminine in any way are routinely made fun of, or worse. Much worse.
This is one of the big problems for those who face being TS. There's little chance for most to ever be the girl/woman they want to be. There were many suicides in post op TS in the early days, mostly because of unrealized expectations, and the actual experience of forever being seen as TS, never as a 'real' woman by so many people around them, and I'm only guessing, but I'll bet that experience wasn't pleasant. Many of us envy even an average woman's ability to be attractive to lots of men, because we don't get that response from women. We see being female as being able to solve that situation, but becoming female, all of a sudden pretty much no one's interested at all. Women aren't attracted to TS women, and most men want 'real' women. So MTF Ts are dating in an even smaller pool of potential mates than crossdressers are, if you can imagine that; and if you're mtf TS and are attracted to women, well, holy crap are you out of luck; You'd be more likely to hit the powerball than find a mate. Yet, today there are some more tolerant areas where a post op person who doesn't really pass will be at least treated somewhat normally. Years ago, that wasn't the case. There are still, however, lots of transgender mtf who choose not to 'progress' because the end result will not be even remotely what we would want in life. Some will do it anyway because they are so miserable being their birth gender. But there are others who can tolerate it, and understand that there are lots of other things in life that must be considered as well. Being MTF TS brings on a whole new list of potential and real problems. And of course, not all of us are born with the bone structure of an Andrej, now Andrea, Petkovic.
Last edited by sometimes_miss; 08-04-2015 at 10:14 PM.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
Haha yeah, the idea for me is not to really be just a girl.. but to be an attractive girl , with no adam's apple and the voice that I like and I also like to look at things realistically. MOST of the transformations from my viewpoint just don't look ideal to me. I never look in the mirror or anything while fantasizing... I mainly just look at captions and stuff like that. Basically, I'll admit there is gender dysphoria involved with this, as it is the very nature of it I guess, but I don't feel like I'd have to take hormones or die. I guess you could say that everyone wants to be attractive, but for me, it's what REALLY stimulates me about women. An average looking woman does nothing for me, maybe I'm asexual, who knows. I didn't care to pleasure myself until the age of 21. I get that not looking good is just an excuse to not transition, maybe denial. I'd rather stay a decent looking "sad" guy than have to alter my body and play the lottery/risk the chance of not being able to have kids, I've honestly always seen myself as the cool dad tbh. I've never tried crossdressing in public though, seems fun. Basically, idk how dysphoric I am, but I hope to at least gain some ways to cope with it. I appreciate all of the responses again though guys n girls.
Also, this presents another random topic. What does it mean when I am feeling confident with myself that I imagine women begging for me? I do this quite often I've noticed, I guess. Idk who came up with autogynephelia.. but it sounds an awful lot like what I do lol.
Last edited by mikeyp; 08-04-2015 at 10:38 PM.
Mikey, be careful to not equate two very different things: Gender Dysphoria, and the stimulation you feel over being a beautiful, sexy woman. One is distress over being male. The other is finding something exciting about being female.
The excitement is fun while you engage in it, right? Even if there is a bit of a letdown afterwards, like we all feel when the fun times are over? But Gender Dysphoria is Not fun. This is the definition of GD according to the DSM: "A strong and persistent cross-gender identification and a persistent discomfort with one’s sex or sense of inappropriateness in the gender role of that sex, causing clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning."
Last edited by ReineD; 08-04-2015 at 10:41 PM.
Reine
I've never consciously stressed over being male, that I can say for certain. No thoughts about "wishing" I was born a woman as a kid, or lots of the symptoms on that list. I guess my mind is just trying to make sense of why I enjoy that kind of stimulation when I'm feeling in the mood. Like I said, I've always tended to put a looot of thought into things and when something just doesn't seem normal to me. I have to try to make sense of it somehow, it's like the nature of my brain I guess. Funny to think how a couple months ago, this was all fun and games for me lol. Sometimes I feel confident in myself that this is all okay for me and I just need to be who I am and this thought makes me feel normal. Then my mind will cycle back and say "hold on man, you're not normal at all!". Actually, if it wasn't for me being the internet guy that I am. I suspect I wouldn't even care about this as much as I do.
Last edited by mikeyp; 08-04-2015 at 10:52 PM.
I think you have had a lot of perspectives here about fantasy and masturbation. Everyone does it, it is part of the scene as they say. I kinda take issue with your idea that people who transition though don't look "ideal" Maybe it's time for you to step back and look at reality. You have an unattainable standard for yourself and for everyone around you. Frankly I don't know what you're looking for anymore.
You enjoy yourself and you fantasize. OK, we get it. Are you trans? let's define this. You like women's clothing for your fantasy, you imagine yourself as Cinderella while you do and you feel guilty after...You are a normal 20 something person who has been indoctrinated with societies view of sexuality. That is on the TG spectrum (TG not TS) Will you decide to dress more frequently? No one here knows. Will you decide to transition? There was a line from an old movie called Paper Chase and I will paraphrase it for this discussion. Here's quarter, call your mother and tell her there is very little chance you will ever be a woman. In 20 - 30- 50 years you may come to that conclusion. Right now, it is doubtful because you really don't understand what a Transsexual is.
I don't remember if I suggested this, but you are new here. You haven't read the threads that actually may give you insight. Look around the site, read other posts and threads...even ones from years ago. If you want approval, then we approve of you fantasizing and dreaming of what you think an ideal woman is and wearing whatever you want during the process. We support that. If you want to know if you are on some level TG, we have given you that. If you want to know what the future will bring...there are people who do that too. But not here. Everyone here is a regular person with regular lives. We don't know you and we don't know the future. Most of us have trouble knowing where we are going.
Step back, search the site, read what others before you have written and what others have responded.
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
Alright, I guess there's not so much more than can be covered. I get it. This whole thing is all a journey and there's no telling where or who I'll be 5-10 years from now because only I can make that decision. I also realize that I am somewhere on the TG spectrum and it is also up to me to come up with ways of satisfying that side of me. I guess now I'm just going to hope for a renewal of life from therapy sessions, hopefully. Appreciate all of the responses that you guys gave me.. honestly. Didn't mean to sound rude towards anyone or anything. I know everybody has their own struggle.
It's fine, Mikey. I wasn't offended. And I think you are wise to avoid any type of a permanent solution until you are certain of what's right for you.
If your therapist doesn't know much about gender issues, you might do well to find one who does. A local LGBT center can often provide you with a reference for one. Hopefully your therapist has at least a little experience in this area.
My best advice to you is to talk honestly with your therapist about the things you feel. Trying to talk yourself in to something, or out of something, are not good uses of your time. Try to understand what's really going on inside of you.
Yes, it's pretty scary that you have some symptoms that are common to gender dysphoria. This doesn't necessarily mean that you will ever need to transition, or any such thing. It doesn't even mean that you HAVE gender dysphoria - just some symptoms in common with it. GD is hard to diagnose because the symptoms are often very vague.
I realize you are pretty freaked out about all of this. Contemplating being trans, maybe needing to transition is a terrifying prospect.
My best advice is to as calmly as you can think about how you really feel about your self, your life, your appearance. Does gender play a role in any of the feelings you have? If so, how? I know you've said it does - what I'm saying is really look at these feelings. Think about who you really are. If the answer is that you are a guy who likes to crossdress, that is a perfectly fine answer. I guess I'm suggesting that you think about your identity. Who are you? What identity feels right, even if it's scary? What feels wrong, even if it's comforting in some ways?
Think about why are these things disturbing me? Not so much the idea that transition is a disturbing idea - it is a disturbing idea. It's a terrifying thought. If you think that because of your symptoms, trying something like that is the only way to feel any better, than yes, this is a terrifying idea, and you are justified in being freaked out. What if you're wrong? What if you feel worse, not better?
Those are really scary thoughts. I know - because unlike pretty much everyone else on this thread, I've had to entertain them myself, and I can identify with a lot of what you've said.
That I relate to some of the things you've said doesn't mean a whole bunch.
What I'd talk about, with your therapist, is:
1. Who are you? Are you a man, or a woman inside of your mind, or even something in between? Only you can decide this. A good therapist can help, but unfortunately, no one can tell you who you really are, other than you.
2. How miserable are you because of your life in your present gender? (This can be hard to sort out. Your CDing can be a clue here - but it is also easy to misinterpret it. Most CDs will never transition, and would be harmed by doing so, in my opinion. Unfortunately, some will die if they do not.)
3. Can you see any patterns in your life that indicate discomfort with gender on some level?
The reason a person should transition isn't some collection of symptoms. Those are just evidence - inconclusive in and of themselves. If you come to realize after MUCH reflection that you are, in fact, a woman, and that you are going to be very, very miserable living as a man, that's when you consider transition.
Also bear in mind that you have a lot of things going on here. You are OCD. This complicates things, because you likely tend to obsess over some things until you freak out. You have also just lost your job, which is likely highly upsetting to you, and may be a big part of why you feel so miserable right now. It may well take you some time to sit down, and sort all of that out.
I would also encourage you to consider attending a transgender support group, if there is one in your area. I think hearing stories from real people, getting their body language, the tone of their voices, all of the things that aren't conveyed in text may give you some hints about yourself. For example, you might decide "wow, I don't identify with any of these people at all." That would be a big piece of evidence that you don't need to even be thinking about transition.
If you are just a CD, which is a very real possibility, you'll likely never understand why you feel compelled to do the things you do. You'll also have to deal with the notion that it isn't ever going to go away. You won't need to transition though. If you do identify as a woman, and realize transition is your only hope, well, you can do something about that, hard though it is.
The answers to those questions really are inside of you. Be patient, getting them isn't easy. And get competent help, if at all possible.
Well, I had no idea you read my posts Reine, I'm honored! Thank you so much for linking them! That is just so sweet of you. But I think you may have misunderstood my point. Nobody with any brains thinks women are autogynephilic. The obvious conclusion from Moser is that Blanchard evidently didn't really use a control group (women) to test his method, and it's so vague that even some women can come up as AGP on it. This casts a LOT of doubt on the theory - it suggests it's basically meaningless.
Blanchard's ideas would be a whole lot better off if someone other than Anne Laurence defended them.
Well, we agree that neither trans women, nor cis women, suffer from AGP. I'm not sure what the theory buys you when applied to the CD community - since it was intended to explain transsexualism, if it's wrong, it's just wrong and without significant modification, I don't really see how you could hope to apply it here. As for CDs getting a sexual charge out of dressing, this is unsurprising to me. People who's libido's are principally fueled by testosterone face feelings about sex that you probably haven't ever experienced. Sometimes what gets fixated on is pretty weird seeming. T is like that. I'm not saying this is the cause of the sexualization of crossdressing, but rather that this tendency to sexualize it does indeed exist, and that T is just rocket fuel getting dumped onto a fire. I don't think, by itself, that it means anything one way or the other.
Last edited by PaulaQ; 08-05-2015 at 01:49 AM.
Yeah ... funny thing about the internet, isn't it. The resources are good when they are objective. Trouble is, it's darn difficult to find objective websites. I'm on it far too much myself.
Reine
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