I recently moved into a new house share, I am yet to meet my two new house mates as they are both currently away. It has been a really liberating experience to have the house to myself and to be able to dress at will, yet I know I will soon be confined to a locked room again. I don't know if I should tell my house mates, I want to dress at will but don't want them to get a bad impression of me due to the stereotyping faced by cross dressers.
You know that saying, "you never get a second chance to make a first impression"? If you want to have them accept you as a crossdresser it's probably better to spring it on them early so it's just a fact about you, not a discovery. You don't have to greet them in a tutu, but you could meet them ambiguously dressed and make it part of the first conversation if that's what you want. Otherwise, you'll be confined to your room and if you want to get out you're going to have to have a much longer conversation. (Just my two cents.)
Roommates are not forever. They're not a permanent part of your life like relatives or spouses, and aren't always even destined to become long-term friends. As long as you are reasonably clean and quiet, pay the rent on time, and do your share of the chores around the house, you're not obligated to share much or strike up a relationship with them. You should act like yourself, expect that they will behave like mature adults and respect your privacy and self-expression, and similarly, you need to be accepting of their individual quirks and habits as well. As Jennie suggests, I would introduce some feminine wardrobe items early on and gradually expand the presentation, although frequently asking if they would prefer you tone it down when you're together.
- Diane
You put yourself in this situation so you're going to have to adapt to it. I doubt your roommates will be comfortable with you prancing around the house dressed as a woman so I suggest staying behind locked doors until you can get a place of your own with no roommates.
Well .. here is your chance to give them a good impression of crossdressers and change that stereotype idea in their heads!Rhian: I don't know if I should tell my house mates, I want to dress at will but don't want them to get a bad impression of me due to the stereotyping faced by cross dressers.
It's a tough call and a lot depends on what types your new roomies are. If they seem like they might be accepting of slightly alternative lifestyles, then this could be a good opportunity for you to open up to someone who dont really matter that much. As Diane said, they will not last forever.
You just have to be at peace with the fact that they might not keep your secret.
- Suzie
I find your choice of terminology a little offensive Krisi. The OP has said nothing about "prancing about dressed as a woman". These are the kind of views we face from the muggles of the world, unsettling to see one of our own voicing them.Originally Posted by Krisi
Rhian, I'm sure you have plenty of "modest" outfits. If you are prepared to take the chance on letting a couple of strangers in on your "secret" then start modestly. Don't be sat in minidresses etc watching TV.. wear something comfortable to you that isn't pushing it in their face as it were.
As people say, these people are unlikely to be in your life for a significant length of time.. but who knows.. depending how they respond, one of them may just end up being a best mate. If you don't care what others think of you, then I would say the risk is worth the reward.
Best of luck whatever you decide
Lots of Luv
Abi xxx
I'd suggest talking to them first and learning whether or not they're sympathetic to alternative lifestyles - maybe wear a rainbow pin or watch a show about trans people in the common area (if there is one).
Rhian,
As I see it you have an opportunity here and therefore a choice to make. You can choose to let fear of what your room mates might think coop you up in your room for the next X years or you can take a chance and see what happens.
None of us know enough about your situation to give any real advice re potential consequences. I tend to agree with what others have said above regarding 'how'. I wouldn't advise meeting them for the first time in a slinky mini-dress! Give yourself some opportunity to gain some impression of what they're like.
As to whether you should share your secret with them at all depend on all sorts of things, eg
What are your options if it all goes horribly wrong? Have you mutual friends (or are you likely to)? Can you, in extremis, potentially find somewhere else reasonably promptly? If you do have to move, will you be likely to keep bumping in to them?
In citing that list of things to consider I'm not trying to put you off the idea - quite the reverse. If you can consider what might have to be done in a "worst case scenario" and can potentially live with that then that should give you some confidence to give it a go.
I dare say that there's lots of us here who have regrets regarding not taking advantage of similar opportunities when we were younger. One thing is absolutely sure - none of us can go back and do it differently.
In a nutshell... Try to be realistic (neither totally freaked out nor blasé) about potential consequences and if you reckon that you can cope with those then go for it!
You must talk to them and seek their assistance while dressing up, make up etc.
I m sure they will help you.
This is just me talking here as to what I would do.
The first time you meet them be warm and friendly and maybe have light make up on or a hint of eyeliner or mascara.
Act like its no big deal and it probably wont be.The main thing is be friendly and ask about them and what they like to do.Make the meeting more about them than you.
You could have on girls jeans that don't have any fancy stuff on the pockets and a more andro type top.
This way they know right up front there is something different about you and be more open to your life style.
Rhian,
One omission in your question is what sex are your house mates ?
If you don't know either I suggest you meet them and find out what they're like ! You never know you might be a house full of CDers, or some very accommodating girls who might help you dress !
Everyone is entitled to some fun just say this is how you get yours !
Abigail - to a degree, you said it for me. I found it strange that a CD is concerned about someone "prancing around the house dressed as a woman". Perhaps that person has had a bad experience as a crossdresser. If that is true, I'm sorry for her.
It seems so sad that someone can be so judgemental without knowing the OP's story in full. I am sure that when the OP meets her new roomies and has had time to interact with them, it will become much clearer what is the best course to take. It would be ideal if she could make her situation known as early as possible after a considered judgement. Closets are a bit claustrophobic, and the new room mates might turn out to be great friends. Small steps, though.
Best to the OP! Glide like a swan, and don't prance on hot coals. Oh, and us GG's don't prance - much. Take care all.
Best regards,
Catriona.
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