I am "just a Crossdresser"

[Madeleine Quinn]

I know I'm late to this party, but I'm also checking in as "just" a crossdresser. Like many others have noted in this thread, I often find that this forum makes those of us who fit into that category feel like a minority. I'm even more in the minority because I think there's a pretty clear distinction to be made between crossdresser and transgender, and while that topic is a well-beaten dead horse around here, my view is rather the opposite of what the majority view around here seems to be. I often wish that those of us who are "just" crossdressers and totally OK with that had our own spaces, because I see us as having a rather unique set of interests and needs (regarding relationships, etc.).

[vicky77]

Hi,

After searching for defining myself I've found in this forum that many of you feel just the same like me, so I feel relieved and excited. I'm just starting to be proud of being a crossdresser and that makes me happy!

[bimini1]

For some reason I "just" can't define it. I do think for some reason I should have been born female. I think having been socialized as male has moved me into that space. I believe the expression of a truly TG personality is subject to the limits placed upon it by well, just having to live in society as male. If there were no constrictions who knows who I'd be or how far I'd go?

I also feel for me it changes over time. It's fluid. Some days I look in the mirror and see 100% male. But I feel feminine if there is such a thing. Then when dressed, I can look in the mirror and see a female looking back but still have some masculine feelings. It's like I'm too male to be truly female but too female to be male.
It's more than "just" the clothes though.
Oh well, it is still fun. The saga continues.....

[Phoebe Reece]

I am one that doesn't want to be a man all the time. But I also don't want to be a woman all the time either. I enjoy going back and forth between the two, trying to have the best of both. I'm just a crossdresser.

[Clodagh]

Well I can say that I am "just" a crossdresser. And I have no problem with the "just" because crossdressing is only a small part of my life and personality. I enjoy trying to look like a pretty girl. That's about it really.

[Meg East]

Yup, I'm just a happy dude with more skirts than jeans.

[Madeleine Quinn]

I am just a CD myself, it's about the clothes mostly and is what is at the fore front and I think that is what defines a CD from the rest of the pack. We're not interested in much more than looking pretty on a part time basis or when the "urge" hits us. This is why I never considered myself, nor do I, as part of the LGBT community. This is part time, there isn't much past the dressing for Me. I don't emotionally feel like I am a woman trapped in a man's body because the man is still the prominent side of me and who I am 90% of the time.

Joanne, I resonate with this description as well, including the part about not considering myself a part of the LGBT community (including, not considering myself on a transgender "spectrum" or under that term's "umbrella"). While I'm generally supportive of LGBT rights and opposed to all forms of undue discrimination, I don't at all consider myself as a part-time crossdresser to be a real stakeholder in many transgender issues. When others here say that we're all in common cause together, I have to confess that I often wonder exactly what that means.

[Katie01]

Your post resonated a lot. I used to be a serial purger but in the last three years I've been dressing for the sheer fun of it. It's every bit as exciting and fun, just guilt free. What used to be a love/hate roller coaster is now just acceptance. Thanks for your post!

[Krisi]

I suspect that by "I am just a crossdresser", BillieAnneJean is not trying to make crossdressers less than anyone else, she is saying that she is a crossdresser, not a transsexual or anything more. This description fits me as well.

Even though this forum is "crossdressers.com", from time to time I feel that we are looked down upon by some of the members who identify as transsexuals. One disparaging comment was made referring to us as "closet cases". Some rather rude comments were posted in response to a recent post by a crossdresser in the male to female crossdressing section about seeing another crossdresser in public.

I'm sure being a transsexual or transitioning is extremely difficult and I respect anyone with the guts to do it. But, that doesn't make someone better than anyone else or give them the right to disparage those who are "only a crossdresser" on a crossdressing website.

Those of us who are "just crossdressers" need a place to share with each other without fear of being attacked or belittled.

[Jane G]

I'm loving reading through this thread. I've pretty much convinced my self after 50 years,taking a few hormones along the way and never realy coming out to the real world, that I'm just a simple old cross dresser but who am I kidding here? I'm married with grown up kids I love my wife as much as the day we first kissed, but in my heart of hearts I know I,'m TS. She knows I'm TS but we love each other and make compromises for one another every day and after 35 years that's not about to change.

[~Joanne~]

Joanne, I resonate with this description as well, including the part about not considering myself a part of the LGBT community (including, not considering myself on a transgender "spectrum" or under that term's "umbrella"). While I'm generally supportive of LGBT rights and opposed to all forms of undue discrimination, I don't at all consider myself as a part-time crossdresser to be a real stakeholder in many transgender issues. When others here say that we're all in common cause together, I have to confess that I often wonder exactly what that means.

I never considered myself a part of the LGBT community because unlike those that identify as such, they don't turn it on and off like I do with my dressing. One minute I am male and the next I am a male wearing women's clothing, impersonating a woman, which I believe is the true term of the word "cross dresser". I also do support the community and will not tolerate undue discrimination due to one life's choices but I have never felt I am a clear cut part of it.

My real beef is with the term crossdresser lately, I never realized how many females actually do a majority of their own clothes shopping in the men's section, including my SO. I asked her the other day if she felt like a CD and she said no which leaves me baffled because she is doing exactly what I am doing but not presenting male or impersonating male. This whole thing is a real mixed bag sometimes. I think it's best not to think about it lol

Even though this forum is "crossdressers.com", from time to time I feel that we are looked down upon by some of the members who identify as transsexuals. One disparaging comment was made referring to us as "closet cases". Some rather rude comments were posted in response to a recent post by a crossdresser in the male to female crossdressing section about seeing another crossdresser in public.

I agree with you Krisi. I have felt that way many times, like we are third class citizens, that's why I was happy to see this thread because other than Tonya, I felt like we were the only two CD's on this site, which I knew wasn't true but it sure felt like it.

[debstar]

For me womans cloathing is just so dang comfortable. What is it with mens cloathing?? Boring colours, stiff rough fabrics, floppy or else feeling like I'm wearing a plank of wood tied to my back. Basically women know what's up and I'm just benifiting from that knowledge.

I am a man and I like being a man and do not wish to change gender. Unless the red blue pill thing was a sure fire thing

[Melanie 0339]

I don't know if to chuck myself into this "I'm just a crossdresser" thread or not I spend most of my time as male and enjoy it, but when I dress as Melanie I'm not a man in a dress I'm all woman. I'm kinda tired of society's need to compartmentalise and label people gay/straight/bi TV/CD/TG/TS and I'm sure there's more I've missed, people are people regardless of sexual orientation or clothing preference. I'm Melanie I'm a man who likes to dress and be a woman call me what you like I don't care anymore. Sorry if this post has come across as confrontational xxx

[BillieAnneJean]

Thanks to all the posters. I am thrilled for the number of posts and enjoyed reading the responses.

My intent wasn't to say that the forum is favorable to the transitioning, although some replies indicate that to some it seems so. Definitely not my intent or even in my OP.

My intent wasn't to say that the forum should have a place for CDers only, although there are places exclusively for other groups like genetic males (GM), male to female (MTF), female at birth (FAB). I read that some wish we had a place that CDers could discuss things and just keep it between the CDers. Sometimes it is tough to post something and have someone, not a CDer, seemingly jump down your throat because they find some offence in it. Definitely not my intent or even in my OP. But you have to admit that this forum is pretty well run. There must be a LOT of work monitoring it and keeping it running. I don't know how someone would monitor a CDer only section. What happens if one of the CDer only section members starts taking hormones? Are they ejected if they live 24/7 without hormones or surgery? Even setting up a forum as this one already is becomes a mind boggling project. You have to admit it is almost perfect as is.

My intent was just to say that I am grateful to be a crossdresser and grateful to be happy as I am: "just a crossdresser".

[slamddoger]

thank you you maide my day thank you agen

[Sarah Doepner]

I've spent years truly believing I am just a crossdresser. Recently a particularly virulent case of "pink fog" has descended upon me and I'm struggling for the time being. I expect to resolve it one way or an other eventually and would be perfectly happy and proud to fall in with those proud and beautiful folks who consider themselves to be "just" crossdressers. It's an amazing and satisfying (occasionally challenging) chunk of our character and is worthy of the kind of celebration we see here.

[Angie G]

That's me just a crossdresser doing it for fun. But there is some kind of need thee also. So I have fun and fill the need every day.
Angie

[Veronica27]

I just dropped in on this forum the other day after some lengthy periods of ignoring it over the past few years. I was delighted to read the tone of the responses to the "just a crossdresser" topic as it differs markedly from what I remember from my days as a more active contributor. From the time that boyish curiosity in my early teens led me to try on some of the undergarments I found around the house until I was about 50, my crossdressing activities were very limited, consisting mostly of occasionally wearing a bra and pantyhose around the house while daydreaming about what seemed to be an impossibility; being fully dressed in female clothing and accessories and going places and doing things "masquerading" as a woman. I never had any desire to be a woman, or any feelings of being anything but a man, but just wanted to be a guy experiencing some of the strange and wonderful sensations of looking like and doing some of the things that are second nature to women. These desires persisted, but I did my utmost to suppress them and sometimes went years on end without any actual crossdressing activity.

My late first wife was aware of some of my desires and accepted them, but I don't think she fully knew of my daydreams and desires. I discussed this subject with my second wife after we had been married for a few years. To my surprise a few weeks later, she purchased some items for me and said I should wear them around the house when the kids were not home and if I was in the mood. Included was a dress, and when I tried on these gifts, it was the fullest my crossdressing forays had ever gone. I mark that as being the real beginning of my crossdressing, and my wardrobe quickly expanded. I am now 76, and have been crossdressing for over a quarter century. I have been mostly closeted, but for a few years, we did reach the point of attending some cd events and the thrill of being out somewhere and interacting with others, both cd's and the general public is immense.

But that is where some disillusionment began to creep in. I have been a regular contributor to forums for about 15 years. On here and elsewhere, I have been loudly criticized for saying I am not transgender but "just a crossdresser". It is largely just a misunderstanding by me and everyone about terminology and its meaning, but to me it represented that I was being considered to be something that I wasn't. When I attended the events, they were becoming more and more oriented towards the TG side of the spectrum and by attending you were being taken to be TG rather than someone who just liked to dress up as a sort of hobby. The topics were things like facial feminization surgery, hormones, laser hair removal etc. My wife who attended with me was becoming more and more uncomfortable. I am fully supportive of those who are truly TG and of those for whom transition is the best answer to their needs. However, their concerns and needs are quite different from mine.

This growing recognition of and labelling of our community under a "TG umbrella" has perhaps driven many CD'ers back into the closet. The media frenzy around the Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner case is a prime example of what is happening. People who do not fully understand are using the term TG as being almost equivalent to the now less popular TS. Also, by attaching the community to the LGB label as LGBT, the media is creating an image of T being more about sexuality than gender. Many so called experts began to describe the TG community as being a spectrum from those who transition to those who have a form of GID to those who crossdress, usually for some sexual reason. This latter group was usually referred to as transvestic fetishists. As a result, I quit attending any events for a while, stayed away from the forums and felt no desire to crossdress for about 6 months. I did a considerable amount of reading, and began to notice a trend in recent months toward the recognition of the many motivations for crossdressing, other than sex. I began crossdressing around the house more and more frequently and hopefully will find some purpose for getting out and experiencing once more how healthy and fulfilling this unique activity can be. In the meantime, this thread has been a breath of fresh air, indicating that better times may be on the horizon for crossdressers. I hope so, because at 76, time is sure passing quickly.

Veronica

[pamela7]

if the "just a crossdresser" equals "not transitioning, not a female in a male body", that still covers quite a spectrum.

I'm increasingly finding these are my clothes, i'm wearing what society calls ladies clothing 24/7 but heck now they're man's clothing cos that's what I am. I prefer how my male body looks in these clothes, occasionally i make up and wig-up too, but hey, life's too short, have fun.

[Chloe1955]

I started out origionally dressing for sexual pleasure and slowly (recently) I started feeling ...well... Kind of girlie and started dreaming of actually transitioning... Is that a normal progression?

[Seana Summer]

because other than Tonya, I felt like we were the only two CD's on this site, which I knew wasn't true but it sure felt like it.

No Joanne, your not the only 2 on the site, but I have been away for a while and not very active lately I know there are many others too which is demonstrated in this thread.

It dose seem like others are more active, or more vocal, and I really don't know what to suggest to get the "just CDers" more active.

[laurenp245]

I don't know if to chuck myself into this "I'm just a crossdresser" thread or not I spend most of my time as male and enjoy it, but when I dress as Melanie I'm not a man in a dress I'm all woman.

I have to agree with Melanie on this one whole-heartedly! While technically a lot of us are "just crossdressers" (meaning we have no inclination to travel down the road of full transition like our TG Sisters), when I am dressed up as Lauren I no longer think of myself as a man, or a man in a dress, I think of myself as a woman. I go to great lengths to present myself as all woman and in doing so it morphs my thoughts, expressions, and even movements into more of a female mindset which I absolutely love. It's funny how much impact all the clothing and makeup can have on the psyche, but I see all of it merely as a visual representation of a deep seated part of who we are already. Being able to fully dress as a woman is simply a means of bringing her to the surface and show the world that she exists. As to whether or not having this duality inside my mind makes me "more than a crossdresser", perhaps!? I have no idea about that currently but whatever it is I love the fact that I feel like I can experience life in both genders and wouldn't change it for the world.

<3 Lauren

[sara.rafaela]

I am just a crossdresser too. I enjoy the fashions and the techniques of the makeup. I enjoy going out dressed. But, I enjoy being a man and do not think of going further.

[BillieAnneJean]

This thread seems to have taken on a life of it's own. But it is just as well.

I hope this keeps going as it seems to be a good vent for some.

Also for the SOs of newbees or newly discovered CDers or newly revealed CDers, maybe it will provide some balance. When I started my SO went on line and discovered what seemed to he a predominance of "CDers" getting sex changes, dressing 24/7, wanting to have sex with men, wanting "girl"on girl sex. She was convinced that her life was over and I was a completely different person. Even though I was, am and always will be "just a CDer".

But the original intent of the thread was to give thanks and offer my help to anyone not as fortunate as I see myself. That is those who are NOT just a CDer.

But the way this thread has morphed is good, I think.

So are there any other "just Cers" out there or have we found all 75 (ish) of us?

[marie123]

I really appreciate this post. I think its definitely a deep fear for s.o. of cders. My relationship is young and thankfully i knew from the beginning.