Questions for those that go out in public dressed on a regular basis.

[JessicaC]

I have been thinking about going out enfemme lately, I get a chance to dress maybe 4-5 times a month and would like to spend at least some of that time not in the house. Where do you start? How do you get the nerve up to actually do this? Do you start by going out at night? for a drive somewhere there is no-one around? or does your give a $#!÷ button just quit working one day and you dive in head first? Sorry if this has been asked many times before and not sure I would be able to do this when the opportunity presents itself, any advice or personal experiences about your first time out would be appreciated.

Jess

[Jenniferathome]

Jess, it's all those things. Some take baby steps and drive at night others jump in the deep end. For me, I went out with two others from this forum my first time out and that made it easier. Just seeing that it could be done. Now I tend to fall into the "I don't give a crap" because I know no one really cares. I've never had a bad interaction but certainly people know I am a man or think I was once a man. For me, knowing that people know has made going out easier.

[Dana44]

Jessica, I did jump right in. I can remember that that I probably did not pass very well. Walked right by a cop on the street and he didn't give me a second look. I was in my highest heels and a pencil skirt with a nice blouse. I have a big dodge RAM and it was fun getting out like a lady in heels. First time makeup LOL and walked right up and ordered tickets for a movie. LOL it was inside the theater and it seemed that they read me but was very nice. Then out to dinner. Yep the waitress was very nice and did call me mam even though i might not have looked it. She came by the table to talk. I think she found it interesting. A great first time out. It was exciting.

[joanna4]

Where you should go?

To a place where you can shop or browse would be a good place to start.

When?

Anytime there are the least amount of shoppers. Opening or before closing, not weekends, late night/early morning if 24 hours. Mid day during the weekdays are fine as well. If you are in a large city in the Midwest, if people see you, chances are they don't know you, won't recognize you, or remember you.

Your mentality...

"I really don't care" just like the Demi Lovato song featuring Cher Lloyd.

If you're contemplating going out then you should do it. That's how it started for me and that's where I'm currently at.

[kimdl93]

Not quite. I had confined my dressing to home for a couple years. The desire to get out indeed built up, but my first foray was out the front door to move a sprinkler. The world did not end. The next day I came out to my hair dresser and made my first stop at a Dress Barn. The next day I bought my first wig at a wig shop and got a makeover at MAC.

So for me it was one baby step, or one toe in the water, then in with both feet.

[Maxi]

I would recommend a sunrise walk in the park. The bad element does not wake up early. Morning people seem to be very excepting.
I love my sunrise walks on the weekend.

Or go to a Dressbarn. They will roll out the red carpet for you. They have a way of making you want to come back again.

[Teresa]

Jessica,
You don't say if you've been out at all even underdressed, but if you haven't try that first .
I found taking a drive at night fully dressed is fairly safe and good fun, maybe take a walk as the next step .
I still don't dress to shop only underdress in case I need to try on clothes or shoes so that could be the next stage.
The point is do it in stages, if you jump right in and have a bad experience it could set you right back ! Even now I still say sometimes what the heck am I doing ? but still go ahead and do it because nothing really goes badly wrong, I find the interaction between people is just good fun !

[Eryn]

Make a plan and execute it!

Do you have a friend that can accompany you? A local TG group you can attend?

[Ceera]

My first 'baby steps' were stepping out my front door very early in the morning while en-femme, to get the paper off the lawn, and taking a short drive through my neighborhood at about sunset.

My next step was a headlong plunge, driving a few miles to a gay/lesbian nightclub that was having a drag show, chatting with people, including at least 4 other trans girls, having a few drinks, watching the show, dancing with girls and with guys, and driving home several hours after I arrived. But by that point I had practiced my female voice at home and could do a passable female voice, and my dressing and makeup skill level was relatively good. I had waited until I felt my presentation was good enough that I wouldn't stand out like a sore thumb, and I chose a venue that I hoped would accept trans girls like me. It went quite well!

[Donnagirl]

My first baby steps were to the local TG group. Drove there but wore a hoody and covered up so I guess it didn't really count. My first real steps in public were at the Seahorse Ball last year. Even though the hotel was quite full of CD/TG I still needed help to walk out of the door. That really was a 'thrown in the deepened' experience but there was no looking back from there.

The hardest steps are the first ones in any experience... That first shopping trip, first bar visit or dinner, they are all a little nerve wracking on the first occasion. After that, even though you can actually walk into whatever place you are visiting, it is still a little scary and I found that my nervousness really made me stand out.

Once you finally get confidence, and it takes more that a few trips out, it really becomes easy. Then you calm down, really enjoy the experience and, if you're lucky, attract no attention.

Don't worry about passing and you'll find you will. I'm still amazed by the mistakes people make about me. At last weeks ball, quite a mixed environment with cross dressers and their wives. I was at the bar chatting to the batman whilst getting a wine when a woman standing beside me and asked which one was my husband. She was surprised when I pointed out that I was the husband... We had a great chat, introduced our spouses and now we are Facebook friends!

[LucyNewport]

My first non-Halloween outing was with a local TG group at a very trans friendly restaurant. I had to walk about 10 blocks to get there. I was terrified! I thought that I would get called out and humiliated, or worse. Nothing happened. We met, had dinner, and that was it. All my fears were overblown!

Over the years since I have gone out more and more, overcoming little hurdles along the way. I still remember my fist time riding the train, hailing a taxi, walking down my own street in daytime. Each one a tiny victory.

I've been clocked, sure. Most people don't care. At all. People sometimes go out of their way to be friendly. I get approached for directions or small talk almost every time I go out. You just have to take that first step out the door. The rest will follow.

[Jenniferathome]

Make a plan and execute it! ...

Eryn brings up an important point with these few words. You have to commit to the decision. When I am resolute I have found that turning back was just impossible. For me, that worked for stepping out the hotel room door the first time dressed, to skydiving, to cliff jumping to whatever. Tell yourself you ARE going to to x and just do what you told yourself.

[Sometimes Steffi]

My first baby step was "A giant step for [wo-]mankind." But, like Jennifer said, I had a plan.

I went to the Maryland Renaissance Festival for first time out. I rented a wench costume. The girls at the costume shop had a lot of fun helping me get dressed and doing up the waist cincher.

There must have been thousands of people there that day, but most of them didn't even give me a second look. I few GGs figured it out and gave me a big smile. And one drunk guy just about went crazy when he saw me, but his friends just pulled him along with them.

Almost all the other times I was out in public, I met up with one, two, four, a dozen, several dozen or hundreds of T=Girls, which made it easier.

[Nadine Spirit]

Where do you start?

I started by choosing a place to go. I happened to choose Hollywood Blvd. This is about 3 hours away from me. So I had to drive there and fret about it the entire time there!

How do you get the nerve up to actually do this?

I remember thinking asking myself if I personally thought that cross dressing was wrong. And if my answer was no, then there should be no reason I should be afraid to go out in public.

Do you start by going out at night? for a drive somewhere there is no-one around?

I never did the drive around at night thing. Or ever really go to places there were no people. On Hollywood Blvd there were LOTS of people.

or does your give a $#!÷ button just quit working one day and you dive in head first?

Not for me. I go out all the time now. I have been to numerous states, and public places, and even on a plane. But somewhere in my head is still that freak out voice that was still there on day one. But now there is a whole lot of positive memories of real events and real people, all being totally positive that far outweigh the negative nervousness. I don't know if that even makes any sense!

[JenniferYager]

Hi Jessica!

So my first time was crazy. I went to a makeup artist to get my makeup done, then got dressed and went to a second-chance prom. I was 26 at the time. It was awesome! I met a bunch of new friends and just had fun.

You can get dressed and just walk around a park. I recommend wearing a maxi skirt, a nice top, some comfortable wedges and maybe a shrug. If you dress like that, you'll most likely blend in. I did this at a museum in California and basically nobody paid me any attention.

GoingOut1.jpg

After that, you can go shopping. Seriously, store clerks like crossdressers. I've gone to Ross, Walmart, Target and a variety of thrift stores. Nobody ever cared. Big thing is that if you dress like a woman, expect to be treated like a woman and act like one. You do that and you'll be fine.

And oh, by the way...
BuyingMakeup.jpg

[Paula_Femme]

Lots of good advice here, another easy place to blend-in would be an LGBTQ event/fair/festival, I've attended numerous ones en femme and have always been made to feel very welcome.

[Alice_2014_B]

I do not go out on a regular basis, but I can share how I've done it.
I started by just going to the post office at night to check my mail.
I would drive there in flats and switch to some nice heels when I arrived.
That helped to eventually go to a department store, some nights two.
I've only been out once during the daylight, and that was to just get some gas.
Drive extra careful.
It all really depends on the individual and when you're ready to take each step.

[AngelaYVR]

It's like the high diving board. Looks scary but if you just say Geronimo and run at it you find out that it's not scary and also very fun!

[Rachelakld]

I dislike night, to many hoons, drunks & trouble makers using darkness to cover their tracks.
early morning, when the trouble makers are asleep (6 am- mid day mostly) is when I tend to go out.
I have done movies and dinners out, but at nice locations ....
like golf
DSCF0069a.jpg

[nicolelovescrystal]

Jessica, try a gay/ lesbian bar or club. In a different city if you are worried about seeing someone you know. Do you have someone that could go with you? It is a lot more fun that way.
I am one of the lucky few that has a wife who loves me for who I am.
We live about 3 hours from Atlanta. ( little chance of running into someone we know) We searched online and found a LGBT club across the parking lot from a nice hotel. We checked in and I got dressed. When I got nervous, she encouraged me and reminded me that we don't know anyone in Atlanta. We walked to an adjacent restaurant and had dinner. The waiter referred to us as "ladies" and me as ma'am. Even though I knew I wasn't fooling anyone, this made me very happy. We went to the club and had a few drinks, danced, and mingled. We met and talked to some really nice people who were nonjudgmental. We had a blast and have been back a couple more times.
This was a wonderful "first time in public" experience and highly recommend it.

[Loni]

well that is the question.

best if you can do with someone that has been out and about before (group?).
the moral support is great.
but if you are not able to have support then just dress down a bit, just be a lady out for ? pick a area that has a number of boutiqes, do a bit of window shopping. maybe even go in a try on some clothing and buy your self a pretty top? dress.
pending on your voice, maybe stop in and buy some coffee?

99.999% of the clerks, sales people do not care, most have see others out buying clothing. only your green cash matters to them.

sad but yes there are rude people out there. kinda like that line in the old rock song " sometimes you hear them, sometimes you dont".
but not to worry they are not going to point at you and screem "tranny".
you are doing nothing wrong, so no police escort to?,
Ca law says ok to use the room as you present.

you will find the rush is great,
just dress right for your age, and where you will be, be the lady you want to be, and have fun.


around here " mid west" says kansas,
any chance sacramento Ca soon?
gret very actave support group here. " the river city gems"

but if just out for a drive/walk in the park, just never do what, go where a real lady would not.
that does draw bad lookers at night.

.

[Janet Bern]

Once I walked through a Mall about 10 miles from my home and
no one gave me a second look, it got very easy..

[Kate Simmons]

I originally started out driving around at night then graduated to driving during the day. Shopping en femme never did a whole lot for me though.Eventually I joined a TG group that met one Saturday a month for demonstrations of femme products, vendors, a get together and chatting. I went from there to my local LGBT resort and met new friends and enjoyed socializing and dancing en femme.Now I'm kind of an interactive people person en femme. We are only limited by our own imagination with the things we can do my friend.

[carolyn todd]

Hi Jess
Just put this in the media section http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...-Alex-Drummond.

Carolyn xx

[Stephanie Julianna]

Jessica, The variations for how we have entered the world ouside are as varied as we are. I had the good fortune to have a makeover by the late, great Lee Brewster in NYC. I was so transformed physically in appearance that my confidence went through the ceiling and I left her store in broad daylight in NYC never to look back. I was adicted to my feminine persona and within a few years I was actually sharing makeup secrets with Lee that she even agreed were better than what she had been doing. Until you can reach that level of skill, night light is usually more forgiving for starting to go out in public. However, You Tube has some great videos that can help speed up the learning process. Done right, going out during the daytime is a great experience. First, when out shopping in general public, no one is looking for crossdressers like they do at crossdressing bars and events. I find that people are just to busy shopping to care what you look like. This advice is all based on the assumption that you are dressing and doing makeup at a level equal to GG's or close, remembering that all GG's are only so-so at using make-up as well. Going out looking like a runway model to shop can actually bring more attention than you want. Second, watch what the "everyday ladies" are wearing and dress accordingly. Save the 5 inch heels and satin dresses for evenings out on the town. Everything I know about appearing as a lady in public I learned from ladies. Hone your skills at observing them so that you can enter their world with confidence and enjoy your girl time in the real world. Dressing age appropriate is also good advice. It sounds like a lot of work but if you love your girl persona it can be a lot of fun. Leave the angst at the door.