Let me say now, this is not about who has and who has not, but about how you, in your opinion, feel about a correlation between the severity of GD a person feels and the amount of procedures they have, such as HRT, SRS, FFS, BA, Body Sculpting etc.
I have had basic "core" treatments, therapy, HRT and SRS, all of which appear to have controlled my GD. I am comfortable with my lot, living as I was meant to do, with no discernable feelings of being incomplete.
Listen carefully to what is said, quite often you can hear what is not being said
The joy of correcting a mistake can bring pain to another
For me, my transition was all about the physical.
My GD wasn't centered on my pickle, rather a profound dislike of my body starting at about 6th grade. I hated the way I looked. I would buy the tightest jeans I could fit into and I still didn't give me the look I wanted. I would wear long shirts and tight shorts because somehow I thought that was a cute look for a boy. lol
My hair stayed as long as I was allowed to keep it and I was always trying to ride the line between what was acceptable for country boys and what I though looked 'cool'. At the root of it all was my body image problems, and they stayed with me for the rest of my life until I finally pulled the pin. (TM)
It never occurred to me to wear women's clothes, and I don't think that would have helped anyway.
My procedures were 100% about what people can see. My body and face are now feminine looking, but more importantly I no longer have a body image issue. Aside from being too damn fat. :-) I'm certain that If I had stopped at the face, I would still be unhappy even with the SRS. (which I won't be getting)
I have noticed the opposite in people around me. The less there is GD, the more sculpting occurs.
It's Frances with an E, like Frances Farmer. Francis is a man's name.
For me it was about how the world reacted to me. How i look is a big part, but just as important was how I behaved, my name, my personality. ...that I be thought of and treated as a woman.
Some of that required surgery. Most required a lot of other things. At this point I have been accepted as such.
The GD was pretty much gone about a year ago, six months after going full time. I really cannot say if it was severe, but it was there and required full transition.
Last edited by Angela Campbell; 08-23-2015 at 01:55 PM.
All I ever wanted was to be a girl. Is that really asking too much?
My "really bad" GD came into my life at the time i learned FFS..
My own coping skills included the idea of impossibility... I didnt really know what a transsexual really was...i thought it was all about sexual fantasy..altho i felt sad and empty, i attributed that to life ...
but i saw FFS and what it did and that was that..
You could be telling my story, Kaitlyn, except you figured it out sooner. And for me, it wasn't FFS, but the dawning awareness of transgender reality that turned the tide. Now my pain became coherent, and in many ways that in itself was a relief...except I'm feeling more and more turbulent inside every day. It's so hard to express to cis-people the whole-body misery of it.Originally Posted by Kaitlyn Michele
I have a few friends who have experienced clinical depression that was unlinked to anything real in their lives; and it was hard for them to describe or explain it to me. One friend said he didn't feel extraordinarily sad or desperate at the time, but he had an almost overwhelming urge to slit his wrists or hang himself by his belt. Perhaps that kind of condition is at least a bit analogous to GD...and perhaps not.
I haven't come out to these particular people yet, so I've had no opportunity to compare notes. That's partly because my very oldest and closest friends seem to be entirely ignorant of what transgender really is, so they laugh at those awful, dehumanizing jokes at our expense. I defend the fort as best I can without betraying too much of my own reality--I'm not yet ready to burden them with my pain--but their attitudes run very, very deep. And these are intelligent and decent folks, not backward yahoos.
Lallie
PS: One dear friend forwarded that awful photo of a dog, captioned "Bruce Jenner's Cat." I have a good sense of humor, but the raillery that follows is even worse than the joke itself. I know he's a sensitive soul, without a mean bone in his body, and I feel as if I should tell him about me as soon as I can. I know he will be mortified to know that I was one of the people he was making fun of so crassly.
Last edited by Starling; 08-23-2015 at 04:41 PM.
Time for a change.
I saw the dog meme on Facebook as well. I thought it was kind of funny, but the comments were mean and degrading. Lol would have been enough. We really provoke deep negative emotions in people.
It's Frances with an E, like Frances Farmer. Francis is a man's name.
For me it was the thought that why do i feel this way and why me. I had the feeling something just was not right and pushed it off for a long time. so then i started to surf the net looking for why am i this way. it was an eye opening experience now knowing that I am not alone and that I may be transgender. The GD did get bad at times but i was able to keep it at bay now 50ish years later its a bigger monster. I have started low dose estrogen to help with the GD I think at this time with everything wife, job ect.. who knows. So my therapy is going to be low dose HRT.
Erika
Short answer: no. I think the foci of GD vary and, therefore, intensity cannot be quantified in terms of multiple procedures drive. One can be intensely driven to transition, but not FFS. Or perhaps FFS but not, say, a hair transplant. And so on. One may be driven intensely by many things or one, but does that make the intensity additive? Or is it like gravity ... jump off a 100 meter cliff and you will fall at the same rate whether you weigh 60 kg or 90 kg (ignoring air resistance effects) - and will be equally dead when you hit the rocks.
It seems kind of pointless to measure GD intensity if it is sufficient to make you jump off the cliff.
Lea
I think it is hard to find a corollary in a group that has unique mindsets through each of us. I can see your thoughts in my experience as my GD was more about realization of who I was and the desire to live that way. I hadn't experienced depression or major stress due to the lack of prior transition, just an acknowledgement of who I really was and then I went for it. So, fitting with your theory, I have not felt the need for FFS, I just want to live authentically. I do want GCS and that is more about completeness as I do view what I have there is wrong as opposed to my looks that are just what they are.
I've never really thought of the various procedures as a "cure" for GD. My GD is relieved by living the life I desire. Procedures are a means to allow this to occur.
For someone like me, in my 50s, I haven't felt the need for a lot of procedures. Electrolysis was really the only "must" procedure as facial hair was a huge impediment to presenting as I want. The jury is still out on my HRT. It may be helping my GD somewhat but the effect is so subtle that, this early in the regimen, it is hard to discern whether it is helping or not. Whether or not I will want to do anything further depends upon how I progress along my path.
For someone younger than I am who wishes to have a mainstream social life it might be necessary to have the gamut of procedures. I have one TS friend who is of reasonable height and slightly built. She had the works and looks gorgeous. Her boyfriend thinks so too.
The procedure I really need is one that is not available: Surgical shortening.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
And how many times in the past have you harped on me when I've complained about my height, Eryn? Followed by words about how cool you are with your own height and how awesome and accepting the world is to you in this regard *because* you are so chill and relaxed about it. So whatever.
What I have learned in going forward in my own transition is that height is absolutely irrelevant when it comes to living an authentic, real life. It doesn't matter one bit. Not one.
At 6'4 and a half inches tall, I am taller than you. But I live my life fulltime and shall forever more with only the rare thought in passing about my height these days. It simply does not matter. I am a woman, and that's that. A really tall woman, but a woman nonetheless.
That is all that matters, that's the deal, and that's how it is. Every single minute of every single day, day in and day out. Permanently. Forever.
Height is irrelevant and of no consequence. It just isn't.
So to hear this coming from you now says quite a lot . . . .
And seriously? Surgical shortening? Lol.
Either live your real, authentic life - whatever that may be - or do not. It's *that* easy.
I've made my choice, and haven't looked back.
I am free. I am me. I am f'ing awesome. And I love this . . . .
But don't go complaining about height as if it is something that prevents you from being you. Because given your history of chastising me for doing the same thing early on, that's pure and complete hypocritical BS and excuse-making.
Last edited by Anne2345; 08-23-2015 at 11:55 PM.
I'm not entirely sure, but I think Eryn might have been joking about surgical shortening. If not, it serves me right that I'm too short to reach the top shelf at the supermarket.
Time for a change.
Yes she was clearly joking, but that wasn't Annie's point.
Full-time dramatically reduces GD, we know that.
I do wonder how much it depends on the type of GD? you hear people saying about living authentic.
What is authentic? Being authentic to yourself is different to being an authentic woman and that also depends on your definition of a woman.
If you are living authentic to yourself then the gauge is set by yourself, so just living as a woman, tick, job done is enough for some.
For others it's not enough, if you are not treated as a woman the GD can flare up because despite living as a woman you are not seen as one. This is where passing comes into play, FFS can change that significantly. Let's say FFS was successful, the world now sees you as a woman your GD is mitigated.
Then further to that are those who need to see themselves as a woman, you go in the shower look down and there are male parts, your authenticity is stripped away and the GD spikes again.
For those SRS is needed.
SRS is a must for me (health and money allowing), I maybe guilty of seeing the world in binary.
I've spent a lifetime hating living as a man, now I have made the changes to do something about it , I'm not going at it halfhearted. I will do whatever I can to be my definition of a woman, that's my authenticity.
What I do wonder, is those that are against FFS or SRS, if given a wish where they could have female looks and female parts in a painless instant. Would they still say no?
If I didn't feel so strongly about this, I would not go through surgery, so I do understand. That's why I wonder if the fear, pain and cost of surgery was removed would you do it?
Last edited by becky77; 08-24-2015 at 01:57 AM.
Anne, as others have pointed out, I was joking about being surgically shortened. It's such an absurdity that I thought the joke was apparent. You apparently knew this too, because you gave it a "lol" in your reply.
I truly don't know how many times in the past I've "harped" at you about height. Perhaps you'll enlighten us with a count and examples of my offenses. If I have been disrespectful I apologize, but I don't recall being so. Having a contrary position in a discussion is not disrespect.
Better let me get back to Yall on this one,, Kinda still new to it right now,, But so far so good on the Hormones and laser, Being here for a Long while and doing something about it is Two different things,,lol,, Gotta Long way to go yet, But I will get back to ya on the rest, Not enough happen yet to mention or to answer correctly and have any valuable advice for anyone. But I for sure know what a lot of you are talking about and saying now,, I feel ya,, I truly do,, One thing is for sure you gotta LIVE IT you can't phone this in. That's why I kept my answer short..lol
Think nothing of it, Eryn. *I* have harped at Anne so many times about her height that it's impossible to count them all, even if I could count that high. (I'm math challenged.) I even use my own special height-informed term for her – "Little Annie Tranny™." Besides, Anne has harped about her height herself so many times that it positively swamps anyone else's harping! There's also a principle of proportionality in play. Anne is not shy about returning fire! As with a duel, once you have rained fire upon your tormenter, all is settled. I know I have been on the receiving end many times!
In fact, one of the things she likes to pound me with is how things go Right Over My Head. (... Which she also likes to point out is hair challenged.) Take your "surgical shortening" bit. I didn't even interpret this as being related to height! I thought you were talking about, ummm, another kind of shortening… Let's call it the "Bobbitt Procedure." I wondered whether you were concerned about going the full Monty with SRS, about cost, perhaps simply looking for a better tucking option or something. In other words, I was being my usual, literal, clueless self.
Annie, Annie, Annie - God's gonna get you some day.
Lea
I've always loved the trademark in that, Lea. Hehe. :-)
I agree; I’m unsure how to measure various levels of gender dysphoria. Try Mr. Dante to learn about the various levels of hell.
There are several factors that influence the surgeries one chooses to have, the most important by far being personal finances. Age and geographic location could also be factors: being clocked in parts of Texas will get me harassed, possibly beaten, or even worse.
I plan on all the major surgeries. At the start of transition, I just wanted to have HRT and to be myself, but that quickly changed when I realized what surgery could do for my self-esteem and my acceptance. SRS is more personal since it is not public, but I plan on that too, once everything else is done.
What is the efficacy of each of the various surgeries on alleviating GD? Some studies are showing that FFS and BA can actually do more than SRS to make patients feel better. That could help one assign priority to them.
Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.
Each step has resulted in an improvement in my life, in how I feel about myself. Name change and going full time, hair removal, hrt, getting the trachea fixed was a real big one, and srs ended up being huge a deal in how I see and feel about myself. I am still considering some FFS.
This is the kind of thing that brings out the dreamers and fantasy transitioners.
There is no universe where pain and cost don't accompany a gender transition. You either feel like it's all worth it, or you don't. It's really not so dramatic at the end of the day, if you pay attention you'll notice that all of the hand wringing is left to the fence sitters. I also don't like the idea of measuring the severity of someone's GD. First it's impossible, and second who gives a damn? It's either bad enough to warrant action or it's not right?
I think the people who are not transitioning (despite weird protestations to the contrary) are doing the right thing. I cannot understand why someone would think it was beneficial to get these procedures and endure a transition if it wasn't something they were absolutely driven to do. Life as a transwoman is hard and it's kinda ridiculous to argue otherwise. Surgery that changes the way you look is a huge help, and I'm happy with my reflection, but I can't say for sure that I would do it again knowing what I know now.
People here in the TS forum really need to stop playing at this like it's a fun fantasy game. It isn't. It's not healthy for people who are trying to find themselves to see this kind of stuff. We need reality here. We need to see the good, the bad and the ugly here. I feel like there are too many people who have romanticized transition and that's fine for the other parts of this huge forum, but I think we really need to keep it real in our tiny little corner.
I could say how HRT and SRS improved my life, and they did, but when I say that I am mostly thinking of just before I went full time. That last year was the worst of my life and there were several times when I considered suicide. To be honest the last two and an half have not been great either.
Did they improve my life compared to the years when I could cope and exist as a man? In many ways they did but I feel battered and beaten from transitioning. If it had been possible I would not have transitioned. Life was not great but it was manageable.
I am glad to be where I am in life now. I am happy I can live openly as a woman. I feel comfortable in my own skin for the first time in my life but if I had known what transitioning would be like and had a free choice I do not think I would have done it.
The thing is that I should have known. I used to read Melissa's posts in those days. Of course I had no choice. I am certain I would not be here now if I had not gone ahead.
People who want to be transsexual are crazy.
I'm glad you are ok with discussing the "good" as well as the bad, but it seems that as soon as anyone posts about their good experience they are jumped upon with accusations that their experiences aren't valid if they haven't suffered enough, with "enough" defined as the amount of suffering experienced by the persons making the accusations. Some are pretty aggressive in their criticism, using the excuse that their bluntness reflects reality.
We all have different paths that involve different challenges. Some of us choose to meet these challenges head-on, others by more subtle means. Sharing these challenges is important, but belittling others because they have chosen a different approach produces nothing constructive.
Guess your right.
I was only thinking of the fulltimers that don't agree with surgery and wondered if it's more than just choice.
For example if you are being misgendered constantly but don't agree with FFS, does that not affect GD?
There are a lot of people that transition and identify as female, yet they are misgendered and treated as something other. If that doesn't affect your GD, do you really identity as female or are you actually content on being authentic but Trans?
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