Am I a transguy, or something else?

[IncyWincy]

Hey guys and gals! I hope to make some new acquaintances and learn more about the community I've always been a huge admirer of trans women. I really like the idea of a person that can transcend the gender they were assigned at birth and many times be more attractive and alluring than a cisgender female. I have never dated a TS girl, though I've talked to a few online.

I guess I'm an unusual case because I've never really "felt" female but at the same time I never really tried to transition. I just tend to shrug off people's assumptions that I must identify as female because of the way I look. I've told only a handful of friends that I feel more comfortable being referred to as them/they but I don't correct them if they don't get into the habit. I think the fact that I haven't really modified my appearance in any way makes it difficult for people to remember my pronoun preference, I guess if I started wearing different clothing it would be different. I do always refer to myself as "they" just because I feel more identified as a genderless person.

I do wonder sometimes whether I'd be more comfortable as a guy or if I'm really just a genderless person, or gender neutral (not sure what the correct term is). I believe that my mannerisms are very neutral (save for my voice and appearance which I haven't modified so far) and my interests are probably a bit more masculine, but I also have eccentricities like liking hello-kitty items LOL

For some reason I'm not convinced that transitioning is for me, maybe I'm scared that I will never look male regardless of what I try. I am aware that most FTMs end up looking very masculine and pretty much indistinguishable from cisgender males, so maybe the fear is baseless, although being 4'11'' does factor into it. I guess the fact that I used to date men also factors in given that most of them found me attractive the way I was. I have two young children and still love their father but there are a few reasons why it wouldn't be a good idea for me to resume that relationship. I guess somewhere in the back of my mind there's the hope that I will resume it some day and that transitioning could ruin that. I did let him know that I didn't really feel female and preferred to be regarded as "they" but he didn't seem to care. I think as long as you don't start transitioning most men do not mind or feel weird about being with someone who does not feel female.

One thing that makes me wonder whether I should be considering transition is that whenever I think about the future, I for some reason imagine myself as an older guy. It's not something that I do consciously as in "mm I guess I will imagine an older guy since I don't identify as female." No, it's always spontaneous and totally unplanned to the point that I feel confused afterward "why did I just picture myself as a guy?" type of thing. I'll just simply be thinking about the idea of retiring or whatever and see a guy. Or when I was thinking about going back to the university and trying to decide which one, I'd be considering law and a male lawyer would pop up in my head but... he was me! Very weird because I never gave transition that much serious thought and at the moment I pretty much still identify as genderless.

Anyways, feel free to message me if anyone wants to talk

Hugs

[kimdl93]

Despite your height, You can have the latitude to express a gender or genderless identity without worrying about transition. If it's not a clear and compelling need, then really, there's no reason to endure the physical, social and financial hardships involved. As far as the more fanciful notions of how you might envision yourself as an older person or in a profession...they are just that, idle fantasies, not clues to a future life.

[GenieGirl]

Welcome to the forums . I have met a few transmasculine (I think this is the term you were looking for) people who feel the same as you in not necessarily wanting to transition but feel more male and dress and appear in more of a male identified way. Spouses do tend to complicate things and understand why you would feel the need to hold off transition for the possibility of it working. I guess it comes down to which one you need more. If transition is something you feel like you "Have" to do then you should probably seriously consider it. It doesn't quit sound that way though from your introduction. I think you should give the clothing change a definite try and go from there with what makes you comfortable . Good Luck!