Hair Dilemma!

[KateW]

Hi all,

Throughout my teenage years I attempted to grow my hair on a number of occasions. Each time was thwarted by either a parent, interview or some formal occasion. Now in my mid-20's, I am attempting to do the same. It has been over 6 months since I got my hair cut, and it is now (finally!) at mouth level. However, while comments were few and far between to start with, I am now facing them on seemingly a daily basis by almost any friends and family I come in contact with. Now I know I am big enough to decide when I get my hair cut, but I usually end up buckling under pressure. It seems out of their realm of comprehension that not every male on the planet has to have the same cookie-cutter hair cut (very short and either combed forwards or spikey).

The thing is, I'm not sure if I am just letting my usually under-control CD side get the better of me (and potentially ending up with a long hair cut that may not suit me!), or if I should give in and get a style deemed more fashionable, and leave having longer hair to wigs?

I would really appreciate your opinions, and also though of any GG's!

Thanks,

Kate

[JoAnnDallas]

I have a couple male friends that have long hair and even at times wear them in a ponty tail. I have no problem with them. I was at a trade show recently and this well dress man walked by and I had to do a double take. He had a ponty tail that was braded and came all the way down to almost his hips. Very impressive.

IMHO, you are a adult, thus it is your deciesion what you do with your hair. If it is not a problem at work, then it comes down to personal preference. Only you can make the decision on wheither to keep it long or cut it short.

[melissacd]

Kate,

I am going through the same process. I used to keep my hair cut to a short length and spike it up. I am starting to let it grow and while I have gotten some comments, mostly good, I am not going to let comments either way decide what I want.

The problem that most people wrestle with and this is amplified in the cross dressing world, is what do others think? As I come more out of my cross dressing shell I am learning that if I am comfortable and carry myself with confidence and a smattering of humour, it appears not matter what others think. I am slowly but surely learning that acceptance is more about how you feel about yourself. If you carry yourself with confidence the world will be more comfortable with you. If you walk around like a scared rabbit life becomes difficult.

That, I believe, is why there are some people who go out into the world as cross dressers and get along just fine. Yes there are occassions where it can get troublesome, however, as far as I can see that is the exception and not the rule.

So feel confident about yourself, do what you want to do and I am pretty sure that others around you will accept it.

Huggs
Melissa

[MsJanessa]

A lot depends on if you still go out generally as a male and what your male persona looks like with long hair---if it looks good and if you don't have a job (like being in the Marines) where you have to wear your hair short by all means grow it out. If it doesn't look good long or you can't have it long due to other personal circumstances, then a wig.

[ErikaLeigh]

Let It Grow!!!!! I used to do the same thing under pressure. I now have hair down to the middle of my back, all one length. I usually wear it in a pony tail when working. Just tell them the truth, I want to grow it long, and if they have a problem with it, well its their problem...not yours. Afterall, if they said come on lets go jump off a cliff, you wouldnt do that now would ya? (jeeez now im sounding like my parents )

[susie d]

I also say let it grow! Then you can decide which you prefer. I had to keep my hair short during my career and now it is to mid back, and gray, but I still have it even on top. It is a hassle at times also, however every male in my family is bald so I just tell them I'm keeping it as long as I've got it and no haircuts! I take care of it and usually wear it in a ponytail as people would freak out if I let it all hang out and save that for when I'm dressed. It can still be hot, but not as hot as a wig!

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Kate

You're above the age of consent, if you want to grow it down to your ankles that's your business and no one elses.

Karen

[KellyT]

I had long hair from about the age of 16 to 30. Funnily enough I grew it because it's what all my friends were doing, it suited the music scene I was into and the kind of girls I fancied went for guys with long hair. I got a lot of hassle about growing it, mainly from my elders who saw it as a rebellious streak and thought I wouldn't get a job and get into lots of trouble. It didn't.
I even had one occasion where my Dad held me on the floor as my Mum tried to cut it. They didn't manage, thankfully.

I never grew it because it made me feel or look more feminine, but it did help on the odd occasion when I did secretly dress. I eventually got it cut (It was down to my backside by this point) 4 years ago, because I was fed up with all the maintenance and care it took. I got a number 3 all over. After I did everyone who'd hated the long hair, now said "Oh it doesn't suit you being so short".

The moral - You can't please anyone, any of the time. So please yourself

PS. I've started growing it again

[brandi1]

I am 36 and have only cut the top and front of my hair the back is to the middle of my back you can see by my pic that it stiles girl or guy depending by the day.

The bigest thing is make up your mine dont let anyone make it for you you are a big girl



brandi

[TGMarla]

My brother in law has hair halfway down his back. No one cares. Go for it if you want to.

[KateW]

Thanks for all of your advice and support. The hair stays!!!

[kristytv]

i hvefought with this and decided to grow mine out too, i have to get it trimed though or it gets real bushy . the ladiy where i get myhair chopped said to condtion it and blow dry it , and should help it grow too. i hate blow dryers !

[MaylinJane]

That's my natural hair in my avatar. I wear it in a ponytail at work. The absolute worst thing anyone has ever said to me was I looked like a hippy. Frankly, I took hippy as a compliment. I've certainly been called much worse.

May

[Lilith Moon]

I've had long hair since my 20's. Still do have, but I now have a large bald patch and it will no longer grow beyond shoulder length and so I wear wigs for cd-ing. I have photographs from my 30s where my own hair was naturally curly and down to my waist. It looked great and I'm sure it contributed to my passing then. I get "read" much more often now I'm using wigs.

I never cross dresssed as much as I could in my "big hair" years, much to my regret. My hair thing was only partly for CD reasons. It was also down to a rebellious streak I have. The more I was told to get it cut, the more I resisted.

In hindsight, I believe that it affected my career prospects in a big way, although nobody in management admitted this at the time. I was eventually accepted as some sort of eccentric aging hippy figure but who wants an "old lefty" as a manager in their organization ? So I left and started my own business as soon as a payoff was offered. The hair issue also affected relationships. You certainly find out who your friends are, as many of us here will know, when you refuse to conform. My mother detested my "look" and her last words from a hospital bed were "I'm ashamed of you". This was to her only son who had married, successfully raised a family, started his own company and was/is "doing OK". I wonder what she would have thought about my CD-ing.

My point in my rambles is that something as innocuous as a less conventional hairstyle can have far reaching effects on your relationships and career...if you are male, that is :mad:

[Wendy me]

i have been growing my hair for a long time and have been through it all you look like a ..... i just say it's my hair and i like it long and i am not getting it cut for anyone ....

[Adele]

I had long hair during my early twenties and wish I still had. I never managed to get girlfriends to play with it and make it all girly style which was what I really wanted.

Unfortunately at 34 I am now thinning out on top and so generally have a very short cut. I have now started trying wigs to find something that suits.

I did experience a few comments whilst I had long hair but the music/friends scene meant I didn't worry about them. However I did get the sack from a seasonal job at a theme park two days before the end of the season for not cutting my hair. It was just their excuse not to pay me a bonus.

If you want long hair - go for it!! I'd grow mine again if I could.

Adele. xxx

[PennieS]

I have had my hair long or styled in a more womanishly style most of the past 30 years. I have had it 3/4 down my back, long curly perm. Very curly perm with almost all one length, but with soft large curls like a womans style, Bleached, tinted, shag, Braids, Nice layered cut, ponytails, French Braids, Blunt cut, styled with bangs, Nice layered cut that just flipped up on ends. you name it I tried it. Now it is in a nice layered style with the back just a few inches below my shoulders and the top more layered but curly and i am letting it grow longer again. If You want long hair go for it. If you don't YOU will only regret it later, not some one else. My wife has often wanted my hair cut or styled differently but many other times she compliments me on how it looks and we usually do not have to many more discussions about me getting it cut short again. If you were blessed with a nice full head of hair, it is always much better then a wig and most people won't even care if you have it styled some and if they do, Don't worry about it. Afterall it is your hair.

[Sage GG]

Kate, you get to wear your hair anyway you want to, there are no hair police out there.

[Denise01]

I would love to have long hair, and just wish I had enough hair to let it grow so I could get it styled nice and femme.

Only YOU will know if you make the right decision, about having your hair long, and if it is not for you now, you will know in a hurry and can always have it trimmed to the length you feel comfortable with.

When I was in my teens, I always envied girls with long and curly hair, as in my teen days, it was the custom for boys to have short hair and have it cut once a week wether it needed it or not

Good Luck

Denise

[Katrina]

I was growing mine longish for a few months when I gave in to my GF. She likes short hair and was asking me almost daily if I was going to get it cut. I cut it for her. I was very sad that day. I got mixed reactions from co-workers. Some people said they liked the long hair and some said my hair looked good after I got it cut. You can't please everybody, but I guess I would rather please my GF or myself. Now I just need to convince her that she needs a boyfriend who has really pretty long hair...

[Charlene Marie]

Kate, i understand. I was about your age when I started. I had finished school, was working full time four years prior and living by myself. If you are in a similar situation you can do anything you want to with your hair. I'd consentrate on my profesion for now and relie on some good wigs. A wig will allways look better (if its a good one) than your own hair ever will. get your professional life in order first, and you'll have all the time in the world to do your CD thing.

Good Luck Kiddo,

[Lisa Baby]

When I was your age quite a few men were wearing their hair long. And so was I! And still am to this day. At that time I had not, consciously, started cross-dressing. I just wanted to have my hair long. I went to a hair stylest in order to have it look good. You can do the same thing today and not have people look at it as strange. The trick is to get a style that looks clean and neet. They should have a number of magazines at the stylest shop that you can look through and find something that suits you. there are a number of androgynes styles that will fit either personna you are in.
Right now my own hair falls over my shoulders and I wear it straight so that I can style it myself when I am "dressed." I have not received any coments about it from friends or family for years now. I imagine I would get a number of coments if I did have it cut short one day. (Never!)
The main thing you want to consider is. what is going to make you feel better about yoursef! Be the person YOU want to be.
Take care of yourself.
Lisa

[Jenny Warren]

Back in the seventies (yeah, I really am that old) I had long hair as it was fashionable for young men then.

About 18 months ago I decided that I was fed up with wigs and I started to grow my hair again. Now it's well past my shoulders and I wear it in a ponytail when in male mode.

I live in an area in England where the macho male image is strong....... shaved heads, men don't go shopping and women do the cooking and cleaning while the men go to the pub.

With a pony tail I really stand out, and the studs in my pierced ears don't help.

As I grew my hair, I got many comments from those 'not in the know', and I have a stock answer.

It goes "Actually, there's three possibilities here, either I can't afford a haircut, I'm trying to recapture my youth, or I'm getting in touch with my feminine side, choose whichever you want"

Jenny

[Julia Cross]

I decided 2 years ago to let it grow out as well. I hated wearing wigs so I thought I would give it a go. My hair is a little htinning, so I need to pay extra attention to make sure it doesn't look that way. I feel I have succeeded, but now that it is past my shoulders, I do get asked by family and friends as to when I am cutting it off. I am 38, and figure when it goes, it is never coming back so I struggle with this decision. Luckily, I feel my job as a creative director allows me the luxury of long hair, but I second guess myself everyday. Social conditioning I guess.

On a more positive note. i was playing Cranium with some friends the other night. The play called for "all play" ant the card was a "act out the character where you can say things except the name of the character and places". I was in the dark, but the other player (actor) was itching to start, all she did was yell out my name and the other guessers screamed out BONO!

So for now, the hair stays!

Julia

[KateW]

I have hair down to the middle of my back....... it doesn't originate from the top of my head though

Haha... now all you need is some connecting hair on your neck and you are sorted! May I ask - is the hair down your back long enough to put in a pony tail?

By the way girls, since my original post a few weeks ago, I am pleased to report that I still have all of my hair intact, with another quarter of an inch of hair growth! I feel quite the daredevil...