my inner-self

[Stephanie kirby]

Firstly if this is the wrong section to post this in IM SORRY, Secondly if it has been asked before IM SORRY, but here goes........
Further to my thread concerning me fully opening up about my cd'ing to my wife, today we were talking and she said that she envy's me,I asked why, she said because your on a wonderful journey of self discovery and fulfilment , I said i dont understand what she means, she said your discovering things about your inner-self , your feelings, which can only make you a better person and soul, We then discussed what i feel about cd'ing , why and what i get out of it also my feelings towards women and men, I told her what i felt and thought and she fully understood, I thought after we'd talked that I would post here to see what you guys think, maybe a mistake but here goes anyway....I cd for the pleasure of feeling feminine and the liberated sensation I get from it, Im attracted to women and also to men, both in a sexual way,i have been with a man but that was decades ago when i was in my early 20's , over the years I admit that I have thought/fantasised about him in a regular way and a sexual way, obviously I've been with women, i'm married to one lol , and think about them again in a regular and sexual way, The question is does this make me gay . bi , or what ? Ive tried to explain clearly but im afraid im not very good putting my feelings into words.

[Teresa]

Stephanie,
From my own thoughts and people I've spoken to you would be considered BI.
I have no interest in men at all and yet I went through a short period of imagining being with a man. My wife accuses me of being homophobic, she's probably right, I can see two women have a loving relationship but can't relate to men in that way !

[Alice_2014_B]

You are who you are.
I've heard, "to be human is to be constantly exploring."

[kimdl93]

I'm not sure that a decades old sexual encounter matters all that much. And fantasies are just that. Whether you're gay or, bi or hetero has more to do with your long term reality than a one off years past.

But what really stands out is that you've muddled CDing with sexuality. Most transgendered are hetero, but especially in decades past the assumption prevailed to such an extent that meant CDrs, mysel included, presumed they must be gay too. Younger people have been spared that added confusion.

[Katya@]

We then discussed what i feel about cd'ing , why and what i get out of it also my feelings towards women and men

Hi Stephanie,
First, just wanted to say that you are blessed with having a wife who sat with you to discuss what you feel about cd, let alone being supportive. As strange it may sound to you, many of us don't even get this opportunity because some wives don't want to hear a thing about it. Hence - Don't Ask Don't Tell.
I don't know if it is important to be labeled one way or another, but in my opinion that is considered BI. I personally like Teresa - can watch girl kisses but not comfortable to watch guys. Obviously, I am not against it. Just don't have attraction to guys even when enfemme.

[Victoria Demeanor]

You are what ever you thing you are and feel free to use what ever label you want, because it is just a label. I would say it really shouldn't matter as you say you are married and the label you should use is faithful. yes yes I know it's 2015 and I'm just an old fashion type of gal.

[Katey888]

Stephanie, DON'T PANIC!

First of all, you're in the right place with this... you're obviously a quick learner...

It's great that your wife sees this as a bit of a voyage of self-discovery - that's very positive and affirming for you: it says that this is about real feelings and not just the shallow reactions we sometimes (often?) see from SOs... Of course we all mostly understand the feeling of femininity and liberation you speak of although it's still hard to explain why it should be.

And I don't get the feeling you are mixing or confusing gender with sexuality - but even if you were, there are lots of other folk here who speak of their feelings shifting when dressed... But the scenario you describe (sounds a bit like the Judge from 'Best Exotic Marigold Hotel' - great film and touching stories...) 'makes' your historical behaviour bisexual, especially as you seem to speak of it as a current feeling... But actually, what does it really matter? As you say - more importantly you're faithful to your wife and any feelings outside of that can just be attributed to that general fantasising that all men do...

I think it's hard to do this and retain a totally 'all male' mentality as some folk seem to be able to do - I don't believe they're in the majority (from what I read here) as many more appear to speak of their female aspect being released, which seems both reasonable and familiar to me. The more I have read about sexuality and gender, the more I have come to believe (for us) that both are on (separate) spectra rather than just the convenient binaries or discrete groups that make up most of the muggle-verse... If we and the world were more prepared to embrace that, then things would be a darned sight easier without having to worry about 'Am I X, Y or Z...?'

Don't sweat it. Enjoy and celebrate the wonderful relationship you have and this facet of your persona that is somewhat special, like the rest of us here.

Katey x

[Claire Cook]

Hi Stephanie,

First off, I think it is terrific that your wife feels this way about your journey. My wife and several of my GG friends have said much the same. It IS one of self-discovery, and of growing. I hope it continues this way for both of you.

I've never been with a guy, but once my best friend asked me to perform sex with him. I said no, but have often thought about that. Does that make me gay? I really don't care about the labels, and love being heterosexual. I think the main point is being honest with your wife.

One maybe odd thing: if I ever did have sex with a guy, I'd feel like I cheated on my wife!

[Pat]

Hi Stephanie -- labels are potentially dangerous things. They exist to describe behaviors but there's a danger that they'll be used to define behavior -- you might start to think "I'm X so I have to behave that way." Be who you are. If you're attracted to men and women, accept that. That statement is true of you. In limited discussion you may say that you're bisexual or pansexual to lay out with a broad stroke how you behave, but don't turn around and say "I'm bisexual so I have to do this thing / think this thing / associate with this group..."

Claire -- thinking about having sex with a guy doesn't make you gay. I would argue that having sex with a guy doesn't even make you gay -- having sex is just rubbing bodies together. Gayness is deeper than that. On the other hand if you had sex with a guy when you're married, then I would agree that you cheated on your wife unless you guys have a special arrangement.The vow is to forsake all others.

[Isabella Ross]

Stephanie...what you are is HUMAN. Too many people are way too hung up on labels. There are no absolutes when it comes to gender and sexuality (keeping in mind they are two different things). All of us reside somewhere on a sliding scale for both gender and sexuality.

[reb.femme]

...I thought after we'd talked that I would post here to see what you guys think, maybe a mistake but here goes anyway....

Blimey, what are are you expecting, "...the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune..."?

Due to your own explanation, I'd say you are Bi, but me thinks you know this already . I'm assuming from the above that your wife knows of the previous male relationship or at least your thoughts towards men? Not judging, just asking, as that's for you and yours alone. If she's is OK with that, 'let no man put asunder', as the service goes. Most people fantasize so I wouldn't worry unless you secretly intend to follow up on it. My fantasy is about winning the lottery, as I'm too old for anything else, but I'll live like a youngster spending it.

You are who you are.
I've heard, "to be human is to be constantly exploring."

No, constantly exploring is when you're lost in the jungle or desert. Apparently?

Rebecca

[Jazzy Jaz]

In my opinion I would consider you somewhere on the bi spectrum as I understand gay to mean exclusive interest in men and straight to mean exclusive interest in women. I also dont believe most cders being heterosexual to be an established fact, from what I hear and see talked about i see a large amount who are in to women but have at least some interest or curiosity about men. Nothing wrong with that, just sayin.