not easier but...

[Allisa]

I've read in previous threads that it(CDing in public) gets easier the more you do it, I've even said this before but now I've changed my mind (another female trait?).It is now harder for me to do "it", now I find difficulty in; avoiding people,not starting and holding a conversation, not going about my business with a smile, not feeling natural in my clothes, not wanting to enhance my appearance with make-up and hair styling, not wearing jewelry, not knowing that I belong, not feeling pride in belonging to a group of human-beings that are unique in so many ways. Semantics? Maybe. But how else to make my point and get you to read my rant. I don't know how else to explain my feelings than to say I feel as one being and right with the universe, this is who I was meant to be. Thank-you.

[Katya@]

Hi Alisa,

I think I can relate to it. I got so frustrated recently that I have somehow to hide from the society the fact that sometimes I feel more comfortable wearing woman clothes as a way to express the feminine part of myself. I don't even like that much the idea that I have to be completely disguised to the point that no one can recognize me. After all, it just me, the same guy you already know for so long, so why would it bother you if you find out what I wear? It feels so wrong in so many different ways. Once in a while, I will remind myself that we only live one life on this planet and time runs out fast. So recently, I came out to my two young daughters. They met me in skirt and tank shirt fixing breakfast for them. Kids are kids - they don't see it as wrong. I am aware that it only the matter of time before the rest of the family learn - but again, those who won't accept me - it is not my problem. As long my wife and kids are fine - I feel fine. Also, since I watch my dad's dog for few weeks, I use this occasion to walk out the streets of neighborhood after dark as is - in skirt. No wig, no make up, nothing. I see myself as being a rebellious, but this is how I cope. The only thing is that I won't go to work like this because I still need a job to pay my bills. But I won't care if someone from work will recognize me one day.
We can't wait for perfect future - we need to find a way to live today, and hopefully help to bring this future for others a bit sooner. The acceptance for gay couples didn't come from nothing. As more and more gay people came out, more people knew someone who is gay, and they knew that this person is a good person. The attitude was changing this way. I feel like we should do our part too.

[Krisi]

It may get easier for some folks but not for others. It depends on our individual situations. I hit a "wall" and that wall is having people know that I am a crossdresser. I can drive or walk around as Krisi but I can't leave the house or come back home as Krisi and I can't have a conversation with strangers, I have to avoid eye contact and keep moving.

That's my individual situation.

[docrobbysherry]

I feel the same way, Allisa. But, for different reasons. I like that Sherry doesn't look anything like me. And, altho I go out an awful lot, I go out as me, not her. Sometimes I just can't force myself out the door!

At home, I'm relaxed, proud, and happy to present as Sherry. She looks female in my mirror and photos. However, when I'm out dressed, I hate my old man in a dress look. I can never pass. Yes, if I act confident and unashamed, I get treated decently by most folks. But, I'm always nervous, self contious, and fearful. Because I appear to everyone as an old man in a dress. NOT as a pretty woman!

Some days I just can't deal with the stress and just don't go out!

[justmetoo]

I've had plenty of people tell me public speaking gets easier the more you do it, but it never did for me. Going out dressed has gotten easier for me, but that doesn't mean it's always easy. But the times when it's harder to go out dressed are fewer for me.

[Allisa]

Read the reply's and thanks but I think I might have miss led the readers on my meaning of getting harder, it is meant to be harder to NOT go out and all the other items I listed. Just a play on words, sorry.

[reb.femme]

Read the reply's and thanks but I think I might have miss led the readers on my meaning of getting harder, it is meant to be harder to NOT go out and all the other items I listed. Just a play on words, sorry.

That wasn't a rant, that's just showing off . Nice that you feel so confident in yourself that you have to fight to stay in, but it must play havoc with your bank balance if you're shopping a lot.

I've had plenty of people tell me public speaking gets easier the more you do it, but it never did for me...

Public speaking definitely gets easier the more you do it. I was supremely confident and free flowing on the sixth occasion of delivering my speech to the twelve people I'd never seen before. So the Judge said anyway.

Rebecca

[Kevyn53]

Allisa,
A relative of mine inadvertently gave me some advice about all this, "What other people think of you is none of your business." Likewise, they actually pay little attention to others (meaning us). My wife and I have been to a couple of very upscale restaurants in the last several months, both times with me en femme. I was treated like a lady both times and the wait staff was up close. We became friends with one of them and have been out to dinner with her on a couple of occasions (with me in male mode). Finally my wife told her that I was the woman she was at dinner with when we met. The waitress couldn't believe that I was that woman. I don't pass especially well on close inspection. People just don't pay attention. You can relax.

[Allisa]

Reb.femme, yes it can get expensive but I have out grown so many other hobbies that I use that account to subsidize my shopping.