feel like confessing

[lynda]

Hi girls, this is not easy to talk about, but you girls are the only ones who might understand this, I got some news today , they have found a large shadow on my lungs , when my x rays came back, so my doctors want meet me on Monday, to decuss what to do next. but that is just back ground. I don't want you feel sorry for me, I have had a great life and I plan to be around for some time yet, but it got me thinking about my crossdressing/ transgender issue and really about my other side Lynda, I really love being her , but even thu I don't hide her, shes hidden . my sister and the rest of my family and people I meet know that my mannerisms and dress are feminine they, fluff it off that I am not a crossdresser, it that I am a musician and artist ,so I am just acting quirky . I don't know I have never told or said , hey I am transgender and the other side of me is a women named Lynda and she makes up 90 percent of who I am . ijust don't want her forgotten, when I am gone. so heres hoping the third xray shows only scar tissue and I have some time left , but it just got me thinking about this and how much Lynda is apart of a lot of the good in me. thanks girls for hearing me out love peace Lynda

[Katya@]

Hi Lynda,

Thank you for sharing the story. I am sure there is more than just this that goes through your head right now. Good luck with test results.

Regardless of diagnosis, maybe it is time to bring Lynda out from her hidden place....A happy person is a stronger person, and it may be handy too.

[Robin414]

Hi Lynda! Thank you for sharing, I'm so sorry to hear the frightening news, I had the grim discussion with my Dr. as well as few of us here and I'm not in anyway trying to 'one up' you but just add some credibility to what I'm about to say...life's way to short, I actually turned my diagnosis into a good thing, it gave me the confidence to be who I really am without giving a 'censored' what anyone thinks! I look forward to your posts well into the future! 😙

[Tracii G]

Thanks for sharing its always good to just let it all out.

[Claire Cook]

Hi Lynda,

Thanks for sharing this with us. Our fingers are crossed that things will turn out OK. Like Robin and others have said -- regardless of the outcome -- perhaps this is a message that it's time to be yourself.

[Marcelle]

Hi Lynda,

I know you said not to feel sorry for you and the news you have received so I will just say my thoughts are with you and my fingers are crossed that it is as you indicated just scar tissue. WRT telling others, I guess it comes down to how you think those close to you will take it and how much affect it will have on your life. Telling normally comes with a price (not always but sometimes) and if you are prepared to do that then you will know you are ready to tell others. However, if there is doubt in your mind, IMHO I would put it on the backburner because once that bell is rung, it cannot be silenced.

Cheers

Isha

[Pat]

Very sorry to read of your situation. Confronting mortality often makes people reorganize their priorities. I hope in your case the confrontation is premature but the opportunity to reorganize your priorities moves you to a happier place in your life.

[alwayshave]

Lynda, I'm praying that you are OK. Life changing events, accidents, diagnosis, make us realize that life is short and we must be truthful about what we want.

[Amy Fakley]

Oh I'm sorry to hear this. I've gone a round with the c word, it's a hell of an experience for sure. One thing I learned out of it (which is much easier said than done) ... try not to worry until you have a definite, 100% reason to. There are so, so many tests to do ... until someone sets you down and is like "ok here's the deal" ... it's all anxiety up to that point, and it will eat you alive. You might ask your Dr for an antidepressant (I had to .. it was like a month of tests before they could even tell me what the deal was ... it was a LONG month).

Hang in there! Also remember that we are living in the future. The state of medical technology is frankly amazing. There's never been a better time in the history of mankind to have this happen (if it even is happening).

[kimdl93]

Good luck on Monday. Are you thinking about telling family members that you're transgendered? Its perfectly understandable to want your family informed about something such a fundamental part of who you are...particularly when you're facing a major challenge. Still, it might be best to wait until you have this uncertainty resolved before deciding if you want to share any details about your gender identity.

[Alice Torn]

Hoping it is not as serious, and that you have more time. Some families can handle the CDTG news, while others, even though the person has cancer, will not accept the news .

[Saikotsu]

Hey Lynda. As requested, I will not feel sorry for you. That's not what you need right now. First off, we don't even know if it's something malignant or not. Like you said, it can be scar tissue. But if it is something bad, it's not the end of the road either. A major part of pulling through medical adversity is attitude. If you give up before you've even begun to fight, then you've already lost. But if you meet the diagnosis with determination and a resolve to make it through, your chances increase dramatically.

Regarding coming out of the closet, it's a complex thing. On the one hand, it can be a source of strength and one less burden on you if it's all out in the open. But it can also drive a wedge between you and your family during a time when you just might need them the most. You know them better than we do, so you're most qualified to make that call.

I understand why you want to come out though. My parents are in their mid to late sixties. I have come out to my mom, which was a relief to me. But I want my dad to know before he passes on too. Right now, he's in good health, but that might not last. Of course, he or I could die tomorrow in a freak car accident and I would have been unable to tell him. You're on the other side of that equation. You want them to know before it's too late to tell them. The easiest answer is to tell them today, and throw caution to the wind. But is the easy answer the right one? I suggest waiting for the diagnosis before you make that judgement call.

[Yoshisaur]

Thank you for sharing with us Lynda, it's something I have honestly never thought about. I know that my crossdressing is a secret to everyone else but me. however I would feel somewhat sad if this side of me was completely forgotten when i'm gone.

[lynda]

Girls I want you to know, I love each and everyone of you, before I found this sight, icould not be open to anyone and you girls took me into your hearths, and am not going to do anything else with my family about Lynda, till I know whats up for certin , and I am going to try to stay positive and focused.. thank you girls again,, love peace long live the sisterhood Lynda the love you get is equel to the love you make

[LeslieSD]

Lynda, I really hope everything goes well on Monday.

The question of mortality is something everyone of us here will face. So let's not worry about it and enjoy doing what we really meant to do.

[cdterri]

Prayers are with you

[MissTee]

Praying you come through this stronger and wiser. Keep us posted.

[Dana44]

Prayer and blessings Lynda, Hope all goes well.

[josrphine]

Hi lynda, Its not over until it over. In 1964 I had a farm, I was taking a beefer to be made into steaks an hamberger. Well as I was taking him to the trailer to bring him down to be cut up, he balked. I then was in for the ride of my life. I held on to the rope an was being dragged all around the back lot. He went around a tree slow an I rolled into it. It stopped him, got him down, an was sore from the bump with the tree. The following wk I was peeing blood, oops got something . Went to the doc's an was told I had a tumor in my kidney, the fight with the cow, I won the battle but lost the war. Two wk latter I was operated on, I woke up in recovery and a nurse came over an said I was a lucky man. I had been split right up the middle< I said lucky , she said yes no kemo or radiation. All the cancer was encapsulated in my kidney. Got out of the hospital an had a meeting the following wk with the Doc. He told me I had only a 15 to 20 % chance of living so drink beer an wine . Here it is 31 yrs later still having a beer or two. So think positive an live life to the fullest. JO

[heatherdress]

Lynda - Thank you for sharing your innermost feelings. I hope you will be OK and go through this experience with strength and hope. God bless you. Lynda will always be there - with you.

[lynda]

HI girls, went doctor today , he said my lungs seemed ok , but we booked a catscan for next thurs, and they did three blood test today. in the meen time I went to my own hypnotherapist and had reiki massage to give me a more positive mind set , and now I feel like I can face this head on , still hoping its just scar tissue , but if not I can deal with it. thank you girls , I could have not felt this way . without your support , it makes a big difference when you know you have people pulling for you, for so many years I felt so alone, with you girls and this forum I know I have sisters, thank you again . love peace ,long live the sisterhood Lynda

[St. Eve]

Lynda
Thanks for your intimacy, story and trust. I am
I am holding the intention that you experience your journey as exactly what you need to take the next step into peace, acceptance and love.

I share the desire to be deeply known by my family, friends and community as the CDing / Gender Queer person that I am AND also the conflict of not wanting to negatively impact my relationships or be ostracized.

Peace
Eve

[LeslieSD]

Lynda, I was thinking about you and am glad that it turned out no problem. You must have felt having a new life. You should go out and celebrate.

[lynda]

update , cat scan showed shadow caused by scar tissue and blood work came back fine, thanks for all your support girls , its great having you on my side, I love being on this forum and it makes me feel good knowing I am not alone on this sometimes hard journey. love peace lynda

[kimdl93]

I am so glad you were able to experience that a sigh of relief !