5 days

[Jane P]

5 days. That's what I had . For the first time in at least ten years I had 5 days to myself , actually I don't think I have ever had that much time away from my wife , ever ,in 28 years , the first time I have been separated from my son in 9 1/2 years.

This side of my self almost haunts me now I cannot lie , I did indulge in dressing enfemale during this time . Shortly after they left I bathed , shaved , dressed , did the costume wig and a touch of makeup.

I felt so alone .

This is a part of me . I did feel some contentment , but ...

... Can I feel the way I feel ; give myself permission to feel the way I feel , without needing to dress in a way in which I perceive someone with feelings would dress.

Apologies ... This was just a drunken rambling of disco jointed ideas

Got to love spell check as it just changed my concern and confusion into wild 70's disco night life from the thoughts of despair where this message originated.

The message I was trying to convey : I'm afraid I was not compelled to overindulge in this way during this unprecedented time of freedom.

My body is basically hairless , yet , I don' really feel that this makes me look more feminine , and I'm ok with that because it makes feel more authentic. Knowing that if I wanted to ; I could look fabulous ;but maybe that isn't really necessary.

Can one be a crossdresser in one's own mind accepting but not acting upon these desires?

[Marcelle]

Hi Jonnie,

Take this for what it is worth as I have only watered here for a few years . . . the one constant seems to be that those who enjoy dressing normally have to act on the compulsion to dress. Accepting you are a cross dresser in your mind is plausible and to be honest a required necessity but unfortunately, once you have accepted that part of you, dressing becomes a necessary evil. Now I am not saying you need to dress every day or once year and, in what manner you dress (full out femme, underdressing or points in between) . . . only you will know your need. What I am proposing is take time to figure out what you need and a way to incorporate it into your life. You have time, it is not a race and once you figure out your need and how to achieve it, you can then move forward.

Cheers

Isha

[kimdl93]

Cross dressing is an action that you may choose to do or not do, although abstinence may be emotionally painful . The motivating force for that action is often gender identity. To some degree, most CDrs fall somewhere on the transgender spectrum, and dressing rarely may be perfectly acceptable for some, and not for others. Do what works for you.

[jaerina96]

I know the feeling you're talking about, it comes and goes... It might not be an option for you but I found its easier to get through that by getting out and being social. That's easier for me though since I'm not married and live close to some friendly places I can go without worrying about safety.

[Jennifer B]

5 days. That's what I had . .... I'm afraid I was not compelled to overindulge in this way during this unprecedented time of freedom. ...

If I've understood this correctly I think it's just human nature. I think a lot of us will understand this sort of thing.

50 weeks of the year not on our own: "OMG just book a holiday so that I can try this new dress on already! Go awaaay!"
2 weeks of the year on our own: "New dress? Meh. Where is everybody!"

Maybe not that extreme, but theres an element of that, we all get at some point. Sorry if I've got the wrong end of the stick.

[colleen_cd]

There have been a few rare weekends, occasionally even 4 or 5 days, when the wife and children have gone and I have been left alone in the house. Sometimes I dress totally enfemme during these periods and other times it might just be undressing or sometimes not bothering at all. The compulsion to dress is always there for me but with varying degrees of intensity. I feel like I should take advantage of these times alone because I don't know when the the next time will come, but in the end it's not what is important.

I've made peace with the fact that I am a crossdresser and that these feelings ebb and flow but will never be completely absent from my mind. Only you can decide what's right for you, your situation and how far you want to take your CDing. It's a journey that doesn't necessarily have an end and that just might take you places you never expected.

[Jane P]

Thanks all for replying. The time alone was sort of bitter- sweet . There has been a lot of tension in our relationship lately ,so just having a bit of time to breath was kind of nice.

I have admitted to myself that I am a crossdresser ( I see there is another thread about that right now , and yes I think that is all I am , just a crossdresser ) and I have admitted that to my wife as well. Which is the cause of part of the tension , but not all . I think that is why I didn't let myself get carried away , sort of a passive aggressive reaction to say yes this is what I am , but it doesn't define me , it is not all I am.

Communication is definitely not my strong suit and struggle to say what it is I want to say. While I may not contribute much to this group , I am grateful you are here , as I find solice in the fact that I am not alone in my struggles.

[DaphneMiller]

Jonnie,

Just take your time to absorb and process your feelings and emotions. Finding a place in your life where you're comfortable with all this doesn't happen overnight. The group here is a wonderful mix, and is the closest thing I have to a therapy group. I may not post often, but it's just reassuring to read about others who are in the same situation. I wish I'd had this resource back in the 80s and 90s.

"Can one be a crossdresser in one's own mind accepting but not acting upon these desires?" - That would drive me nuts....

Daphne
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