Gender counseling questions

[Abby Kae]

Hi. First, sorry if this is the wrong section to post this in, but I couldn't think of another section that fits. The collective experience here seems the best place to start...

After my emotional rollercoaster yesterday (posted in the main CD area), I've decided to step up the priority of seeking a therapist well-versed in gender issues.

I'm located in the metro area of Minneapolis and St. Paul, and I've already found quite a few resources to help me get the help I'm looking for, but I wanted to know if anyone here could offer advice.

What criteria should I use to determine my selection of a therapist? Even just general stuff; I've never been to individual therapy.

Is anyone familiar with any therapists in the area, and could offer feedback (good or ill) about my options?

None of my issues are life-threatening, so immediate help isn't something I feel is necessary. I'd prefer to take the time to find the best person for the job. And when I do find the right person, I will be very forthright and honest, especially if I'm being called out for bulls***.

Thanks in advance, and sorry again if this isn't the right spot.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

the best thing would be a local reference, and obviously someone with experience..

search online for local LGBT centers or organizations and dont be afraid

make the phone call...get a feel for who you are dealing with...

also check your insurance as well so you can see whats in network..

[Marcelle]

Hi Abby,

Unfortunately I am not from your neck of the woods so I cannot offer advice on local therapists. A good place to start might be a local TG support group who might have the low down on local therapists. Just remember not all therapists are created equal and while some might proclaim they deal with gender issues it might be a side stream interest. Do your homework for certain. Once you find a therapist, the key is to be open and honest . . . a good therapist will not tell what you need to do, but guide you along to self discovery so honesty is important.

Cheers

Isha

[Karren J]

My criteria were fairly simple,
1. Someone who held a doctorate.
2. Someone with several years of transgender treatment experience, not someone just starting in this field.
3. A high level of comfort and trust after the first meeting, this is a person with whom I shared the deepest secret I owned.
4. I was prepared to shop around, I googled the hell out of about a dozen and selected 3 for serious consideration.

As it was the first one and I clicked and she has been no-nonsense and straightforward with me, exactly what I needed. It may not be the best way to pick but it worked out very well for me.

[Badtranny]

Be wary of someone who is amenable to entertaining a transition in the first few sessions.

You do not need someone advocating for transition, you need someone advocating for what's best for YOU.

Also be 100% honest. Anything you want to hide from the therapist is probably the most important thing you need to address. Also, cross-dressing is not required. If you WANT to then talk about it, but if the therapist INSISTS you come cross-dressed than that is a red flag as far as I'm concerned.

[Kimberly Kael]

That's a solid list of criteria, Kelly. The only thing I'd add is to watch out for two things:

A. The therapist everyone at the local support group loves because they're willing to sign off on anything. Your therapist is there to help and should have an active interest in making sure you know what you're getting into.
B. Anyone you start feeling you need to hide facts from. If you're telling them what you think they want to hear you're wasting your time and theirs.

(edit: I see Melissa beat me to the punch with some similar thoughts!)

[Abby Kae]

Thank you, all. That seems like very valuable advice.

I'm not looking for a professional to validate my decisions (I haven't made any!), so if someone tries pushing dressing or transition on me, that would be a huge red flag for me, too.

My only goal here, if I can even call it that, is to have an unbiased (I.e. Not me or my wife) professional help me come to better understand myself and who I am.

Is it possible to do something like a meet and greet? Where I can talk to and get to know any potential therapist before making a decision and really starting to dig into issues?

[Eryn]

Abby, you "test drive" a therapist simply by starting to see them. The first session is a bit of a "meet and greet", where you discuss your issues broadly and get some idea of how the therapist will help you address them. If you don't like what you hear after a session or two you move on to another.

There is a lot of good advice above.

One thing that my therapist had me do was to keep a journal. It's really helpful to me as I can note things that I want to discuss during our sessions.