Allow me to try a new approach in terms of explaining why so many wives have a difficult time with this. Please keep an open mind. Although the CDing may or may not be at times sexual for you, the analogy speaks rather to a spouse's reaction to things they do not understand. You will need to be able to translate my analogy to fit your situation. If you can get through it without saying "but this isn't the same thing", then maybe my suggested solutions will help.
Let's just say that your wife was a marital counselor and in the course of her career she decided she wanted to become a sexual surrogate, which would involve being sexually intimate with men on a regular basis. In a hotel room. Few husbands would embrace this. They might question their wife's motives for wanting to engage in this particular form of therapy since there are many other directions that therapists can take in their helping professions. A husband might ask himself if his wife was sexually satisfied with him. It would also be natural to fear the development of an intimate relationship with another man which might eventually lead to divorce, or even if there wasn't a divorce, the possibility that his wife would experience greater sexual satisfaction with someone else. Depending on the husband, these things might work on him to the point where he began to construct his own explanations for his wife's motives and question the entire basis for their marriage.
So, what would need to happen in order for the husband to go along with this and stop being fearful? To begin with, lots of very open communication (answering all questions even if repeatedly) and reassurance. Also the husband would need to FEEL (more than see) that his relationship with his wife was unchanged, especially after a therapy session. The wife would need to give her husband full freedom to express his concerns whenever he needed to, so that he would know that his feelings were a priority to her. The husband would need to feel loved and a priority in his wife's life. These things are fairly easy to accomplish if the couple loves each other. But of equal importance is simply time. It is only through personal experience and the observation that things are unchanged, that we discover that what we feared most is not an issue after all.
The husband would need to see though, that his wife was unchanged on all levels. If she started with one client and was building her practice by taking on more and more men to have sex with, and the sessions with these clients took more and more time, it would be natural for the husband to feel a great deal of discomfort until his wife's schedule stabilized and he could witness for himself that his wife's profession had no impact on their personal interrelationship and that he still was very much her priority. It might be equally difficult if he witnessed a glow about her when she came home from one of her sessions. He might even not want all his friends to know that his wife regularly had sex with other men, even if he eventually came to understand that doing so had no impact on their relationship.
Translating this analogy back to you, it is difficult to ask a wife to walk through her fears bit by bit, step by step, especially when things are ramping up, but ultimately this is what is required to move forward … as long as you know that more crossdressing will not lead to wanting to come out to people in your lives. This is the turning point for many wives because of the social taboo that still exists in our society and because it indicates a switch from "this is what I do" to "this is who I am", if "this is who I am" means "woman".
Originally Posted by Maria 60
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