Hi, I'm Gail and I'm a crossdresser.
My wife has been acting weird lately. For the last couple of weeks, she'd been staying out all day and later into the evening. She was with her sister and best friend. My spidey senses were tingling, but I had no concrete proof that something was up.
This morning she was gone again, and for some reason I thought to look at our bank account online.... She took roughly 50% of our cash on hand.
I called her, and asked whats up. "I'm about 2 minutes from home. I'll talk to you then." So I go outside to talk to her, and the first to pull up is her dad, then her, then her sister, and then her male cousin. (I think they might have been afraid I was going to get violent with her, which is SO not my M.O.)
Anyway, I get in the car with her, she says she's leaving me.
I'm calm.
Why?
"It's all the stress, and the heat." (background: She has Multiple Sclerosis. Stress, heat, MS, do NOT get along. Plus, she had a (mild) heart attack and seizure last year and had to stop working. Her Disability has run out. As for me, I've been unemployed since January 6 and my unemployment ran out a few weeks ago). We've divested some investments to live on, and I am feverishly looking for work. So that's where we are.
Sitting in the car, I asked her, "Is this a separation, or divorce?" She says Divorce.
There is no doubt that we've been unhappy the last 9 months or more (well, actually add 6 months to that since she had her heart attack), but to me, better times are only a new job away.
There's a lot more to this, but I won't bore you with extraneous details, except to say that I know her sister's tentacles are all over this.
Here's where I'm worried. My wife knows about my hobby (but eventually came to a place of not wanting to know, y'know? And just so you know... She never actually saw Gail. Neither of us wanted that. I have always kept my activities out of her way.). I told her about my hobby after the first time we made love. She also told me that day that she had MS. (Offsetting Penalties, no?)
Up till now, I believe she has kept my secret to herself. BUT I'm worried that she told her sister, and that they will try and use my secret as leverage in a divorce and custody.
Kids are 17 and 15, and I KNOW they prefer staying with me. A previously divorced friend has told me that since the kids are older that the California courts would let THEM decide where they want to live. So I'm not so much worried about that, but since the kids don't know my secret, I would hate to see them dragged through something that will not do anyone any good. I hate being vulnerable like this.
Her MS had gotten worse in the last few years. Mostly her issues are cognitive, and less physical. Compared to many other MS patients, she's actually in quite good shape. Except, as I said, for the cognitive functions of her brain. She is easily persuaded, and focuses on insignificant details rather than the big picture of things. The big picture here is that I think this will put an even bigger wedge between her and our daughter. And will not do my son any good either. (side note: my 17 year old daughter doesn't even know any of this right now. She is on a high school retreat, and won't get back until early tomorrow afternoon. Unfortunately, she is going to come home tomorrow and BAM, Mom's gone!)
She truly is not making good decisions, and getting worse advice. (Does it surprise you to know that her sister and I don't get along?)
As for me, I've been blind-sided. There were no discussions about her getting away from the house, me, the kids, for a while. She sees a therapist. There were no requests that I go with her and we work things out. Just BAM, I'm leaving you, and it's going to be divorce.
Your thoughts are appreciated.