Going out in public

[Sexy_Stephanie]

So i have yet to really go out besides walks at night with my girlfriend while dressed fully. But I really want to go into the world fully dressed and looking sexy as hell with my girlfriend. There is a pretty big gay club we are planning on going to but I guess what I am worried about is not being able to pull of being able to act like a girl and just seem like a dude dressed like a girl. My cross dressing is still sort of new for me I'm only 21 but I just have so much fun when I do it and my girlfriend likes it also. We just really want to go out and have fun but I just have sort of bad anxiety and am worried I might let what other people think affect me.

[Alice_2014_B]

It is awesome your g'friend wants to venture out with you dressed up; my wife has joined me once for such an exciting experince.
You're going to get a lot of advice on this from others too.
I keep in my mind when out dressed to basically keep elbows in and take shorter steps when walking. I keep my purse at the bend of my elbow and swing my other arm when walking, but swing just enough.
That is just some of the basics. There is more to it, but I'm short on time at the moment.
I have, like others, threads on my adventures going out in public.
Be confident and comfortable in what you wear and where you go.

[Marcelle]

Hi Stephanie,

Going out for the first time can be daunting and exhilarating all at the same time. You have chosen a more accepting venue and although it seems counterintuitive, the more crowded the venue (bar) the less likely you will get noticed as people are too busy with other things. When it comes to being seen as a woman looks are one thing so it really depends on how guy you look (face, size, hands, etc.). Although you are more likely to blend if you have finer features and a smaller frame, remember women come in all shapes and sizes so work with what you have and things should be fine. The next step in the art of blending is gesture and walk. Again, not all women walk like runway models or move with the grace of a gazelle. My recommendation is spend some time at a mall and watch women your age. Study how they walk, move, greet each other, talk, carry items (including a purse) and pick what suits you best to emulate then . . . practice, practice and practice.

The final key ingredient is "confidence". All the well laid out clothes, make-up, presentation and movements won't carry you far if you look like a deer caught in the headlights. I think people sense the fear and hone in on it. It may be difficult but you have to act like you belong. Finally, should you get scared off and decide not to go or leave early, don't beat yourself up . . . you'll get there, it can just take some time.

Cheers

Isha

[PaulaQ]

In most gay bars, no one will care how you dress. Don't sweat it. A lesbian bar, or mixed gay / lesbian bar will also be fine. Actually most places will be fine - even if they read you.

Rather than worrying about sexy, just try to be yourself. (And the answer there may BE that sexy is the right look for you. Attitude, as much as looks, is a huge part of this, and is often the hardest part. It does help if you look good - my roommate has a jet set set of legs - she stops traffic, despite looking otherwise like a linebacker in a dress. She shows 'em off all over the gayborhood where we live, she's a big fan of daisy dukes...)

Have fun! Mobs of peasants with torches are extremely unlikely!

Edit: Isha is right about confidence. Walk in like you own the place. People notice you more if you look like you are thinking "oh damn oh damn oh damn I'm in a dress..."

[JaytoJillian]

Hi, Stephanie,
As I see it, you have at least a couple of things working in your favor 1) A supportive partner who wants to be your wing woman on this adventure is an awesome blessing!
2) The fact that the chosen venue is a "large gay club" means that the patrons there are apt to have seen guys dressed en femme before. You may even want to do a bit of research on the club--do they have a drag show or a TG night? Call them up or do some google searches. Either way, you'll likely be more relaxed if you know what to expect going in. 3) You're 21. Need I say more?

Have a great time! The years go by in the blink of an eye, so get out there and make some fab memories!

Cheers,

Jill

[Brenda Freeman]

Lucky girl having a girlfriend that is supportive and wants to go out! My first time out was alone heart pounding should I go in or go home? I went in the feeling was wonderful dressed up walking about no funny looks some nice smiles. It was at a LGBT friendly bar I felt like I fit right in talked with some people at the bar a couple gals wanted to hear about me was fun to chat. I say get dolled up and go having a wing girl for support you both will love it.

[Rachelakld]

I also worried when I jumped out of a plane, raced a motorbike, meet my now wife of our first date, got a mortgage (okay - I still worry about that)
The question is - what do we do with it?

What if all people think "Steph is cool", "Steph is fun", "Steph is here for a good time"

I'm often in public, people know I'm just there for fun, I can see that in their smiles when they look at me

[reb.femme]

I went out to a main stream club a few weeks back and had absolutely no trouble at all. In fact, some of the young ladies were very interested in both myself and my friend Mandy. I've attached a pic for proof. Lighting and front camera are poor but prove the point.

Just give it a go and leave if you feel awkward or threatened.

Rebecca

[Jenniferathome]

Stephanie, think about what result you want from this outing. Do you want people to look at you? Do you want cross dressing admirers to hit on you? If you choose to dress "sexy as hell" you WILL attract attention. Keep in mind that I am translating your "sexy as hell" as meaning "sl@tty". I think going to mainstream locations is far more fun. Still, just think about what result you want. That should determine what you wear. Regardless of that, dress for the occasion, time and location. have fun

[Adriana Moretti]

You shouldnt have anxiety over it ( but you will anyway till you do it once) but its a gay club....nobody is going to care about you....only YOU are gunna care how you look....and when you go out you will find out there is always somebody who looks better, and always someone who looks worse.....but after a night of sweaty dancing everyone looks the same.....good luck i hope you make it out and not worry too much......its a gay club....not hooters on a monday night football night

[Eryn]

...Rather than worrying about sexy, just try to be yourself....

Wise words!

Why do women dress sexy? Some say they enjoy the look, but the name of the game is to attract men. If that is what you want, fine, but it seems you already have a girlfriend who is being very accommodating to you.

Rather than concentrating on sexy, consider working on developing a style of your own. Figure out what colors and styles work for you, develop a wardrobe, and work on looking your best without expending an excessive amount of effort. That's what GGs do.

[Pat]

All good advice so far. Be confident. Be yourself. If you're in a gay club don't even worry about passing. In fact, meditate on if you really do want to pass or not -- it's not really mandatory, you know. Ideally everyone who thinks of you at all will be thinking about the person who was having such a great time.

[heatherdress]

Stephanie - Your anxiety is normal. You are 21 and you should dress like 21 year olds do at the club you are going to. If you feel good about the way you look, you will act more confidently and have a better time. Look and feel sexy. You are 21 and you are with your girlfriend. If your fear is you will seem to be a dude dressed like a girl, that is exactly what you will be, so don't worry about it. Enjoy your experience with your girlfriend.

[Sexy_Stephanie]

Thanks everyone for the advice. really appreciate it I need to just do it because i know I will have a blast and sexy as hell was a bad choice of words more cute as hell

[PaulaQ]

Why do women dress sexy? Some say they enjoy the look, but the name of the game is to attract men.

Or whoever you want to be attracted to you! By the way, if sexy really is who you are, go for it. I do. I was mainly just trying to warn Sexy_Stephanie that it takes a fair chunk of attitude to pull off sexy. Also, you need to be good with people - what is the point of attracting people if you have absolutely no idea what your gonna do with them once you have their attention? Just sayin' - a girl can find herself in over her head pretty quick with too much sexy too soon.

Figure out what colors and styles work for you, develop a wardrobe, and work on looking your best without expending an excessive amount of effort. That's what GGs do.

Oh go ahead and spend an excessive amount of effort - guys appreciate it, as do some women. (The folks who don't appreciate it are not a good match for a high-femme!)

The thing Eryn is really spot on about is finding what looks good on you - that is the root of sexy!!

What you really have to think about is "what message do I want to communicate with my appearance, and why am I communicating it?"

"Sexy" is a perfectly good message. I use it a lot. Other times I try for "Down to earth and approachable," also "I'm high-end - don't f*** with me," works well. And when I'm really on it's "God save the Queen." (Warning - its very easy to just communicate simply "I'm a bitch," with the last two...)

Have fun Stephanie!

[Nadya]

It's not easy to get over the anxiety of going out how you want to be. I will say as that how you feel is likely to be over exaggerated compared to what really happens. Just remember to be smart and stay safe. <3

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Stephanie, The journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step,
once you go you will wonder what took so long to do it.