"Who is that Woman?"

[BillieAnneJean]

I keep no secrets from my SO. I hope she keeps none from me.

I will never ever NEVER break her heart. That means no cheating of any kind or form or Bill Clinton definition.

My SO knows everything about my CDing. It was NOT easy for her and it was even worse for me while she came to grips with it. An I told her BEFORE I started. Once she began to believe me and not add anything to it, she became happy again.

Stop the "boyfriend" because it is going to bite you one day. Think this through and decide if the thrill is worth the risk. It isn't. You have NO IDEA how your SO will react. Remember "Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned". That old saying was based on fact. You read on this forum of SOs having fury just finding out their guys are CDers. Throw CDer in with having a fling AND a fling WITH A GUY and believe me you will get a good glimpse of hell.

Think about all of this with the head on your shoulders.

[taylormercedes]

Windy I'm sorry to see all the negative comments on here, but unfortunately I can't say that it isn't warranted, some of your posts almost do seem to be "bragging" about your situation as another member put it earlier. Most of the time I live by a philosophy of let others live their lives as they choose to live it as long as no one else is hurt. Windy in my opinion I think that if you're happy with your current situation then by all means continue on , with the one caveat that you should tell your wife everything. Yes it will be difficult and painful, but such is marriage, 2 separate lives becoming 1 and she deserves to know everything. Unfortunately I don't think there'll be anyway for you to minimize the pain she'll feel, but unfortunately there is no such thing as "having your cake and eating it too." Hopefully something good will come out of your current predicaments.

[BillieAnneJean]

Stop the "affair" get a STD test, and THEN tell her about your CDing. But if the "affair" is over with and you intend it to never be initiated again, perhaps sparing her the trauma of that bit of bad judgement may be warranted. It is going to be tough enough for her without the "affair" thrown in too.

[Jenniferathome]

...as for my boyfriend, yes it's true - he's married too, and we kid ourselves that we're really not cheating,.... I know, I'm a bad girl....

Wow. You take pride in this? I got nothing.

[windycissy]

When I put this out there, a dear friend urged me to take it down immediately before the s#!tstorm began, but I figured we're all adults so what the heck. I make no excuses for my failings, except I will say I hope all of my critics are still married to their first wives and have never cheated with another woman. To the ggs I've offended, you are right - but don't worry about your husbands unless they are abLe to pass as attractive women and are crazy enough to try - all my life I've been driven to explore my feminine side, first it was the clothes, then going out, and when I realized that i passed as a pretty woman, taking it all the way. My boyfriend is a wonderful man, and what we share is very special, but this has made me question how foolish I've become.

[Meghan4now]

Windy,

While I do not agree with or condone your choices, they are yours to own.

I will, however, suggest that you are in a situation that requires a choice. You dodged a bullet for now. I'm inclined to believe that your wife has chosen to stick her head in the sand. I would not expect that to last. Once she faces the truth about you and your relationship, the dam will break. And the flood will be proportional to the amount that she has been holding back.

I can not say that your relationship is irreparable, stranger things happen. But if you go by likelihoods, I don't see a great chance of that. So your boyfriend is wonderful? Are the two of you prepared to leave your spouses and live happily ever after? Or will he kick you to the curb when he is done, trying to save his own marriage.

These are harsh questions, but you'd better be ready to deal with them, because this is reality, not some romantic TG fiction story.


I wish you good luck and hope you make good decisions.

[windycissy]

No way he'd leave his wife for me, any more than I'd give up my "real" life for him. There's been lots of good advice here, except the one thing that always bugs me is the mantra that "you must tell your wife!" Doesn't that depend on the person? How can you feel so strongly about urging that when it might destroy a marriage of two people you've never even met? I totally respect those who have done that, and envy the happy marriages of crossdressers whose wives support them, but what happens when the revelation destroys the marriage?

[Sarah L]

No way he'd leave his wife for me, any more than I'd give up my "real" life for him

When your wife/family and friends find out, you may be giving up your "real life" involuntarily.

How can you feel so strongly about urging that when it might destroy a marriage of two people you've never even met?

You don't consider your actions potentially destructive?

[IamWren]

I am very new to the forum and don’t know everyone very well so I’ll try keep my opinion as objective as possible.

What Windy seems to be participating in is deception.

And not to throw everyone’s panties into a bunch but MANY of us here are doing exactly the same thing… participating in deception. We are after all genetically, physiologically men attempting to fabricate the illusion (deception, if you will) of looking like a woman.

So to suggest that someone who is participating in deception should come clean and say, “look, I have something to say, I’ve been lying to you.” seems a bit hypocritical. I mean, pushing that logic further with a broader brush to all of us CDs, then shouldn’t we all walk around while we’re dressed in women’s clothing with a sign above our heads that reads, “I have something to say, I’m lying to you. I have dangly bits and am physiologically a man.”

I’m not trying to condone (because I don't) or come to the defense of what Windy is doing. I’m just trying to point out the irony of suggesting she come clean about the deception.

As for Windy's relationship with her boyfriend.
Girl... you need to end it and it now. If by chance your wife doesn’t know, or even if she does but has her head in the sand, I personally think you should stop meeting your boyfriend for ‘guy’s night out’. Your original post showed how close you came to being discovered. It’s just a matter of time before someone gets caught. The fallout and collateral damage will be uglier than a CD doing the walk of shame at 7am, heels in hand, mascara smeared on a Sunday morning. I think you should ask yourself and honestly think about this question. Do you really want to be the type of person that causes such heartache and emotional trauma to innocent people who did nothing to deserve this treatment?

[jenniferinsf]

i replied earlier before i guess i/we knew the facts....now with the latest revelations i have side with the girls that say......."whoa girl you are way off base"

in addition in one of your earlier replies i noticed a blog link so i checked it out...not sure if you are the onr to be giving out advice. just saying that your choices are your choices but to the unaware they could be devastating.

[Meghan4now]

A fair question.

1. You may consider the likelihood of your secret being exposed, and how that will play out, especially if it doesn't come from you first. Clearly, from the beginning of the thread, you indicate that your wife has seen clues that you know about. Probably also ones you are not aware of.

2. By perpetrating a fraudulent facade, how are you building a trusting and respectful relationship? What does this do to your respect for her. How does this build trust from her, and what happens when that is breeched.

3. How does the situation help your own self image? Are you sabotaging you own self esteem? Are you proud of yourself when you look in the mirror? Are you a person that you yourself would trust?

4. Is it possible that you are avoiding the inevitable? Have you discovered who you are?

Windy, I am not trying to be mean or judgemental. I guess I see an awful lot of "anything goes" here and not a lot of aknowledgement that our choices can hurt not only others, but ourselves in ways we do not recognize until the damage is done. In business, if you are wasting time on things that are not core values, then you are taking great and unnecessary risks. The same is true in our personal lives. If your wife is more important than this "boyfriend", then why waste your time and energy? A value is not a value if you do not value it.

[Momarie]

1. You don't pass, let alone as a "pretty woman".

2. The foundation of your marriage is made of quicksand.
It's based on lies, deception and infidelity.

3. Your wife has the RIGHT to make her own decisions and set her own boundaries.
Your wife has the RIGHT to know and to protect herself from you exposing her to sexually transmitted diseases.
Your wife has the RIGHT to know you are having sex with a man.
You stated she would never accept this, that is her RIGHT, not yours to steal by deception to satisfy your fetish.

[Melanie 0339]

Many of us here are like what was said earlier are guilty of being deceptive to our SO's about our dressing myself included. The difference is most of us closeted CDs feel guilty about keeping the secret from loved ones and again many are trying to build up the courage to come out to their SO. You on the other hand appear to get a thrill out of cheating on your wife and will have no intention of fessing up as part of the thrill is knowing your wife has no ideal about your affair. This makes you in all honesty a truely horrible person crossdresser or not. I like to think I can be non judgemental at times regardless of whatever the situation but this thread has rattled my cage and it appears I'm not the only one.

[2B Natasha]

1. You don't pass, let alone as a "pretty woman".

2. The foundation of your marriage is made of quicksand.
It's based on lies, deception and infidelity.

3. Your wife has the RIGHT to make her own decisions and set her own boundaries.
Your wife has the RIGHT to know and to protect herself from you exposing her to sexually transmitted diseases.
Your wife has the RIGHT to know you are having sex with a man.
You stated she would never accept this, that is her RIGHT, not yours to steal by deception to satisfy your fetish.

Testify Momarie. Testify. I stand there right with you. The wife has the right to know. All of it.

[Jenniferathome]

... but what happens when the revelation destroys the marriage?

Windy, as you can read on this forum, cross dressing does not end marriages. It's everything else, the narcissism, and complete lack of objectivity that breaks bonds. That's not to mean that all wives are ok with this, but they work it out. Infidelity, with a man no less, will quite likely break things. When you get found out, it will be Hiroshima in your house. Yikes.

[nvlady]

I have been reading this thread for the last few days, and I only want to ask, is your wife the kind that if she finds out about your boyfriend, will she call his wife and tell her everything that she has learned?
If so, then you will have destroyed his marriage also.

[reb.femme]

...when I realized that i passed as a pretty woman....

I know I don't pass, but never in a million years would I describe myself in such preening terms. The initial part of the thread was a situation common to many, but I stand by my earlier claim that this was / is a bragging post but now with heavy overtones of self delusion.

[cdinmd206]

WOW I did not realize we had so many head doctors on this forum. NO more $200 an hour head shrinks for me.

[LaurenS]

At the risk of offending anyone (and I always love it when I get a chance to quote Jay-Z):

"Love is cursed by monogamy."

I never had an affair, but I don't judge those that do.

"The ability to hold opposing thoughts of view in your mind is a mark of intelligence"

I would posit that anyone judging windy negatively, and at this same time is in a DADT arrangement is basically cheating as well. I believe honesty is the best policy, but I doubt there is a single person in this thread that has been truly honest and open about EVERY aspect of their lives. I know I haven't!

Please be supportive even if you disagree with windycrissy. Some of you are harshing my mellow.

[reb.femme]

WOW I did not realize we had so many head doctors on this forum. NO more $200 an hour head shrinks for me.

Nor me, I think for myself.

At the risk of offending anyone (and I always love it when I get a chance to quote Jay-Z)...

Ah, the great Philosophers, Plato, Socrates, Nietzsche and not forgetting Jay-Z.

"The ability to hold opposing thoughts of view in your mind is a mark of intelligence"...Please be supportive even if you disagree with windycrissy. Some of you are harshing my mellow.

And by that quote, you would deny the right of others to hold a contrary point of view to your own, n'est-ce pas? I believe Windcissy isn't expecting or requesting support, these are merely points of view from others and change not one jot, his/her life in reality and nor should it. But if you subject a theory to peer review, what would you expect? Opinions are the norm, are they not? Sorry to hear your 'mellow is harshed', but I'm sure that the lyrical master Jay-Z has a cure for that too.

Rebecca

[heatherdress]

Windy - I typically do not like judgmental comments which appear on this site when they pertain to personal beliefs and life styles. But I feel you have brought upon yourself the negative replies many have made. Infidelity is considered by many to be a significant moral issue. Your remarks and behavior go well beyond hiding from your spouse that you like to wear a dress and a wig in private.

You are not simply hiding crossdressing from your SO. You are bragging about "living the dream" - having a secret relationship - which is being unfaithful. An affair is a significant betrayal and you seem to be justifying it because you are a crossdresser. You are also hiding a secret relationship with a married man, which is also significant. He is cheating, too, with a married man - you.

You cannot diminish the reaction people have by arguing whether or not everyone should disclose their crossdressing to spouses and girlfriends. Although not telling a spouse that you wear a dress in private is deception, it does not match the betrayal that being unfaithful to them with someone might be.

Sorry to sound preachy, but your comments and attitude may be more negative than you realize. Maybe you should rethink if your continued relationship with your boyfriend is really so "special".

[LaurenS]

Sorry to hear your 'mellow is harshed', but I'm sure that the lyrical master Jay-Z has a cure for that too.

Rebecca

I think I would go to Taylor Swift for that... "Haters gonna hate, hate, hate..."

Opinions may the norm (which I believe the world is what you make of it), but if you are correct in that windycissy wasn't expecting or requesting support, perhaps she wasn't expecting or requesting judgement and meanness either.

Oh by the way: http://www.juliusbailey.com/book-three.html

Not classic, but modern/pop philosophy.

This is only my opinion, however.

Your points are noted.

[char GG]

this has made me question how foolish I've become.

You said it yourself!

[Krisi]

Wow, this thread has really taken a left turn! I think the risk of your wife finding pictures of you dressed as a woman pales compared to the risk of her finding out that you are gay and having an affair with a man.

On the one hand, it's none of my business but on the other hand it does reinforce the common notion that crossdressers are gay. In that sense, it is my business. I'm just glad my wife doesn't read this forum.

In my opinion, it is time for you to step back and consider where your life is headed and the potential consequences of what you are doing.

[Jaylyn]

I not a Judgemental person of anyone but try and live the golden rule. I feel that a cd should be up front with the wife. I also feel the wife has a fifty percent say in the relationship as well. I told my wife about my feelings for cd and she cried tears of joy because I trusted her enough to let her in on my deepest secret. I feel love is having no deep secrets from each other. We were teens when we married and we will ( already are ) in our last years of life. We both want to live to be a hundred and strive to keep drama out of our lives. Lying, cheating, deceit, causes stress in a relationship. We just don't do that to each other. By telling each other everything we have fell deeper in love daily. Using my own life a an example and I know every marriage has ups and downs but you my friend are creating some deep strife that will be very hard to overcome for yourself and especially your wife. Just how far that you let it go is only digging a deeper pit you'll have to one day crawl out of. A broken trust is one that is the hardest to overcome in marriage. Just as we feel the need to CD, you may feel the need to be gay. Both could be very deceitful if you and your spouse are not in alignment with what is going on. I have nothing to hide except her Christmas and birthday presents and there fore can lay down and sleep every night with a clear conscience and a happy heart with my wife at my side. Why would you want to jeopardize your marriage or waste her marriage to you when you admit that it is fun or an adventure to try and hide your feelings from the one you should be closest to? Just my opinion and I know it's worth nothing but that's how I feel about what is happening from your writing here.