Totally not worth it!

[Aprilrain]

In a word I'm disappointed. Transition has come with a very high price and hasn't purchased me much.
I still have GD, in both directions! it's been lessened and the insanity of trying to suppress and hide the desire to express myself as (mostly) feminine is gone. Those are pluses.

However in addition to sometimes still wishing I was a woman, wanting a Va JJ and all that I now also have moments where I Wish I'd just been a normal dude. Hell if it weren't for the ****ing GD I'd be well positioned in life just now.

Anyway, to the important part. **** SRS! Doing that I totally regret. Sure it's kinda nice that my undies fit better but definitely not worth the hell I've been through with "complications" = a euphemism employed by the medical profession when they've ****ed up!

I wasn't thrilled about my genitals before but at least I could use the toilet without pissing all over the place. That "complication" in and of it self is enough to regret the surgery! But wait...there's more!
Constant pain, being de-sexed and frankly, it's just gross down there. What I have is not a vagina, it may vaguely resemble one on the outside but that's where the similarity ends.

Oh and dilation sucks x a million squared. I have to use lidocaine cream just to be able to tolerate it.

Not that anyone has asked for my opinion but here it is.
DO NOT GET SRS totally not worth it.

[Badtranny]

So sorry to hear this, but I know it needs to be heard.

I wish I could have been happy with my dude-self as well. One wonders if feeling normal is really worth the cost.

We are sisters, and you know how to reach me if you need to.

[PaulaQ]

I'm really sorry for the way you are feeling, April. GRS is not an easy nor risk free proposition. One of the things I always worry about is that all of our medical treatments are geared toward people who are at either end of the gender binary in terms of identity. Not everyone is, but good luck getting counseling to support that, much less help from a doc to figure out what's going to help your GD. Do you think that could be your situation?

I only ask because I've watched others frankly get zero support in the community (not here, real world) because they didn't follow some cookie-cutter trans treatment plan because it wasn't right for them.

Or is it more you feel as you do because your outcome frankly sucked?

Be well hon, and if I can help somehow, please let me know.

[dreamer_2.0]

This is awful to hear. May I ask who did your GRS?

I too often wish I were a regular guy with no GD. Doesn't appear to be coming true for many of us.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I'm sorry for how you are feeling and I hope you are not feeling bad every day. Are you?

Please take care of yourself especially right now in these moments. If there is anything i can do for you even if its just to talk pls feel free to reach out.

fwiw, i wish i was a normal dude and always have...what i wish doesnt change my reality and i have learned to live with it, and i hope you have ways to reach back and touch the GD you used to feel so you can come to terms with what you had to do..
what you did was about that GD and its nothing like what you are feeling now....

your bad surgery outcome is a tough negative consequence that you are dealing with and i hope it physically improves and gives you a breather from what is feeling like a wave of bad stuff right now

[GabbiSophia]

April that is rough to hear and you have already been through so much. I do hope it gets better but this is the reality I that there is another side that is not all roses and thank you for expressing it.

So sorry to hear this, but I know it needs to be heard.

I wish I could have been happy with my dude-self as well. One wonders if feeling normal is really worth the cost.

I too often wish I were a regular guy with no GD. Doesn't appear to be coming true for many of us.

Yeah I tell my damn GD this all the time!! No matter what I tell it it doesn't go away and SRS appears not to work all the time either! So where is the relief!!?????

[Aprilrain]

For the most part I'm actually doing quite well. I have good things happening in my life. This post isn't really about me it's about the totally unproven and less than scientific approach to "curing" GD. In my estimation transition is only marginally successful at mitagating GD and comes with a host of other problems.

[stefan37]

Curing GD is a tall order. We all have different comfort levels. Some need only hormones, others only need social integration. Others require hormones, social and surgery. There are many that go through the entire process and may have difficulty having their target gender reflected back to them. What works or doesn't work for you may work or not work for me.

You know how hard this is. Some find it so difficult to integrate and have their gender reflected back. They don't have the fortitude to continue and detransition. And even then those individuals may not find relief.

[Frances]

Transition cures transsexuality. Unhappiness with one's gender (gender dysphoria) does not necessarily equate transsexuality. That is the point of a long therapy program: to minimize the chances of success and minimize the chances of regret. This is not directed at you, April, but most people who regret SRS wanted it fast and without psychological exploration. Instead of saying that transition does not cure GD, you should advocate making damn sure that transsexuality is the problem before having SRS.

I have a question for you: do you think you would feel the same if you had not experienced the complications?

[arbon]

SRS has been a difficult thing for me to go through. at 4 1/2 month post op my labia still hurts to any kind of touch and wearing anything tight is still out of the question. I just started wearing loose fitting jeans again last week. My lower abdomen is in constant pain still. Peeing is messy and I have a lot of seepage which has been difficult to cope with. I use the cream too for relief when dilating. My vulva is indented into my body about 1/2" in an oval shape, which looks a bit weird. I need to do electrolysis in a place where I can't even begin to imagine how bad it is going to hurt. I'm broke financially and may be living out of my car soon if things don't start turning around soon. It has been a rough recovery and taken a lot out of me in just about every way. Some of my realities with this surgery.

Despite that I don't regret it nor would advise against it if someone needs it. I don't have those old parts anymore thats kind of a big deal to me. Don't want them. Maybe if in a year and I am still suffering from the surgery maybe I will come to regret it if I am still hurting. I don't know, but I can't imagine wishing I had those parts again. If I had known fully what was in store for me from this surgery I still would have done it.

GD is nothing like it used to be but I still struggle with some too. I still think I look like a guy and I have hard time believing people when they say I don't. Well I don't believe them. I think I deserve it when I get gendered as male. I feel like I will be alone the rest of my life because of this and that no man will ever really see me as a woman. Maybe one day I will be at peace with myself with all of it.

[STACY B]

That whole deal is Worse than Tough ,, I feel for you I really do,, Trying to run this crap off in the Ditch and then having that Bad deal happening to you makes you feel you can't win for losing for sure. Lots I mean LOTS of people get on here with no understanding about this whole deal. By that I mean most if not a lot think that everyone that is Trans is going to have the Operation! NOT TRUE, We all have Gender Dyphoria True,, But Not all have the other Body Dysphoria part,, Big difference BIG BIG BIG DIFFERENCE ,, I for one don't have it,, Now I am going to take care of the pesky T problem so I can get off the blockers, But as for the rest I am in a Long term relationship and have no desire to do the Big one, An I have Insurance ,, So it's not the Money,, Why would I want to risk it if I don't need too.


SO PLEASE,, PLEASE people take that into consideration that some people have to do it at all cost for there state of mind. But not all,, I am Sorry that it didn't go well for you and some other really I am ,, I hate to see someone suffer as you have for sure. Hopefully they will be able to right the wrong in the future and you will be OK,,, I will be praying they do.

[whowhatwhen]

Thank you for posting this, it's one of the biggest things that concerns me about getting SRS.
In fact, it's like the 3rd or 4th time I've read of someone having complications and it kinda shakes your confidence.

I do hope you can get it corrected somehow, has there been any luck finding someone who can fix it?

[Badtranny]

Stacy, careful not to be dismissive of April's comments, because you don't feel the same way. There are a LOT of girls who are in her same boat but they don't have the courage to talk about it.

Another thing that April is addressing is that GD seems to persist after transition sometimes. I have seen this as well, and my heart goes out to them. I've met April up close and she reads 100% female. I felt like a damn Sasquatch standing next to her.

I feel like her discomfort or pervasive GD may have been a strong push towards the GRS in order to finally feel normal. The surgery could have had a better result, but she still feels incomplete. These feelings are far more common than we think, and I think they need to be addressed in a big way.

I feel unbelievably lucky because my transition worked. I kept having procedures until I felt good, and then I was finished. I do feel complete now, but I absolutely can understand what April is saying because I myself walked that edge for a long time. I think for some of us, therapy may be more important than the procedures. Therapy so that we can accept that we may always fall short of our expectations. People de-transition because the pain of NOT being a normal woman is just too much to bear.

I can tell you from personal experience that 'passing' is only the first hurdle for a transitioner. The "life" can be a tough one and we really need to listen to those that are having very real issues.

From unimaginable pain comes immeasurable wisdom.

[Eryn]

...I only ask because I've watched others frankly get zero support in the community (not here, real world) because they didn't follow some cookie-cutter trans treatment plan because it wasn't right for them.

If by "cookie cutter" you mean the "you must have GRS" attitude, how does a person in the real world know whether or not a person has had GRS? The status of one's genitals shouldn't come up in polite conversation. If someone is gauche enough to bring it up they should be told that it is none of their business.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

i was concerned about complications from grs...
i made a choice at surgery to do the operation but NOT do the labiaplasty at the same time... my dr (meltzer) felt that labiaplasty was a risk because of all the other stuff that's done... i never actually did the 2nd operation because i didn't feel i needed it..

i am not interested in how mine compares to someone elses...i know how it made me FEEL, and i just don't feel like going through the pain of another procedure ....i had reached my goal

I want to bring up that the words gender dysphoria are important and i've never met a transsexual woman that transitioned and suffered gender dysphoria... i've seen feelings of inadequacy or deep shame that remaine unresolved...i've seen women(mtf) that struggled with loved ones or lost jobs, and i've seen alot of depression which i feel can be a comorbid condition... all this makes it very hard to treat transsexuals

I can't speak for April, but i would comment that its important to focus on the difference between depression and frustration and how difficult it is to actually transition versus persistent gender dysphoria...
i've just never met anyone that transitioned and years later complained of gender dysphoria...i have met alot of people that transitioned and are still unhappy with being transsexual...

[GabbiSophia]

For the most part I'm actually doing quite well. I have good things happening in my life. This post isn't really about me it's about the totally unproven and less than scientific approach to "curing" GD. In my estimation transition is only marginally successful at mitagating GD and comes with a host of other problems.

I read an article from a Harvard professor who down played the need for SRS to "cure" us. Very upsetting article because he said that all this needed to dealt with by abstaining. I was dishearten to read that he used the words that none should change their sex because it has been found that getting SRS does not help or cure anything and that the reality is the mortality rate is high afterwards.

Though this idiot Harvard Dr. doesn't relate social acceptance with the completion of the surgery as the linking cause to the mortality rate. It does bring out the fact that life is hard in front of SRS or behind it. As almost everyone on here has said all it did is cure the GD and as others have stated "it doesn't cure any of your other problems. You better get them worked out first before you start SRS or otherwise your going to be highly disappointed."!!

I for one have fought with this part so much of trying to figure out the other garbage. I do question where the lines are and I have changed therapists in hopes to further figure this *&^& out. I am not trying to say that April has or has not any of this but I do.

April I am so thankful that you have posted and I am glad you are doing well.

[Lorileah]

April, I am sorry things aren't working as planned. Is it correctable? I do appreciate your warning and I think it is very important for people to see the reality of all this. GRS isn't the holy grail.

Maybe I am a bit more pragmatic in all this. The genitals are a long way from my brain, so I never expected the surgery to do any more than change the anatomy. I am doing it all for "me" and no one else. I understand the surgical implications and possibilities. But thinking that changing your body will somehow change your thinking confuses me. I often wonder when people post here that when they wake up from surgery, life will be unicorns and rainbows. That finally the world will be in order. Your post reinforces that and it serves as a great warning- wake up call to those who are following. Did someone tell you in the process that things would be better after surgery? I have to question that person's thoughts. None of my therapists or surgeons intimated that at all. Maybe for some, maybe for many, everything aligns but being a surgeon, I would question that. My patients can't talk but for most the surgery just makes life more tolerable or doesn't really change anything at all. Repairing any defect, be it a bone or tissue, never gets you 100% like the original equipment.

Since I am now on the road and on "the list" I have talked to a few post-ops. Mileage varies. Almost 100% hate dilation and several just don't do it. The majority are happy with the physical results. And, in my sphere, most everyone healed well (some a little longer than others). So, I am tentative but hopeful on mine. Having the resource of those who have done it is invaluable. One of the main reasons I like this forum. You get honest opinions.

Again, I'm sorry your results weren't what you expected and I do appreciate and applaud that you shared that here. As they say.."The more you know"

[becky77]

I almost don't want to read this as I already fear the op.
I really hope things get better April, it's horrible to hear that you are suffering.

I have already set myself up that the op won't solve my problems, it will just alleviate one issue.
I would say since transitioning my GD is gone, but I do suffer low self esteem and a feeling that I will never be adequate or fit, still I have felt that my whole life so things are still better.

If I had 100% problems before and Transition fixed 60%, surgery cured 10% then I'm still 80% better even if I will always have 20% issues carry over.

The key is being a realist, it can be depressing at times but at least you're ready.

I do feel like Arbon in that I can't conceive of a normal nice guy wanting me, that makes me question the procedure. Should I just have the cosmetic procedure and be safe but rule out any future relationships.
It does feel like a gamble and it makes me feel bitter that it's part of my life.

[Badtranny]

I only ask because I've watched others frankly get zero support in the community (not here, real world) because they didn't follow some cookie-cutter trans treatment plan because it wasn't right for them..

Yes but I think that is beginning to change.

As you know, I am one of those who eschewed the 'cookie cutter' transition. Started a whole blog about it, and I have definitely sensed a shift in the zeitgeist over the last 5 years.

There are still those who may believe that I am not "real", but they have a lot less support than they used to.

Also, it should be noted that of all the things I've had to endure during my transition, (which is over now for the record), bitchiness from the trans community barely registers on the difficulty meter.

[Lorileah]

I do feel like Arbon in that I can't conceive of a normal nice guy wanting me, that makes me question the procedure. Should I just have the cosmetic procedure and be safe but rule out any future relationships.
It does feel like a gamble and it makes me feel bitter that it's part of my life.

This could be a whole new thread. It is something I have thought for a long time. But again, I have reconciled the fact that I am doing it for me, not to gain a partner. To be honest, at this moment I have ruled out a lasting relationship. Then again, one can dream.

Melissa, you have always been the voice of reality here. I can't imagine anyone saying you aren't real. In the last month, when I talked to people about "Getting in line for surgery" I have had several look at me questioningly and say "You haven't had that already?" Point is, no one is going to see what's down there unless you want them to.

I hope support is getting better. My wish is to make it so for others. Talk to me in 6-8 months, and see if I change my feelings on that

[LeaP]

Motivation and need can change and did, for me. Before starting hormones, the thought of transition (surgery inclusive) may have been deeply frightening in some respects, but the psychological firestorm that I was in blasted me down the path. I would have done ANYTHING to stop all that. But then most of it dissipated with hormones! I briefly thought the GD was gone. End of path! Well, no. Turns out that the calm simply unmasked my physical discomfort, between what I expect and what I see. It's distressing and there's motivation in that. But an even stronger motivation is the despair over wasting my life. THAT distress gets worse every day. Worse, I hit a milestone birthday this year that sent me over the edge in that regard, almost to the point of giving up.

I'm not so specific about the need and motivation any more. It just feels like pressure to BE. '

Anyway ...

Tautological reasoning on the nature and extent of gender/sex issues in the face of physical difficulties (in particular) is dangerous. Physical pain, suffering, loss of basic functions and control - all can be every bit as debilitating as GD. People are driven to suicide by such things and short of that, can have their lives effectively destroyed. If "regret" is going to be invoked in this context, it would pay to be careful and respectful as to any implications.

[Angela Campbell]

One of the reasons I did everything for transition a little bit different. I had facial surgery but not exactly like others have, i had srs and still different from most. I am very pleased with the results, but the price was enormous.


I lost my job, house, car, savings, kids, and 90% of everything that I owned.

The experience of my srs was miserable, and yet better than what Arbon has gone through. Three months of agony, two surgeries, and 3 inches of depth. But it looks natural and I can orgasm.

Would I do it knowing what I know now? Yes I would. But I would caution anyone else to make sure that you are doing this for the right reasons, and know exactly what you are getting into.

I really didn't feel much different after the surgery emotionally or psychologically. I kinda expected to but I didn't. I do feel more complete though now, and despite the cost there are no regrets.

I chose my path not for sexual reasons, I never expected a normal sex life again. I went for a much less invasive procedure, no vaginal cavity, no dilation, much less healing time. Less chance of complications.

[dreamer_2.0]

Some really honest and powerful posts here. They remind me that the possibility of regret, while supposedly small, is still there. Some of the posts resonate with my own questions: Will I be alone forever? Will I truly be happy? Will I be seen as a real woman in the world? Will I understand what it's like to live without GD? Is all this actually possible or just a pipe dream? Will it be worth it? So many unknowns. Although one thing that is known is that I have to try. I can't imagine getting even older and still not doing anything about the GD.

I really hope things get better for you, April, and to all of us struggling...

[PaulaQ]

Yes but I think that is beginning to change.

I was more talking about the medical community. The trans community is definitely getting it. I generally counsel people to do GRS if pruning shears are starting to seem appealing - I.e. they have really serious dysphoria over their genitals. If not, I recommend against. For a lot of us, FFS is a much better use of coin. I base this on conversations I've had here and in my local trans organization.

Again though, it's hard to find a surgeon who'll make you androgynous. There's just a lot of pressure towards cisnormativity.

[Megan Thomas]

I can't speak for surgeons in other countries, but in the UK the NHS surgeons normally discuss a long list possible complications before you are put on the waiting list for surgery. It is major surgery, make no bones about it, with no guarantee of success and depending on the complication could leave you reliant on a stoma bag or worse.

A less than successful outcome can be devastating for the patient and I personally feel there is too little focus on this possibility during the counselling stage of NHS funded transition. I also feel the recovery times given for surgery are perhaps a little optimistic or based on a truly fit and healthy individual. If you have underlying health issues you should consider the prospect of a longer recovery period and a greater likelihood of complications - predominantly infection control and healing time.

The OP made a valid point about peeing being a messy business. It is for women generally when compared to the "point & shoot" of a male urinating. Feeling de-sexed is also a valid point, especially before (and if) clitoral sensation appears. For highly sexed people that in itself can be disastrous but keep in mind a sex life and relationships come in many forms. Standard intercourse is just one of the ways. As for dilation... Yeah, it's a pain, a life-long pain, and uncomfortable for many. Do not cast aside the prospect of thrice daily dilation following surgery, nor the ongoing requirement for some regular dilation for the rest of your life, without really considering if you can commit to it.

As for value for money, it depends where your dysphoria is focused the most IMHO. Sorting out your body below the waistline won't show as much as FFS, breast augmentation or a hair transplant does. If you lack in the latter areas then whatever your genitals resemble won't improve your mindset when you undress and look in the mirror. If you need procedures to look like a convincing female naked in the mirror then put your money into doing those before paying for GRS.

Ultimately it's your choice to do what you want, in the order you want, in a time frame you want. But as already said, take your time and really consider all the "what-ifs" of your intent.