Am I wrong to feel this way?.....

[Anita Mae GG]

My So "Danielle" and I compromised on his crossdressing. I have no problem with the dressing and seasonal shaving of legs and underarms. well he shaved his chest hair today. At first I was fuming. Now I am disappointed and still a little mad. We had an agreement and he broke it. Am I being dumb about this? I like his chest hair, it is sexy etc. I am just disappointed I guess that he went back on his word after I made such an effort to accept him and support him. Which I still do of course but just a little let down I guess that after all I have down for him in this aspect of his life that he couldn't do that one thing for me. That was one of only a few things I asked for in regard to crossdressing. Thoughts??????

[Tina Dixon]

So long chest hair, I hate it all most as much as back hair, why do we even need body hair, yuk, shave it all I say, let him do it, would you not shave your body hair because he likes it?

[Tamara Croft]

In all honesty, it is 'his' hair. However, you both made a compromise which he broke. A relationship is built on trust and that trust has been broken. It might only be a shaved chest, but that leads to other things being compromised. You are right to be mad, I'd be mad to.

One question though, if Danielle asked you to keep your hairs on your legs, cus she liked them like that, would you?

[pammiecd]

You have to realize that this is not going away. Believe me I tried. I'm almost 51, and I can trace my dressing back to about four years old. At this point of my life, I'm starting to do things that " I " want to do. I may die tomorrow, so I'm going to live my life the way I want to. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife, she's not a hundred percent for this, but she is not a hundred percent against it either. She's content with the middle of the road, and so am I.

[Maria D]

It doesn't matter if it's taking out the rubbish, shaving his chest or painting a fence, it's the fact the agreement was broken that would upset me.
There ARE other issues, such as who's body it is, and whether (s)he has a right to shave or not, but even so, the agreement was broken.
If it was me I'd discuss that side of it first, and explain that my trust had been betrayed and that I'd find it hard to believe in any agreement again.

I'm sorry you're upset, and hope you resolve things quickly together.

[Anita Mae GG]

In all honesty, it is 'his' hair. However, you both made a compromise which he broke. A relationship is built on trust and that trust has been broken. It might only be a shaved chest, but that leads to other things being compromised. You are right to be mad, I'd be mad to.

One question though, if Danielle asked you to keep your hairs on your legs, cus she liked them like that, would you?

I would compromise and do seasonal shaving.....

For the record, I keep my hair (on my head) long because he likes long hair. I might like it a little shorter cuz it's easier with 4 kids.

Thanks Tamara, you saw my whole point exactly. It's not JUST about the hair. It is about the promise.

He did say he was sorry though so that makes me feel better

[Joanne_2003]

You stated that you and your SO have a comprimise, my question is was shaving of chest hair addressed and determined to be off limits? If it wasn't did he actually break his/her word? If it was addressed and he did go back on the deal than he is wrong and you have the right to be upset.

You need to discuss your feelings about this to him and give him the opportunity to explain his, only then can the two of you move forward. My thoughts are with the two of you.

Joanne

[_Janelle_]

He did say he was sorry though so that makes me feel better

That's an old guy trick I'm afraid - it's easier to say sorry than ask for permission!

Having said that, I agree with you whole heartedly - there was an agreement and the agreement was broken. It all boils down to trust. If it was part of the agreement that he couldn't uphold for whatever reason, he should have talked to you first. I would sit him him down and say if he wants your support on his crossdressing, he has to play by the rules you both agreed to.

On the otherhand, maybe its no big deal - its just hair after all!

Good luck

Janelle.

[Katrina]

I agree with you Tammy Marie. I have a similar issue with my GF. She definately loves my chest hair. I am 50/50 on it - it doesn't bother me like other hair on my body, but it definately puts a cramp on my dressing activities and what shirts I can wear in public. I want to get rid of it but we agreed that I would not touch it, so no shaving for me.

[Julie Avery]

My sense is that neither your feelings, nor his desires, are right or wrong - feelings and desires are things that happen to us, not things we choose - although they certainly do make up a large part of our identity.

I would suggest exploring this: let him know that you will never be able to view him as a woman, but that you can love your "man who loves to be girly" (to do a riff on "My Husband Betty"). And press it further: let him know that there's not a person on earth born genetically female, who's going to be intimate with him, and really feel that they're being intimate with a woman.

Maybe if you know that he understands this, it might be easier for you to let him go farther in the feminizing direction his desires are pulling him (as mine pull me).

I hope this helps, just my $0.02 and best wishes to you both

[Raychel]

Personally I think taht if your are accepting of his dressing. The least he could do is respect your wishes about his chest hair. I know for me I am so greatful that my wife even accepts this at all. I try to respect anything that she wishes. If she says that I could no longer dress, I would have to accept that. She doesn't have to accept anything. I personally think that it is above and beyond the call of duty for any woman to have to deal with a husband that crossdresses. I am very happy that my wife will allow me to dress as much as I do. I think that you husband should have respected your wishes.

[Ms. Donna]

My So "Danielle" and I compromised on his crossdressing.

----- 8< -----

... after all I have down for him in this aspect of his life that he couldn't do that one thing for me. That was one of only a few things I asked for in regard to crossdressing. Thoughts??????

Hi Tammy,

I suppose I'll have to take your side on this.

As much as I dislike the body hair - chest hair especially for the reason to which Katrina aluded - my wife is partial to it so it stays. I get cut a fair amount of slack and she has come a long way with my generally ambiguous presentation. She gives - I give. It's the only way that things can work.

As much as it's Danielle's hair, you two did have an understanding and I'm sure that she knew full well how you were going to react. It's that pushing thing that we do. Every so often - much like a child - we push just a bit more to see what we can get away with. We'll always do it, so don't be surprised.

The two of you need to have a chat about this. Without making is a huge issue, Danielle needs to understand what her actions mean to you and she needs to be clear on what you need from her in order for you to be able to support her needs.

Don't let this become the start of something bad - for you both. Discuss it and work it out - I'm sure you can.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Wendy me]

Tammy your right abought that yes promisees should be kept..if your understanding abought your so's dressing then yes a little give and take is in order...your so right....( don't cut your hair)...........

[Amanduhrob]

Ok I'm going to go against the grain here...

What about his chest hair do you like so much? Do you find it sexy because it's "manly" and not femme?

Maybe because I'm required to be clean shaven, that it's a non issue for me, but if you're knowingly in a relationship with a M2F Crossdresser, why wouldn't you understand that he would prefer to remove all of his hair below his forehead?

He's the same guy with or without body hair, and I'm pretty sure that if he went bald, you would still love him for who he is.

Yes he broke a pact with you, and thats not cool, but was it a realistic pact? Or did he agree thinking that your acceptance level would change over time?

He is who he is, it's part of him, and the need/desire will never go away.

Love him for who he is, and not for who you want him to be.

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Tammy Marie,

Life is sometimes not fair and we have to do (or not do) things that we'd rather not. Compromise is usually the solution to most disagreements. You and Danielle had done this, you had agreed a compromise not to do something so that you could get along and move forward with regard to her crossdressing.

She has let you down....because she went back on her promise. If she was absolutely desperate to shave her chest then she should have come back to you first and talked about it some more. So what next? Well, that rather depends on you and your level of forgiveness...and it also depends on what Danielle can say or do to make you feel like she can still be trusted.

So your question "am I wrong to feel this way?" ....short answer...no.

[Lindahexi]

Hi Tammy,

I think the most important part of this is the broken agreement; the hair will grow back and if you both feel ok with it, after talking things through, that could be the end of the matter. However I can see this from both sides, for a crossdresser the chest hair really is a menace, and it's almost instinctive to shave it off, but lots of women do like their man to have chest hair. Do you think that Danielle deliberately broke the agreement with you, or is it possible that it was done without any real thought on the 'spur of the moment' ?
As the two of you have compromised so well about the dressing and the fact that you have been so accepting, I'm sure you can make a new agreement, on the understanding that trust be restored. Danielle is just so lucky to have such an understanding GG, many on this site would give anything to be in such a good relationship.

Hope it all works out OK,

Hugs,

Linda.

[jenafal123]

i just want to say i think you girls are so wonderful
your just so open and you make me feel free
love you all
Jena xxxxxoooo

[ShoppR]

Treat yourself an afternoon at the salon for a hair cut (I think you would look very good with short hair), and when you get home - beat the living c**p out of Danielle!

An agreement / compromise / negotiated settlement is an honor thing and for one party to violate the agreement strikes at the heart of the union.

I would be interested if Danielle knows how far she wants to go? How far she needs to go? Where does it all end?

Thank you for being supportive!

[Sweet Susan]

Chest hair sexy? I don't know. Do you think you'd be sexy with chest hair? Kinda doubt it. Could be you put your ideas of sexy where they don't exist. Just a thought.

Also, if I were you, I'd cut my hair if it's a hassle. He can learn to appreciate it the way you like it. Women who wear their hair for their husbands confuse me. If you don't like it, if it's a hassle, do away with it. Don't put your restrictions on him, and don't allow him to restrict you. Seems rather simple to me.

As far as the, "he broke his word," thing. What's it worth? He's a crossdresser, lighten up and get used to it. Five will get you ten that neither one of you are all of what you were when you married. He isn't going to quit being a crossdresser, so I'd say the two of you will be making deals and breaking them several times before you're talking to the bugs. That'll be fifty cents.

[Julie York]

i just want to say i think you girls are so wonderful
your just so open and you make me feel free
love you all
Jena xxxxxoooo

Ooh there's a little sparkle. You're welcome.




Thing is....you are technically in the right. But emotionally.....sometimes guys just think fk it. It was wrong. It is understood that within the rules it is wrong. But...well...fk it. They want to do it anyway.

You have an alpha CD on your hands. Lucky you. Or you probably wouldn't like him at all.

[Jacqui]

I agree with Raychel and Lindahexi.
Danielle should count her blessings that she has a wife like you who accepts and supports her cd desires.

As for me, I would give up Golf forever if my wife said to me, "Oooh, Jacqui, why don't we go to Victoria's Secret, they're having a great sale!"

I totally agree that you have a right to feel the way you do. Perhaps the next step as others have indicated is to speak to Danielle about whether or not your initial compromise/s are still valid or if there is a need to revisit and amend some of them to each of your approval.

Wish the both of you luck in whatever happens next.

Jacqui

[Mary Jane]

Tammy, I can understand your feelings. You had a compromise and he broke it. He should have come to you and talked about what he wanted to do. He should be in my situation with a wife that is not exactly accepting and he would be more appreciative of what he has. Accepting wives are not exactly the rule. He does not realize just how fortunate he really is.

[Sarahgurl371]

Tammy,

I am very torn about your question.

Yes you had an agreement and he broke it. You have a right to be upset about that.

From reading your posts you seem very accepting and supportive of your husband. Clearly we all appreciate that. I understand how you feel. My wife and I have both broken agreements now. It sucks, you feel that you are playing the game within the rules, and suddenly the other disregards them.

As a CD though, I understand were he is comming from. I cannot stand my body hair. I would luv to get rid of it all. Do you know how it feels (I guess most people do) to see something with your body that you do not like? But as a TG/CD, we are expected, for the comfort of others, to leave that item untouched and unchanged. "Normal" men and women are totally free to change themselves and thier body whenever they want because there is no "alternate" issue at work with it. Its simply - Its my body, and I do not like this, so I am changing it. What freedom!

My wife has raised objection to my shaving anything. So, for her sake, I don't do anything other than trim the top of my chest up (used to stick out of my shirt). Everyday I see this hairy body, and cannot stand it. Would love to shave it all off. But I don't, for her not me. She doesn't even realize that everyday I do not make MY body the way I want it, that I am repsecting her feelings. Everyday, I do something regarding CDing for her, not me.

Food for thought.

[ladyelaine]

Would it have been easy enough to make the best of this agreement by wearing a neck high top? It might well have been, or that's one first thought about the whole business. The agreement should have stuck, after all, this is not something haphzard like breaking a plate, is it? It takes a little time to get the razor out and all. Perhaps, there is more to be said in this instance.
Unlike a plate, there's no need to get the glue out and settle for a patch up, is there? Hope all works out for the best.

Elaine

[JoannaDees]

Yes, you are wrong to feel that way.

Does not make me right though!