Attracting guys while dressed in FABulous mode has

[chinabrown]

its issues like men being attracted to you and you are not gay are a willing participant.

people ask why do you dress like that if you dont like men.

its complicated.

guys try to group you.
Face picture with eyes covered on page 2

[flatlander_48]

cb:

I do like men, but I'm not actively pursuing anyone when I dress. That is not to say that I wouldn't, as I have in the past. It's just that at this point in my life I have other priorities. Besides, the last time I was initmate with another man was years before I dressed, so for me the 2 are not tied together that closely.

DeeAnn

[Dana44]

I like men also, but I go out with my SO and she and I stay close together so men haven't hit on us.

[Lily Catherine]

I have no sexual attraction to men so far, though the argument that I supposedly cross-dress to attract men is so common among those I know it's not even funny. Even my parents have openly asked me (worried tone notwithstanding) if I was gay when they outed me.

Of course it's easy to reduce a cross-dresser to their cross-dressing behaviour, and by extension to the most visible stereotypes locally. Although for the answer to why anyone cross-dresses would definitely be personal at best, regardless of whom you ask.

The only man I care about being attractive to is myself. Anyone else thinking I'm pretty/cute/whatever is secondary. I still don't know how I would feel to be hit on in physical space either, and there's no point imagining it yet.

[prene]

I have only dated women.
Not sure if I mind a guy looking nice at me though.
Most of the guys who have come on to me have been YUCKY and Nasty.
Not really wanting to talk or anything, just ...
I get out with 2 gg's and one guy safe and fun.
I am not into dressing to sexy ... just comfortable and feminine.
I have moved away from larger forms and such.

[MzVanessa]

I dress the way I find girls to look sexy... so I guess I dress to attract myself. At the same time though, I love attention from men and actually feel a thrill from it. It is the ultimate affirmation that I have done a pretty good job with the transformstion process.

[Paula J]

Yes, it's complicated to say the least. I consider myself straight. Not attracted to guys. I also like to dress in a way that is similar to the women I am attracted to.

I have yet to venture out into the world. But, the possibility of being hit-on buy guys is definitely something I have thought about, and to be honest, I'm not sure how I will feel about it or handle it. I think it would be a bit of a thrill and maybe give me some positive reinforcement, that I look as good as I hope to. But, I also get kind of nervous when I think about how I would respond. I certainly wouldn't want to anger someone by making them think I am leading them on... But, I wouldn't want to be rude either. And I'm really not sure how to handle a situation with someone who is overly aggressive or pushy.

I guess, you just have to figure it out as you go... It's definitely one of the many things I think about as I ponder making my first trips out into the world.

[pamela7]

seeing as we mostly don't pass (except in our dreams), guys hitting on you ought to be gay guys, and the thinking I've seen expressed here is that generally the gay guys don't like the crossdressers as such, unless they're so dolled-up as the OTT drag-queen, so that makes me wonder why they are (hitting on you)?

i get the best of both worlds as the man in a dress. it's unapologetic, there is no hiding. The ladies seem to treat me as one of them (immediately), and so do the guys (perhaps after an initial hesitation).

Musicians wear make up, so do many performers, and wigs; its no big deal from that perspective.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi China Brown, If you are attracting men then you must really be passing
and looking so natural and feminine in your presentation.

[Candice June Lee]

I haven't had this happen yet. Maybe because I am sheets in a group when we are out. I think it would be nice as a testament to my passing or blending. I would have to turn them down though. I am married and unless my wife says I can I just can't play that way, even though sometimes I want to.

[Claire Cook]

I have no desire to attract men. If someone were to hit on me (and no one has) I'd just flash my wedding ring, say I'm flattered but happily married and be on my way.

BTW, many lesbians dress quite normally as GG's and clearly are not trying to attract males.

[GenieGirl]

It creeps me out when guys hit on me. And when a random guy at a bar comes up and offers to buy me a drink I'm usually paranoid to drink it. I prefer not to attract men but I'm cursed there...

[pamela7]

Genie Girl, it's a compliment - you look so feminine even I feel an attraction to your profile image, and I just don't do "attracted to men". You pass!

[Katey888]

...guys hitting on you ought to be gay guys, and the thinking I've seen expressed here is that generally the gay guys don't like the crossdressers as such, unless they're so dolled-up as the OTT drag-queen, so that makes me wonder why they are (hitting on you)?

Genie Girl, it's a compliment - you look so feminine even I feel an attraction to your profile image, and I just don't do "attracted to men". You pass!

I think you've partly answered your own query Pamela... Ginger has a natural advantage over many, but with the benefit of beer goggles and club lighting some others will fall into that category too. (Beers are on me if that helps... )

If you read enough outside this forum, you'll realise there are a group of men who are attracted to CD/TS girls who do not exhibit what would be regarded as the 'normal' attributes of gay guys... There definitely appears to be a subset of largely hetero guys that reside in this space that can be attracted to 'us' without being attracted to 'men'. Personally, I have enough to occupy my mind dealing with my own demons without wondering why some guys like well-presented, femme-presenting trans girls but would not normally consider themselves gay...

It shouldn't be an issue but depends a lot on the venue you're at - if it's a well-managed place normally there are enough hunky security guys around to keep the pests at bay - that's why I favour accepting LGBT places...

A polite refusal or wedding ring flash should be enough to send them away, but I have heard tales of persistent hassles too - but that's guys... some of them are chancers...

Katey x

[Kate Simmons]

Guys are pretty visual, so if we look good en femme, they will tend to check us out and maybe even make a pass. That's the "price" for looking good. Kind of gives us an idea of how women feel when they are viewed as an object, no?

[Gabby6790]

I think (although I haven't been in the situation) I am in the "I would like the attention as an affirmation but wouldn't take it any further" camp.

[Stephanie47]

When I was in my twenties I had everything a woman would want. I was tall, 6 foot 2 before spinal collapse. I was 175 pounds of lean muscle from being in the army. I had blond wavy hair. That seemed also to attract unwanted men. In fact, one guy tried to pick me up on the New York City subway when I was sharing a pole with my wife. And, she was eight months pregnant. I suspect if I was dolled up as a long legged blond some guy would have tried to hit on me.

I have absolutely zero interest in men. I don't think this is at all complicated. Most MtF cross dressers are not gay. If someone can ever figure this all out one day, it would be great. If you're still racking your brains as to why, stop! You're wasting your time.

[Robin414]

I'm not attracted to men myself, had a weird dream once but no, not at all. I do get approached often though and although awkward I kinda take it as a compliment 😊

[Ceera]

There is definitely a subset of men who find CD/TG/TS girls attractive. Some consider themselves straight, and some consider themselves gay or bi. Before I ever started cross dressing myself, I certainly liked porn that had attractive, feminine looking TG girls in it. As a bisexual male, the fantasy of a potential partner who could pass fairly well for a pretty girl but was equipped like a male inside her panties offered something to please both sides of my interest, in a person who I could be seen with and not have everyone immediately assume we were not a straight M/F couple. I was much less attracted to gay males. It took a rather exceptional looking male to get my interest - and I repressed acting on that impulse even when I saw one. I never actively sought to date a TG girl back then, because I was repressing my own Bi side, trying to 'play it straight', and honestly, I wasn't in a position to encounter any TG girls anyway. But the attraction was there. If I had been comfortable with being openly bi back then, I probably would have made a pass at a good-looking TG girl, but certainly would have treated her like a gentleman, and if she said she was not interested in men, I would have politely accepted that and moved on.

Now that I cross dress myself and have learned to present well, I do fairly frequently encounter males who are attracted to me - especially if I am in a club that is frequented by gay or bi males. In a gay club, I'd say maybe 10% to 20% of the guys seem to have at least some interest in me. I'll get complements on how pretty I am, and offers to buy me a drink or dance with me, or to sit and chat with them. Now, I don't mind that myself. If they start out seeming nice enough, I'll allow them to buy me a drink and chat me up, and I'll dance with them and even allow some touching. But if they go farther than I am comfortable with, I tell them in no uncertain terms that they are going too far or moving too fast. In the worst cases, I point out that frankly, while guys are nice and all, I prefer girls, and that tends to put an end to it.

In the gay clubs, I get a stronger positive response from the lesbian and bisexual genetic girls. Most of them seem quite happy to dance with me, and to chat with me, and some buy me drinks and want me to hang out with them for the rest of the time we are at the club together. A small percentage, maybe 10%, want to get more physical - especially on the dance floor. I tend to let them take the lead in that area. If they start that sort of sexy dancing with me, we have fun with it. Otherwise, I respectfully keep it chaste. Lesbian girls really seem to like me, and like having me hang out with them. And since my own preference is stronger for female company than for male company, as Ceera I'm pretty much functionally a lesbian myself, and they seem to sense and accept that.

The other TG girls I have met when out and about all seem fairly friendly and like to sit and chat, but haven't shown any interest in me as Ceera, and I haven't been inclined to seek more than conversation from them.

So far, when I have been in a presumably straight public venue, I haven't had any guys (or girls) make a pass at me. But usually if I am in a bar or music venue other than a gay club, I'm hanging out with a pack of lesbians, and the group of us gives off a vibe that makes it pretty clear that 'males need not apply'. When I'm on my own or out as Ceera with my daughter, I get an occasional appreciative glance or comment from guys, but most people ignore me unless I intentionally interact with them.

Among those males that find us attractive, whether they think we're real girls or know we're TG and just don't care, we have the same issues straight genetic girls have. Some men who are attracted to us will be perfect gentlemen. Some will go way too far, way too fast, and will be touching and groping without permission, if you show the least bit of a friendly response. Some fall somewhere in between those extremes. You just have to deal with it they way genetic girls do. If you're not interested, or if they get too physical for your comfort level, politely tell them so. There's nothing wrong with saying, "Look, I'm just here to dance and enjoy the music. I'm not seeking to hook up with anyone tonight."

[IamWren]

Guys are pretty visual, so if we look good en femme, they will tend to check us out and maybe even make a pass. That's the "price" for looking good.

I'm a very visual person and I agree with Pamela... GenieGirl is GORGEOUS. : )

I've never been in a position to let anyone see me and although I'm straight (en femme I guess I'd be a lesbian?) if a guy were nice about it, hit on me and complimented me on how good I looked I think I would be absolutely giddy. I would take it as the ultimate confirmation of bringing Sayyidah to the surface... well, unless it was a creepy, yucky guy.

Kind of gives us an idea of how women feel when they are viewed as an object, no?

So with that in mind, if it were a creepy, yucky guy or or any guy for that matter who would persist and persist to the point of harrassment... why put ourselves in that position? Maybe for another thread but I saw a video recently of a guy who dressed up (and he seemed quite passable) for the purpose of seeing what Egyptian women go through on a daily basis. Pretty scary.

~ Sayyidah 'Sue'

[Tracii G]

I was with a GG friend one time in a country music type bar and a guy came up and asked me to dance so I did.
My GG friend thought is was cute but was concerned so she came and broke in and started dancing with us.
The guy was cool and danced with us both and took us back to our table after the dance and thanked us for the dance and gave us both a nice hug.
Did he know I was a CD I have no idea.
He may have had beer goggles on but he was cute and totally adorable. I would have loved dancing with him more but he never asked again.

Back on point I don't dress enfemme to attract guys I would rather they were attracted to me in guy mode.

[Allisa]

I dress to express myself not to attract attention, I'm not gay or attracted to men so no need to dress for them. I have been on the receiveing side of cat calls and whistles and I know I don't pass and am not "sexy" but I also do not attend places were I might be mistaken for someone on the hunt.

[katie_barns]

I always dress conservative so as not to attract the attention of men, or anyone for that mater. Fly under the radar so to speak. Not that it would bother me. I have had men flirt with me, and even ask me to dance. I love having the doors opened for me. I do like the attention of men when dressed, but scared to death when I get it. Go figure.
Maybe someday I will figure it all out.

[Dana does shopping]

Gentlemen ... we'll start with a size 11 Louboutin ...

[Dana L]

First of all I'd like to say I'm happily married. I've had this happen twice. I'm not attracted to men but it gives me a great feeling when men check me out or more. I made it real clear that I was a man when it went further than just checking me out. Maybe it was "beer goggles" but that doesn't send them running every time. I've danced with men and even been kissed by one. It's such a conflict in my mind because it makes me feel so good inside about a man finding me attractive but I'm straight and letting a man feel me up and kiss me is wrong, isn't it? Well enjoy what you're comfortable with and let them know you're into women if it goes beyond your comfort zone.