So. Much. Guilt.

[Marcelle]

I am not prepared to take the final step to transition but I have come about as far as I can in that I now live and work as a woman with my wife's support and understanding. However I can't help feeling guilty as I am not the person she married . . . well I am in the sense I am me but I am no scruffy faced macho military guy anymore . . . just a strong person how has found her way. My wife confirms she is still good with our relationship but still I feel guilty and sometimes I want to hide my joy of feeling free to be who I need to be.

Cheers

Isha

[RobinCA]

It not your "fault" that you want to be the woman you are inside on the outside. I know it's hard for everyone else, but it's way harder for us. I know exactly what it feels like to be trapped in a "man suit". I deal with it every day. You shouldn't be made to feel guilty about wanting to be who you truly are. All those that you've told should feel honored that you shared your ultimate secret with them, and they should apprlaude you for being so courageous. You took a huge step in realizing your dreams. You go girl! Never feel guilty about who you are, and who you need to be.

[kimdl93]

Yes, I know. I feel that burden Dailey..shit, moment by moment.

[MeowKitty]

Hi Zooey, I am so sorry you feeling guilty for being true to yourself. Those you feel you have hurt by transitioning may one day understand you needed to be self actualized to be happy and with that realization love will follow. Life is full of ups and downs and by taking one step closer to who you need to be should never be diminished by regret. Life is a forward journey and take pride in the progress you make or guilt will only darken your heart. Know that you are loved and never forget that. Big hugs!

[Zooey]

It's not that I feel guilty for being true to myself, although I could certainly understand how people might see it that way.

I feel guilty for not being true to myself sooner, because it led people to form beliefs, relationships, and ways of living that at least partially relied on an identity that was never real (despite what I desperately wanted to believe at the time).

[charlenesomeone]

OMG Zooey, on October 1 I filed my name change paperwork. I had no intention to post that here, but your post is 1000 percent how I felt.
May we lead a interesting life is a vast understatement.
Hugs

[Zooey]

Congratulations! Now if the damn county court would just hurry up and assign me a court date...

It's been a week, and I will most likely be harassing them on Monday about it.

[Janelle_C]

The gilt was the hardest thing for me to deal with. But I dealt with it. I realized that it's not my falt! I could not be that it her person anymore. Two years later I was just talking to a friend about gilt, and I said my kids and my wife and my grandchildren are so much richer relationships because they get to know the real me!

[Rachel Smith]

I used to feel guilt and shame but that is all gone now because the ones I felt the most guilt and shame for are no longer in my life but that was their choice not mine. I do feel sorrow for causing them pain but again it was their choice not to speak to me anymore. Other than those 3 people everyone else can accept me or not I don't really care as I still have my Mother, Father sisters and brother and 2 really great friends in Michelle and Rick.

[Kate T]

One of the lessons I learnt from my mother and grandfather growing up was this: You make decisions, you face the consequence of those decisions, good or bad. If the outcome is bad you do your best to make it better, but that is all you can do, your best.

Lea, Kaitlyn, and Nigella, I echo your thoughts. Yes I do sometimes feel guilty, I feel guilty that my daughters won't have their father walk them down the aisle when they get married (IF they get married!), I feel guilty that my son won't have a father to attend Father / Son days at school or elsewhere, I feel guilty that my wife will never again have that standard heater privilege and acceptance etc. etc. I take ownership of the guilt, no, I didn't ASK to be TS, but I did choose to do something about it. With forgiveness and love from others you can acknowledge the guilt but also take responsibility for it and be able to say yes, I DID that, BUT I am damn well making sure that I do my level best to make it better given that I have done it.