Because HRT has been painfully subtle, I feel a lot of my old dysphoria coming back. This means just about everything involving gender becomes a trigger. Men remind me of what I physically am; women remind me of what I physically am not.
Since starting to come out, I've made several wonderful female friends and have gotten closer with existing ones. I absolutely adore spending time with them, far more than hanging out with the guys. The thing is though, they're all triggers. Everything about them: they're lives, experiences, dates, clothing, etc.
Sometimes these triggers hit harder than usual and I find myself cursing my friends in my mind. Of course they don't deserve this resentfulness, but my brain doesn't seem to care much about that.
Given how being around them affects me negatively, I tend to avoid the trigger inducing friends. Am I wrong in avoiding them, in pushing them away? If they call me out, should I be honest and explain how they're a trigger? I can't see many people appreciating being told that.
Any thoughts?