Learned something new coming out

[PretzelGirl]

I have decided that I am out and out to stay. So while it may not be a daily discussion, I am not making any efforts to hide my past either.

I work with a team regularly and for about the last 7 years. We meet once a week and there are about 15-20 of us each week. Well, Friday night is my one year full time (at 6:30 PM to be exact). Because of the closeness of the team, I decided at this week's meeting to have a personal moment and thank them for their support, which has been exceptional as they have completely treated me as a woman from the beginning, no questions asked ever. One problem is that 9 months ago we took on a new team member who was new to the company. She is Serbian, so I had no clue how she would react because of cultural differences. She certainly is a nice and happy person.

So my time came to talk and I looked at the lady and said that if anything I said was confusing, that we would talk after. I got teary eyed (hate that at work) and thanked everyone for a year of support and that my life was wonderful now, probably in a lot more words. We finished the meeting and she came and sat next to me. I pulled up my security badge photo on my laptop and said "this is on my current badge", then I pulled up my old one and said "this is the previous one". She looked it and gave the normal "no way". When I nodded, she just said "you are a woman and he doesn't exist" and then hugged me. I asked if she knew anything at all and she said no. I then said "no rumors?" and she said no.

Really? No rumors and she started working here just three months after my transition. I never imagined that would happen. You assume you are tagged by everyone that has been around. With a large workplace, rumors and drama are almost the rule. I have to say, I really have a bunch of great co-workers!

[Badtranny]

that's really great.

If only it were always so.

Thanks for not hiding from your past. It helps all of us when we're not ashamed of who we are.

[GabbiSophia]

That's actually really cool. Congrads

[PretzelGirl]

I am glad I am in a position to do it Misty. I know it is hard for many. It was actually one of my first struggles post transition was how visible I was going to be. I talked with my sister and ironically she said "just be a woman". I couldn't do it. I was already engaged and seeing too many problems and it touched me.

I just realized that I passed on saying something last week. But two weeks ago, my director's admin called me and offered me a seat at the Women's Tech Awards Luncheon, a Utah based organization, which was held last week. The company bought seven seats. I go and of course it is all ladies and I am sitting with the Director of Quality Assurance, Director of Manufacturing, and Director of HR along with three other Engineers. So in a company of 3300 people with lots of options, they recognized me as a woman and invited me. They really rock!

[Eringirl]

HI Sue: What a wonderful story.....thank you for sharing! Made my day.

Yes, for those of us in fortunate enough to have such a positive work environment, it is truly a blessing....but I know that it is not the case for many of us and I do feel for others who are not as fortunate. When I speak with others in my organization that know of other people that have transitioned or that transitioned themselves (I ain't the first by a long shot...) they all say that the first 48 hours are filled with inquiries and questions etc, but after that, everyone gets on with their lives and jobs. As long as you do your job and are professional, they move on...quickly.

Well done on your part. You have worked very hard to get where you are....and it shows.

Erin

[I Am Paula]

Thanks for the wonderful post. There are a lot of great people out there.
The advice 'Just be a woman' is so simple, yet so true.
I also do not advertise my status, but it is no secret, and I don't mind people asking polite questions. I feel stealth is a great way to go for a younger person who really can just disappear into the status quo. I transitioned late, and don't mind educating a bit.
No rumours? Miraculous. Keep it up.

[Badtranny]

Stealth is a pipe dream for later transitioners. We have too much history behind us and it's a hell of a lot easier to WANT to forget the past than it is to DO it.

I can tell you for sure that your perspective will change roughly every 6 months. I am a completely different person in many ways in year three than I was in year one.

Our power does not come from being invisible, it comes from being visible yet still being accepted as a woman.

The movie Ex-Machina makes a fascinating point in regard to the Turing Test. (google it)

The robot subject looked like a robot and the human subject commented to the builder that the test would be invalid since he knows the robot is a machine. The response was something along the lines of; "I want you to know she's a machine, but accept her anyway". I think that is the essence of of our struggle. To be so real that we are accepted anyway.

In that effort, we help to lower the bar for that acceptance.

[Nigella]

Sometimes we fear that which is not there. As Melissa pointed out, transitioning late in life has its drawbacks as regards to how much we can hide our past. This is even more so when we transition on the job as it were. We make assumptions that initially are well founded, especially when we first tell the world, but we tend to forget that we are just a flash in the pan, something else generally comes along and becomes flavour of the month.

Sue's story has highlighted the fact that if you are open and honest then you will be accepted for who you are. Glad things are going well for you Sue

[Barbara Ella]

So happy for you Sue, you have worked so very hard for what you are, and it is so good to see others recognize and support it. Stay the course.

Barbara

[Leah Lynn]

Congratulations Sue. What positive feedback!

Hugs,

Leah

[PretzelGirl]

I agree that being open and honest definitely helps. If people see you are comfortable with yourself and not backing off, they accept you easier. I believe some of that comes from a bully mentality where the quiet and reserved get targeted. I know it is tough for some to be open due to dealing with dysphoria, and that is sad. So not everyone can be as outgoing. I always said that I feel totally blessed by those around me and I wish I could bottle up what I have and pass it out.

And Misty is right (again). I could have totally left it alone in the beginning, never volunteered, never mentioned being trans*, and I still would have received a spreadsheet of time card charges today against a program I work on and all mine showed up as my old name. Bleah. Someone reusing a spreadsheet from over a year ago. It is fixed now, but those things do happen.

I do expect my perspective to continue to change too. I learn more. My mind hopefully settles more. My environment might grow with me along with other people. Probably more I am not thinking about. You can't assume you know what your future holds.

I know I am kind of straddling two "realities" on whether I advertise my status or not. At work and my side business, it doesn't come up except in rare educational moments. My bringing it up at the meeting was a break from the norm. But then I go out volunteering where my bio states "Sue identifies as a Transgender woman and also as an Intersex individual" and I make posts on my Facebook page, and it is a different reality between the two.

I am still bewildered by the lack of rumors. When I hired on in 2004, the last person to transition on the job before me was 1-2 months in their transition. I heard about her over and over. Today someone referred to her by her dead name. With that experience, I just didn't expect to have zero rumors.

[Jennifer-GWN]

Sue;

What a wonderful story and experience and really show a lot about you, how you carry yourself and the personality that you show. Feels good. Surprises like these are to be cherished as many experience a very different reception or experience.

Cheerio girl. Good on you.

Cheers... Jennifer

[grace7777]

Sue,

It is so nice to hear about the positive experiences you are having. Hopefully in the future experiences like yours become more the norm for trans individuals.

[kimdl93]

That's wonderful, Sue! Of course we wish it were always so, but life is seldom a tabla rasa. It takes time and skill to clear the tablet.

[Raychel]

That is awesome that your work has supported you that well.
and even better that you are accepted that well.

Congrats on the rest of your life.