Hi ladies,
I must tell you about my day yesterday. So I am not a person to do anything halfway, once I decided I am doing something I am committed to the end. So my feelings are exploring the femme side of me have built really fast and despite a brief pause where I was dealing with some guilt, the urge to accept this part of me and figure out where in fits into my life has continued to build.
So to set the stage for those who haven't read my previous posts. I am 41, been fighting these feelings my whole life. Last November after a brief stint in the hospital and becoming keenly aware of the brief time I have on the face of this earth. I decided that I was done fighting and just needed to deal with this however that may be. I wrote a letter to my wife trying to explain things and it didn't go so good at first. But after about 6 months, she said that she doesn't want to know about it, but loves me for who I am and understand this is a part of me. About two months ago I went out and bought my first dress. The sales associate was super nice and was the first person to ever see me dressed (no hair, make-up, or bra, just a guy in a dress). Ok, we are done with the highly abbreviated history.
Due to various factors in my life, I felt the need to dress and I really want to know where this all falls and fits in my life. I didn't think dressing all the way was what I wanted to do. The couple of times I had ever played with make-up it always felt fake to me, I don't want fake, its not who I am, and watching some videos on how to apply make-up I walked away with the same feeling. So I thought I was just going to be happy being a guy in a dress (or skirt, I love... skirts). But I also felt this little voice telling me to just go all the way. So yesterday I did. And it was fantastic! It wasn't fake, it was me... Any doubt any guilt got all washed away. I just enjoyed the day.
So I started my day, by waiting for stores to open, I had to pick up a bra and a tummy slimmer. Then I headed off to a little wig shop that I had found on line. It wasn't the closest, but for some reason I was drawn to this one. they had just opened when I got there and only one of the owners was there, and she was kind enough to let me change in their back room. The two ladies who own the shop were so understanding and made me feel so comfortable and helped me pick out a wig that was perfect for me. Then knowing that I was planning on going to Sephora, they offered to do my make-up. I had to take my glasses off as Hallie worked so it was a surprise when she was done. I was totally blown away... I could not believe that it was me in the mirror. I loved it. I really, really wanted to cry but didn't want to ruin the make up. So I held it in.
From there I left and headed off into the great big world. The first time that sunlight had ever hit Millie. I would comment on ow wonderful it felt to have the air hit me, but this is Arizona and it was mid morning and we were already pushing 100F (38C). But it was great. I headed off and went for a walk in a park, then off to lunch, then the library (I had work I had to do), and then finally to the mall where I did some window shopping and tried on some shoes and a dress. Then came the saddest part of my day, it was time to dress back into drab.
But my day was absolutely wonderful. At least from a distance, I looked like a woman and I got treated like one. I got friendly hellos and even mammed a couple of times. I loved it, I loved it, I loved it... I just had to share. I am not sure when my next chance will be to dress all the way, but I can't wait.
I posted a few pictures over in the pictures section...
Thank you for listening...
Millie
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