Stealth or near-stealth dressing questions

[Charlotte_P]

I have been blending some girl jeans, shoes and tops for a couple of years with nary a sideways glance. I have made an art form of imperceptible makeup. Don't have long nails or any hair for that matter.

I did get a bra strap noticed one day when I was getting gas and paying cash. I could tell the guy behind me saw the strap by the look on his face when I turned around, plus he was still looking at my shoulder. I didn't remember that morning that I was going to need gas and wore a bra under my tshirt like I usually do on my way to work. Only to take it off under the shirt a couple of blocks before my shop. He didn't say a word to me, but a that could have been because I was about 6 inches taller and over 100lbs heavier than he was and I am sure he didn't want to risk it.

Charlotte

[Dana44]

1. How how do you think you are perceived?

As an effeminate male or gay.
As a male who has an unorthodox sense of style (like goth).
As gender related: genderqueer/CD/gender-fluid/etc.
As transsexual.
As a woman.
Other, and if so, then what
.
So far I've been identified as a woman. Been a couple times i did get a few looks, like one lady in a department store. That particular day I think I probably did look out of place.


2. Which of the above do you feel like when you wear these things? A woman.

3. How would you like to be perceived? As which gender would you like to be perceived? A woman.

[Jennifer W]

I have no idea how I am perceived. Last Thursday I actually went and did all my errands while wearing Victoria's Secret yoga pants and a Under Armour sweatshirt with a bra and T-shirt underneath. A huge step for me. No one said anything to me.
I'd like to be seen as an ordinary guy who wears whatever he feels comfortable in.
I'm sure that isn't what is seen.

[Cheryl James]

Having just returned from my favorite grocery store (self-check out) this question is very much to the point. As often as possible I go about my daily business dressed entirely in female clothes like leggings, skinny jeans, shorts, capris, t-shirts, dress shirts, women's flip flops or sandals. I do not wear a wig, generally, for daytime outings, but my hair can be fluffed up a bit to a point that few men would ever wear theirs. I do wear a bra with modest projection and other things have been hidden away.

Occasionally, people give me a second glance. One young woman left her male partner and tracked me for about two aisles and, then, did a slow walk by designed to appear as though she was looking for something, but in reality wanted to get a closer look at me. In general, though, people are busy and not there to people watch, so I have had no incidents. I really believe that all of the publicity about transgenders and transsexuals, people have become, somewhat, immune to a reaction when seeing someone who is "different".

In answer to your questions:
1. I have no idea how I am perceived. With leggings or skinny jeans, possibly, I am perceived as an amputee.
2. I "feel" female, but I feel female no matter what I am wearing...even though nobody would ever guess that
3. I would like to be perceived as transgender

[AmandaM]

1. Others thought I was gay. In my experience it's the most common assumption.
2. I don't feel like a woman but I do feel more feminine. It takes a complete dressing to feel more like a woman.
3. Doesn't matter unless completely dressed.
Note: I have off-and-on TS feelings, but I am not TS per se.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Reine, I wear skinny leg ladies jeans have triple pierced ears with two studs and
a tiny hoop in the bottom a neck chain and wrist chain and thin nylon trouser
stockings most of the time and my nails have clear coat hard as nails 24/7 365.

I'm just a guy that marches to a different Drummer !.

[UNDERDRESSER]

Have been wearing skirts full time for about 5 months now. A few times have worn opaque hosiery.

1. Not sure, my co-workers should know I'm not gay, as my GF works there too. I haven't had many conversations with customers or other public, the few that I have, everybody seems to have been fully accepting that I just like it. No-one has actually questioned my orientation, though a small percentage seem to harbour some suspicions. Regardless, most of the women say they approve, and I've not detected any sarcasm or insincerity. I definitely think some would have been open to a date if I'd wanted.

2. I feel like a straight guy who is comfortable showing what most would describe as some feminine characteristics.

3. See my answer to number 2.

So far, I am quite happy, and a little surprised that it has gone as well as it has.

[Nadine Spirit]

Interesting questions. I think your title is somewhat deceiving though as some of the stuff you mentioned, like painting fingernails, is not very stealthy at all. But whatever.... As far as things along these lines that I do, I have both ears pierced twice and wear small hoops, I have my nails painted 24/7, currently they are sparkly red with black tips, I wear female shoes, like converse on occasion, sometimes I will wear female clothing items like socks or shirts or jeans, I wear female jewelry like my lovely diamond and sapphire wedding ring, I also wear scented lotions.... hmmmm..... I think that is it.... oh wait, nope, I carry a Coach wallet, and occasionally my Coach purse. And just to further clarify I will do this stuff anywhere.... as in yes I present this way most of my life most shockingly to some, at work as well. Thrilling mouthful!! Ugh....onto the questions:

1 - How do I think I am perceived?
Honestly, I wish I knew. I kind of want to ask my coworkers what they think. No one has said anything blatant or obvious to me. My wife works with me and no one has said anything around her either. I think maybe they are kind of afraid of violating some law or rule or something and don't want to be nailed for harassment or something. Outside of work, when I am not with my wife, I think people perceive me as gay. Occasionally I think the public is becoming more educated and some do take me as transgender.

2 - Which of the above do I feel like when I wear these things?
Sometimes my brain still screams out "freak" to me when I see my own reflection. I am becoming more and more comfortable with the idea of being transgender, and that is how I think of myself. Oh that probably need clarification - I feel as though I exist somewhere between a male and a female, wherever that is!

3 - How would I like to be perceived?
As transgender... i.e. - as someone who exists somewhere in the middle of the gender spectrum.

So, um, yeah, there you go!

[KatieV]

1. Perceived as CD/gender fluid. When out and about en drab, woman are curious, pleasant and accepting - like "That lip color will look great on you!" or "Are you going somewhere special tonight?" They do enjoy the interaction, as do I.
2. Feel girly - hard to differentiate but not the same as feeling like a woman. Yes, this is a None of the Above response.
3. In this situation, would like to be perceived as being on the female end of the gender spectrum, and interacted with as a woman.
Now, did I pass? The test, I mean.

[Luciana]

1. How how do you think you are perceived?
As a ridiculous man dressed with woman clothes.

2. How do you feel like when you wear these things?
A yummy and super-feminine woman.

3. How would you like to be perceived?
A yummy and super-feminine woman.

4. As which gender would you like to be perceived?
Female.

[ReineD]

KatieV, this isn't a test. lol I was just curious.

I'm actually surprised at how many people here identify as a form of gender fluid. When I first started the thread, I expected most everyone to tell me they felt they were perceived as women and they also felt they were women. (This is why I asked the people who are TS to identify as such, because we already know they identify as women. I was wondering mostly about the non-TSs.)


Thanks everyone for your responses!

[sarahcsc]

Hi ReineD,

When out, I put forth my most feminine feature of myself, and that is my face. I rarely wore makeup but my long hair does most of the convincing. I'm blessed that way.

I don't have a nice feminine body... hence I avoid wearing tight jeans, women's T-shirt or anything too feminine. However, I don't mind wearing feminine clothing.

The most feminine article I wear, is actually my necklace. It is tiny, elegant and feminine. I always grip unto it in times of distress and somehow it gives me strength

1. How how do you think you are perceived?

People who don't know me, such as my patients, might confuse me for a woman which I don't necessarily feel the need to correct. Lol. But people who knew me, would not confuse me for being a woman but asks about my hair frequently.

I like to think that I'm being perceived as a woman from afar but my broad shoulders and Adams apple often give me away. Most people can still tell that I'm a man when observed up close.

2. Which of the above do you feel like when you wear these things?

I feel like a woman.

3. As which gender would you like to be perceived?

This is a tricky question, ReineD. I think which gender I wished to be perceived depends on who is perceiving me. I would like to be perceived as a woman by most people, but I'm a little mixed when it comes to my loved ones or girlfriend. These are the people who have known and loved me as a male, and to expect them to perceive me in a different way, is also asking them to change the way they are treating me.

I know I'm probably delusional about this, but if possible, I'd like the feeling to be mutual. That is, I would like to perceive myself as woman just as much as I'd like my loved ones or girlfriend to do the same.

However, my mother was very clear in her mind that she has given birth to a son, not a daughter; my brother was not confused when he played basketball with me as a younger brother, not sister; and my girlfriend made it clear to me that she is not a lesbian, although she does find a lot of things about me attractive.

In other words, it isn't as straightforward as I would like it to be.

In contrast, I couldn't care less about what the world think of me.

I don't think I fit into the TS box which some forum members endorse here so I wouldn't identify myself that way.

Why do you ask all these questions, Reine?

Love,
S

[Brenn]

Have been wearing skirts full time for about 5 months now. A few times have worn opaque hosiery.

1. Not sure, my co-workers should know I'm not gay, as my GF works there too. I haven't had many conversations with customers or other public, the few that I have, everybody seems to have been fully accepting that I just like it. No-one has actually questioned my orientation, though a small percentage seem to harbour some suspicions. Regardless, most of the women say they approve, and I've not detected any sarcasm or insincerity. I definitely think some would have been open to a date if I'd wanted.

2. I feel like a straight guy who is comfortable showing what most would describe as some feminine characteristics.

3. See my answer to number 2.

So far, I am quite happy, and a little surprised that it has gone as well as it has.

I think this is very close to how I would answer these questions as well. I have a hunch that most men don't really notice when I am wearing ballet flats or sheer hosiery. Women may notice a bit more, but I have never had anyone say anything. People who do not know me probably assume i am gay, just because the media has created this stereotype (that really doesn't exist as far as I can tell). Hopefully, enlightened folk think I am just an eccentric guy who is not afraid to be comfortable.

[ReineD]

Why do you ask all these questions, Reine?

Because I have a tendency to draw my own conclusions based on what I read between the lines. Over the years I've discovered here that often, the appearance of things is sometimes deceptive and it is best to ask a question directly if I want to understand than to "think" that I know people's motives based on the impressions I get from their avatars and posts. Hence the questions.

[Paulacder]

Have never heard of the term Stealth but it sure fits. For many years I was unable to fully dress so wearing a few fem. articles of clothing worked for me. Then as time passed I constantly increased my fem attire. Lady's jeans, white canvas deck shoes, anklet, sweat shirt, earrings, a light makeup, ladies large sun glasses, seems to be my every day dress. And as you always hear said. "And no one notices"...

[Stephj]

I tried wearing lady's jeans and shirts but it just wasn't me just a bra and panties through I work mainly with females just a few males but everyone there plus people outside of work tell me I act more female traits than male I am just trying to be myself I really don't know how I present myself to others