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Thread: Wife found some of my things

  1. #26
    Senior Member
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    Whenever I read one of these posts from someone who has to hide a part of themselves, I am so glad that I told all before marriage and I dress, keep my clothes in the closet and drawers next to hers and wear whatever takes my fancy. I don't think I could live with these sorts of restrictions.

  2. #27
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    Funny thing Glenda...

    In October last year you posted a similar circumstance... and in November the previous year the same thing again... D'ya think if you just got better at hiding stuff this wouldn't happen...?

    Or if you've agreed to keep it hidden consider that you actually have ownership of doing that and a responsibility towards your wife...?

    I don't understand why you say your wife was 'alright with it' when this is what you said shortly after you got married:

    Just want to let you know I got married last week. And yes she knows about my crossdressing and she still married me. But she doesn't want to know about it.
    Her position seems pretty clear to me - perhaps her tolerance would be improved if you kept your part of the 'bargain'...

    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  3. #28
    Silver Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    that solution is not realistic, It will NOT go away, she has to deal with it, you can't go on like this it will tear you apart. IMHO. My wife enjoys my crossdressing and my style is much more girly than hers, she is a strong woman and not intimidated by my femme side, she is my biggest supporter, and I, hers.

  4. #29
    Feminine Fun Staci's Avatar
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    I agree that you should not break the agreement without discussion ahead of time. My wife and I talked about it a lot. She also knew before w got married but still wrestles with it from time to time. I can be very open with her and she even uses me as her full size Barbie to dress and put make-up on. This again came after significant and continued discussions. She understands that I don't want to be a woman I just like dressing like one and feeling like one for a while. She even says I am much more relaxed when dressed. Probably because for a while I can escape some of the normal pressures of real life. I love to dress up. I love the feeling when dressed. I love the action of putting the clothes on. Somehow she understands. I don't know if I could do the same if it went the other way so I feel very fortunate. Sorry for the rambling. Back to the original topic. Love her and don't let her go because even DADT is better than most can hope for.

  5. #30
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    Whatever you do don't take my advice because I have always said rules are meant to be broken. Need to dress like a woman then just giver shit. One has to remember is it worth the consequences? LOL

  6. #31
    Junior Member Luciana's Avatar
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    This is the kind of topic that hits all of us that lives a crossdressers' secret life (including me).

    About 4 years ago, my wife has found my stuff and it was one of worse moments of my whole life. Specially because in more than 30 years doing crossdressing it was the ONLY time I got caught. We was building our house so we were temporarily living in a VERY small place. All of my stuff were stuck in one of that software card boxes. I had removed all the CDs and manuals and put my lingerie in place. There was also some condoms for my 'wet moments'.

    So, she was looking for something that she couldn't find anywhere and decided to look EVERYWHERE. I was just a few steps away working in front of the computer so I wasn't aware that she was starting to mess with my stuff. Suddenly she opened that card box and yelled 'WTF is that?'. When I turned back to look at her, she was just pulling my lingerie out from the box. Geez... the sensation was like to be hit on my face by a heavy brick. I simply froze and didn't know what to say and I just had to admit that the clothes were mine. Period. The atmosphere became very cloudy as I almost could read her mind and see that she was thinking that I had cheating her with some bitch and that those clothes belong to 'the other'. This was what scared me more. But I controlled myself and just kept quiet because I knew that it wasn't the best moment to try to explain anything. Then I just calmed down and left some time to pass.

    The rest of that day was awful. So by the end of the day I had time to relax and think about everything. Also I knew that I couldn't torture she anymore with the idea that she was being cheated. Then we seated together and I told her that I was NOT cheating her and that there was NOT anyone else and I could see a big relief in her face. So I told her how I loved her and how I was happy with our life. It made easier to tell her the second part. Then I told that I had bought those things to wear myself because I had seen somewhere that there was a lot of men that did that so I wanted to try. Then I lied and told that it was a mid-age stuff. Yeah, I didn't reveal that I do crossdressing since my 12 because I think that it would be too much.

    She understood, things became to normal again (the next few days were a bit weird, but with time everything was forgotten) and I put Luciana to sleep for a long time until a few weeks ago when I started to do my crossdressing again.

    ——————

    I think that only a very small number of women is ready to know about such actions of their husbands. Let's face the reality: it's weird. As someone else has stated (and I feel the same way), at the same way I like to dress sometimes it makes me think I am insane. So putting myself in the shoes of my wife, I don't know if I would be able to say just "oh, ok.". And after to read all the posts, it is clear for me that even the wifes that 'accept' the fact aren't really happy with it. They simply accept it because after to balance things the plate of the 'goods' still are heavier than the plate of the 'bads' in their marriages. I think that it is something like a bitter remedy they have to take.

    I think I wouldn't like to insert this bitterness in my wife's life just to have the freedom of doing my 'perversions' without the fear of being caught again. I just love her too much to do it to her. Besides, I am a very discreet person and to confess this trace of my personality just would make me to live in a continuous shame, as every time she looked at me I would guess that she would be judging me for being a crossdresser. OK, I am going to be triple careful from now on to avoid to be caught again. But it may happen. IF it happens probably I wouldn't be able to use the 'mid-age' excuse again and there is a big chance of have to make the confession. But I won't upfront things. I only will do that if I have too. Maybe I never have to.

    ——————

    Now, someone has mentioned that the only alternative that a woman married to a crossdresser has is to accept it or quit and take the chances of getting someone that may be a beater or even a criminal. I simply cannot agree with such assumption! There are several men out there that aren't crossdressers and yet are very good people. I could not be a crossdresser and I would not be a bad person because this. I think that even insinuate such thing for a wife is a kind of psychological abuse, because it sounds like a menace. I am a very good husband despite being a crossdresser or not. To imagine that I am the only man in the world able to make my wife happy is just a silly way of see things.

  7. #32
    Gold Member ~Joanne~'s Avatar
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    The atmosphere became very cloudy as I almost could read her mind and see that she was thinking that I had cheating her with some bitch and that those clothes belong to 'the other'.

    This is why I think lingerie is one of the worse articles of women's clothing that we can have in our clothes collection, especially if You are in the closet. DADT, well maybe it isn't as bad but being in the closet? that is a recipe for disaster. This is the first thing they think when they fumble across it and with good reason. It makes the "lying" that much more potent and unless you have more to show her to try and prove your case that it is yours, it's a very hard sell.

    it is clear for me that even the wifes that 'accept' the fact aren't really happy with it.

    I don't believe that this is a true statement, not fully. My SO accepts this, Supports it and takes part in it. While she may not be "overly happy" about it, She not displeased by it either. She knows it is a part of me that isn't going to go away and after almost 3 years of being completely out and honest about it, it has become normal for her (her words not mine). I guess it comes down to how loving and supportive your SO is in everything you do.
    Flip Flops were made for Beaches & Bath Houses, We have neither in 2017. Lose the flip flops!

  8. #33
    Member Anne K's Avatar
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    My moment of truth came while making love and my SO spontaneously initiated a role reversal. It blew my mind and I loved it! BTW, we have known each other for 40 years, are on our 3rd relationship together, and will be getting married next year. Until that point our relationships have been totally traditional and I never revealed my CD adventures. Anyway, while we were laying together and basking in what just happened, she asked me if I ever thought about CDing. To say I panicked would be an understatement! I told her I never even considered it. I spent the rest of the night fretting about not being truthful and the ramifications of being truthful. Finally, I decided that I would throw caution to the wind and tell her the truth. She is a psychotherapist and as GG as they get. If she did not take it well, I hoped that she would let me down easy. At breakfast, I came clean. She looked at me and asked me if I was going to go through the whole TG process. I told her that I was not. She smiled and reached for my hand. Here's the important part: I told her that if I did not have her Permission & Participation I would bury my CD instincts -like I have done all my life- and she would never have to deal with it. She is too important to me. She thought a moment and said,"OK, we'll have a lot of fun with this!" Since then, she helped me purchase my first wig (so did she), helped with makeup and polish, and working on my wardrobe. We are having a lot of fun. Frankly, I'm a bit freaked out about it being to easy and natural now.

    I have talked with here about Permission & Participation many times. It helps me gauge her feeling and reinforces my commitment to a honest and happy relationship.

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