Before I begin, let me just say that this topic may belong in the Transexual Thread because it deals with gender dysphoria, but I'm not sure it would be welcome there either, so I'll leave it up to the discretion of the moderators. (note that I can't view the thread rules because I'm on mobile, but rest assured I have tried.)
So here's the situation. I'm being hit real hard with some gender dysphoria. I went from 90% male to 95% female in a very short timeframe. I feel so female right now that I can't stand the idea of dressing feminine, because it'll only emphasize my masculine body. The forms I'm wearing? A blessing and a curse. They help me feel more in tune. But they're not real and it's really hard to get past that. They're not breasts. They're forms.
Normally women's clothes help me bridge the gap between internal and external. But right now, they only serve to widen it.
It's never hit me this hard before. I know that this feeling will go away with time (lucky me. I don't envy those of you who feel this 24/7). And yet, right now I'm the heat of the moment, I'm a roiling mass of conflicting emotions.
I'm astounded with the level of disgust I feel. This body of mine...I hate it. Yet I don't want to. I hate it so much I love it, if that makes sense. I hate these masculine clothes, I want to tear them off and put on something feminine, but I don't want to wear any of my female clothes because it would only make me feel more manly. I don't want to be naked either, cause then I won't be able to pretend I'm not a guy. Its so frustrating I could scream.
Anyway, ranting and describing things has taken the edge off it a bit. A bit. But I'm still in a weird place emotionally. On the bright side, maybe this post can be educational for other people trying to understand what it's like to not be comfortable in one's own body.
