Where do I fit?

[Rachel PT]

I'm new here, and with the little reading I've done, I'm "different in a world of different".

I do not see myself as a girl trapped in my body. I don't really "need" to express my feminine side. I just love the feeling of wearing certain women's clothes and not all women's clothes. I'm sure my "position" is deemed more fetish driven, as my dressing is very sexually charged. I also allow myself to "not be in control" when dressed as I am a "he's always under/in control" type of guy in everyday life. I was an athlete and still do what my aging knees will let me do! I have been the CEO of a couple of small companies.

I love being submissive and I enjoy being "helpless" if the opportunity arises. I do not go out in public dressed, but I do underdress on occasion. I am straight. If you need a label of how I see myself when dressed, I guess you would say I was a "lesbian", as I only really want to be with a woman. (However, I would be lying if I didn't admit sometimes thinking about "what if" with a very passable TG). I respect women, but admit that I have my preferences on how they dress -- love hose and heels! I love wit, intelligence and sexiness -- they can co-exist without de-meaning someone. I judge people by how they treat me and others and by their word.

My wife was once an active participant and has moved steadfastly into the DADT position, much to my chagrin. Like many here, I would love to find an accepting, willing partner (like I once had!). Our long-time marriage is probably on it's last days (we've been married 25+ years and together 34+, with my dressing being one of the first things I revealed and she "dove right in," to my delight!) She is very aware how important this part of me is, but for varied reasons -- nevermore!). Our kids, who have no idea, are in college or on their own.

So, with that brief background, where does that place me here? Am I considered to be in the middle? At one end? Just curious. I once met a TG person who acted like I had a screw loose because I dressed, but didn't aspire to be a woman. (I am not "wordly", but I didn't just fall off of the truck either!) Just trying to "get a feel". I am open, honest, and try not to judge. I've seen a lot in my life -- just not everything!

Let me have it. I wear "big girl" panties -- even if they are sexy as heck! (BTW, I am 57)

[Samantha Clark]

I think you have plenty of company here. We don't dominate the posts but a lot of us are here. Awhile back there was a thread about "Just a crossdresser" and some us raised our hands.

You'll find every flavor of different here, but lots of folks similar to your flavor too.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Rachel, Welcome to our forum, When you are here you are home.
Whatever question you have someone here will have an answer for you.

Rachel, You sound like you fit right in the middle here,
It sounds like you are as normal as the rest of us are.

[NicoleScott]

You will most likely get a few "labels are for soup cans" responses. I'm not anti-label, but we don't need to label you. But you asked, so...It sounds to me that you are a fetish-driven crossdresser. So am I, and like you, it's only certain items that excite me. It is what you do, not what you fantasize about, that defines you. You alone own your fantasies, no explanations needed. My wife knows but doesn't participate, and thats OK. Many of us like certain things women wear, and we like to emulate. When I found myself single (long ago) I had the freedom to pursue whatever it was that excited me. It turned out that I just wanted to dress and make up over-the-top, and often, and alone. I went out some, but didn't like to tone it down to blend better, so while going out was exciting, staying in was even more exciting because there were no rules or expectations but my own. If you are soon to be single, I'm sure you will figure out where you fit.

[Rachel PT]

There was a time when she briefly wavered from the "let's do it" mode. She talked about our friends and what we did being "not normal". I asked her to define "normal" and she replied "What most people do". I asked her what that was and she said "not this!"

I then said "how do you know?" We don't flaunt it and only behind closed doors. Why can't others be the same. We may be more "normal" than you think!

She agreed. But only for awhile. She has gone"to the dark side" as far as I am concerned (judgmental and critical!)

[NicoleScott]

Well, if she's not into it, that's the way it is. I've always thought my CDing was personal and private anyway. A participating partner would be great, if real and authentic.

[pamela7]

i reckon you have hundreds of kindred spirits here Rachel, just give it time for them to log in and see your posts. We're all less unique than we think here, which is good really, cos our spectrum embraces all.

xxx Pamela

[Veronica27]

You fit right in a little box marked "you". Like all of us, you are an individual who likes to do your own thing and enjoy your own pleasures. I think a lot of the lack of understanding by outsiders, has resulted from the attempts to homogenize the community as all being something called "T" and tacking it onto an unrelated group called LGB. While this has brought about some great strides in the acceptance of gender related issues and the enacting of legislation designed to ensure the rights of "transgender", it has left the general public with the image of the community as being all about being somehow different than the average person. The concept of "T" to them is about being partly or wholly woman, but in the body of a man.

While this concept does apply to many, there are others who feel nothing like that. Their numbers can only be guessed at, because they tend to be more private and not as visible as their "T" cousins. They also tend to be marginalized by terminology such as transvestic fetishism, which sounds more like a perversion than a legitimate means of self expression. Why should crossdressing for sexual pleasure be looked at any differently than any other form of arousal or stimulation?

But, sexual satisfaction is just one form of enjoyment that can be derived from crossdressing. I look upon it as an adventure; a means of experiencing sensations and feelings that are otherwise considered out of bounds to me by society and its rules. I never feel that I am a woman, but am rather a man creating an image of myself using the materials that are otherwise intended for women only. Sometimes a few things suffice, and other times I like to go all out. At those times I am playing an elaborate game of "let's pretend" just like we pretended to be our sports heros, or cowboys or cops or whatever when we were kids.

As for your wife's lack of desire after once being an active participant, it is normal for there to be a decline in the bedroom activities of couples as they age. It would be sad to see such a long term relationship break up over such an issue. I am 76 now, and after being married for 20+ years, then widowed and then remarried now for 30+ years I can say that the crossdressing desire has never faded, but I cherish my marriage more than my desire to crossdress. I still dress, and my wife is accepting, but she never really participates.

In short, I do not think of myself as being different. I am in no way a woman, or feel like one. I just enjoy an activity that many others might not enjoy. There is nothing abnormal about having a hobby.

Veronica

[OCCarly]

This is a spectrum, and everyone is a little different, and viva la difference! The more I dress, the more I realize that I am transgender. A few days ago my wife sent me out for fast food partially dressed (oversize men's T shirt and jeggings over bra and panties. This was my first time out anything more than underdressed. There was no adrenaline rush, nothing of the sort. Just a deep seated happiness that I was finally out wearing what I felt like I should be wearing and being myself.

[flatlander_48]

R PT:

We do what we do because we like doing what we do. It satisfies certain needs, but the reasons and motivations span a great range from person to person. Enjoy what you do as it touches a nerve somewhere. It is unfortunate that your environment isn't completely welcoming, but sometimes gaining the benefits comes at a price.

My Best To You,

DeeAnn

[Robin414]

Hi Rachel and welcome to the forum! Where do you fit, right here of course! You were CEO of a couple small companies, I love hearing about 'alpha' types here, you're in good company!

I'm so sorry to hear about your marriage being on the down turn, my condolences but remember as one door closes another always opens (I think it has to do with conservation of momentum 😉 )

[Rabecca]

Welcome you fit right in.

[Stephj]

I used to think we're I fitted in also I am just an underdresser I don't try to pass but I have been told by a lot of people over the years I have a lot of female traits in the way I act and do things after thinking on it and seeing a therapist a few years back I don't wonder where I fit in anymore I am just me as far as A supporting SO I cannot offer any advice

[Katey888]

You're somewhere in the middle Rachel, like most of us...

You've obviously read enough and thought a little about what this means before you posted here, and I think you've already identified yourself the strong, sexual element to what you do - but a lot of us have experienced that at some point (I suspect a lot of that is just a 'normal' male response coupled with an equally virile imagination...) - it just happens that some of us feel a little more inclined towards the feminine and (in all honesty) some of us are simply better fitted to a full presentation than others... I think that does fuel the desire a bit...

At the end of it, if you're happy with who you are, how you feel and what you do, that's really all that matters. If you have the desire to experiment a bit more - try it. It might kick something else off, or not... As I'm sure you understand, life is really all about the experiences we undergo - best to try the ones we want to while we're younger...

Katey x

[Marcelle]

Hi Rachel,

Well, by your post I surmise you have been dressing for at least 25+ years and have most likely reached a place of comfort with yourself and that is the most important thing. Where do you fall, well it would vary based on your frame of reference. Personally I think you summed it up by describing your dressing as sexually charged . . . so I will go with fetishistic crossdresser.

Cheers

Marcelle

[Nikki Elle]

Hi Rachel,

Labels are an interesting thing, they can take on a whole persona in themselves; at times it's wonderful to fit into a nice neat box but without more information it's a guess at best. You feel as if your marriage is over; unless dressing is a daily need there must be other factors involved. Do sexual situations with your wife always involve your submissive dressing? It's easy for anyone to focus on their desires and allow them to be overwhelming but she may desire a different sexual situation from yours. Maybe she craves your strong masculine side....who knows.

The point is you asked for placement within a broad group of people, but a good portion of the post seemed to really ask where is my life headed and will my journey include my wife. Applying a label may give some comfort and acceptance to your feelings but it sounds like a bigger question was asked. With that in mind, do you want move the direction of this post in a different direction?

[Ineke Vashon]

Rachel - have you considered asking your wife to join the GG forum where she can meet and discuss the wife's experience with other GGs? Given your long marriage and earlier success it would be sad to see that fall by the wayside.

Best,
Ineke

[Rachel PT]

Hi Rachel,

Labels are an interesting thing, they can take on a whole persona in themselves; at times it's wonderful to fit into a nice neat box but without more information it's a guess at best. You feel as if your marriage is over; unless dressing is a daily need there must be other factors involved. Do sexual situations with your wife always involve your submissive dressing? It's easy for anyone to focus on their desires and allow them to be overwhelming but she may desire a different sexual situation from yours. Maybe she craves your strong masculine side....who knows.

The point is you asked for placement within a broad group of people, but a good portion of the post seemed to really ask where is my life headed and will my journey include my wife. Applying a label may give some comfort and acceptance to your feelings but it sounds like a bigger question was asked. With that in mind, do you want move the direction of this post in a different direction?

Of course there are other issues. But she uses my "dark side" as ammo. Your point about sex is well founded. Our sex has become almost non-existent because (as she says) she knows I don't want any if I'm not dressed and she isn't "playing that game ever again". I have tried (ad nauseum) to initiate "normal" sex only to be rebuffed. She has gained a lot of weight and says it's so "I won't want it as much"! So yes we have other issues. The main one revolves around finances. We lost almost everything on a business venture that she pushed relentlessly for. She sees our status as tarnished as many "friends" no longer call. I say "Glad I found out who our true friends are, but sorry it was this way"!

It is complicated, as most everything is. She knew how important CDing (and the things that go with it in my mind) was to me. She promised that if I married, and had a child, then she would always see to my happiness. Then it became a second child. She wanted a third and I said No. I've provided her with everything I am capable of to try to give her what she said made her content. I have found out, she cannot be content, but it is my fault (in her mind). The counselor agreed with me -- we no longer see her.

We have just moved apart (too far apart) over the years and I don't see it changing for the better. We were once on the same path (or so I thought.)I have always been straight forward and honest. I've honored my promises and commitments. I have spent 30 years trying to "make her happy.' I think it's time to "do right by me." If some think I'm wrong -- I can live with it. Her closest friends, who as far as I know, know nothing of my "dark side", have told me in private that they agree with my assessments and "are on my side." My wife doesn't, and never will know this, as she would be furious with her new "ex" friends!

Thanks for responding!

[MissDanielle]

This is a spectrum, and everyone is a little different, and viva la difference! The more I dress, the more I realize that I am transgender. A few days ago my wife sent me out for fast food partially dressed (oversize men's T shirt and jeggings over bra and panties. This was my first time out anything more than underdressed. There was no adrenaline rush, nothing of the sort. Just a deep seated happiness that I was finally out wearing what I felt like I should be wearing and being myself.

I'm starting to feel the same way, re transgender. I've had Danielle repressed for so long that it was bound to happen.

[Tracii G]

You don't have to fit any one certain description just be yourself.
The spectrum is so wide we all can co exist.

[ReineD]

So, with that brief background, where does that place me here? Am I considered to be in the middle? At one end? Just curious.

Congratulations! You're a certified, garden-variety crossdresser!

I'm sorry about your marriage break-down.

I once met a TG person who acted like I had a screw loose because I dressed, but didn't aspire to be a woman.

Yes, that tends to happen a lot. lol. Many of them think CDers are either TSs in denial, or they are fetishists.

BTW, the term "TG" in this forum means different things to different people. Many members believe it to be an umbrella term for anyone who crosses gender boundaries, even crossdressers, although I know that the media uses the term to describe someone who has or is transitioning (a transsexual). So if you can be a bit more precise you'll avoid having your threads turn into a discussion about the definition of labels. If the TG person you met is someone who lives full time as a woman and is or has transitioned, you might simply describe what she does, or refer to her as TS.

[Maria Blackwood]

I'm in a similar place, sort of? I guess? I dress to relax, but it does come from somewhere deep inside- a bit past the levels of just a fetish, I think. If I have a real stressful day, and I get home and just toss on a blouse and skirt or dress, the feeling of release is intense. It's a private thing, though. No desire to live as a woman. I'm fairly openly bisexual, but it doesn't factor into my crossdressing. There have been a few dalliances over the years, but those are just a bit of fun. I'm very experimental.

As many will say, there's a whole spectrum. I go further and say the spectrum has many dimensions. A hyperspectrum, if you will.