As long as i have been cding every time i purged or said i was going to stop for good it always came back .At first i would start slow then quickly ramp up and go past the point from where i stopped .Also irritation and frustration would set in until i gave in .I am just curious what happens to you ladies if anything at all ?
I have a hubcap diamond star halo
Ally, There are several threads that talked about this and purging. But yeah, I said it was hostile on a switch if my fem side cannot display herself. We are very frustrated when we cant dress and it does not get any better as time goes on.
Part Time Girl
Let's see: I finally accepted the fact that I'm transgendered. It only came days after chopping off two months of hair at the barber. I'm really regretting that now! It only took me 18 years or so to realize it. I emailed my two closest friends from high school this morning and after coming home from work, I emailed my inner circle of friends from shul and improv. I only hope they are as accepting of me as my two closest high school friends were. Like they are actually calling me Danielle now--at least in private.
It never stops. I like to think it's the way we're wired.
I'm a nice Jewish girl.
I'm not a girl, Not yet a woman.
I share your irritation and frustration and show resentment towards anyone who is stopping me from dressing, eventually I'll find a way to do what I need to do.
Sarah Jane : > I wish I was a house wife
as i prefer to remain in the closet, to stop me purging and thus throwing everything away out of fear of being caught. i've decided to not let cd'ing rule my life. right now i'm in my regular male drab civvies. i'm really just as comfy in them too
mind you i'm still wearing my tights and briefs underneath because they're just so comfortable
Gurlz they wanna have fu'hun. Oh gurlz just wanna have fu'hun x
The short answer is nothing good. Denying yourself who you are does not to happiness lead.
Ally, I have always used the analogy of a pressure cooker that never shuts off. At some point, it blows. I become less forgiving, less funny, less fun to be around, less.... everything. My wife commented on it after I told her. I was going to the point of blow up whatever that would mean.
I find now that I am able to talk to her about it, there is far less pressure even when I am not dressing. Conversation alone, is a release valve
Yes pressure cooker is right. My wife knows I dress but my daughter doesn't know. I used to run home from work and try to be Cassandra in some way. Now that I've changed careers my Personal time is lacking. I have a pair of heels in my vehicle and wear them when I can. This past Halloween I wanted to dress so badly I gave myself a headache. Terrible feeling not doing what makes you happy. There will be a day when all of us will be able to walk out the front door of society snap our fingers and say love me for who I am and what I am.
I've purged twice since I have been CD'ing. At first there is calm but after awhile frustration and irritation sets in. Then once I begin dressing again its all out buy everything I see mode( i.e. dresses, shoes, make-up, etc) Now that I have fully accepted this side of me, things are good. I do go periods where I don't have the opportunity to dress but no moodiness.
Though I have to say I'm glad I did purge. My wardrobe got better each time lol
My personal circumstances changed a little while ago such that as a closet CD my opportunity to dress became much more restricted.
I must admit that I have been surprised by my coping with the situation and not feeling overly stressed by not being able to dress. However, isn't there always an however, this is perhaps nullified by knowing that soon I will have the chance to spend extended time enfemme and some of that period in the company of other CD's. This anticipation has carried me through this time.
So in response to the original question, I have yet to find out but in truth it's something I don't want to face but undoubtedly will have to. Needs must.
I agree the pressure cooker is a good analogy. Sure wish I knew why but its true. Had the time to dress today 1st time in awhile and it was needed only a few hours and didn't even get out was planning to but something came up. It sure was fun and relieving, can't say is was relaxing because the adrenalin was running hard. I do feel more relaxed now.
I do plan on getting out in the next week or so even if it is just an afternoon mall and movie.
MY advice is to get out or at least dress for a bit and try some different fashions and enjoy the moment (hour+) Then get back to the everyday living and plan another day of dressing in the near future to keep the pressure low. "stir frequently"
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Sallee
been there, done that. When I was single, I never thought about purging, but when I met my wife that all changed. I purged, built up my wardrobe, purged, rinse, repeat. A lengthy medical issue prevented me from CDing (it was not repressed, but busy with medical issues kept me from CDing). Now that things are better, I finally (this year) accepted that I am a CD and that can never be repressed. Oh, and telling my supportive wife of my CDing helps immensely.
This.... image.jpg
I feel some of the reason "it comes back, stronger" are 1) "it" never left, 2) once you dress, to what degree is "dress" is always personal, but once you dress, you done it, cross the line destroying it as you crossed, the awareness is there, you cannot erase history. While no one may learned of your dressing, YOU KNOW IT, and that is all that matters. So, you purged, but you already know that you can dress and the world doesn't end, you already know you're a "man" who has a "feminine" side that has been expressed. Purging doesn't rid of your memories or fact. So, if you crossed the line, it makes no sense or the try to stay on the male side, because the sides no longer exists. You have to be who you are and who you are what you have to be.
Go out and buy that blouse you always wanted, you'll feel better, dear.
Cassie
I have repressed most of my life. Now, I try and repress and then just say,"What the heck!". I'm much happier. Still, I do not allow the desire to dress to dominate my life.
Purging can lead to anxiety, depression, blood clots, stroke, heart attacks, difficulty breathing, hives, skin rash, bad breath, difficulty urinating, itching, burning, pain, trouble sleeping.
Especially when you have to buy all your stuff over again!
Ask your doctor if you should purge.
I've never purged since I never bought anything but believe me, the temptation to buy up my wardrobe was always there. And now, it's finally going to be built up now that I've accepted that this is really who I am inside.
I'm a nice Jewish girl.
I'm not a girl, Not yet a woman.
I purged and replenished more times than I like to think about, all that wasted clothing and shoes and makeup and everything. And I actually went two years at a stretch without dressing but the repression drove me to drinking quite heavily. Very very heavily. Like a bottle of vodka every night. I finally realized it was killing me and gave in and accepted what I am and said "Damn the torpedos" or something to that effect, but if others don't like my dressing they certainly don't have to hang around me. I don't run out in public dressed very often so I'm not throwing it in everyone else's face and saying "Dammit you MUST accept me", I'm just not that kind of person. But when I'm at home I do what I please. I'm lucky in that I found a woman that loves me, and also loves me dressed, she's a very special woman and I know I'm the luckiest person on the entire planet because neither of my previous two wives ever accepted it or condoned it (the drinking happened with wife #2, we eventually divorced but I was sober before we divorced).
Everyone has a different reaction, we're not all 100% the same other than the fact we all bleed red. Everyone handles it differently. I turned to ... "self medication", as my doctor put it. But I got better when I stopped denying myself and stopped lying to myself about who I really am. I'm a good person, a very kind and giving person - and my crossdressing doesn't change that one bit.
~Melissa
~Linebacker Melissa
**WARNING** do not attempt to try this at home, we are trained professionals. Don't purge, if you want to take a break, box it all up and put it into storage. Purging does only one thing...cost money when you start to replace it all. You need to find your balance point, and get into that equilibrium where you are in control, and not the "pink fog". This sounds like so many of us, it is swinging from one extreme to the other, when a healthy balance is what is needed. The road to self acceptance starts with knowing what you can change about yourself and keeping under control what you can't change.
I like the pressure cooker analogy, it is so true. My biggest pressure relief is wearing panties daily. Then I can add accordingly to how much steam needs to be released. With the ebb and flow of life, pressures change alot. I enjoy life more by not getting into repressing something that is beyond me.
Last edited by Gillian Gigs; 11-05-2015 at 01:04 AM. Reason: grammer
I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!
I am deep in th closet and unfortunately I have purged many times primarily just to avoid getting caught. I don't mind so much because afterward, there is the exciting project of rebuilding my stash. However, sadly, I have lost some things that are really irreplaceable like some floral print Vanity Fair Panties, several lace garter belts and nude stockings that went with the garter belts. So, purge if you must, but beware, you might lose some nice things.
Used to get obsessed over dressing. Actually I get obsessed over everything. Lucky for me my ADD kicks in and my obsessions shifts, daily! Lol. I have ODD. Or am.... But I don't get upset any more. As long as I still have ice hockey as an outlet. Apparently knocking people down releases a ton of pent up femininity! Boom!
Hi Ally, Crossdressing and the Mafia are two things that you just can't QUIT !
Rule #1. Never Repeat NEVER purge !
Rule #2. If you feel that you really must purge, See Rule #1. again ! >Orchid ......
Last edited by BLUE ORCHID; 11-05-2015 at 07:40 AM.
Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......
I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !
If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.
Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!
I can tell you how it was for me. I did that from 20 years to last summer at the age of 48.
A totally destroyed self asteam. Depression. Overconsumpion of alcohol. Not suicidal thoughts but I did on the other hand not want to live any more.
Then I stoepped and looked myself in the eye, asked myself who have the right to stop me from being who I am? Noone. I am much better today when I don't deny this part of my personality anymore.
Last edited by MarinaSweden; 11-05-2015 at 07:50 AM.
Everybody's got a secret sonny, something that they just can't face. Some folks spend their whole life trying to keept it, they carry it with then every step that they take. 'Till someday they just cut it loose, cut it loose or let it drag 'em down. - Well I'd say this is exactly how it is with me.
You sound like a person who is unable to control his urges, much like an alcoholic. And having a bunch of people telling you that your feelings are normal and that they can't quit either isn't helping you. It's called "enabling".
If you want to quit crossdressing, it's up to you. You make the choice between panties and briefs. You make the choice between a bra or T shirt. Nobody is holding a gun to your head.
That said, if your crossdressing isn't interfering with your everyday life and is not hurting anyone, it's a pretty harmless activity.
It's your choice, nobody else's.
I have semi purged just once. Got really Moody and wasn't I nice person. My doctor put me on a happy pill to make my moodiness livable. Finally I said enough. I now dress everyday in femmine attire. You can find pants and t shirts and tank tips that are closely male looking so as not to be out of place in your work setting. Been doing this for years.i'much,much happier now and is one less medication I have to take. So I personally say be your self and enjoy it. Life is to short
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