Has Marriage Survived?

[Marcelle]

Hi Chris,

A wise person once said (don't quite remember who) there are only two certainties in life . . . death and taxes. I have transitioned in the sense that I live 24/7 as a woman both in my private and professional life but have not and will likely not (again only two certainties in life ) seek out HRT or surgery. My wife has travelled this path with me since I first came out to her two years a ago. We have had ups and downs, arguments, bad moments, sad moments and a few WTF moments but she continues to love and support me as she does not see a different person from the one she married. Will we stay together into our old age (close anyway)? I would like to think yes and all indicators are that is what will occur but again . . . only two certainties.

Cheers

Marcelle

[Contessa]

Yes my marriage has ended though we are still married. I've moved recently to AZ. She wants to remain friends but doesn't treat me that way. She says also that she's not a lesbian, what's worse about that is I am. We are still cordial and civilized. I still care for her a lot. My reason for moving away from her. We have to visit if we want to see each other.

[Mimi]

I'll leave it to Mimi to explain, but the husband's transition does not mean the wife has to redefine herself as a lesbian.

I have never identified as lesbian, nor will I when/if Eryn fully transitions or goes full time. If others want to perceive us as a lesbian couple when we go out, that's fine--it won't bother me. But I think of myself as attracted to my spouse--in whatever form that might be. I'd like to think that Eryn would continue to be attracted to me, even if I required some sort of treatment that gave me a male appearance. In my mind, there is a huge difference between being in a same-sex relationship with a trans spouse, and identifying as gay or lesbian.

If Eryn transitions, I won't find myself suddenly attracted to women instead of men--I will continue to see men as my natural partners should anything ever happen to Eryn. But my marriage to Eryn is strong, and I consider her to be my partner in all respects.

[JohnH]

A wise person once said (don't quite remember who) there are only two certainties in life . . . death and taxes.

That was Benjamin Franklin.

Marcelle, you say you most likely will not seek out HRT and still you live a woman 24/7. That´s interesting. I have been on M2F HRT for over 4 years and yet for the most part I live as a man. I guess everybody´s different.

My wife has even told me she prefers me on HRT since I am a lot calmer.

Johanna

[PretzelGirl]

Mimi,
I could probably take your words and put them right in my wife's mouth. She never viewed herself as lesbian. She is comfortably sitting as a pansexual, but I believe if I went away, it would only be men for her too. Loving a person!

[Aprilrain]

I wanted the divorce, marrying was a mistake and it has cost me dearly. I'm soooo glad that relationship is over!
We have kids together and get along ok but we have minimal contact.

[Stephania]

Well it's been almost 2 years since I told my wife. I have had major depression problems since 8 years ago. That continues to go on, and she continues to support me. I came out 2 years ago and she has supported me since then. I have been full time since 1/2014 when I started hormones. She has no plans of leaving me. Her kids love me also as Stephania.

[Nigella]

Mimi and Sue, in this thread have highlighted the same sentiments of Sandra. When they met their partners, they fell in love with the person, albeit that they were possibly maskerading as males. When they went through transition, at whatever level that was, it did not change their feelings, the person they married were still there, just in a different form. Society will add the "Lesbian" label to them, many a discussion have I had about this one.

So YES some marriages do survive transition, but no one can say if yours will or will not, that is very much dependent upon the bond you two have.

[missmars]

Do you want sisterhood relationship with your wife?

[Kimberly Kael]

Just another note from someone whose marriage has survived. I transitioned six years ago without surgery and my wife and I remain happily married with our physical relationship intact. She has found many aspects to be predictably difficult but none of her worst fears have come true and she has been a wonderful partner and ally through it all. She even has something of a sense of humor about it all these days.

It's impossible to speculate about how any of the above might be impacted if I were to opt for GRS.

[Suzanne F]

My marriage is intact. Yes we have faced many hurdles. No I do not want a sister relationship with the love of my life. However, I am having GRS in May. We don't know how that will all work but we will face it, like we have everything else. My wife says how could she leave me because I am facing a condition that I was born with. I am treating it and she supports me. I am so grateful!
Suzanne

[MsVal]

I believed for two years that my dear wife understood, accepted, and supported me. I had begun transition and was looking forward to life as it should be. That changed abruptly a couple months ago when she said that she doesn't want to stand in the way of my happiness, but she cannot live with a trans woman. I'm now two months into a six month attempt to suppress the GD and hold things together. If I'm not successful, I guess we'll have to part.

Best wishes
MsVal

[kiwidownunder]

Its not easy
I slowly came out to my wife 2.5 years ago that I was TG
She was and is supportive
I knew one day I would have to deal with the likely hood of me transitioning
We have been in therapy 6 months which has help but when my therapist started talking about hormones everything got very real for my wife
She is very unhappy which just kills me because I have caused it
I thought I was mentally prepared to lose everyone and everything but are you ever prepared?
Hopefully things will work out I am scared to death of losing her (this GD is so cruel)

Kiwi

[Cindy J Angel]

You are a beautiful woman you're so lucky to have you have a heart of an angel