TS/TG question

[MissDanielle]

Is it possible that one can think they are TS/TG but are really just a CD? I'm meeting with a therapist soon to discuss my gender identity issues.

I came out to my close friends and family about my being 99% sure that I'm TG. I gave myself a 1% chance that I just like to CD. I've repressed my feelings and urge to dress for so long now. My living situation is not ideal and there's always been the chance that I would get caught by somebody.

I guess what I am really asking is this: Is it possible that I'm either 100% straight male that likes to CD and view myself as a lipstick lesbian trapped in a man's body when CDing, too? Or could it be the latter, that I'm really am a lipstick lesbian trapped in a man's body?

I think therapy will tell me something about myself and let me sort through these feelings with professional help to guide me. I had some serious gender identity questioning last year and it never really went away. It's louder now than it was then.

Has anyone else had similar feelings before making the decision to start the process of HRT?

[Victoria Demeanor]

Hello again Danielle,
From what I keep reading from you, you like girls sexually....so your sexual orientation is straight/lesbian how ever you want to look at it. The big thing is you know who you are attracted to so your sexual identity is not the question. I think you are on the right path with finding a professional. Just find one that you are comfortable and feel safe with and is well versed in gender issues. Yes it is very possible that you could think you are TG/TS and in reality just be a CD, but that is something only you can answer. It can be very confusing, believe me I know and understand. It's not a race it's a journey and an awful lot of deep soul searching.
So one thing that I do need to ask is what do you mean by Lipstick Lesbian?

[MissDanielle]

From my research, it's an alternate term for femme or feminine lesbian.

[docrobbysherry]

It sounds like you're mixing apples and oranges, MissD. Whether u r or aren't TG/TS, (that issue could create a flurry of posts itself), has little or nothing to do with your sexual orientation. Altho, I have heard some girls say that transitioning completely changed their orientation.

[Sky]

My , honey: don't let labels get to your head. I've spent my life changing, sometimes going back to where I was before, sometimes exploring new things, and if I had to find the "perfect" label for every period I would have twenty different ones (often more than one at the same time). You are who you are. Maybe you like girls today and fall for a guy tomorrow. Or viceversa. It can happen to anybody and sure enough it happened to me. I remember being in a support group where most of the time was spent arguing whether people can be "real" bisex or not. It bored me to death.

[PretzelGirl]

Is it just me... It seems I have never seen anyone claim to be "a lesbian trapped in a man's body" that actually transitioned. The statement just oozes offensiveness to me.

[Nancy Sue]

Is it possible that one can think they are TS/TG but are really just a CD? I'm meeting with a therapist soon to discuss my gender identity issues.

I think therapy will tell me something about myself and let me sort through these feelings with professional help to guide me. I had some serious gender identity questioning last year and it never really went away. It's louder now than it was then.

Has anyone else had similar feelings before making the decision to start the process of HRT?

It has been said that "sexuality is who you go to be WITH, but sexual identity is who you go to bed AS".
I think what you are asking is - are you TG, TS or "just a CD". (Is being a CD "less than" being TG or TS somehow?)
At any rate, your therapist, if you pick the right one, can help you with that.

When I was looking for a therapist I went online, not to get opinions from clients, but because we can get all the information about their training, their specialities, and what areas they prefer to work in. Everybody is not trained in, or good at, everything, and that is especially true of therapists. I went to one guy (who had been recommended to a friend by another therapist) and after two visits I knew he was not a good fit. I selected a lady who trained both in the US and Scandinavia, deals with gender issues, and she is a godsend! You mentioned starting HRT, which is a huge life change, and not to be taken lightly, so choose your therapist wisely - and if (s)he is not a good match make a change.

[dreamer_2.0]

Used to think I was just a crossdresser, even joked with people that I was a lesbian in a man's body, too. Through therapy I've realized I'm not just a crossdresser, these "feelings" run significantly deeper than merely enjoying putting on lipstick or what have you. The fact I am attracted to women added some confusion but sexuality has little or nothing to do with my decision to transition from male to female.

I use the word "decision" carefully here. I decided to transition, yes, but it was the gender dysphoria which drove that decision, which I had no say in. So, crossdresser and lesbian feelings aside, are you familiar with gender dysphoria? Do you have this consistent sense of wrongness and/or pain because of your assigned gender and physical body?

In addition to my belief I was just a CD'er and joked at being a lesbian in a man's body, I also fought, and still fight to an extent, major depression for years and years. I knew the depression seemed to be triggered more when gender was involved, it made life problematic and affected my sex life as well, though I never officially linked the depression and crossdressing. It wasn't until therapy, lots of therapy, that I was able to understand and see how these two seemingly unrelated areas were in fact very related.

After even more therapy, and near constant suicidal thoughts, I decided to take the plunge and begin HRT, knowing I could stop anytime (well, anytime before changes became permanent). HRT, in time, helped with some personal confirmations. I started feeling better which, after several antidepressants failing, was a pleasant surprise. Turns out that lowering my testosterone and raising my estrogen helped, something I don't think works with cismen. My body started changing, albeit suuuuper slowly, and instead of being freaked out, I started getting happy. I began coming out to more and more people, and felt even better. I started bending my appearance and go a bit more androgynous, and continued feeling better.

So, yes, I used to believe I was just a crossdresser and even a lesbian in a man's body, but as I began speaking with a therapist and exploring more while fighting myself less, I started feeling better. I'm still quite early in my journey, despite being on HRT for 16 months now, but each baby step has brought joy and the sense of "wrongness" is slowly disappearing. its these confirmations that helped me step away from believing I was just a crossdresser, but something more...much more.

All our experiences are different, but there are a few commonalities: those who transition (MtF or FtM) are very likely driven by their need to rid themselves of their dysphoric thoughts. I believe it has less to do with clothing and lipstick and more to do with saving their life. Another commonality is therapy. I wouldn't have gotten very far if it wasn't for that.

Long story short, definitely seek a gender therapist to try and understand exactly where you fit on the gender spectrum. Another way to sum things up might be to ask: Are you seeking lipstick or peace? I'm personally seeking the latter. Lipstick and a more feminine appearance are byproducts of that peace. How about you?

As an aside, I never liked considering myself a crossdresser. Yes, I enjoyed appearing female...but this "appearing as" never sat well with me. Crossdressing was both relieving and psychologically painful; it was fake, a costume hiding a man...this wasn't me. I wasn't a man...not really a man. I was a crossdresser who hated crossdressing. That always seemed intriguing to me, if also painfully confusing.

[Eringirl]

work with a qualified and experienced therapist. They should be able to help you discover who you really are. Many, including myself, had no real clue what was happening to them....CD, TG, Schizophrenic, multiple personalities.....etc, etc. As Sky said, don't get hung up in labels and definitions right now. Just work through who you are first, then go from there.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Anything is possible..

the terms you are using do not resonate with me as something a transsexual would say, but that doesn't mean it won't with other ts women...

I find the more people focus on sex/sexuality the less likely they will ever pursue something like transition... transitioning is so all encompassing so expensive, so brutal physically and draining emotionally that its usually self selecting...people talk and talk but nothing happens.... and lets face it...during sex you can just close your eyes and be whoever you want to be...much easier...

as others have said...therapy will help you... it will help you better communicate with YOURSELF...and help you identify coping thoughts and coping words that block self realization...

if you truly want help and guidance here, keep at it and continue to drill down on your thoughts which will help you find like minded people willing to share their experience..

[STACY B]

You Better Hope so,,, And stay in that 1% mind set and let all that other go,,, All that other is just a waste of time once you pull the pin,,, Gay,, Strait, Bi,, Lesbian, All that CDing and all of the rest goes real quick after you jump on this train,,,, Come on if you want to,, This is unforgiving to say the least. H.R.T will take all that nonsense right out of ya,,,lol,,, If the hormones agree with you,, If not then at least yull know where you stand.

[LeaP]

Danielle, please refer to the TS forum sticky re: terms and definitions. It may help keeping things clear.

Could you be "just" a CD? First, there is nothing necessarily "just" about being a crossdresser, nor should it be compared on a sliding scale shared with transsexuality. Crossdressing, like transsexuality, however, exists at varying levels of intensity in its own right. It's perfectly possible to be an intense crossdresser, fully male identified (Mtf context) and happy to be so. There are lots of them, in fact.

A male-identified crossdresser is not a lesbian, dressed or not. A pre-transition MtF viewing themselves as lesbian is someone who experiences SAME SEX attraction to women.

There is another active thread on starting HRT, so I won't go into that other than to say don't go there until you have your identity firmly sorted out. (And Stacy, I couldn't disagree more.)

[I Am Paula]

I spent a good portion of my life believing I was a really gung-ho CD. I thought I could control the dysphoria with dressing, and just be a regular guy.
In my case, that was not to be. The dysphoria grew, and grew, and I transitioned.
In your case, you might find relief as you are, for the rest of your life. HRT may help, only you can find that answer.
RE: Your sexuality. Find the person that you fall head over heels in love with. Cherish them, and relish every minute. You will find that their sex doesn't matter at all.

[MissDanielle]

I've emailed a few therapists and they all specialize in gender identity issues. I know that my sexuality is not in question and that I am attracted only to women. Deep down, I'm hoping this is a case where the pink smoke is clouding my judgement and that I'm just a CD at heart. I've bookmarked so many clothing sites this week of clothes I want to purchase.

[STACY B]

Keep shopping and forget about this section,,lol,,, Less TROUBLE and CHEAPER,,,, Life is way better in Happy Land,,lol,,,,


( And Lea,P I disagree with you More,,,lol,,,,,)

[Badtranny]

You know, sometimes I think that anybody who crossdresses is dealing with pretty sever gender issues. As far as I know, a persistent desire to pretend to be the opposite sex is as good an indicator as any of transsexualism.

I really don't know what separates those who do from those who don't, which is why I don't make a distinction as to WHY someone transitions. I don't know what in the world would compel someone to CD for a lifetime and not transition, but I guess it really doesn't matter if I understand it or not. People are free to do whatever they like. (except prey on gullible people with outright lies)

You are conflating sexuality with your gender fantasies and that MIGHT be an indicator of not being transsexual, but then again you might just be naive and clueless about what you're feeling at all. My story is pretty well documented but regardless of how I felt as a kid, it still never occurred to me that I could do something about it. Until I found this place to be honest.

You might be staring down the barrel of a gender transition, or you might just need to masturbate and go to bed. I recommend therapy along with getting out and about.

[Robin414]

Hey Danielle - I'm not a therapist (not sure if I'm TG either but I honestly hope the hell not, yah I get it TG ladies!, although I passed my own test..) Try this quick gedankenexperiment:

If you were stranded on an island long enough for your cloths to fall apart and you had to wear foliage for clothing and do 'vulgar' stuff to survive, would you still feel like a woman?

[MissDanielle]

Thank you everyone for your answers. I spoke with a friend who is a psychologist and will soon be meeting with a therapist when we can nail down a time. From what my friend tells me based on everything I described, I'm just a CD. The pink fog really clouded my judgement this week after repressing for so many years that I just like to wear women's clothing.

[Aprilrain]

You might be staring down the barrel of a gender transition, or you might just need to masturbate and go to bed. I recommend therapy along with getting out and about.

I remember when masterbation was just good fun, now it's an arobic workout!

If you were stranded on an island long enough for your cloths to fall apart and you had to wear foliage for clothing and do 'vulgar' stuff to survive, would you still feel like a woman?

I'd still feel like me and I'd be thankful that I have the body I have now.
And I'd be upset when we we ran out of soap!

[Emogene]

While I am and have been confused for many years in oh so many ways, this string has really got me confused.

A lesbian is a female homosexual: a female who experiences romantic love or sexual attraction to other females ergo sum mum; if you have a male body, and think you are a lesbian, then you appear to think that you are by definition a female who is attracted sexually or romantically to other females.

Would some one please tell me where I went wrong with this understanding as it relates to this string. I have enough issues without getting further confused. Thanks so much.

[Badtranny]

A lesbian is a female homosexual: a female who experiences romantic love or sexual attraction to other females ergo sum mum; if you have a male body, and think you are a lesbian, then you appear to think that you are by definition a female who is attracted sexually or romantically to other females.

except that a male body precludes a lesbian identity. In short; testosterone changes everything. When I had testicles (regardless of HRT) I could have 'topped' a man or a woman with very little provocation. Losing my testicles changed the game in every conceivable way. I am considered a female by the the great state of California, and by most people who are unaware of my history (finally) but the retention of my penis would still make me "special' among lesbians.

Lucky for me I don't swing that way right? :-)

[Marcelle]

Hi Danielle,

When I stumbled across this site two years ago, I was very confused and quite naïve to the whole concept of CD/TG/TS, lions, tigers and bears . . . oh my. I knew I wanted to dress as a woman and all indications seemed to point to classic CD after all I was still a manly mucho macho man who just happened to like to wear dresses . . . right? It took some time, a lot of work with a gender identity therapist and a whole lot of soul searching to navigate my way to where I am now. I did the gender fluid gig and still clung to the fact that I was a guy underneath it all. The epiphany came when I realized that the only thing "guy" about me was my genetics (XY born and XY I will die ). However that did not define my gender which is female. So I may be genetically male but I am and live as a woman.

Does this mean the same thing will occur for you? I really can't answer that as each of us is different and have different wants, desires and whatnot. Working with a therapist is a good way to bring order to chaos so you are moving in the right direction. My one word of advice . . . be honest with your therapist and allow her/him to guide you but not make your decisions . . . you will know in your heart of hearts what is right for you.

Cheers

Marcelle

[kkaye]

I would tell anyone. Please do not try to label yourself. Be what you are, and be happy. I was born with a few to many female genes. At 12, I developed breast buds, and the older, I got the more fem my body became, I choose to live as a man because, I did not think, I was gay, I like other guys but was also attracted girls. I lived as a man but felt like, I was a woman. I still live as a man as in work, socially and known as. But, I live as a woman in my private life, I have breast but, I will never part with my package, I want larger breast and ass but, I like my biceps,
So what does that make me. It makes me rejected by any one of these labeled people. I call myself happy

[MissDanielle]

I completely forgot about this thread! Ironically, my parents found my stash tonight and that didn't go well.

I was advised by someone else not to label myself. The moment I move out of this house--which may be as soon as February now-- is the moment I live as a woman 24/7. I want breasts of my own, not the fake ones but REAL ONES. I don't know if I want to part with my package just yet but I view myself as a female more so than male. I repressed who I was very many, many years thinking it was weird to be a guy that wanted to be a girl but I finally reached that point in which I stopped repressing and fighting it and came to the realization that its who I am: a female trapped in a man's body and attracted to woman.

My feelings have only grown stronger over the last month. I don't feel masculine at all. I feel feminine more than anything else and that's regardless of what clothing I am wearing. The moment I put on my bra and my panties on Friday night, a feeling overwhelmed me like never before. I don't even know how to describe it. I didn't even think of the clothing as women's clothing but as MY clothing. All I know is that I love this feeling and never ever ever want it to go away. I finally felt like I was me. The real me. The authentic me who was repressed for way too many years because I just couldn't accept that I was different from other people.

I am seeing a therapist again for the second time in mid to late December. It's hard to find a good time to go with work hours but I have a day off and I'll go then. If I can go en femme, that would be great, but I'd have to make sure I won't be caught by my folks. My mom isn't as open-minded or she's in denial that I'm her daughter and not her son.

[Mayo]

I spoke with a friend who is a psychologist and will soon be meeting with a therapist when we can nail down a time. From what my friend tells me based on everything I described, I'm just a CD. The pink fog really clouded my judgement this week after repressing for so many years that I just like to wear women's clothing.

The moment I move out of this house [...] is the moment I live as a woman 24/7. I want breasts of my own, not the fake ones but REAL ONES. I don't know if I want to part with my package just yet but I view myself as a female more so than male. I repressed who I was very many, many years thinking it was weird to be a guy that wanted to be a girl but I finally reached that point in which I stopped repressing and fighting it and came to the realization that its who I am; a female trapped in a man's body and attracted to woman.

Transitioning is a major change with a lot of social and personal anxiety attached to it, and you may have been feeling this fear very strongly in the first post quoted above. Convincing yourself that you are 'just a CD' means you don't have to go through with transition, though you seem to have changed your mind now. There isn't a right or wrong answer, just what's right or wrong for you, and talking to a therapist will hopefully help you sort this out.