Feeling down after dressing

[AnnaMarie]

I don't get much time to dress even though I'm self employed and working from home. Taking deliveries, having visitors etc means it doesn't happen. This year I've probably dressed about 7 or 8 times. I'm not out to my wife and so everything is hidden away. Well today I got a few hours to dress and as I'm writing this I've just yet again packed everything away. I've got some stunning dresses, underwear and shoes and I'm always gutted when it needs to be packed away again. In fact I've spent probably double on girly stuff than I have on drab stuff this year. Oh how I wish everything was more open in the world and more accepted. Why should women be the only people to be able to dress just as they wish

[prettytoes]

I couldn't agree more. Many say "just go out"...but it's not always that easy. My male wardrobe consists mostly of jeans and t-shirts, my female side is also casual, but much nicer. I just could not stand the looks, comments, "whispers down the aisle" etc. Plus, with social media these days, it would be blasted everywhere in minutes. I have a family that would also be effected if I would choose to go out and show my other side. I do not typically do makeup...just a dude in a denim skirt (or whatever I decide on that day!) It would be pretty easy to see that I was not "like the others"! lol

[flatlander_48]

AM:

Everyone's situations have some variance. What may be a major impediment for someone may be no more than a speed bump for you and vice versa. The trick is to find what works for you. Some are able to go out of town for a day or two. Since your wife doesn't know, that might not work for you. My personal approach was to join 2 groups, one is an hour's drive away and the other is 90 minutes away. Again, that approach may not be practical for you or others.

Perhaps there are some organizations in your area of the UK. Maybe you can find out how their members deal with this issue. However, don't give up. There's a solution somewhere!!

DeeAnn

[Meghan4now]

Anna,

Even those of us that do get out don't get to stay dressed forever. Since I'm not out to my youngest (well I don't think I am) and my wife does not like to see Meghan, I sometimes need to clean up before heading home. And even if I am at home at the end of the evening I have to deconstruct.

As I was telling the girls last night, that is the saddest part of crossdressing for me. Especially pulling of the wig. I hate that. I look like a cancer patient. Wow, but gives me real empathy for women that have lost their hair.

[Krisi]

A bit of unsolicited advice: You're not going to be able to hide your dressing from your wife forever. Eventually you will leave something out. A piece of clothing, makeup, lipstick on a glass or wig hairs on the rug or furniture. I know it's difficult, but the sooner you let your wife know about your "hobby", the easier life will be.

Now, once she knows, you may be able to extend your dressing time by dressing when she is home. She can answer the door, take deliveries, etc. while you remain out of sight or return to male mode.

As far as your last statement "Why should women be the only people to be able to dress just as they wish", this has been discussed to death on this forum but the bottom line is: Life is not fair, get over it.

[Katey888]

Guess Krisi missed the sympathy gene when his/her DNA was being formed... Maybe you need to just get over being so down on folk and understand what it is to empathise and support...?

AnnaMarie - as another largely closeted and secretive gal I can hear and feel what you're saying... It's not easy or straightforward for some of us to be open to families or partners and so our expression has to be limited and controlled in careful bursts and planned outings... that's the way that myself and a lot of others do this and it does yield little pangs of what might be otherwise...

Just look forward to the next time...

Katey x

[docrobbysherry]

Funny how nearly every conversation about dressing becomes, "Where can I go out dressed?", eventually?

But, the fact remains, AnnaMarie, most of us don't. Some of us don't wish to go out in vailla land dressed!

However, dressing at home is a completely different matter. After having the freedom to dress as much as I liked in private? I remember having to hide, sneak, and squeeze in my dressing when I could after my daughter moved in full time!

After about 6 months of that, and nearly getting caught, I couldn't take it any more! I had to tell her. She doesn't approve. But, my stress level dropped 100 degrees and I can now dress whenever I like again. She either leaves, hides in her room, or intenionally avoids seeing me.

Maybe u should consider that?

[Teresa]

AnnaMarie,
Again it's more difficult to an answer, not knowing your age or if children are involved.
Most of what you say does sound familiar, as I guess it does for many of us. For several reasons I couldn't stand the pressure and came out to my wife in my forties, as I've said before there is never a right time . It didn't end in divorce but it didn't go well long term either but at least it started the process of trying to get some answers I will admit the forum has helped in accepting that CDing is for life and things must change, feeling ashamed and guilty about something we can do nothing about had to stop. To me its almost taken a lifetime but I'm becoming more open with it , I've finally dealt with delivery drivers and now openly admit that I'm TG.
Funny only today I was in a charity shop going through the skirts when a voice behind said hello how are you ? It was my son's neighbour , he helps out in the shop, I told him straight what I was doing there, he shrugged his shoulder and said well I play golf, so I replied there you go no one's perfect !

[bridget thronton]

For myself - i am glad I told my wife and adult children. For me the pressure to hide was not helpful to my well being. I dress mostly at home and on vacation (or dinner and shopping a few towns over).

[heatherdress]

Anna Marie - Most of your limitations and sadness would be solved if you could share your crossdressing with your wife and if she would be understanding and supportive. I state the obvious, and you understand your wife better than any of us. Opening up to her may risk hurt, anger, disappointment and relationship problems. Not confiding in her, however, maintains the sadness and lack of fulfillment you have, the risk of non-intended discovery, and a relationship with hidden secrets. I wish that wishing alone would solve your dilemma, which is so common to many of us. Only difficult conversations with accompanying risks could fulfill your needs and your dreams. Hang in there and good luck. Your dresses and shoes must be awesome.

[Suzie Petersen]

While I realize none of you want to hear this, I would like to share anyway:

When I decided to stop dressing some years ago, one of the very positive results for me was that it really lifted a stress burden off of my shoulders. Yes, there has been a different stress related to not being able to do what I would like to do, but I have to say the removal of the constant fear of discovery and the constant double checking to make sure not to leave clues behind, made a huge difference in my general well being.

The other very positive result was the change in attitude from my wife. She had known about this since we started dating 30+ years ago and had tried hard, and failed, to deal with it. The change it made to her was remarkable. Seeing her being upset about it for years and seeing her be sad about it was very taxing for me as all I want is to make her happy.

So at the end of the day, for me, there were some very positive things associated with parking this need. But no, it was not easy at all.
I agree with the general consensus that these feelings are for life, but I also believe that acting on them, for non-TS people, is a choice.

- Suzie

[Jenniferathome]

.... Oh how I wish everything was more open in the world and more accepted. ...

AnnaMarie, how much more is "more," I wonder?

It is far too easy to think that the world doesn't accept and then trap yourself in your room. I can state unequivocally, that the world just doesn't care, you do. It's not the world that holds us cross dressers back, we hold ourselves back. As trite as this may seem upon reading the following, it is none-the-less true: going out is no harder than opening your door.

[AnnaMarie]

Thank you all for your kind (and some people quite forthright) comments. My biggest problem is a very young family and my wife who in the last few years has gone through some quite difficult times (nothing to do with our relationship I might add). Now just isn't the right time, when it will be who knows. I've gone through the conversation in my head a thousand times but for now, I just need to be content in packing my things away.

[Beverley Sims]

Keep your wishes and hopes alive, situations do change and one day you my be able to live the dream.