Divorce her, but be prepared first, take care of your properties and your money as much as possible. She does not deserve you and certainly she does not deserve your goods.
Divorce her, but be prepared first, take care of your properties and your money as much as possible. She does not deserve you and certainly she does not deserve your goods.
This is the big problem you're going to have to deal with. Women don't compartmentalize their lives like men do. She may probably have difficulty with now seeing you as 'less' of a man. Most women have no idea why they are attracted to someone; they chalk it up to 'chemistry'. But it's been studied. Women respond to alpha male traits, and being feminine it all the opposite of that. Now having created an image in her mind of you dressed up as a woman, behaving as a woman, throws into play all the doubts that she could ever have about being able to rely on you. It can completely shatter the feelings of safety, security, and stability that all women want from their mates. If she loses those feelings from you, she will initially try to come to terms with it, but if she can't, she will likely seek them out from someone else, and then your marriage is kaput. Once the sexual desire is gone, and any feeling of security is gone, they no longer feel they need you, and it's over. Not to mention the potential hate and anger that some women develop when they feel that they've been deceived and have now wasted all their best years on a fake man, and no longer are attractive enough to find another acceptable mate.Originally Posted by karynspanties
That doesn't necessarily help. Lots of women are perfectly tolerant of all types of alternative sex/gender people but NOT their own mate.You should have felt her out on crossdressing issues to see her reaction and opinion on it before you dumped that on her.
We all like to believe that, that honesty is always the best policy. But knowing that we're facing a lifetime alone isn't fair to us, either. Sometimes secrets should remain secrets, what she doesn't know won't hurt her. Consider all the marriages that were fine for decades and then ended abruptly in divorce when one party discovered an affair that occured a quarter of a century ago, and then all of a sudden she feels that she 'doesn't even know him'. But yesterday, everything was fine. The affair was over, the woman he saw is long dead, etc.. Only his wife's image of who he is has changed. But it didn't have to. Neither do wives of crossdressers. Just as many women naively believe their husbands when they are told that he never looks at porn, or never masturbates. They WANT to believe that, just as so many mothers WANT to believe that their children stay virgins until they get married; even as they hear the bedsprings squeeking she believes that they're just 'roughhousing'.
No, not ALL women react that way. But the fact that most women find us unattractive give rise to the belief it happens all too often. To ignore it would be foolish.
There are no clear statistics on the lives of crossdressers because so many of us are in the closet, and you know that. However, as I have often stated, there are NO legitimate crossdresser straight girl clubs, dating sites, bars, etc.. NONE. ZERO. ZIP. The percentage of crossdressing enthusiastic wives is a fraction of one percent, as is the number who participate in any way. Don't believe me? Go ahead. Start a business matching up crossdressers with women. Believe me, if you can find all those accepting women, you'll be a very, very rich crossdresser. I made this challenge here years ago. No one's had the guts to call me on it. Won't cost a lot of money, either, just the cost of a web page and a phone.
Last edited by sometimes_miss; 11-30-2015 at 06:29 AM.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
Hi Laila,
Firstly, sorry to read about your reveal not going well but from your subsequent post it appears you have things back on track somewhat and are moving forward.
The funny thing about advice on a forum . . . it is always dispensed from a position of personal experience and the one constant about being TG/CD/TS is that while we can claim to share some common ground, no two person's experiences are the same as pesky human personalities/experiences come in to play and unless you are leading a parallel life to another poster, you results may be close or completely opposite but never the same. Should you have told your wife? Well, this is a subject that has been beat to death, brought back from the dead and beat back to death again. The key take away I got from your post is that you read the forum, read the advice, weighed it into your own circumstances and felt it was the right thing to do . . . that is all any of us can do. If you felt it wasn't the right time I am guessing you would not have told her?
So now the fall out. Yup the one constant on this forum is two possibilities (1) It goes well . . . go get your girl on or; (2) not so well (your endgame). It appears you have dealt with that through communication and reached an amicable accord pertinent to your own circumstances . . . again it is all you can do. People will chime in and tell you how bad it can get and that your wife will never see you as a man again or it will be all sunshine, lollipops and unicorns. Both are plausible so is an infinite number of middle ground scenarios. The one statement which does ring true (Reine's I believe) is that "SOs do not handle raising the bar well without being consulted". I am the queen of bar raising in my relationship from the moment I came out as CD . . . "it is just going to be me dressing up at home now and then, no make-up, wigs, or going out" to living full time as a woman two years later. My wife and I are still together and as much as I worry she does not see me as the man she married, she loves me for the person I am not the gender (her words folks before anyone goes off with that is what you think Marcelle). This acceptance was not forced on her but was attained through a constant stream of talks, communications and even extreme yell fests. The key is communication. You have reached an accord and that is great but if buying feminine looking guy clothes is not cutting it and you feel the urge to dress again in women's clothing including underdressing . . . you do need to tell her as she would see that as a betrayal of a promise made.
You are on the right path and the fact that she did not run screaming for the hills indicates there is love there . . . it may have been shaken a bit but still there IMHO. Good luck and keep talking to her.
Cheers
Marcelle
Last edited by Marcelle; 11-30-2015 at 07:13 AM.
And, if you don't mind my saying, you have a big but
I used to have a short attention spa
Hear hear.
I'm really sorry for what happened, Laila. It's up to you and only you to decide whether you will throw everything away and try to make amends with your wife, but unfortunately karyn is right -she will not forget what you told her, and why should she? All too often some of us assume we have the right to be fully accepted by others, and that's completely unrealistic. Just as we have the right to dress how we want, our partners have the right to decide they do not want to be with a crossdresser. Still of course, it's perfectly possible that your wife will want to stay with you. But don't expect her to forget.
Last edited by Sky; 11-30-2015 at 11:50 AM. Reason: typo
Valery,
Considering the amount of information given in the opening thread I would say your comment is not good advice ! When it comes to it separation and possible divorce it isn't that simple , I came close and the hurt I felt at the thought of my losses were too hard to accept, I know my wife felt the same ! We still have bridges to cross and it could still possibly happen but it's not a snap decision you can make like that !
You need to take my quote into context, and read the entire paragraph it was placed in.
Reine
Hi, sorry to hear that things didn't go well with the reveal. You are far from alone, the initial reveal can and does often get bumpy at the least. Mine was not real smooth either. But I can tell you that it is not just the CDing aspect that causes this. Many GG's on here have said what my wife also said to me, that the feeling of betrayal and lack of trust of a secret of this magnitude kept from them for a long time hits real hard. As a married couple, it is presumed by both that you both essentially know everything of importance about each other. When this reveal happens, it often causes a big breach of trust, feelings of not knowing the person whom they married. These are quite normal feelings and quite honestly, not out of line at all. Those are truths we as CDers need to own.
When someone feels angry... again, a normal response to having been kept out of the loop of something of this magnitude for a long time, it is hard to accept, or understand. Anger is a very powerful emotion that often does not allow for much else to filter through.
It has been just about 3 years now that my wife has known. I do not dress in front of her, we do not talk in great detail or length about CDing. (not DADT though) but it is not part of daily conversation. My wife has come a loongg way on all of this, but it has taken quite a bit of time to get to a place where she can feel even remotely comfortable at all. Still isn't some of the time. I would say that the reaction and how my wife and I deal with the CDing is fairly common of all members here who are not TS and or transitioned or transitioning. Yes, there are some who handle it smoothly, others who cannot deal with any of it. Initially, the latter is more common then the smooth. In time, (lots of time) things may get a bit better. Don't push it. The genie is out of the bottle now. You have an otherwise good marriage, so you have a good foundation for your relationship. Things may seem a bit bleak with the CDing, and they may for some time. Hang in there. My wife for a few months was strongly considering ending the marriage.
Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned
OK, nothing was initially left out, but the mods edited it down anyway, Reine. Anyway, this time I highlighted a section that I will refer to. Sorry if that bothers you, but I don't know which way to go, as somebody's always unhappy with what I do. So.....in any event, let's address this highlighted item.
So, what are we talking about here? What's 'a good chance'? One in ten? Eight in ten? I understand you're talking from your own experience and of course we all commend you for your insight here, but the fact remains that most crossdressers are single through no desire of their own, and there isn't exactly a long list of accepting, tolerant wives. It's always nice to hear a success story, but that's the exception, not the rule by any stretch of the imagination.
Last edited by sometimes_miss; 12-01-2015 at 11:56 PM. Reason: and yet you did it anyway. No need to quote a WHOLE post to make a point.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
Does your wife normally react in an extreme manner? Even if she doesn't I think you just need to give her some time to digest. Also when talking with her listen to HER, HER feelings concentrate on her and don't make it about you.
There are two tragedies with this post.
The first is that the reveal didn't go well for Laila. To that, I'm not sure what to suggest other than to say your feelings and desires will never, ever go away...and in fact will probably intensify. Also, Karyn is correct...Laila, your wife will never look at you the same way. What's done is done.
Worse, however, is the misinformation being spread by MelanieAnne and others -- that revealing almost always ends up in tragedy. BS. I know dozens of gurls who have revealed. All have done so somewhat successfully, although a couple are somewhat DADT. Hardly scientific, but I don't know a single gurl who has ended up in a disaster as a result. The sad part about this is that someone who is really seeking some good advice on the subject could be convinced not to proceed based on the misinformation presented here. In doing so, they could be denying themselves a far more fulfilling life -- one that is honest and more open, with less frustration and self-loathing.
Reveal = good. As always, the caveat is that everyone and every couple are unique.
I guess I can't give you advice at this point but I can use your story as a warning to others.. Sorry no disrespect...Please tell your girl before you even propose about the "real you". When you don't its a subtle sign that you are not comfortable with yourself-stable & trustworthy. It is nice to let her know so she can decide if she wants to be with you & its a comfort for you to know she unconditionally accepts you. Sorry about your dilemma. Hope it works out.
Did you click on the link of all the people here who report positive experiences?
I've read a few surveys over the years and the results always show that more women stay with men who crossdress, than divorce them. It's important to mention though that if a husband wants to transition then the divorce rate is higher ... but we are talking about occasional CDing, right? And not transition or an intention to transition or dress full time and come out to everyone?
In Mikell's recent thread in Loved Ones, I gave a link to a textbook chapter about the CDing that cites past research. A study from the 1970s showed that 36% wives divorced because of the CDing (this means that 64% stayed with their husbands ... in the 1970s!). This number was improved to 19% of the wives being antagonistic of the CDing in a 1990s study (which means that 81% were supportive or tolerant), with a later study saying that "most wives" (no percentage cited but the reference is there so you can look it up) do not leave their husbands because of the CDing. So now that we are in 2015 and lots of things have improved even further in the last 5 years with increased gay rights and more support for public personalities transitioning, I'm guessing the divorce rate due strictly to the CDing is even less than it has ever been.
But, people need to use common sense. It means compromise and not expecting a wife to enjoy having a lesbian relationship, given that she is hetero. And if a husband is a jerk about it (staying out late and carousing in bars while dressed, having affairs, having hidden profiles on dating sites for cyber sex, repeatedly lying to his wife, making her feel as if the CDing is a greater priority to him than she and their marriage are, by continuously placing the CDing above her needs, etc), then obviously it would affect whether a wife wants to leave or not.
Reine
Laila... first and foremost, I'm sorry that you're wife reacted poorly to the news. All I can offer is that sometimes, people do and can change... it's a matter of communication, trust, and compromise. Compromise being what works for your entire household, not just your wife.
I think Laila's thread has become a bit hijacked. The long and short of it, is that all spouses of TG/CD partners will have varying degrees of tolerance, acceptance and encouragement. My opinion (shared) is that there really isn't a valid method of determining how a spouse may take the news.
I think Reine hits the nail on the head in para. 3 of response 38 above regarding compromise.
I disagree with the research referenced in para. 2, or rather I would caution or add, that just because "wives aren't leaving" doesn't mean there is acceptance of the CDing into the marriage. I think that upon discovery relationships are entering into: DADT situations; ultimatums to never do it again or there will be a divorce, which leads to secret dressing; or the staying together for the kids. I think these are more realistic or likely scenarios than that spouses are "much" more accepting of a crossdressing spouse. While it's not as taboo or misunderstood as it once was and yes, people are more accepting... spouses included, I don't think "most" spouses are "cool" with it.
Laila,
Sorry to hear of your troubles. I would suggest that you find a good counsellor, one who understands gender and cross dressing issues, and try to persuade your spouse to attend sessions together.
By telling you to get rid of your clothes your spouse has taken a dominant position. You think that you can live with a decision to not cross dress again but from your description of how cross dressing made you feel, the temptation to resume cross dressing will come back and it could be irresistible.
You are what you are and both of you need to understand that and find some workable solution. Burying it will not make the issue disappear.
I would like to add again, that part of the early reveal difficulties have as much if not more to do with feelings of loss of trust and betrayal. Not that the CDing itself is an easy hurdle for many women by any means. I do disagree that anyone who had a somewhat easier time with the reveal and the CDing can just say, do it my way and everything will be fine. Yes, there are lots of success stories on here. I myself would say in general that mine is.... My wife never held any ultimatums about absolute zero dressing. She has said that she cannot handle it in her presence. I do not push that on her out of love and respect for her.
There are a lot of stories on here as well where things went south. I am going to assume that there are many CDers who got caught or revealed and it went south who are not on here, who are suffering from zero dressing to save the marriage or going stealth and back to secretive dressing. Not a happy existence with CDing and they probably just do not want to be on here or get caught on here.
There are so many variables about how this goes either good or bad. basically it is infinite of the variables. how long after marriage did the reveal or discovery happen, how deep does the TG issues go, the background of the partner of the CDer.... social, spiritual beliefs, prior knowing of any CDers or friends, co workers who had a CD partner. Like many who have had very little experience with RW CDing, what they have seen is media sensationalism, TG porn.... portrayal in movies.
Lastly, many women just are not into it, period. They like their men to be masculine. They are heterosexual and like the divide of men and women as it is in tradition. Men are men and do men stuff, women are women and do women stuff.... Sometimes we CDers have to accept these people for wanting the traditional. It is where these people want to be. We can come up with all kinds of adjectives to describe traditional oriented people.... close minded, limited, bigot. personally, I am fine with traditional minded people wanting their traditional style lives. They are happy and content in it. So long as they let others be, live and let live.
What often happens with these later reveals and why any later reveal which goes south is just a great example of why a late reveal or discovery is so often disadvantageous to us as CDers. Reveal early on in a blooming relationship, before commitment and we will find those who accept us, without the conditions, the DADT arrangements. While there are stories of later reveals that went on to be accepting partners, more often, it is the early reveals that have the happier for ever after stories. The later reveals often turn into trust issues, DADT or other strict conditions. A weakening of the marriage or relationship. Not that a later reveal or discovery cannot be overcome, but it usually takes a very long time if it does.
Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned
Danielle, I think it IS important for CDers to know how the majority of wives feel, and discussions about this are not bringing the thread off track. I've noticed so many times that CDers project their own negative views of themselves onto their wives and believe their wives will necessarily leave them or as someone in this thread said, always "picture them in women's clothes" which implies looking down on them or seeing them somehow as "being less than". This just isn't true, not for most wives.
And so I think it extremely helpful for husbands who are in the process of discussing this with their wives to gain a bit of confidence, which will ultimately have a more positive than negative effect on the outcomes of their discussions. It doesn't mean it will be always be smooth sailing, in other words there might be initial push-back and it can sometimes take a few years before a wife can stop feeling threatened by the CDing, but it's important for husbands to know that disclosure does not automatically equate to the end of their marriages.
Well, like I said, the 1990's research showed that 81% of the wives were either accepting or tolerant. It's in the thread I referred to and if you read the Chapter in question (the section titled "Marital Discord"), you will see a reference to a study done in 1997 by Docter and Prince of 1,032 CDers, taken mostly from their participation in TG support groups, which means that obviously they did go out and dress in public. Here's the actual study, it's easy to find:
http://www.sexologiaenincisex.com/ar...e%20doctor.pdf
Table II: Wives completely accepting 28% (almost 1/3!), mixed views 47% ("have at it, but without me" or "OK I'll buy you makeup but I don't want to see it on you", etc), and completely antagonistic 19% ("stop or I'll divorce you").
Keep in mind, this was almost 20 years ago, in 1997! There is much more awareness of it now than there ever was and so wives are even less likely to think of the CDing as a deviant behavior. As mentioned some may not want to participate or it may take them a few years to relax about it all once they discover that the CDing does not change their husbands. But the idea that most wives are antagonistic simply is not true, as was suggested by some people in this thread.
Also, I think it's important to mention, for members reading this who are just beginning a serious relationship with someone, that in the Docter/Prince study, the percentage of wives who were fully supportive is similar to the percentage of wives who were told prior to marriage.
Reine
ding ding ding ding.... It really makes a big difference. For all those who are single, or starting a relationship.... for all those who have not yet told but wanting to, the longer you wait, the harder it will likely to be. exceptions, yes, but this is a predictable outcome for the majority.the percentage of wives who were fully supportive is similar to the percentage of wives who were told prior to marriage.
Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned
The only advice I can give is to take it slow and remind her that you love her. My wife's intial reaction was very similar, but over time we reached a compromise we both can live with. We actually have a better relationship now then we did before I told her. I can predict that your situation will turn out the same, but all you can do is wait and see.
Reine,
Thanks for the links to these studies. Do you have one for the complete main one containing the "Chapter in question"? I think that these two references are good but also limited. The total respondents (1,032) to the referenced study were primarily, 80%+ I think, from TG support groups. That in itself limits the total representation of the total population out there when considering how few clubs were in existence back when this study took place. With, as you also mentioned, these members being ones who primarily dressed completely and went out dressed, you already have participants who are much further along, braver, or whatever, than what we have as a majority on this site. Most CD members here are still in the closet, though I think today more and more are interested and some of those are actually going out, thus growing the out and about numbers. Those that do go out represent people who have some sort of better self acceptance, courage, and maybe more openness than closeted CD's. So, I think that your conclusions clearly apply to those who are in some sort of support groups, including today's on line versions such as this site. However, I think that even though it may have some correlation to those outside of the support groups, I am not sure that anyone can say that they clearly represent all CD's, especially those that are not out to their wives. Also from the data 80%+ wives of the study participants were aware of their husbands crossdressing, which can be partially attributed to being members of support groups and the high percentage of those who had been out dressed before. I.e. They are more advanced in age and experience and maybe further down the road than the typical closet dressers, and can get out to regular periodic support group gatherings maybe many with their SO's knowledge. On this site I don't think our corresponding percentages come close to those.
After over 8 years on this site I have seen more and more members coming out to their SO's and having some type of success also with a failures too, though I do not believe in any way that "most" wives would be accepting of this. Tolerating, probably yes as in, "I do not want to know anymore about it", out of sight out of mind. More than before, yes, but not the majority. As many say here, very few people can really accurately predict how their spouse will take the big reveal. I have read here where some SO's who appeared very liberal in their thinking about LGBT things, become totally opposite when it is in their home life. NIMBY is still alive and well.
So, what I am trying to say here is that the potential for serious troubles when someone makes the big reveal are still high and each individual needs to carefully weigh what they decide to do (reveal or not) based on their own situation and based on whether they are ready to potentially and probably have a significant change in their current relationship status and conditions. The potential for positive outcomes is getting better but in no way is assured.
Here are a couple of caveat statements by the authors of the study that reference what I am saying above about the type of samples used in the study.
"However, as with the earlier study, our sample cannot be measured against the total population of crossdressers in America because the attributes of such a population are not only unknown, they are virtually unknowable; many cross-dressers do not affiliate with any group or subscribe to transvestite magazines, and their behavior is unknown to outsiders."
"Equally important, our cross-dressers who elect to join support groups and subscribe to publications concerned with cross-dressing appear to be a more socially conventional and demographically "upscale" group."
I have to agree with a previous comment, laila's original question is being hijacked.
Her concern was about how her own wife reacted. Statistics on the percentage of understanding or not spouses are of little help to her: you could say that 100% of her spouses reacted badly.
Sky, if Laila can get an understanding that most wives do not end up divorcing their husbands over the CDing, then maybe Laila will not give up at the first sign of discord and will continue to keep the lines of communication open. At the very least, Laila should ask his wife why the change of heart, what is it exactly about the Cding that the wife is concerned about, and Laila should be prepared to address those issues in addition to talking specifics (what the CDing means to Laila, what Laila's goals are, how long Laila has been doing this, how Laila feels when Laila does not CDress, etc), and also telling the wife the things I mentioned in my first post in this thread.
Laila did say that his wife seemed fine with the CDing at first, but the wife changed her mind after she saw that Laila ramped it up. We all know that many wives get scared when they see the CDing ramping up because it's an indication that it may go farther than the wife understands or feels comfortable about. And other members have also posted that their wives cooled off when they went overboard into Pink Fogs, with advice to newcomers to beware of the Pink Fog.
So yes, dispelling the myth that all wives are likely to run to the hills at the first sign of CDing is a good thing to do.
Actually, it would be interesting to hear what Laila's wife has to say about this. I would bet my last dollar that it isn't as dire as Laila thinks it is. Why do I think this? It has happened several times in this forum. CDers have posted horrible stories about their wives putting their foot down and not allowing the CDing at all, only to have the wives actually join the forum and post in their husbands thread that it wasn't the CDing in itself they objected to, but some of the associated behaviors (secret internet profiles looking for sex, or overspending on clothes, or going too fast, or a number of other issues).
Last edited by ReineD; 12-01-2015 at 08:31 PM.
Reine
The problem is that those surveys aren't random; they're picked from people who volunteer to respond and are active in some type of supportive crossdresser groups. As such, it doesn't come remotely close to include accurate percentages of us. And again, I will state that the number of women who find us attractive is infinitesimal, and that is based on real world experiences. There are women interested in all kinds of things, but crossdressing males isn't one of them. Sure, out of what, 29,000 members here how many have stepped forward with wives who are enthusiastic about their mate's crossdressing? How many DADT relationships survive? Count up those threads and get back to us instead of just giving a blanket statement that there are lots of happy surviving marriages out there. Reine, you're what we refer to as a 'unicorn'; a one in a million occurance, and while you would like to paint a rosy picture of hope, the reality is that most of us have virtually zero chance of finding a crossdresser friendly woman to marry. I'd love to believe you, but there simply isn't any evidence that all those women are out there anywhere. And before you claim that it's not crossdressing that prevents me from finding a mate, I assure you that I have dated plenty of women since my divorce, and absolutely zero were what anyone would call 'crossdresser friendly' (the ones that pretended to be turned out not so much, they were just tolerating it because no one else in their right mind would date them). I don't enjoy being the one to rain on people's parade; but I do feel it necessary to try to keep blowing the pink fog away and see the world with a bit of clarity.
My ex said the same thing; and yet, admitted that had she known about my crossdressing she never would have married me. Marriages survive many things; infidelity, drinking, drug abuse, even the #1 problem (as per our divorce attorneys) differences in how to handle money. But the one thing that changes things dramatically is an alteration in how we are attracted to our mate. Women will stick by criminals, murderers, drunks, drug addicts, etc.. But crossdressing is a sexual turn off for virtually all women, and once that attraction is gone, the love soon follows, and then, it's pretty much all over but signing the divorce papers.
Last edited by sometimes_miss; 12-02-2015 at 12:18 AM.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
This forum is awash in sad stories of those who came out and wound up divorced, broke, lost their kids, homes, etc. I stand by what I said! You posters who advocate and encourage bad behavior and bad decisions are the ones who are dangerous. There is a lot at stake for those who may be thinking about coming out, and I repeat, most of those efforts end badly!
Jennifer, you have no facts either to support your position. You have to remember this is a forum of like minded individuals, and, any sampling done from comments on this site would never meet any standards of polling. Even the number of active participants is a fraction of the registered members. And, it always amazes me as to the number of "guests" reading in the open to all section vs in the members only sections.
Anyway, I will agree with the comments that really indicate the sole and any truth for the OP, you're in it alone to sort it all out. If time had been taken to read and read and read some more it would have become evident there was a good chance things were destined to possibly blow up and not work out well.
The only advice I would have had is to not try to float this idea by a wife during a holiday season.
Last edited by Stephanie47; 12-02-2015 at 11:47 AM. Reason: grammer
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