My mom found my stash...

[Teresa]

Danielle,
I have a feeling that many CDers have good long term memories, I can never forget my CDing history and how I've tried to live with it.
I'm glad you're talking about a partner and children, despite our CDing we do make good husbands and fathers. I just hope you find the right person to share those joys with, and please don't discount it I had two GFs that accepted my CDing so it can happen .

[MissDanielle]

I have a female brain if all these online tests and quizzes are accurate, including the BBC.

ETA:
Round three of fighting when I got home from work today. "Weird, weird, weird" as my mom just said.

I've had that feeling of depression all day long because I'm not wearing the clothes that make me feel better about myself. I can't do part-time. I just can't. I have to live as Danielle 24/7.

The only reason I'm still under their roof is because I moved out once and was unable to find a job when the economy crashed. Parents kept me up for so long before forcing me back. I had a job from 2009 through July 2012 but got laid off. Enrolled in a paralegal certificate program that took me through all of 2013 while draining my savings to pay bills. Didn't get a job until March 2014 and it was part-time with inconsistent hours. This took me through this past March. After the holidays, the hours were inconsistent. It took until May to find something. Sure, it's not doing what I'd prefer but it's a paycheck and if I continue to save instead of splurging on clothing, I'll have more than enough to survive two months if it takes a while to find a job. I'm reaching out to employment agencies tonight and I've been in touch with the appropriate folks about finding an apartment. But this move is definitely happening in February at the earliest.

[xNicolex]

hi D this is a hard spot your in but every cloud has a silver lining I am wondering if you brought your parents to your next therapy session your thearapist may help them become more understanding. I believe that a lack of proper information is one of the root causes of peoples ignorance to us crossdressers good luck with the move and the job hunt I know its hard when I can't dress as nicole I don't feel sexy either. hang in there it will get easier as time goes on just remember the people you have to support you

[MissDanielle]

Here's the thing: I'm not a CD. I'm TG. Once I stopped repressing myself, I started to learn more about who I really am. I need the carpet to match the drapes and right now, it doesn't. When I got dressed on Friday and Saturday evenings, I didn't feel complete. It was like I was missing essential parts. Sure, I felt sexy about myself for the first time in my life but I wanted to see REAL breasts looking back at me. I didn't like seeing the bulge in my panties.

Growing up, I never would allow myself to admit that I really was a girl inside because it wasn't seen as normal. I wasn't one of the athletic kids. I was always shy. I don't even know if being TG is seen as normal now but it's more accepted by open-minded folks in society now than ever before.

I cannot tell you the number of writing projects in which I've explored transgender themes. I probably wrote those in some ways to feel like I was living since I couldn't really be myself at home. I'm moving in just over two months and then I can start to be me. The real me. The authentic me.

[xNicolex]

you are perfectly normal D don't let anyone ever tell you different If you want to become the woman you always knew you were meant to be then you go for it girl. Living comfortable as your true self is better than living a lie just let you be you and nothing else, good luck

[MissDanielle]

If there's one thing I hate more than anything in the world: it's living a lie. And clowns.

[SabrinaEmily]

I'm taking that for my signature.

There's not much to be said to you, in the moment of waiting and struggling to get to the point where you can be who you really are. So I'll just say...keep holding on, keep moving forward.

[MissDanielle]

Thanks, Sabrina

[MissDanielle]

I'm pretty sure they've thrown out any of the packages I've ordered lately.

My parents have said this week alone:
"weird"
"loner"
"bored to death"
"mentally ill"
"not normal"

They are not educated on transgender issues. My mom doesn't understand how being transgender is not a choice and that's not even taking religion into account.

Then somebody please explain why these urges have not gone away during most of my life. Why should I have to repress who I am?!?

[elliemoss]

So sorry to hear about your troubles miss Danielle. Unfortunately there are still a lot of people (especially older generation) who just don't understand. What people don't understand they generally fear. It could be a great idea to put together an email to your parents. Take your time on it and put down all your true feelings. Explain to them that it does not change the person you are that they still have a very loving, healthy child just that it's a large aspect of yourself that needs to be expressed. Maybe include some links to helpful sights so they can learn a bit more about it and find out that it's far more common than I'm sure they imagine. If they don't have an email account then print it out and give it to them. Leave it a few days or a couple of weeks and let them read it and soak in the info and I'm absolutely sure in time with more understanding they will come around and it won't be such a big deal to them afterall. Hope that helps xx

[MissDanielle]

I sent an email at the start of November when I realized I was trans.

[sbay06]

Danielle, I just came out to my parents a few months ago. I had been hiding it from them for about 19 years. They were surprised and curious to know more. I am from the Portland area, which is pretty liberal. So, I think my parents were a little more accepting of these types of things. I also think that because there are so many topics about transgenders in the media, they were more willing to discuss things like this. I think that its a great thing to sort out your thoughts about it though. If you'd like to message me, I'd love to talk with you about it. I'm sort of in a similar stage in life. I've just become more open about it and my wife has really been helping me to articulate my feelings and thoughts regarding crossdressing.

I completely agree though about never feeling as attractive as when you're wearing female clothing.

[Invisible Emily]

I feel for you. This sucks to hear about what is happening. It's hard not being understood. I was so close to buying a pair of my own panties a few minutes ago but I didn't incase my parents got the package before me. Im still considering buying them but i don't want them knowing by mistake. Im really not sure if I should get them or not because I don't want to go through arguments.

I'm going through the same situation. I want to order some clothes online but am afraid my parents will open them or ask me what was in it. Such a dilemma.

[MissDanielle]

I really wish that Kohl's had everything in store the other day when I went. They only had the jeans but online was cheaper and picking up in store, sadly, was not an option.

Finding time to wash and dry my panties is fun to say the least. Writing "my panties" is something that will never get old.

[AlleyKat]

A little off topic, but it really shows in this thread.
I am in awe of your confidence. I have no doubt that I will never be able to intentionally come out to my parents, nor to start on the path that you have chosen.

That being said, hold on through the negativity and remember you have friends here. =)

[MissDanielle]

I poured out all my thoughts and feelings in an email to my therapist. She is meeting with them later this week.

My parents think trans people know who they are when they are 5. I knew something was off at 13...

Still no word from Hanes on my package.

[MissDanielle]

Official from Hanes: my purchases were marked as REFUSED and MOVED. I'm having Hanes resend it but to my cousin's house instead so that I can get them at some point. All my purchases are now being sent to my cousin's house. At least she accepts me for the girl that I am

It sucks that I can't even express myself at home.