I don't disagree with anything you said. Thanks for saying that. Let me offer something from the CD side.
I think there's a tipping point that I've yet to reach (and hopefully won't). Although it's impossible to ignore the difficulties, let's ignore the difficulties for now. Crossdressing adds something to my life. I have been compelled/felt a need to do it in varying degrees since I was a preschooler. I've had very few times in my life when I couldn't express it to some degree, but when those occasions arose, or if they were less frequent or somehow less of what I needed/desired it effected me from a well-being standpoint. Ahh, so it effected my well being! Poor me! I know that's so insignificant compared to you, and I know and accept that. Glad of it, in fact. I know enough of your situation to know that I don't want any part of it, and I know you wouldn't wish it on anybody.
Consider, too, that when I've indulged whether it was for an hour, a day, or a week, my satisfaction level with that experience wavered. Plenty of times I was an emotional wreck when it came time to go back. Plenty of times I thought "this is the way I'm supposed to live my life". Other times I was going through the well-known motions with little effect. There are even plenty of times when, by the time it's time to "go back" I'm ready. I'm tired of it. I don't know why I went to the trouble. In fact, the older I get the less I get out of it. I look in the mirror and see a woman struggling to stay young... and losing. That takes a lot of the fun out of it. It's a new thing that in recent years (especially since I cut my hair) I experience true dissatisfaction with it all. That used to never happen. Maybe I've peaked out. I was so close to joining you on the "other side" 6 years ago. What if I had?
Look. From a cd standpoint (at least mine) we look up to our TS sisters. We know that what you've done comes with enormous difficulty and requires unfathomable courage. When we say we wouldn't sacrifice our families, that means WE at our level of gender dysphoria wouldn't, and don't understand those who do. Surely that's not wrong. Otherwise we'd just all dishonestly claim an equally high level of gender dysphoria just so we'd fit in with the big girls.
I understand the hierarchy. Most of us probably recognize some. I know I do. We just rarely verbalize it. We probably all feel like we're a little better, a little prettier, a little more feminine than some of the other. Their particular brand of transgender expression is different from mine, therefore wrong. It's just more common and more acceptable for the TS community to reject the CD community out of hand. Then we get our panties in a wad. We tend to get a little defensive when a TS looks down her nose at us because to her we're just playing dress up.
I'm quite familiar with the fluctuating nature of gender dysphoria. Can I swear I won't be where you are in several years? Of course not. But, I can't see it coming. I'll admit that among the people who know only my girl side probably 34 of them think I'm transitioning. Yes, I lied. It was the pragmatic thing to do. I'm better accepted if I'm transitioning than if I was just dressing just for the fun of it. I'm not sure why people are that way about it, but they are. In those situations claiming to be TS was easier than admitting to being a CD. Doesn't mean it's easier to be TS, but there are situations where it is.
Paula, we've gone back and forth on a lot of very personal things for many years. We've been forthright about our opinions whether we agreed or disagreed. I've always left those discussions with respect for you. That's still intact from my side, and I hope it is with you.
Rhonda