Do you think that the desire to CD starts in early childhood?

[NicoleScott]

Wen4cd, I suppose crossdressing and fetishes are apples and oranges for some, maybe most, but for some of us they are closely connected and for myself, they cannot be separated. I am always, even when dressed OTT, a guy. I just want to create something that excites the guy looking into the mirror.
When I was a young boy getting my teeth cleaned by a beautiful dental assistant, for the duration of the cleaning my eyes were fixed on her perfect deep red lips. Even long before any awareness of sexual excitement, I may have experienced a feel-good twitch. Maybe it was this event, maybe not, that started my fetish for deep red lipstick. For whatever reasons unknown to me, I have two major fetishes, deep red lipstick and very high heels, plus a few minor ones, all things women wear. I'm not trying to reconcile what I wear with an internal feminine identity, but rather I crossdress to maximize the excitement that those fetishes invoke in the guy that I am.
For me, the desire to crossdress began in early childhood, but lacking privacy and money and nerve, I just dabbled until I was able to put it all together in my early twenties. Or so I thought I was head-to-toe complete. Over the years since it has been more is better, and I love to make up and dress as over-the-top as I can.

[Confucius]

I've been interested in cross-dressing as long as I can remember.

Like many others, my mother was hoping for a daughter, and I was born her second son. It was a big disappointment for her, as she was doing everything possible to have a girl. She didn't have to wait long for a daughter as my sister was born just 13 months after me. My mom would tell us stories about our birth, and I was always the disappointment, and my sister's birth was the happiest day of her life. My sister grew up as a pampered little princess. I grew up believing that my mother would have loved me more if I was born a girl. And, I also believed that all parents prefer girls, because girls were better than boys. Girls were so lucky. They got all the pretty things, while boys were rough and dull.

By the time I was three years old I was raiding my mother's closet and playing dress-up with her clothes. She would scold me, because I was ruining her good clothes, but I couldn't help myself. She was good at sewing and making clothes, so one day she decided to make me a pretty party dress. She would have me try it on as she made it. At one point it was just about done, and I got to try it on with a petticoat. I danced around and admired how it would twirl, as my mother laughed. At that point my older brother walked in and fell down laughing and pointing at me. Immediately my joy turned to horror, and tears. "Take it off, take it off", I pleaded with my mom. My father walked in about that time and there was some loud discussion with my mom. The dress was finished and given to a neighbor girl my age. I was instructed on how boys were supposed to behave. I continued to cross-dress, but from that moment I learned to keep my cross-dressing secret.

My urge to cross-dressing became stronger with puberty. Why? It seems as if some neurotransmitters associated with the sex drive (dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, etc) are also associated with cross-dressing. It is just as if my brain is hardwired to interpret cross-dressing as actual contact with a female. Perhaps early in our childhood - during synaptogenesis, a neural network was created, and reinforced, establishing itself as a permanent wiring in my brain. Cross-dressing will always be associated with neurotransmitters which produce sensations of well-being, pleasure, comfort, gratification, and self-identity.

[AllieBellema]

I would say it sparked for me on some of the outfits I've seen in movies and such. Of course, whenever I had the house to myself, I would search through my grandmothers stuff (and she had enough clothes to start her own K-Mart) and find some things to wear that I liked. It wasn't enough as alot of the ball gowns and such I saw really drew me towards it.

[JessiFoxx]

Like most, I too started very early (5-6) is my earliest recollection. However it started with shoes and I've never stopped obsessing over girls/women's shoes and boots. I'm so loving the boot styles these days too . I have always loved girls and preferred girls clothes for their broader selection in styles an materials. Everything is much more trendy and styles change so often. Men's, well not so much! I have horses and to be able to get all dolled up and go for a ride is so thrilling! I truly believe that if I had the resources earlier on in life and had been able to talk to someone I would have leaned more towards being TG and gone through with transitioning. Anyhow, that another story!

[Wen4cd]

NicoleScott Yeah I get you there. Deep red lipstick and very high heels are very beautiful and symbolic, and the deeply red lips, at least, are a secondary sexual characteristic supposedly programmed into all of us, so much so that lips may not even technically be a fetish.

For me, though, my fetishes lie in different pathways than my crossdressing, and the paths don't seem to cross as much as I might like them to. My crossdressing began in the mirror, and it's always been something I've actively "done" because I wanted to. My fetishes, on the other hand, oddly all have their roots in erotic dreams I began to have at a young age and I seemed to have no choice in the matter. The difference is apples and oranges to me because one is conscious and the other unconscious.

[suit]

how about it started with not enough honest information ? it came with lies and innuendo's came with taboo's broken guilt leveraged through fascination of unknown "illegal" activity of "touching the untouchable's" they are very close to unmentionables . its revolt it's special it's nice ( as far as the knowledge you might of had when you stated 1 ) it may have been the nicest thing you had touched in a long time . or had touch you . it most likely smelled nice too (and you were not allowed to >2nd class citizen ?< )( we are animals,and we do work on pheromones, they count ,they work too 2) the grass is greener the clothes are more expensive more fragile and quicker to fall out of fashion (bet that was never explained)
1 women and all you know now vs what imagined reality that women worked in that you knew of when you started "dressing" ? huge crash of fantasy with appearances and reality s
2 pheromones are the first step into fixating on how to make babies , right ? that oily link must bind to synthetics like polyester, ployester loves oil , I bet real rayon {cellulose acetate fibers} is a huge sponge for the stuff and that may be why it's not used in much of the fashions today . in the 50's rayon panties were pretty standard. so were the firm control long leg high waist zippered stretch satin paneled girdles,(I know nothing of what i speak) But way back in the 60's good information would have alleviated a couple of ass tons of imagination fear~ self created stress. oohh and anything naughty is fun.

[Someone777]

You are who you are.

Sure, sometimes stuff that happens in life triggers a change in you. However, short of some extensive brain washing, random events in life aren't going to make you into someone you weren't already.

The first time I crossdressed wasn't really my choice. An older sibling thought it would be a funny Halloween costume since her (adult aged) friends were hilarious looking that way. Well, the joke was on both of us because, due to my age (and generally ambiguous features,) I was just a bit too convincing. I'd be lying if I said I hated the experience but I wasn't thrilled with it either. At the time, I remember feeling more bothered by the fact no one saw through my disguise than by the fact I was wearing a skirt. I literally had a girl my age ask me what my costume was supposed to be and she quietly turned around and didn't speak to me again when I told her.

Now, I crossdress out of a combination of medical necessity and being cheap. I'm probably the odd one out here for saying this. I wear tights to deal with circulation problems and they don't technically count as crossdressing, since they're unisex. I wear panties to keep the tights from rolling down and they totally count as crossdressing. They're not normal panties, they're the super high waist shape wear type. I'd almost say I enjoy wearing the tights, except for the fact they're such a pain to get on. It's on average a 15 minute ordeal of fighting them to get the tights on. The tights really make my legs feel better and the panties have caused me to spend a little too much time checking out my own ass. The reason I picked panties over men's underwear is a combination of the fact they're much cheaper than the men's version and the fact they looked like they would do a better job keeping the tights in place.

My habit is fairly tame compared to most people here. As long as the shirt I'm wearing isn't too tight and I'm not wearing shorts, it's impossible to even know what I'm wearing.

I don't see my habit escalating much any time soon. The truth is, I'm thoroughly the t-shirt and jeans type and there's really not much difference between the women's and men's versions of what I wear. Sure, if I wanted to make myself more feminine, I could but I just don't see the point. Who would I be dressing up for? What would I be trying to prove? I've never been too fussy about my looks and I'm perfectly comfortable with who I am. I just like to wear what works for me.

In the end, my attitude toward clothing hasn't really changed. It was a change in my physical needs that pushed me to this point.

Price is the main reason I justified buying panties but I really don't see myself going back. Now that I'm already wearing them, I don't plan to give them up. How should I put it, once a line gets crossed there's no going back. So, yes, I'm not just doing it out of medical necessity and being cheap but, if you met me in person, I'd never admit to that last part.

_{I feel like I missed an opportunity to make a crossdressing pun but I'm just too tired.}

[Emma 1973]

I started dressing later on in life and cant remember dressing in my mothers things as a young child like alot here. One thing i can remember though is once i started my teen years and dating i did take a strange fancy to womens shoes, maybe there is something in that but really it was just something i stumbled across and tried.

I found i liked it alot.

[Teresa]

Lexi,
Again I have read all the replies and not a single one has the same answer as mine . To me my Cding did start traumatically !
I now believe that we are born with female traits. From a fairly early age I had a GF I walk to school with her holding her hand, maybe about 4 years old, at about 8-9 years I wasn't ashamed to be seen kissing her, much to the dislike of most of my friends. I wasn't that bothered about female clothes until I saw a new swimsuit my sister bought, it was tight fitting with with a padded bust and a halter neck strap which could be removed. I suddenly wanted to wear it so much but didn't know why, at that age I knew nothing of sex or masturbation and the onset of erections very embarrassing !
I started to wear the swimsuit not because of the feel of the material but in my mind it must have been more to do with the shape which resembled a female body.What possessed to me to do what I did then was only explained to me recently by my therapist. I put clothes over a deflated air bed, squeezed into the dresses and then inflated the air bed. I was trapped in that situation, during one of these sessions I had an involuntary orgasm, I explain it that way because I didn't know what had happened , yes at that time it didn't feel good but more traumatised me, I was only a child of 8-9 and I was scared !
I now realise that the combination of these events locked the connections in my brain between females, clothes and sex, something I have never lost to this day. I only discovered recently when going through this with my counsellor and relating the dreams I was having at that time.

They consisted of me lying on my bed floating above a large room with the floor covered in girls clothes, if I fell off the bed I would immediately be wearing the clothes, no matter how much I pulled at them I would find another layer underneath. This dream changed after my first orgasm, I then continued with me being made to penetrate a woman, and be dressed with clothes joined to hers so again I couldn't get out of that situation, I was about 10 when I started having that dream.
My counsellor explained it by saying that my female side was almost as strong as my male side and it was trying to take over, she also added that after consulting with colleagues she had never come across many children of that age to be so sexually driven, especially with having no knowledge of what was going on.
Since that time I have never lost the gut feeling of being pulled in another direction, to me it also explains why I have always had a deep need to share my dressing with women . I truly believe the label male lesbian , I dress partly to please myself (AGP) and partly to be attractive to women.
I eventually managed to explain this to my wife and she did accept by agreeing I'm part female , naturally she's also reminded me that she's not a lesbian, my answer was no but I partly am !!

[HollyGreene]

As a very young child (before school age) I had 2 brothers and all the other kids in the street were boys. When I was about 4 or 5, a new family moved into the street and they had girl. I think it was probably the first time I'd really seen a girl. As I recall, she was quite pretty and wore some equally pretty dresses. I was captivated and I can remember thinking that I wished I was a girl so that I could look like that. I don't think that event in my life was the cause of me becoming a CD - I think it just awoke in my mind what was already there.

It wasn't until many years later that I actually had the opportunity to try on a dress, but when I did it felt right.

[PattyT]

Absolutely.
I was attracted to the cuteness and apparent comfort of girl's clothing ever since I can remember. I also remember a dream I had of being dressed up in a red skirt and whire blouse, with black patent leather shoes. I also remember going shopping with my mother for shoes when I was very young. The saleslady pointed out kid's shoes which were rather feminine. My mother rejected these and I felt horrible. Earlier on I collected magazine and adds showing the kind of clothes I was interested. I really longed to be able to dress in them and felt so miserable that I couldn't. As I grew older I became interested in female attire suitable to my age, more or less. I started dressing secretely as soon as I started earning a bit of money to buy some clothes.
I really think it is something we are born with and first appears when we're very young.

[Kiwi Primrose]

An easy answer for me.
I have loved the feel of feminine clothing, especially lingerie, since my earliest memories.
I swapped clothing with a girl cousin when we were very young, my fiance (later wife) bought me lovely underwear when we were courting and still does.
I am nearly 80, married almost 60 years and she still helps me select new things.
I have no hang-ups. Dressing up is as natural as breathing.

[Joanne108]

It did for me. I first tried on a bra as part of some game at the age of 5. It progressed form there.

[gabyespinotv]

Started at 9 y/o for me

[MarciManseau]

My sister began putting me in her clothes from the earliest memories I have, about 4 I'd guess, and I loved every second of it.

I thank her all the time for it too.

[soha]

Yeah,I I started when I was 7years old I was fond of to wear scarf and bsrclet that belong girls.

[Alice Torn]

Reine has a good post. i had teachers who wore dresses, skirts, nylons and heels, and they made a big impression on me, as well, as my mom's legs in nylons.Also, a nurse i had once , at a doctor office, with long silky legs. And images on Television, also made impressions. I raided my sister, and mom's closets at around age 14. Sadly, being born male has huge hazards, that women may may not understand much, and females have other types of hazards. Little wonder, so many males are becoming transgendered, and crossdressers.

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

Confucius, You are onto something there. My dad never wanted sons,, my mom later admitted. he had one premature damaged daughter, then three sons, which he really did not want. We were treated as slaves, resented, while sister was spoiled. I wet the bed until age 20. I was blocked form having girlfriends, was unable to be relaxed with girls. I found handling and wearing women's clothes also almost the same as touching women themselves. I felt that wearing a dress, was almost the same as having a lady next to me, too. Part of my life's problems, was being an unwanted male, and having a distant dad, and older twin brothers, who have ridiculed me all my life, and having damaged confidence as a male, though i got away from the unhealthy family for 29 years, and grew in confidence, and a hard worker, but was forced to return to the toxic brood six years ago, and am very depressed, and dress up fully 2 or 3 times a month, 99% in closet. But, many overwhelming painful issues here.

[StarrOfDelite]

I didn't become interested in transgenderism until I was over forty when I was browsing the early internet and came across some crossdresser pages. I was fascinated, maybe transfixed is a better word, and became very involved in TG's and CD'ing very quickly. Looking back at my childhood, I can remember several incidents which may have planted a seed which predisposed me in this direction.

I started out primarily by trying on some of my wife's sandals, and by testing her makeup and lipstick, and have steadily progressed to a point where I spend several hours every day wearing a wig, light makeup, and androgynous clothing.

[Dana44]

Yeah, I've always had these strange flip/flop of my brain switching left/right. My dad always called me girly as my body was small. But we had to grow up to be men. LOL I made it but knew I was far different and beat to my own drum. I crossdressed since my early years and it took me forty years to find out what that switching was and how it related to me. I am now comfortable with it and with an accepting woman. I find that my male side is still strong and my female side seems to be getting stronger but I am trying to keep the balance. Yet I have become more androgynous with long hair and pierced ears.

[dana digs sweaters]

The desire to crossdress did start early in childhood for me
and I am glad.
Nothing traumatic happened to me either.
No humiliation from my other sisters when I was playing dress-up with any of them.
Of course now I get the occasional joke playfully directed to me since I am out to them now.

[PattyT]

Yes, ｅｖｅｒ since I can remember. In my case this is not an acquired taste or habit. Before finally going out fully dressed I always felt a great deal of frustration in seeing GGs in such great clothes and me in drab.

[BillieAnneJean]

Almost all start early. Very few, like me, start later in life.
Those times also seem to reflect the need.

All should be able to present as they desire without fear of retribution. It isn't like er are committing a crime or plotting to steal.
Harless fun.

[lisa_vin]

Mine started around 3 to 4 years old with my mom's nylons and slips. My dad died when I was 4 and my brother was 17 years older than me and already out of the house and married so I was raised with no male guidance at all. She allowed me to put them on and I don't remember her ever saying anything negative or ugly about it. However, at some point during those early years (possibly around 8 or 9), I remember some male "person", perhaps a relative or family friend, taking me aside away from my mom and proceeding to say absolutely horrible things to me with the intent to hurt, scare, shame and embarrass me into stopping such an ungodly and detestable activity. I remember being scared out of my wits, feeling sick to my stomach, crying and feeling like a totally useless piece of crap. Did I stop cd'ing? No, I learned how to do it in secret with nobody knowing.

I'm 61 now and it's always been a part of who I am! In later years, before my brother died, he told me on at least a couple of occasions that I was not a "planned" birth and that, upon finding out she was pregnant, mom had wished for a girl before I was born. I'm positive though that it was not him that told me all of that horrible stuff back around when I 8 or 9 years old. Since my mom died when I was 14, I'll never know who that "Mr. Ugly" was.

[phili]

I know mine did. Age 5, saw my sister's cotton panties come down the laundry chute and I thought, how nice, no weird fly- and tried them on. Somehow I also got an erection and orgasm and a sexual value was established- maybe no unnecessary seams in the way for masturbating? I innocently came out to my parents but was shame punished, so spent my youth in the closet, and crossdressing didn't get to be part of my public persona. When my dad said- 'You want to dress up like a girl? We'll dress you up like a girl and put you out on the front step!" - I should have said- Ok! Sounds good! It probably would have worked out quite well! Ok -just dreaming...

[Rita Leigh]

I recall wearing a long nylon silky night gown or slip as a 3 or 4 year old (possibly younger) at the grandmother's. My mother may have been present. Thus began my lifelong fascination with all lingerie. Fast forward to ages 10-12 and sexual abuse by a male babysitter over those two years sealed my fate for he enjoyed putting female undergarments on me and masturbating. I never spoke up. I have been a cross dresser ever since, for more than 6 decades. I wear panties every day for it's tolerated but nothing else is out in the open, only privately. I recall being caught with female clothes, mostly lingerie, when I was a teenager and being sent to counseling. The counselor had no experience with my issues and the sessions were a waste of time and money. I was asked at that time(early 60's) by my mother if I wanted to be a woman and I said no...maybe that was a mistake. If times had been different, and hormones readily available, I might have chosen a different path than as a spouse and father. I still love the feel of nylon and silky undergarments and nightclothes...I probably will forever. Well, maybe in the next life, I will be better aligned...but I'll never know the difference, will I?