Coming out in reverse

[Jackie7]

Reading another thread on here about coming out to a new girlfriend, I realized that I'm holding the other end of that stick... I'm generally out, so when I meet someone interesting at a party, they know I am a man in a dress, but when and how do I reveal the man himself? Our general experience is that people who know only one aspect of me are not likely to recognize the other, if we made a lunch date they'd walk right past, and we'd be having the big reveal in public front of the maitre d'.

Happened last week, my wife and I wanted to see more of a couple we had just met, so I texted them a thank you follow up note with a selfie en drab. Seemed to work OK. How do others manage this?

[Michelle Girl]

Hi Jackie,

Good question. Made me think of all the things you had to do to identify yourself on a blind date before the Internet and mobile phones. For someone who has no idea what you look like, it had to be a specific location or table in a bar or cafe. or doorway to a cinema, wearing something identifiable, maybe a carnation or a very distinctive bag or jacket, or behind a newspaper...now I'm thinking of old fashioned spy films.

A selfie of you in boy or girl mode, as appropriate, sounds like a great modern solution. Just not as much fun or drama as the old blind date techniques.

Love. Michelle

[Katey888]

Jackie - what an interesting point!

While you may not be unique in your lifestyle and femme/male split here, I suspect you may be in a very select group having this specific challenge.

Of course, the stresses of revealing your socially 'natural' appearance that fits with most folks' expectations are a little different to the stresses of revealing a gender-contrary appearance that flies in the face of 'normal' social conventions and presumably are therefore somewhat less than the normal reveal...

I can't think too many people would be perturbed at all at a man they know as a 'man in a dress' revealing as a 'man in a suit'... But I'll be interested to see how many others there are in your special clique...



Katey x

[Jackie7]

Yes Katey, it is not at all the same challenge, and right again, most on here won't face this "problem." But I did find it amusing when I realized I did have to do some kind of reveal!

[Robin414]

Great point Jackie. I'm a woman (well something pretty close to it) at a lot of places I frequent now and going there without a little makeup and nice jeans is actually really weird! 😯

[Teresa]

Jackie,
I'm not sure how you can work this backwards.
I wonder if you could offer some sort of help in drab mode with a job they may be stuck with, I guess I'm looking at it as a person who is practically minded. If you're the sort that ends up in an accident department when you just look at tools then maybe not. I usually end up having to take my chainsaw to a tree they can't deal with , I look male enough then in the right gear !

[jenniferinsf]

Interesting dilemma.
My approach has been to send pics en femme with others...however my wife is not supportive of me sending pics of myself out to others

We have agreed that I would say something like...I am Transgender, my name is jennifer and I dress like this most of the time

Or in your case..

[Sarah Doepner]

Jackie, I've had something similar to this happen to me as well. It was at an event for the T-Community, Diva Las Vegas. This is a week long shared vacation each year and about 3-4 days in my face is in terrible shape and I just need to take a day off from shaving so I don't show up on the last night looking like several pounds of ground beef. I attended an event in guy mode. It was a lunch or something similar and had to explain to some of those I'd already spent time with who I was. I had to show my name tag to one person just so they would be convinced. If nothing else, it really provided a boost in my confidence knowing my transformation was such that I wasn't recognized.

So my approach to it was just show up and reintroduce myself since I didn't really have anyone's contact information.

[susan54]

I have had to do this a few times. There are three main reactions =

1) but there is no trace at all of any femininity
2) you're a bit short
3) I expected you to be better dressed

In all they seem to be disappointed!

[AllieSF]

I have met others in male mode who only knew me as Allie several times. My approach is a practical one, to me. I feel that if they like the female side, then they will like the male side, and the same goes for my feelings about them. I like the person not the package, though that can be important some times. Therefore, I never give them a heads up unless it is with another trans person who I may be meeting the first time. In that case, I only do that so that we can recognize each other. It works quite well and I have never had a problem. Surprised looks from those Allie friends, but nothing else. It usually happens because I may be with a friend who only knows my male side and I am going to one of my frequent Allie places to have fun. I am not ashamed of either version of me.

[Sky]

Good question.

To me it's completely separated worlds. People who know me as a guy don't see me as a girl, and vice versa. Specifically, since I date men in drag, I can't stand being seen by them as a guy, so I'll go to any lengths to avoid it.

[Tracii G]

I went to a trans meeting in all guy mode one time and everyone there but one had only seen me in girl mode for years.
It was interesting to say the least most thought I was new I suppose but when the took roll call it was like Hey wait you aren't her !!
It was fun.

[Teresa]

Allie,
I have to agree with your sentiment, liking the person not the package, I find that applies when shopping , it's probably why I don't have any problems . I also agree that I'm not ashamed of either version of me, I just know which I prefer.

[Jilmac]

I usually show a new person I've met while en femme, my driver's license photo which shows the real me. It's a real shocker, but when the laughing is over and they are able to regain their composure, they have a better understanding of why I love to dress.