Your Opinion

[RevMoonSerpent]

CaptLex,
You made a good point, I always thought that I never did anything because I felt I had to. Now I'm starting to question the few feminine things that I do, if they are what I normally would do myself or more for other people. Your experiment sounds like a good idea. I just might have to try it for my own peace of mind.

[CaptLex]

CaptLex,
You made a good point, I always thought that I never did anything because I felt I had to. Now I'm starting to question the few feminine things that I do, if they are what I normally would do myself or more for other people. Your experiment sounds like a good idea. I just might have to try it for my own peace of mind.

Hi, ladymoonserpent, and welcome. If you do give it a try, I'd be interested in hearing your results.

[Patsy Stone GG]

So CaptLex and Ladymoonserpant......the results of the experiment are.......can't wait to hear..............

[RevMoonSerpent]

I've done my little experiment and did realize that I do tend to change my mannerisms and appearance but, more when I am with my family than anything else. The only thing that I happen to have a true liking for is nail polish and I don't even really consider that to be completely feminine since I have noticed a number of guys wearing it also.
To better explain my situation, my husband and I live with my parents because both have medical conditions that require help. I spend most of my time out with my mother as she is the only one of the two that is mobile. She knows that I am an FtM cross dresser but, even though she gave me the “Whatever makes you happy,” speech, I know that it bothers her when we are with people that she knows. So in those cases more for her comfort than my own, I tend to act shy and change the tone of my voice etc. Especially if she asks me to accompany her to Sunday Service, I do the makeup thing so they figure I’m just a tomboy.
After doing all this I have taken a long hard look at my behavior and realized that I hate what I’m doing and I don’t want to behave that way anymore. I’m 26 yrs old and I need to start doing what makes me happy. The only person whose opinion should really matter to me is my husbands and he’s OK with it so everyone else will just have to get pleased some other way.
So, I’m going to say thank you CaptLex for giving me the idea that has helped me discover what I truly want and I think make me a better person.

[mistunderstood]

Good for you. Good luck.

[daniellalee]

I think some of you are missing my first point. It is all about Fashion. Anything that is not considered fashionable people will frown upon. It is sad but true. Fashion changes over time. I does in some ways go back to the fact that women being masculine is considered a step forward, while men becoming feminine is considered a step backwards. This is of course foolishness but it is currently how our society thinks. It is a tradition that has never died to consider women weak and submissive and men strong and dominant. One of the problems people have with a man trying to be girly is because they can't understand why a man would want to be considered weak. Girly behavior is considered weak and sissified. It is not socially acceptable for a man to be weak and sissified but it is more acceptable for a women, who are considered weak and sissified from birth, to want to become strong and independent. It is not accepted by everyone of course. there are still those that believe a woman's place is total obedience to a man. Luckily that way of thinking is dying out as is the attitude that men are not allowed to be feminine. Everyone just needs to take a step back and see just how far we have come. Changes are happening. Fashion is changing. Now, women can wear jeans and a shirt without necessarily being thought of as a girl trying to look like a boy and men can wear earings, makeup and have long hair without being considered a boy trying to look like a girl. Do u see now how fashion dictates what is feminine and what is masculine, there is no standard,it is in a constant state of change. My god! men can wear pink now. i mean that is a step forward. There will still always be a standard of what is masculine and what is feminine, it will just always be changing and those of us who push the limits and step into the gender of the opposite sex will always be considered crossdressers. I am happy being a crossdresser. I too am a victim of standards. No matter how fashion changes i will always seek to be feminine. Ask yourself this question. Is it the clothes you seek or the gender? If all of the sudden fashion was reversed and dressing like a boy was considered feminine and dressing like a girl would be considered masculine, how would you dress?

[Julie Avery]

To better explain my situation, my husband and I live with my parents because both have medical conditions that require help. I spend most of my time out with my mother as she is the only one of the two that is mobile. She knows that I am an FtM cross dresser but, even though she gave me the “Whatever makes you happy,” speech, I know that it bothers her when we are with people that she knows. So in those cases more for her comfort than my own, I tend to act shy and change the tone of my voice etc. Especially if she asks me to accompany her to Sunday Service, I do the makeup thing so they figure I’m just a tomboy.
After doing all this I have taken a long hard look at my behavior and realized that I hate what I’m doing and I don’t want to behave that way anymore. I’m 26 yrs old and I need to start doing what makes me happy. The only person whose opinion should really matter to me is my husbands and he’s OK with it so everyone else will just have to get pleased some other way.

I think the compromises you've made for your mom are admirable, and it looks to me like the way you're wrestling with the issues, whatever you decide will be done in good conscience.

One way of looking at these questions is to imagine yourself on your deathbed, and ask yourself, "What are my greatest regrets?" As a (mtf) CD who never came out to anyone till my late 40's I'm here to tell you that not honoring that part of myself sooner would be one of my big ones. But I think I wouldn't regret too much having denied myself something I wanted, in a limited way like you describe, out of love for my aging parents and consideration for their feelings. All too soon, they will be gone - my father is gone already, and without a doubt the experience of losing him was the most heartrending experience in my 51 years.

Keep up the good quest you're on, ladymoonserpent. I think you're doing just fine.

[CaptLex]

So CaptLex and Ladymoonserpant......the results of the experiment are.......can't wait to hear..............

Hey, Patsy:

The results of the experiment is that, like Ladymoonserpent, I found out it isn't really something I need for me, but to make others more comfortable. During those two weeks I only felt the need to wear makeup (for me) twice, and both times it was because I looked in the mirror and felt that I needed a little color (I thought I looked pale and tired).

The first couple of days I got puzzling looks from co-workers (with women I know it's what they don't say rather than what they do say I have to watch out for), but after that the looks stopped, so I guess people got used to it. In fact, when I pointed out that I wasn't wearing anything besides sunscreen and undereye cream on my face, two people swore that I must be wearing some makeup (one of them was my therapist).

Since then I haven't resumed wearing makeup and I don't miss it (takes less time to get ready), but sometimes I do think a little eyeliner or mascara would make my eyes look less tired. I've also stopped wearing earrings and only wear my rings (which I don't consider feminine), but now I'm wondering what I'm going to do with all that cool jewelry I've collected over the years.

[CaptLex]

Ask yourself this question. Is it the clothes you seek or the gender? If all of the sudden fashion was reversed and dressing like a boy was considered feminine and dressing like a girl would be considered masculine, how would you dress?

That's a good question daniellalee. I think that I'm seeking the gender, rather than the clothes. If the clothes were suddenly reversed I'd dress as the norm for guys. I don't think that I hate the clothes quite as much as I hate the social confines that come with them.

I agree with Lex on this one, daniellalee . . . it's definitely the gender I seek. If the clothes were to change, I would have to change with them (but I'd miss my cool ties).

[sparro]

I'm a lesbian. And an FtM. What the hell? I hadn't even heard of this antiFtM sentiments, although I GUESS I understand where they're coming from (not that I agree at all, obviously).
And perhaps it's not really lesbians, but feminists in general. Well, extremist feminists. I find that kind of feminism unbareble. Feminism is for EQUAL rights of women. I believe that people who believe in this equality are all 'feminists'. It's more extremists, who go so far as to say they are superior to men, and are intolerant of people who are just trying to be themselves.
Some lesbians may be feminists, but it's unfair to say that lesbians don't like FTMs. Now I'm going to myself.

[Sarah Rabbit]

I too believe there is a double standard. GG's can wear anything and have no problem. "It's just her Tomboy stage, she will grow out of it" If a GM even show the slightest inclination to wear girly clothes and all hell breaks loose. This is a very frustrating world we live in

Hug, Sara R.

[CaptLex]

I'm a lesbian. And an FtM. What the hell? I hadn't even heard of this antiFtM sentiments, although I GUESS I understand where they're coming from (not that I agree at all, obviously). . . . Some lesbians may be feminists, but it's unfair to say that lesbians don't like FTMs.

sparro,

I don't like generalizations so I won't say that all lesbians dislike FtMs, but I have heard and read of many incidents where some lesbians have a problem with FtMs who previously identified as lesbians - before they realized that didn't quite fit them and came to see that they were really transgendered.

Many people, gays and lesbians included, don't quite understand what transgenderism is (hell, some of us don't even get it completely), and so I think this is why there are lesbians who think an FtM is just going to the extreme in transitioning, instead of accepting their lesbianism. It's just misinformation and misunderstanding on the part of some.

I go to a lesbian bar from time to time because I like the music and the people there are very cool, but I've never told them that I'm FtM for fear that they'll tell me to go find a bar with my own kind. I could be wrong and they could welcome me without a care, but I've been too chicken to out myself there because of past experiences with lesbians who thought I was in denial and treated me coldly. I guess you can say I have some bias based on the past.