Why do I this?

[Cheyenne Skye]

So I have a question.

Twice recently I've been in a situation where I nearly outed myself. Last week I was in the store and saw a girl I used to work with (before transition). She was with her 4 or 5 year old son. She left work when she got pregnant and never came back. When I walked past, there was no hint that she recognized me. I thought about stopping and saying hello, but kept going. A few minutes later I saw her still there a few aisles over. I thought it would be kind of a rush to go talk to her and "reveal" myself. I intentionally made a point to walk past her again, but I still didn't say anything.

Then today I was at the hair salon getting my color touched up. My stylist asked another girl to wash me out while she finished up another client that she worked on while my color processed. As the girl washed me out, she mentioned how much she loved my long hair. I said, "You would be surprised how short it used to be." Her : "Shorter than mine?" (she has a chin length bob). Me: "Actually it was a clipper cut". Her:"Real edgy, huh?" Me: "No it was just more appropriate at the time." And the conversation moved on to other topics.

I find myself saying or doing things that could get me read or outed. I can't figure out why I seem to be doing this. Does anyone else do stuff like this? Any ideas why?

[AllieSF]

Everyone has their own way of administering self therapy. No, not the formal kind, but more of how we deal with being ourselves on a day to day basis. Maybe you are proud of where you are at and what you have accomplished and subconsciously just want to share it. I do that too, and some of my friends tell me that I do not really need to tell who I am tonight versus who I may be tomorrow. Some people can keep it inside and have other ways of dealing with being themselves. Others need to share it with other people. Some people need to talk out their issues or bad hair days with whomever will listen to them, not expecting any type of recommendations from them on how to deal with it. That is more like me. I hear myself talk about it and eventually come to a decision on what to do. I think the main thing is that you want to be aware and alert when it starts generating negative feedback or insecure feelings or issues within yourself. That may be the time to consider not sharing so much. I think that we sometimes do not give ourselves enough credit for living our long lives through good and difficult times and surviving all that. That ability to get through things like that applies similarly, in my opinion, when someone is making big changes like transition. I guess what I am saying is that, when the times come you will know what to do, and if it is keeping quiet, then that is what you will probably do. I hope that helps some.

[STACY B]

Good Lord this thread does strike a cord with me for sure,, As I was a Big Loud Mouthed person and was Always cracking Jokes and trying to have Fun all the time with everyone I met it is HARD as Hell to see someone that you knew from the past that doesn't realize that is you from across the parking lot or across the room or store and you still want to yell out ,,lol,,

I just LOVE to clown around and tell story's and just Run my mouth in general, So what you are saying happens all the time with me,, An just think I am way early on in all this, I kinda look like I use to but don't,, If that makes any sense? With my hair and the weight loss and HRT I guess I am changing some and don't see it or nether does my SO.
I have asked her if I have and she says a little I guess,, But being with and seeing someone day in and day out I guess she don't notice it as much as others, An when I say change I don't mean clothes,, Most days I wear about the same stuff as before, It's not like I am going all out with makeup or fancy outfits? I could just imagine how I would look dressed? But I will save that for another time when I have made more progress and feel better about it. I throw in something different from time to time and it really doesn't matter to you when you feel it, Kinda Crazy huh? Anyway I feel no shame or regret in what I wear now just tweeking a little at a time,, Nothing like before.

[I Am Paula]

In general, I do not out myself, but there's a time and a place for everything.
Seeing an old aquaintance that you may want to re-establish contact with- Sure. Just to shock him/her- Not so much.
Last week I was talking to the SA in a store. She was talking about how proud she is of her drag queen son. I outed myself out of empathy, and our conversation got much more interesting.
At my volunteer job, at a queer library, a new girl, after a couple of hours, asked me why a straight woman was working there. I outed myself, because it was a really good question. (I was also flattered as hell!)

[PretzelGirl]

There is an element of wanting to revel in finally being you for some of us. I have it and it is probably driven by being between disbelief and self-acceptance. For me it is usually saying jokes that tread the line so I almost come out but it isn't enough. Strange behavior? Yes, I guess. Generally I don't come out completely to those that don't know me unless it is educational. It doesn't matter that much to me because my community involvement makes me as out as it gets without a billboard.

I used to bowl 5-7 days a week. Lately I have been going back to the alleys and reconnecting with old friends. Entirely necessary? Not really. But it is rekindling some friendships and for others, they have a story. Found out one of the most popular bowlers has a trans* daughter.

[pamela7]

i'm not there yet, but I can see and appreciate the need or desire to reach out to old friends and find out if they accept the new you, to get a positive reaction to the transformation (trans-formation). I can also see why some people I'd leave in the past and not want to know as the new self, but apart from that, why not reveal?

[flatlander_48]

Does anyone else do stuff like this?

No...

Any ideas why?

You like working without a net?

DeeAnn

[Wendy me]

i think its normal to get some kind of notice . you do know times are changeing not fast but they are ....at one time if you told people you wanted to dress and act like a women grow some boobs and get your man thing cut of and have a vag .... you were crazey nutts or weird ... although we know that those that are trans don't do this as a fad or anything like that its because inside there is a woman screaming to get out and we need to helpe her get out....

i fish with two guys that have never fully met Wendy... well sorta i was out haveing drinks at a bar near were we fish out of ... they walked in panicked i went to the girls room .... checked myslefe went back to my seat knowing full well they were checking me out ... i finished my drink and walked out ...


next day they were telling me abought the woman with a short dress and long blonde hair .... i was omg busted ... one of them said she could have been your sister.... dont think they knew...but it feels good to go out and be yourslefe ....