busy week

[GabbiSophia]

I still have trouble admitting things but one thing I can admit is that hiding is killing me.... or was. This past week I told the step son, me best friend and the parents. Man was I shocked at how is has gone so far. The kid could care less and is happy that I am being me. I would have never thought it since he has me up on such a high pedestal. I actually think it is higher now. I love his innocence and his immaturity, it makes this a bit easier I think. He busts out " wait a minute. I have been getting my butt kicked in everything for the last 5 years .... by a girl!!???!!" was a good moment to laugh.

Not much to say with the friend I told over the phone and his comment was that no matter what it doesn't change who I am. I will wait on this one and hope for the best. Of all my friends I thought he might be the only one that would except. We do a lot of business together so I see his point.

Parents.....

....
...

So first day was great. Went nothing like I planned. I figured my mom would disown me and well my dad who knew. It didn't go like that at all. Complete shock that I have been tortured forever inside. Mom cried because she never knew. Three hours of questions and my wife and I left their place in utter amazement. That night the emails started and the crying by my mom. It has been three days and I gave her stuff to read and she is still crying.

Today she started with the questions, mind you they were not hateful but wondering statements from her, Well I wonder if your just being selfish, think about all those around you that you are going to hurt, I am suffering for you for all the pain you have been through and what is to come, your wife is going to leave you, and I could go on. Pretty run of the mill and did not bother me because I have said it all myself and moved on now. I am trying to talk to her everyday. It is my dad that is lost atm. HE says he will never be able to see me as a woman. Fair enough ... I am not asking for that just some love. ..

The comment that is sticking me in the gut. The one that has me pissed and angry. My dad has lost two kids and my mom asks him which is easier to deal with, the death of a child or your kid being a transsexual. Of course he said death.

So being trans is selfish because of all the hurt you will bring others and the suffering you will make them go through.

So what they are saying is.... You need to kill yourself because I do not want to suffer or have pain because of what you have to go through .... so who is selfish again?

I am not promoting hurting yourself , actually to point out the fact that everyone that complains about you being selfish is in fact being selfish themselves

The two things I have learned are this.
1. We start our exploration and it takes us years to come out. We have a head start over those we then tell and expect them to get it like we do. I know that I am at the point I am ready to transition all the way. I am fired up but those near me are not. My wife gets it but she is like me experienced and ready to move. I think or wish we could tell the minute we find out or realize we are trans and tell everyone so all can grow at the same speed. To bad it will never happen that way.

2. It is a blessing and a curse to come out.

[JanePeterson]

wow..

I can really relate to what you are saying, as I've told most of my close friends and my immediate family also, but my parents were definitely the hardest. To say that having a child die is easier than having a trans child is bullshit. Sorry, no offense, but really - gender is a skin that encompasses the human within... its a method of existing in the world, but the person underneath is the same regardless of gender - to say that it is better for that person to be gone than different is not an honest sentiment from a parent. This revelation is HUGE for a parent... so i would give it time - and i would also talk to your Dad and call him out on that statement to see if thats how he really feels (you'll have to be the final judge if that is a good idea). My bet is he doesn't really feel that way, that anyone who truly loves you will love you no matter how you present to the world.

congrats on such huge steps... such progress!!!

cheers,

Jane

[Megan G]

Gabbi,

I'm glad it went well coming out to your step son and friend. I love how innocent kids can be when it comes to this. So now that your wife and Step son are in your corner that makes the road ahead much easier on you having a supportive family.

As for the parents, I can totally relate as I got the very same reaction with a lot of harsh words said to me. I told my mother and brother 1.5 years ago and we are still barely speaking. I've keep the door open for them but so far they really do not want anything to do with me...

All you can do is give them time and answer any questions they may have. Other than that they have to come to this on their own

[Suzanne F]

Gabbi,
Congratulations for sharing your self. I know how hard it can be with parents. My step father is trying to be supportive while my mother hasn't reacted well. Like you said we just have to give them time and hope for the best. Good luck with everything !
Suzanne

[STACY B]

Well you Lady's need not sweat all the parents Bull,, My Mother don't know about me Cuz we haven't talked in 10 years because of an unrelated problem,, So your parents always have Crap going on with you and them no matter what,,lol,, Now she has dementia and she wouldn't know me anyway,, So know matter what we do it's always something,,lol,,, Just Blow it out ,, Life;s to short to live for others,, You made one Life choice whats a few more?

[GabbiSophia]

Do not fret for I got over it by being prepared. By reading the experiences of others because they have posted it here. When you know or prepare for what is to come you can have the info to help the ignorant expand their view. That is all it is, ignorance of the trans, it is the same fear that has held me back. I just didn't realize I would still get angry about it. I am over it now and have talked to my parents about it to relate to them that this is just grieving and that they have to do it.

Thanx to all who have posted their experiences here for others to read. So I also am trying to show my unique experience and can tell you that the constant advise of gaining all the knowledge you can is the second best advice you can get.

[DeidraDee63]

Congratulations on your strength and courage, prayers to you for continued success and happiness.

[Rogina B]

Show all that you mentioned by "living it". It is sad that you feel your other friends won't be accepting and the one you told was sort of _________ about you. Like Stacy said,move on and don't worry what they think..Show them by being.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

yep...

now its on you to demonstrate by actions that it is NOT selfish....you do that by thriving in your life..

i'm really happy for you that you were finally able to take these steps...as you experienced, its not all bad, and it opens up a whole new chapter in life...

i hope you find it empowering and rewarding for yourself and everyone around you

[PretzelGirl]

These are important steps no matter the outcome. You have to work through this, good or bad, in order to move forward and realize self-actualization. I am glad you are getting some positive results. The negative hurt tremendously, no doubt, but you are moving and your overall health and well being will benefit for it.

[Stephanie Sometimes]

Gabbi,

Your observation on the time you and your wife have had to accept your transition vs the suddenness of the reveal to your family is astute. Hopefully with time they will gain understanding and show some acceptance.

Apparently, it is especially hard on parents to deal with. I have some good friends who have been very supportive of me as Stephanie and yet when their only child came out as a transman (as an adult) they are finding it very difficult to deal with, especially the father. They are accepting of the "new" son but it is emotionally difficult for the father. As accepting as they have been of me it surprised me how hard this is for them.