This was my understanding, and it's not really what I want anymore. If I go back 12 years before I met my wife, if I had the resources I have now, I might have chose that, but I'm happy with this life now and I don't think I want to go that direction and lose what I have.Originally Posted by Zooey
Hi Suzanne, I'm totally happy having the best of both worlds. ~~...
...
May all of your paths on your new life's journeys be covered with Rose Petals and Sunshine !
Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~...
I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !
If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.
Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!
Hi, I am a late bloomer when it comes to crossdressing and finding out how feminine I am and love being...I was in my early thirties when I started dressing, If I had known this side of me before I got married, I would probably be a fulltime woman now, I am 57.....I can't see myself transitioning now in my life, however I would love to have breasts and a lovely fem figure,if I was to suddenly find myself single, I may do things differently though....I guess I am TG
I totally get what you're saying but I'm as certain as can be that I would enjoy a female body. Those aren't the only reasons why I would be comfortable being the opposite sex, they're just the most exciting ones. I know that there are not so fun things about being a biological woman but there are pros and cons of having a male body also and I surely know which one I would pick. However this is the body I was gifted and I'm half ok with that. I'm keeping in mind that at least I have a body and am therefore greatful and because I'm part male on the inside I can live with that. If I were TS then that might be a different story.
I started in late 2007 my adventure into the cd/tg/ts world. It was not until early 2011 that I went out fully dressed en femme in public. When I first went out in 2011 I thought it was just about the clothes. I thought going out once a month would be enough. Back then I went out in the evening or at night only. Around the middle of 2013 for the first I was out in public for a full day dressed en femme.
In April of 2014 I took a 5 day trip to Chicago and presented as a female for the whole trip from leaving my apartment in Phoenix until returning to my apartment in Phoenix. It was a great feeling. The depressing part was having to go to work the next day in male mode. Toward the Second half of 2014 I seriously started to consider the idea of transitioning. At that point if I was not at work I was in all likelihood presenting and living as a woman.
With each day that passes the desire to transition grows stronger and stronger. The more gender dyspepsia I feel when in male mode. I have still not made a final decision, but I feel happiest when presenting as a woman. Male mode is so depressing.
I am TS. Like many individuals in the transgender spectrum I wanted to be a woman desperately while growing up. When I met my wife in college, all those desires to change melted away. I told her I crossdressed a few months into dating. It was a shock for her, but as long as she didn't see it, it didn't bother her. A couple of years after we got married, the dysphoria came back like a ton of bricks. I tried to fight it, but the more and more I kept myself in a box the more suicidal I became. I finally tried to kill myself May of 2011. I knew I couldn't live as a male anymore and I knew I couldn't transition because everybody (my wife, my mom, my friends, my inlaws etc) told me the psychological harm that would come to my kids if they knew their dad was transgender and saw him transition. Well what parent wouldn't want to save their kids? If being transgender was a danger to my kids, I had an obligation to protect them. I obviously failed in my suicide attempt. After a lot of therapy, I realized I couldn't live as 'him' anymore and was wanting to transition. I told my wife I think I have to transition. My wife told me she wanted a divorce. I didn't blame her. Crossdressing is one thing, changing genders is another. We decided to do marriage counseling as one last shot. It worked (in regards to saving my marriage). We negotiated several items. She would not accept any surgeries or hormones. She will let me dress as Amber when she is not around. Thankfully she works first shift and the kids are in school during the day and I work second shift. The things I would not budge on were: I will shave my legs, underarms, and the top of my chest. One major issue she had was with me going out in public. That was also non negotiable. I will go out to my therapist and any other public place dressed as Amber. She wanted me to keep confined to the bedroom and the living room. I will converse with others like me. One thing that really helped keep us together is love. Love was never an issue. We still loved each other which helped.
It is not easy. I cry all the time. I can't even look in the mirror. I hate acting manly at work and around her and the kids, but I do it. I have discussed this at length with my therapist. I have had several friends tell me I should just transition to be happy. I am still horribly depressed. People don't understand though. I am depressed that I was assigned the wrong gender at birth. I am depressed I can't fix the wrong that happened to me at conception. I am depressed that I have to deAmberfy every day at 3pm. But I would be equally depressed if I did not have my wife, my kids, my house, my job, etc. Yes, changing genders will cure my dysphoria, but would cause the same equal level of depression by losing all that I love.
I tell people I am a non op transexual.
It sucks.
Amber
“But you can only lie about who you are for so long without going crazy.”
― Ellen Wittlinger,
"we could mix all three, the two gendered and the one non-gendered, "she", "he", and "it", to make "shi...". No, nevermind, that won't work either... "
Alimarx SDMB 2004
Had you asked me a week ago, I'd probably have said no. Now, I'm not really sure. I'm relatively certain I'm transgender, specifically gender fluid. Some days I have dysphoria and feel I'm really a woman in a man's body. Other days I'm 100% guy. I usually feel mixed, but lately, I've been going over to the feminine side more often and staying there longer. It's a little disconcerting honestly.Does it mean I should transition? I don't quite think so. As I stand now,i feel that transition solves nothing for me. if I was a woman on the outside, there would still be days where I would feel like a man. Then the dysphoria would be just as strong, but it would be reversed. Anyway,for the time being, in just riding the wave, seeing where it takes me.
I"ve been years on this site and always identify as closet Gay Crossdreser, but deep inside I knew this was the easy way to deal with my gender issues.
This day I am on my path to transition I am out to my family and friends ,started HRT and I have a boyfriend that is supporting me on this path.
Today life is good and I can safely "I am TS"
For me, oh wow. heck i'm already half there as my hormones are pretty female already. My libido is still good go figure. And while I'm older i know all the herbs and stuff that can get me there. IT does take longer but it does work and I'm working on it slowly. Is it truly what i want? I'm still trying to figure that out. It is crazy but gender dysphoria is a high problem for us gender benders. But hey, if we are trying to find our path i wonder why the TS folks don't like us because we are with them in spirit and we have similar issues as you that that are on HRT. One thing I do know is that I take the herb for my prostrate and even that herb is feminine. I think it is important to do the right things. SO yes I'm TS but do not know where I''ll end up.
Part Time Girl
Ive been here only a cpl weeks and really dont know what to think about alot of the post, what I do know is that I have alot of memories from my childhood that make me want to cross dress as an adult. My wife helps me dress and we go out together, id never tell my family and esp not my mother. I think that for me I love my family and wife so much that it would kill them to know what I do in private places. It doesn't make me feel like im in prison and Im not unhappy as a male , I love women and when dressed its women I want to get attention from. When Ive got those things im glad to get back to what i was born with. So for me as Gabriella im happy and never have any intention of using hrt . I daily wear panties , shave my body, and sit to pee and have for a cpl years, and this all makes me happy. I know that there are people who disagree but thats what makes me a happy cd and hope it helps others. Gabriella
Suzanne, I have a question that relates to this statement. But first, as you have stated in another thread response to me, I am most assuredly not TS. To nail that point home, when we first met, you were in jeans and a top and I was in a sequins cocktail dress, ok it was for the holiday party, but what screams cross dress more?I'm just a "normal cross dresser" (that still cracks me up every time). Anyway, you are clearly not a cross dresser.
The thing I am curious about is why did you not cross dress A LOT more. Did dressing not align you more to your self-image? What I seem to read from the many mosts over the last few years is that those who are TS think they are cross dressers but come to realize over time they are TS (perhaps this is simple denial mechanism?). These individuals are few, to be sure, but your thesis is interesting. Is it that you came to understand your TS nature before cross dressing was relevant to you? Just curious and feel free to ignore if this got too personal.
Take care,
Hi Jennifer
I can't answer for Suzanne but for me it was a double edged sword.
In one way crossdressing allowed me a glimpse of who I felt I was inside, but on the other hand I think it made me feel worse.
I guess as TS the primary goal for Transition is to be authentic and one of the biggest driving factors for that was an end to all the hiding and pretending to be someone else.
It's one thing to hide your interest in female clothing it's so much more to hide your actual identity and personality.
I think we all understand the 'Need' to dress, by instead of a need to wear the clothes, my need was to be myself. Unfortunately the Crossdressing compounds the issue as I was left feeling hollow rather than enjoying it.
The reasons a TS and CD crossdress are wholly different, yet they appear the same. Born one gender wearing clothes of the opposite gender. It's this appearance of a link between the two that has so many TS think they are CDers initially.
Becky, so glad you jumped in. This, "...Unfortunately the Crossdressing compounds the issue as I was left feeling hollow rather than enjoying it." is kind of what I assumed it must be for you. OK, since I'm asking. I recall when you first joined. Did you "know" you were TS or were you in denial hoping you were "just a normal cross dresser"?
I'm glad you found your way, by the way!
from an early age I would say 5 or 6 yrs old I would tell my parents "I'm a female" or "whats my maiden name"? then get corrected that I was a boy. In my teenage YEARS I always felt I was born in the wrong body. I represed these feelings as I got older. I n the past few years these feelings resurfaced I don't know what to do. I wear women's clothes everyday except I still wear men work boots and still have a man's hair cut. On my day off from work I really enjoy being en femme i.e. wearing make-up etc. I have such a great feeling of peace when I am dressed like a female. I very rarely wear anything manly anymore.
I would say I am definitely TG, but I do not see myself as TS. From what I have read in the TS section regardless if you actually transition or not, your identity is fully opposite your birth gender. While I believe there are some CDers who in no way identify opposite their birth gender, and do so only for fetish reasons, a lot of us do have certain feminine internal identity. It is what drives us to dress, which a lot of society still is at the least, not comfortable with. In some places, it still gets quite nasty and a lot of people still will not accept it or us. Something that has the power over us to make us buck societal norms to that degree, there is some reality in there with it.
I personally believe that CDers and TS have the same phonomenon, if you want to call it that.... condition perhaps. But whatever IT is, it is the same. What makes a TS different is the cross gender identity and need for expression, to be authentic as I hear described as much as anything, is for the TS it is complete. In all ways they identify as opposite. The CDer, many, not all have a partial identity that is female, feminine at least, but it is real.
There are moments when I think I feel like a woman trapped in a man's body. Sometimes intense, other times not. During the intense times, being female sounds good, I wish I was. I have thought about transition, or just opening up my life to being transgender, and living however whenever wherever. There are things that stop me though. Those things that stop me.... and there are several mean that I do not identify completely, otherwise they would not hold the power over me they do.
I just want to say this is my personal opinion. I know many CDers and TS feel that there is a big difference. I think it comes from the same thing, but the completeness of it is what makes it different, not its origin.
Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned
I best not say "Just a normal crossdresser" as someone always bashes me for it.
I always knew it was more than the clothes but the shame and plenty of denial kept me from looking for answers until it was too unbearable. I met plenty of crossdressers but it wasn't until I met a TS the penny dropped.
I was too busy trying to make being a man work, I came to the CD forum because that's the best I knew yet it never felt quite right, something was missing or I just couldn't relate.
Sorry Jennifer I just saw this. So the few times I did dress, once for powder puff cheerleader in high school and one bad Halloween attempt, my brain screamed this is the way you are supposed to be. But I could not face it! I had always struggled so mightily to be the man. I grew up in Kentucky so scared someone would know or be able to tell. I can't really share how deep my shame and humiliation ran. I fought it at every turn becoming a hard drinker, someone who fought and even joining the infantry in the Army. So I think I knew if I ever cross dressed it would lead to transition. When my wife and I finally addressed this issue that is what happened. I have to admit also that I could only admit to her in stages as I would really confront what I am. I am not proud of this but that was the process.
I think that for me what is important is that I finally get to be me in relationship to the world. My relationships with people are deeper and fuller. I don't have to hide me anymore. I tell the truth now instead of artfully lying or hiding my real opinions or thoughts. It is such a relief! Don't get me wrong I do love my wardrobe more than ever in my life. I work as a professional woman and had a skirt on yesterday with hose and short heels. I feel pretty most days now and God I wanted that! I look at Jennifer and Rachael with their beautiful taste in clothes and I am envious. I wish for my wife's sake it could have been Crossdressing as the answer.
I hope this answered your questions Jennifer. If it didn't please ask more. I want to be transparent and I don't mind examining my process. I am scheduled for SRS and BA on May 12th. That choice should hold up to scrutiny and I invite discussion around it.
Suzanne
Hey Suzanne, I think both you and Becky articulated what I assumed was true about those that transition: you "knew" but fought the knowledge due to the consequences that it might bring. Many comment here that one starts as a cross dresser an then progresses to TS but they are really two very distinct things. I have often written that I KNOW I am a just cross dresser and I KNOW it will never be more than that. In fact, I know just like you and Becky knew. But I always get the "never say never" responses. Odd, eh.
Somehow, there seems to be a general belief that cross dressing leads to transition when in fact cross dressing is really just coincident to transsexualism or transition. I'll bet that I cross dress more than you and Becky and likely many more, combined but I'm still just a cross dresser (a normal one Becky). Spouses reading here can easily reach the wrong conclusion and reasonably believe that a leads to b when a and b are two wildly different things. So strange this human condition.
I wish you the best, hope we can bump into each other sometime again,
You can't become TS, you either know something is up early on or it's buried beneath denial but either way it's always there.
You can't blame TS people for trying to avoid transition because transition can be brutal.
You don't have to be TS to Transition though and just because you transition doesn't make you TS either.
Why anyone would want to crossdress full-time when they identify as male is beyond me.
It's still a man's world so enjoy the best of both if you can.
I felt compelled to do it, I was at my wits end and would never choose it.
One definitely doesn't lead to the other though, however some people are extroverts and they have no issue being openly Trans, I would imagine these people still have a level of Gender Dysphoria to want to face the difficulties of full-time.
Those who seek Transition but are not female identified often have disastrous times and detransition (going back) is well known. It just isn't a lot of fun living as a woman all the time if you think more like a man.
Once the novelty of the clothes wears off what then?
It's a shame more people aren't as honest as you are about this. There is nothing wrong with a man enjoying feminine things and looking feminine that doesn't mean he has to have some element of a female identity.
It's the fudging of the truth and this idea that we are all under one umbrella or a spectrum that meant I spent years trying to discover my problem in Crossdressing circles (getting more and more unhinged) rather than learning about what it is to be TS.
To Becky, and anyone else- this is just my opinion.... But I never quite understand why the concept that CDing and someone who is TS can't come from the same origins. I see TS and CDers a like both sometimes vehemently oppose this idea. Because it has origins does not mean that TS and CD are completely alike. I fully understand that it is far from that. I understand that our lives alter significantly.
At least on here, for most CDers, it is far from just clothing or appearance. The clothing may be (for a CDer) the most vital aspect of their cross gender behavior, but for a majority on here, it isn't just clothes or appearance alone that drives them.
AGain, this is just my opinion, but in so many things in life, partial versus completeness offers two entirely different outcomes so often. I see the same with this as well. I respect other opinions on this, and I am not looking to start some great contest over who is right or wrong. I personally just see certain elements that align to both CDers and TS. Part of the time vs all of the time makes the outcome of our lives so different, yes. I personally believe that a CDers femininity is every bit as real as a GG, or a TS. Because they also have masculinity, or their femininity may not be as complete makes it no less real.
Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned
I relate a lot to what Suzzane said about her fear of where crossdressing would go if she did it. I dressed and went out twice in my life prior to starting down the road to transition - both halloween events. The first when I was only around 21 or so. What happened was not pretty and quickly found myself in seeing a psychiatrist after. The second in 2008 was a catalytic event that left in deep depression for over year and led me to transition. Likewise, when people like my wife would try to get me to seek help with what was wrong with me (they did not know what was really wrong, but knew something was wrong) I would not do it because I knew what door it would open up and that scared me. Most of my life was about shoving down what was inside.
When i came here it was trying to see if I could learn to better express myself with the cloths and find a way to enjoy crossdressing in the hope it would quiet the demons inside. Failed! Did not work, I could not even start to get into the crossdressing stuff. I did not relate to most of the discussions and really was not into all the talk about cloths and that. The last thing I wanted to be was a man wearing womens cloths (not that there is anything wrong with it, but it was not me). After getting here I pretty quickly ended up in the ts side. I related more to them. I hated being a man no matter what cloths I was wearing. I could never understand why I felt that way, but I did.
Last edited by arbon; 02-03-2016 at 06:38 PM.
I understand where you're coming from, and I respect you for saying that. That said, I strongly disagree. I'm about to say a bunch of stuff, but please know first of all that none of this is about you or any other person in particular. I'm talking about how I perceive the general population here.
I read this forum quite a lot, especially lately, because we've been having this type of discussion for a little while now. I do see a lot of people here claiming to have some "deeper connection to women" or "a really strong feminine side" or how "when they put on the clothes, they really become the girl". Every once in a while somebody talks about how they "would consider transition if they could be young and pretty". And on and on and on, implying that it's 'more than just the clothes".
Now, there are some people on this forum who I would actually say are probably TS and just haven't realized it yet, or who appear to actually be HRT-bound but haven't started shifting to the TS forum yet. There are a few people here who I've read enough of to genuinely believe that they are something in-between - neither man nor woman. I've met at least one such member here in person, and I don't question her identity one bit. Ignoring those people though, in almost every other case the post that follows contains some fairly superficial, externally-focused, and rather masculine descriptions/discussions of femininity and womanhood, or at least the physical trappings thereof.
Which somewhat obviously makes sense, since the majority of you are men.
I don't question the CD experience at all - I believe it is obviously real. Everybody's notion of "femininity" is entirely valid to them, and I say do your thing. That said, the differences in thought process and motivation between most of the CDs and the TSs here are fundamental. We are not full-time CDs, you are not part-time TSs, and that is completely fine as far as I'm concerned. All of this is a matter of perspective, and I can obviously understand how from a man's perspective people feel (and almost certainly are) far more feminine in some ways. From at least this woman's perspective though, most folks here really just don't get it the vast majority of the time, and that's fine too.
Last edited by Zooey; 02-04-2016 at 03:57 AM.
Coming out is like discovering that you've been drowning your whole life after actually breathing air for the first time.
While ultimately the end game of the life of a CDer and that of someone is TS becomes so different, my personal belief that the entire TG spectrum is very fluid. By that I mean that there is not the lines in concrete which make up the black and white contrast of a CDer and a TS person. There are defininetly some who are always simply the CDer, will never become more and never could. There is a big grey area though which grows stronger and stronger toward being TS, and I think a fair amount of the members here, myself included fall into the grey area. I think a person can be "close" to being TS, but not quite there. They are definitely far more on the fem side of their internal identity, but still not quite enough that transition is the right choice for them to make.
I think the confusion some members have when it comes to TS is that especially seeing some of those self made transition videos, the ones with the timelines and showing the progression, I think a lot of CDers can somewhat identify with those videos. they see at least a portion of themselves in those videos. CDers and TS women start off very much the same, and have so many similar feelings about themselves. The CDer can eventually find a harmonious balance, whereas the TS woman will only find the happiness with being authentically female as much as possible.
I use the word phenomenon, which often sounds like some space alien or super spiritual power.... but the word is correctly used in scientific terms of those who have cross gender issues, either full, or partial to whatever extent. It is a rare occurrence. The closer one gets to full opposite their birth gender identity, the more rare it gets. The line is a bit blurry at times, causing a lot of confusion for both TS who have a hard time accepting they are, and feel they can somehow CD enough to be happy in life, as well as CDers, who see similarities of TS women and often begin to think they are one, and would transition if only.
Ultimately I agree with you Zooey, that those who truly are TS, their path, their life is so markedly different then that of a CDer. I just do believe though that the CDer and those who are TS, it is from the same phenomenon. It doesn't mean they are all essentially the same, it just originates from something that has caused cross gender internal issues
Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned
if this person has a "female identity" to some extent would this not by definition make them genderqueer or genderfluid to some degree and not a cross dresser? I have no issue with saying that the cause of this genderfluid people and TS would definitely be linked somehow because you are talking about identity issues. These people as well would suffer from some level of GD..
But for someone that identifies as 100% male but enjoys cross dressing for what ever reason, I do not believe that they are the same as TS's. If it was you would see the conversations between the two groups be more similar in nature and not focused on the superficial aspect of feminity
I am for some reason a little surprised by the huge variation of answers in this thread I thought I knew what a diverse bunch we are, but this is a fascinating and refreshing thread if ever there was one. I started reading it thinking I knew what I was going to write but then I read a few quite different replies, one from Sometimes-Miss and another from OCCarly and I'm thinking either or both of those could be me. Any way right through my teens I was certain I was TS. Then again in my mid thirties to early forties, that's when I started then stopped after two months taking Hormones. I still think quite regularly about it.
Simple fact is though I enjoy my life as it is. I don't suffer by having a male body. I'm free to dress, regularly. So whether or not I am TS I'm still me.
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