job interviews

[MissDanielle]

I've got several interviews set up after I move but it's getting more and more unbearable to wear guy clothes. Until i move, I am forcing myself to get through the day as such.

I figure I can wear a women's oxford shirt and get away with it but what do I do about a suit or pants? I want to find some dressy pants or trousers that I can get away with wearing. Also need a new belt, too.

I am going shoe shopping on the first night back and can't wait. Pumps, flats, and nice shoes to wear in stealth mode. Going super girly with my choice of Keds sneakers.

I am doing a massive purge of guy clothes before moving.

I've started telling extended family. Of my grandmother's siblings, I just have another branch to go. No negative reaction.

In addition to laser, I have a pedi set up as well as a trip to Sephora. I am meeting with religious clergy to discuss my situation.

[Katrina26cd]

Good for you girl

Do you plan on being "out" at work?

[MissDanielle]

ASAP!!! I still have to get a wig though.

[Leanne2]

Dear Miss D., If you are going to go full time then go to your interview dressed as a woman. But if you plan on working as a man then interview as a man. Don't make the interviewer guess what you would like to be. Are you sure that you know where you fit into the M/F spectrum? If you are moving far away from Chicago then this would be a great time to consider going full time...................Leanne

[MissDanielle]

I am actually moving to Chicago with the hope of going full time as soon as possible as I start to transition.

I'm a woman. I'm going in for my hormones appointment on the 17th.

I'm not ready to wear skirts and dresses in public just yet but as far as outfits go, what should I wear? One interview is business casual.

None of them know that I'm transitioning as I haven't changed the name on my email address yet.

[JanePeterson]

If you don't plan on telling them that you are going to transition, you may want to present as a "regular" male for the interview unless you know the places are super trans friendly... Not that it's right, but if you want the job, being halfway fem might weird out whoever is doing the interview... I'd almost say take the first job you can, get your transition stuff in order (voice, hair, wardrobe, HRT, practice) THEN transition either there or find a new job as a woman once you're ready... Otherwise I think it'll be harder on you than it has to be if you are going thru it at the same time as learning new job etc.

Good luck!!!

Jane

**disclaimer - no experience going thru this here, just tossing out my uninformed opinion

[MissDanielle]

can i get away with wearing a women's oxford and dressy pants or even a pantsuit if I'm presenting as male?

Illinois has gender identity protections. I want to tell them but career services at my alma mater said that I shouldn't because they are interviewing me on the basis of my resume.

[Rogina B]

Male mode if you really want to be hired ! Why add confusion? And you need some serious street time before you are ready to strut into the office in heels and a dress...I suggest you join CGS and get some time around their members...

[becky77]

Go as male as that's how you currently are. If you secure a job then I recommend going part time to build up experience and confidence.

You say you are not ready to go out in public yet, if that's the case then don't try complicate things in an interview, it will be a mess.

You need to reign yourself in and get serious, you need a job for money to transition that's priority right now.
Secondly by your own admission you are not ready, I worry if you suddenly go full-time it will be a disaster, test the waters, test yourself, explore what it is to live as a woman before you pull the pin.

Get a plan of action as your posts hint that you are not thinking clearly.
Once you move out start some practical experience building.
Eg go grocery shopping as a woman,
Go to a mechanics and ask for a quote for a car service (even if you haven't got a car), go into a bank and enquire about their different accounts, it doesn't matter what it is as long as it's not just clothes shopping at the Mall.
If you feel you can't yet cope with doing those things then how would you manage full-time?

Be sensible, it's the rest of your life.

[Megan G]

Miss D,

IMHO as someone that has hired 100's of people over the last few years if you really want to land this job I would not take the risk of wearing any woman's clothes. When I am interviewing someone I do take note of what a person wears to an interview and how comfortable they are. You do not want to do anything to take the interviewers attention away from your resume and any accomplishments you may have. Sell yourself and get the job first...

[MissDanielle]

Thanks all. This is really helpful. I knew I would probably have to start out part time after moving....

Chances are likely that I'll have my boots covered by the pant legs.

Since all the interviews are with employment agencies, should I tell them that I am going to be transitioning or should I wait until I get an assignment and tell HR at that employer?

[grace7777]

Danielle,

I would not tell the employment agencies that you plan to transition. You need to sell the agencies on your skills and abilities and mentioning transitioning detracts from that. The agencies may view it as another problem they have to deal with, and may reduce your attractiveness to them.

My opinion is that until you are secure in a permanent position I would not say anything. When you are a temporary employee you have a lot fewer employment rights and can be let go a lot easier.

[MissDanielle]

This is really helpful.

After moving, I'll see how the Oxford looks with guy pants or how I look with Oxford and girl trousers or dressy pants.

Two are business casual and one is business professional.

[Zooey]

"I'm going to drive my car off a cliff."
"You almost certainly shouldn't do that."
"That's really helpful. Do you think I could ride a bike off the cliff though?"
"You almost certainly shouldn't do that."
"That's really helpful. I will try to see if I can just ride along the very edge of the cliff. Btw, does anybody know a good bike shop? I've never ridden before."

Danielle, I am honestly worried about you. Seriously, I've been thinking about how to respond to this since yesterday afternoon. I agree with Becky. You need to slow down. You need a stable foundation from which to explore and grow. IMO, you're letting your excitement get the better of you, and you may make things a lot harder for yourself in doing so. Please focus on getting stable. Get a job, start hrt, start laser, explore your identity by going out and building a social life as yourself, whether that's friends, support groups, or whatever else works for you. Full-time will come.

[MissDanielle]

As I told my therapist in December, I am slowing down as best as I can. I explored my feelings over the years through writing as opposed to dressing because even though the urges were always there, the living situation just wouldn't allow it. The money to move out of the house wasn't there at the time.
And now, I am at that breaking point where something bad will seriously happen if I don't start to transition and I'm at less than two weeks from my move. It was really sad going back from boots to sneakers last week. Like horribly sad.

[Megan G]

Miss D,

We can very easily see that your at a breaking point and I am sure we all feel for you. We can see the roller coaster ride you have been on. But please take in consideration what everyone is trying to tell you.

Your moving in two weeks, that's great! You will have the space and time you need to explore who you are and dress all you want. But to transition successfully you are going to need a job and an income to afford the HRT, laser, therapy and everything else that goes with it. Your transition is going to be dependant on this...

So why even take the risk of attempting to wear female clothes to an interview. Can you imagine the breaking point you will be at if you don't get the job and things don't work out for you there.

You are trying to run when you have not even learned how to walk yet. I am sure you have seen people post that transition is a marathon, it's true and unfortunately you are trying to see the finish line when you have barely crossed the start line yet.

Build your foundation first...

[Nicole Erin]

Well it sounds like you have a choice to make -
Either have a better chance of getting a job and getting OUT of your parents house or having lesser chance presenting as female and maybe having to stay at the house.

If you want to wear some androgynous stuff as a security blanket like womens slacks, underdressing or something, ain't no one gonna know.
Just once you get settled in and are living part time comfortably and have your look and act down, THEN concentrate on maybe trying to finish transition while on the job.
Also there is another option if you must do so -
If your male name lends well to a female name (like Nick/Nikki, Tracy, or some other androgynous name) you could maybe present as female at the interview so your name doesn't get in the way. I mean if your male name is unmistakably male like Mark, that won't work.
The benefit of starting a job in the female role is you don't have to deal with coming out later.

Do not forget about those stupid interview questions that no one knows how to answer.

Like if they ask about weaknesses, try not to say, "I tend to not give a damn".
If they ask about a time you provided great customer service, try not to say, "I never strangled a customer, even if they deserved it".
If they ask about availability, try not to say, "I refuse to work weekends"

[MissDanielle]

I HATE those questions.

My name just adds three letters to first and middle...

Interview 2 is business professional and the others are business casual. I have a black guys suit. I just need to find some dressy pants that work without hips, butt, and heels.

[Zooey]

And now, I am at that breaking point where something bad will seriously happen if I don't start to transition and I'm at less than two weeks from my move. It was really sad going back from boots to sneakers last week. Like horribly sad.

You ARE starting to transition. You're starting HRT, you're starting hair removal, and you're starting to get your life together. Get a job the "easy" way for now - don't make things harder on yourself. It's not time for full-time yet - one step at a time.

[MissDanielle]

Thanks...the good news is I am off work next week to prepare for moving so I'll see some size up top during the day.

[Zooey]

That sounds like a much better thing to look forward to.

[MissDanielle]

When I know I'm going to see size up top the next day, I don't get as depressed as when I have to wait even longer. Like the weekend i had to myself a few weeks ago, when I took them out on Sunday, it was just awful.

[Marcelle]

Hi Danielle,

You have already received great advice here so I can only add that it would be best until you are ready to go to your job interviews dressed as a male. I know it is difficult but as much as we would like to think that world is a great and accepting place, the reality is . . . not so much. Remember to these employment agencies you are a prospect, no more no less and, they will determine how employable you are. If you are going to go to an interview in mixed gender expression and the person doing the interview identifies it as such (irrespective of how subtle) you may get the standard "We'll be in touch" only to never get a call back. I am not saying all agencies are like this but the probability is high. They deal in how easy it is to employ a person and telling them your are trans (even if it is true) before you've had the opportunity to begin living as a woman, could likely be seen as a potential issue for potential employers.

As others have said, get your job and become a known entity. Examine the new employer's TG policies and when you are ready, transition in place slowly or if that is not possible with that employer find one where the TG policy is more conducive to you. In the end, as others have said, you need to get established, earn money, experience life living as a woman (not just shopping or going for coffee ) then slowly integrate that into your new life. It takes time . . . two years for myself as I felt my way around and gained life experience as a woman both in my private and public life. Slow and steady sometimes wins the race.

Cheers

Marcelle

[pamela7]

While I agree (conceptually) with "get the job first". This is identical to the relationship situation. Why get a job with a company that will be transphobic - same problem as the SO not being accepting, right? So I'm proposing you actively search for "Trans-Friendly" organisations, even organisations that have to have a quota to pass some standards agency, or look for work in a sector that will be open already, such as "rights organisations".

This dilemma appears in every walk of life - SO, friends, job, clubs/hobby groups, and if you crack what works best for you in one of these areas, apply it to all of them the same. As I came out to my wife the moment I realised, I did the same with work, and clients just got used to seeing me in a dress. It does not have to be a big deal unless you make it so. Just some food for thought.

[JanePeterson]

If I were in Danielle's shoes, I would consider this first job as just a launchpad to explore what being full time will be like. I would #1 want to get out of my parents house so as to have some freedom to dress/be who I want at home at least. I would #2 want enough money to afford laser, electro, hormones, clothes etc.
To do those things, I would likely find it easiest to do the work part as a male, since that would have the highest chance of me getting hired, at least until I had mastered being female full time.

After 1-3 years of prep (or longer), I would then either consider transitioning at work, OR take the time to research and find a job ideally suited to my new fem self in a trans friendly environment and start work anew as a woman.

Gotta start somewhere, and may have to sacrifice being a woman at work for a while in order to be a woman in your own home....

Jane