Does one just get burnt out after some time?

[Nicole Erin]

Today my sister and I went out for lunch. Shortly beforehand, I got something in the mail regarding an ongoing battle over something i "thought" was over with.
So after lunch, my sister wanted to go clothes shopping. She wanted to get me something. Nice gesture but i wasn't in the mood. I went anyways but was feeling like hell the whole time.
Kind of like that whenever I go shopping. It just isn't fun anymore. Looking good and going anywhere isn't any fun. Getting made up is a pain in the ass. I used to have my nails done all the time but stopped doing that cause I didn't want to spend the money. Saving a few bucks to buy other dumb crap matters more.
When I am out, I just ever hear any laughs or comments like I did years ago. Compliments do not flatter me. Weird looks do not phase me. I could care less what anyone thinks. People know I am TG and I don't really care.
Basically the whole process and maintenance of keeping up a female look is just like going through the motions.
I assume a lot of us go through that.

I just contrast this to the early days. That rush a TG feels when going out in daylight "en femme" for the first few times. All the "firsts". The whole coming out process and the joy felt when people accept us. The validation of being called "she" the first few times.

I remember years ago when I was just dressing part time and a few experienced TS said things about how one day you just live life and there is nothing exciting about doing it as a woman. I thought they were nuts. I mean they were living the dream.
And here it is, 17 years later and I live the dream. Worry about car breaking down (phobia of mine), trying to pay bills, stay afloat, go to work, have a bit of a social life, deal with legal junk, and maybe sneak in a couple hours of sleep. All as a woman.
How exciting.

Often I kind of wish it were like the rush I felt the first time I dressed up totally and had the nerve to go to the laundromat and the victorious rush I felt after.

For those of us at that stage, it is not that we wanna go back to living as men but this whole transition thing isn't that exciting after a while.

[Leah Lynn]

I understand what you mean, but for me, rather than the excitement, there's contentment. I am comfortable living as a woman, and I don't miss the "Thrill".

I'm in Iowa, and we had the caucuses tonight. I went and stood up for my candidate, made a pitch for health care coverage, then along with a young man, who happens to be gay, we were chosen to be delegates to the county convention. That was exciting, but I didn't even think about being trans, until a friend said something about sending a gay and a transwoman to the convention.

I'm not done transitioning, by any means, but I am content to be accepted by my community as just another woman.

Hugs,

Leah

[becky77]

It's never really been like that for me.
Going out the first time was just stressful I felt no rush, it was more like a necessary step needed I was so glad to get home. It was more like ok I need to keep doing this until I feel comfortable
I'd hate to go back to that, it wasn't fun at all.

Even in the early days when I explored TG clubs I didn't get a thrill from wearing the clothes as I was too busy trying to find my look. It was lovely being free to wear what I wanted and that feeling of expressing a part of me that was kept hidden however on reflection I couldn't relax as I was always searching for some elusive connection. I wasn't being myself because it was a false atmosphere it was still in a closet of sorts just shared with a load of other people in closets, it just felt wrong so I couldn't really enjoy it.

The only time any of this has been enjoyable is when I forget about the Trans stuff and just be.
Crossdressing filled me with anguish and resentment which outweighed any good feelings, it probably heightenrd the GD.
Now they are just my clothes and that absence of emotion relating to them is great in my book.

Funny how we can take the same Transition road and yet experience it totally different.

[pamela7]

Hi Erin,
You touch on the fundamental problem underlying every "heroine's journey" - living with the return to home. Whether its Bilbo or Frodo Baggins or just us, the problem is the same; living back in the mundane world after having lived through an experience no-one else (locally) can understand, appreciate or even wants to know about having been through. Such adventurers rarely fit easily back in the normal world. I so get this, having done my own spiritual journey "to the land of the gods and back" as it were, and now on this adventure, too.

For me, the difference is that I aleady know this, the thrills are shortlived and not important, it's the contentment of living as a woman that impells me upon the transitioning road; being my true self. I can't go back to the "normal, real world" anyway, I see Western Uncivilisation as false/sick/diseased/psychopathic/meaningles, so I'm headed offgrid. I'm with Bane.

[arbon]

You think about everything you go through in transition over the course of years how can you be excited about it anymore or not be burned out?
There was a lot going on in transition. For a while things were new and exciting, often scary, sad, times of great happiness and joy. So much going on socially, professionally, emotionally, mentally, physically.

The first time I went out dressed female it was like the most profound, unimaginable thing I had ever done. That night we went out to dinner with a group of trans women and I remember I was watching everyone in the restaurant and swear they were all staring at us - but the women I was with were oblivious to this!! How could they be so calm about it! lol I was so on edge. But at that time it was the biggest thing I had ever done in my life! It was the first time there was some realness about me. There was a rush about it.

I remember the day my wife realized she had truly lost her husband.
The day I spent with my mother and she just cried and cried as though I had told her of my dying.
How I felt when I took my first shot of estrogen
Hot Flashes!!
The day I sat in court for my name change
Fighting with the state to change my gender marker
Going to hell and back with my employer over my transition
The times I was threatened and harassed
Seeing my dad once, before he died, so I could tell him what I was doing. Everywhere we went I kept getting gendered female even though I was presenting male, and it just drove him crazy! it was funny, and sad. He did not know how to process it. One night we went to the house of some of his friends and he introduced me as is son xxxxx, who is changing his name to theresa and becoming a women. They all just stared at me with confused wtf looks! I was mortified but was proud of my dad for at least trying even if it was not in the most delicate of ways.
I went two years living two identities in a small community trying to keep some people from seeing me presenting one way and other people from seeing me the other way. It was insane, and at times so comical. Like once I ran into my the president of my largest client while I was dressed as female and I ran. And he followed me!! I kept trying to loose him but he finally cornered me..it was just so weird.
Going to mexico alone for surgery
Going to Thailand alone for surgery, spending a month there. I don't even know how to put that experience into words, to wake up after that surgery with your body so changed. And then all my struggles with recovery from that.
The first (well only time) being asked on a date by a guy...I did not like him though, but he really liked me and I discovered I really liked that he liked me! I want men to want me, even if I don't want them.
The time one of my best friends caught me dressed as female - what a shocker it was to him. I lost him as a friend, I lost a lot of friends.
And so many other experiences along the way

You go through all these things how can you be excited to be out, dressing, being trans? After going through all those things and looking back at my first time out and how fun and exciting and liberating it was that night but I did not have a clue about all that was coming my way and how much I would change, about what I was really in for and how trivial the experience that night really was.

I've been talking with someone who lives near me who approached me. They are considering transitioning and they are in that stage where it is exciting stuff. Cloths are really important to them and they tell me everything they have been getting and they are thinking of going out for their first time. I even let them go shopping with me one day and it was a big deal to them. But I don't feel anything in regards to the cloths or being out or any of it - but interesting to see in someone else how exciting it all is and remembering it was like that for a while for me too. I decided I would be supportive and help them if they wanted it.

But mostly what I feel post transition is just tired, lonely, and beat up.
I'm just going to age into this lonely bitter old woman. That is what I am afraid of now.

[becky77]

Theresa that's sad.
I wish something good will come along for you.

[arbon]

The thing is everything good did come along for me. I was able to transition, got through all of it, and got my surgeries. My dreams came true!
I don't have any regrets about any of it.
I just can't seem to pull myself out of the funk I have been in for a while though, or figure out what I am supposed to do next. The fix is not going to come from the outside, the problem and solution is inside me. My attitude, my outlook. It is about living forward and putting all the trans stuff behind me. Just have not been able to quite get it together.

[KellyJameson]

One thing you see consistently in the trans and cross dressing world is a high degree of attention seeking.

People sexualizing themselves in the mad rush to be beautiful as women but without any indication that they are woman as to identity.

It rarely seems to have anything to do with actual gender identity and often more to do with narcissism.

If and when they transition they become train wrecks waiting to happen and with transitioning becoming the raison d'etre of expressing identity I suspect we are going to see many more train wrecks.

Gender identity is boring because it lacks the thrill of the audience.

Transitioning does not feed the ego because it has nothing to do with the ego for transsexual women trying to regain their identity.

The gender identity existed long before the ego and sexuality being blended together and expressed as cross dressing did.

[JanePeterson]

Without much experience in the gender arena, I can speak to other major changes I've gone thru in other parts of my life; usually the pattern goes nervous and scared while learning my new environment, exhilaration at the small victories and successes early on as I gain understanding and control, then a return to "normal" once I adapt to the new conditions. For many, normal is a boring and slightly miserable place anyway, so to me what you described fits...

Just tossing this out there, do you think you might just have a bit of regular 'ol depression? Many of the people in my life who have it describe their lives in a similar way.

I hope you find some peace/energy/electricity soon!!

Jane

[Angela Campbell]

I can understand. I remember when it was exciting, fun even at times. One day I realized that something was missing. I had fully transitioned, all the surgeries complete, all done. Now what? For years transition was my life. The good, the scary, the embarrassing, ....it was my life above and beyond everything else.

Now it is over and what is left? What are my goals now? There is a really big hole now, and I need something to fill it.
Not really depression, but still something. In truth I don't think that much about being trans, but there is no excitement from being a woman either.
I just need new goals.

[pamela7]

that reminds me of a training-with-horses event i went to maybe 12 years ago. Facing a single goal the horse stops when you lead it, but if you keep a focus forward it follows through. In other words, new goals, ongoing goals, things beyond "completing transition".

Taking up your point about the exciting, it's not really that now for me, i'm just in a calm if impatient place, knowing 300-odd sessions of electro is like 6 years.

[Robin414]

Wow Nicole, I'm not TG (formally at least, I guess) but I totally get it! I 'label' myself as a tween (whatever that is) and I've experienced a lot of 'highs' (both good and I guess not so good as such) and I'm kinda numb to it lately...although I'm not TG I am TF (trans fluid) and it's still a SIGNIFICANT departure from what I was.

At first it was a buzz but now I'm settling into a new me, and it's kinda...meh.

That said, how many women wake up every day, look in the mirror and jump up and yell 'I'm sooo glad I'm a woman 😃 ' OK, maybe sometimes 😉

As a 'guy' I don't think I've ever done that, meh 😐

I think I 'get it'.

[PretzelGirl]

I am still relatively young in transition when you think about the total timeline. I did have a lot of social interaction pre-transition, so I always assume that gave me some experience on how I feel about myself and my presentation before I ever went full time. But I probably still have yet to experience a complete settling in and maybe I will experience significant change in the future.

So thinking about some of the comments here as they are coming from more than one direction. I do wonder for some, if transitioning is so life encompassing that it creates a hard stop at the point you feel you have completed it and the fluidity of life is interrupted. I can see it creating a "What now" feeling. After all, many of us are focused heavily on all the steps, efforts, and discriminations of transitioning and may not have anything else in our life. Also, I can see a person being years post op and noticing change in themselves. I think you have to be able to separate out how much change. I have changed a lot over my life, so to some degree, we are always changing. If you are 10 years post-op, comparing yourself to yourself at transition would probably bring a recognition of a wealth of change.

[Badtranny]

Nicole, posts like this are why I still dig you even though you used to break my balls all the time. :-)
Excellent.

...and Arbon, damn. I gotta girl crush.

[Katrina26cd]

It certainly a interesting topic and it is something I have thought about and it is one of my concerns.

I have not gotten burnt out dressing the past 18 years(life would be much simpler if i did) it even goes further back then that and when I am dressed for long periods of time in public it just not about a rush or being taboo it feels very comfortable to me and it feels like the real me

[Kimberly Kael]

I can't speak to your experience but I don't feel like I'm burnt out. No, living my life as a woman doesn't produce the same rush of adrenaline that my first steps in this direction did, but that's true of almost any first I can name. Does sharing a kiss with my wife feel like it did the first time? No, but there's a whole new set of experiences involved in building a life together, establishing a deeper bond, and exploring life as a couple. That's how my relationship with my gender feels these days. Less intense, more familiar, but also full of subtle depths well worth exploring.

[Leah Lynn]

After responding before, I thought to myself, Self, does a cisgendered woman feel a thrill about being a woman? I doubt it. We're at the age that a cis has to take care of business. Work, pay bills, groceries, probably a spouse and kids. Not exactly a big whoop. Other than a spouse, and adult offspring, I have the same problems. Again, no whoop for me either. As I said earlier, I'm comfortable with myself. Still have a long way to go, but I'm okay just being me. Now is the time to find a new project to focus on. Learn to play the guitar or piano. Take up sailing or skiing. And you'll need a new wardrobe for those. Something to do, to think and concentrate on, to keep your mind active. You've finished a major project, start something new.

Leah

[Kaitlyn Michele]

sometimes real life is real life...being female is no big whoop as Leah says...

if you are burned out, bored, uninterested, questioning..... and at the same time if you are in your 40's, 50's or 60's...
then you are not in an exclusive club..welcome to real life...

and i'd ask you if you were a man right now would you be in the same position?? worse?? what were the benefits of waking up unshaven, throwing on a sweatshirt and starting your day without moisturizers and mascara?..
(ironically, that's how i started my day today..lol)

when i transitioned, many of the things you describe were how i felt as a 45 yr old man...
everything was a chore, i didnt want or want to do anything...i was lonely and isolated even tho i was surrounded by family and good friends....

some of us talk about it all the time... the prize is just a chance at a life that feels real...or perhaps a life that is not overwhelmed by a 24 hour a day unpleasant buzzing that your life is just wrong

that is an incredibly simple and empowering concept if your life feels inauthentic and false....

life is long and things change, often in cycles of up and down....i hope anybody going through a down cycle can stay the course and let good things into your life...

[Eryn]

Welcome to the other side of the pink fog bank!

Being trans is exciting and different in itself, being a woman isn't so exciting. Everyday life just isn't thrilling.

I used to savor every moment, spend hours on clothing and makeup, and treat every outing like it was my last.

Now I'm a lot calmer about it. I just put on some clothes, a little lipstick, and go.

Like GGs, I now need to find activities to add that bit of enthusiasm to life. This is part of the normal progression.

What was the joke about how to spot the TSs at TG events? They're the ones lounging around in sweats!

[Aaron88]

It's the same as everything in life really. Like when you start a new relationship- you get the rush, the urge to do everything, go out everywhere, try everything. And once that explosive first few months are done with you get the boring, day to day life, going to work, asking about eachothers day, planning food shops, tidying, bills etc. Everything loses the excitement factor when you do it every day. Unfortunately I've yet to find a cure to bring the excitement back. If you find one, let us in on the secret!

[johnna]

It is just a thought and I don't know if/who it may apply to, but when I get in a "funk" it seems that to really heal it, I have to heal what is in my heart (or on the inside of me). Usually that means sending love to myself, just as I am (TG, TS, or whatever). When I really take time to do that, I feel better and re-energized and I think it provides the power to overcome any objection i might receive from "the world."

[Emogene]

'What was the joke about how to spot the TSs at TG events? They're the ones lounging around in sweats!'

Thank you so much Eryn! Your joke cleanly and succinctly clarified my situation for me. Blue jeans and a T-shirt, comfortable shoes and some girly scent, Coco by Chanel by choice, and I'm good for the day. I even have girl work clothes now with paint stains, tears and worn knees and am comfortable wearing them where ever I happen to go. It is nice to finally accept myself as a woman, the clothing is not a costume, it is simply that, clothing, female clothing for a female. How gloriously and delightfully boring! Embrace your life and take joy in it!

[flatlander_48]

N E:

There are MANY things that bring on a rush of emotions. It is human nature that we can be significantly effected by the consequences of what we do or the things that happen to us. For example, some of these events might be getting married, having children, getting hired or getting a nice promotion. All of these are positive things and hopefully there is a bit of euphoria that follows. However, humans usually cannot stay at those heightened levels of excitement indefinitely. Sooner or later we come back to Reality. It is a slightly shifted version of Reality as these new events are incorporated into ones life, but Reality nonetheless. Coming back to Reality is not a bad thing. It's where we live. And, you have to remember that if we stayed at these elevated levels, it might border on manic behavior!?!?

DeeAnn

[Georgette_USA]

I can somewhat empathize with the feelings. After my partner and I had transitioned and SRS in 1977, we just set out to live as any other women. In 1983 we moved to suburbs and for 30 years just grew old.

When she died in 2014 I was turning 64, and realized I wasted a lot of life.

I decided to have a 2nd transition. Lost 60 lbs. Started new shopping for a more feminine looks, style and colors I never did when young. Made friends in multiple TG support groups. I am having more fun now then in the last 30 years. Give it some time you may find that spark again. Biggest problem it is not easy trying to date at 65, decided I want a sex life again.